Menu

Show posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Show posts Menu

Topics - DecimalRocket

#21
Hey, didn't know whether to put this in my journal or here, . . . so I just figured to do both. Hi.

Hey, I think I'll be taking a break from OOTS for a bit. I don't know how long — I don't usually plan ahead that far off. I figure it out as a I go.

I know I usually come back when I say this, but I bet I'll really try this this time. Why? Because I realized I don't accept myself. . . because I don't know myself. But in a way, people accepting me here allowed a certain role modeling of what acceptance looks like, that I can use now in solitude.

I thought thinking for yourself was only about the big things — political and spiritual beliefs, education and career choices, long term goals and priorities in life, and so on. But now I believe that thinking for yourself is also about the little things.

What little activities I decide for myself on a day. What little things I say to others or refuse to say on a day. How I define concepts obvious seeming concepts such as true or false, smart or stupid, laziness or hard work, kindness or cruelty, and so on. To remove assumptions and to see life without words — the Truth — a concept I mention at the start of my journal.

I need the details rational and precise, you see — not based on a fear of rejection, ignored or being left out. Maybe in a way they're more important — because these little decisions take up a much larger time of our lives. But I only had enough confidence to start to trust myself this way because of OOTS, after all.

So see you much later, unless I give up on this too soon because of some emotional emergency. Who knows?

Bye.  :hug:
#22
I've never felt so deeply accepting of myself and my life as much as today.

I look back at the year before me, and wonder, what did I learn? What was the most essential thing I've learned?

It it was the myth of the ideal.

In all my years of having more interests and hobbies than anyone else I've known, have I seen anyone I reasonably knew enough about to judge them if they were perfect? Had perfect lives, strengths, and successes?

No.

I've seen athletes and musicians damaged over their strict coaches, Harvard physicists deeply insecure of their intelligence, Youtubers of entertainment videos afraid of how they show up to their fans and artists cringing over their older and present creative projects.

I've seen people of parenting blogs believing they aren't good enough to their kids, programmers who believe they don't work on their codes enough, fitness lovers who believe they aren't muscular enough, and political activists who are deeply unsure of their beliefs.

I've seen people from travel blogs that remember their times getting afraid by the new culture around them, mathematicians who used to be anxious or bored around math, educators upset about no one ever thanking them and millionaires CEOs who are deeply insecure of their success.

I've seen world famous models who hate their appearance, professional and hobbyist philosophers who worry about the meaning of life, students who are upset over their lack of grades and religious people who believe they aren't following the spiritual standards they place upon themselves.

Not one single person was perfect.

I was taught this lesson over and over, but I never trusted it as deeply as now. . . when I've seen it for myself.

I don't know if it lasts, but today, I think I'm enough.










#23
I seem to have this sense of perfectionism when it comes to relating to people sometimes. That I have to find at least one person who shares every joy or pain I have in something. Or even a need to have to relate to someone with everything.

I guess it has to do with how my mom treated me. She raised me like she would raise herself as a person — with her own particular strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes. I'd get the material needs I personally wanted like food or books, but in many other ways it seemed she never asked me what I really wanted. Maybe that's why I feel I have to be the same as other people in every way to deserve to be loved and belong sometimes.

Other than . . . being probably the only teenager on this site and the effects of puberty, sure.


I've often gotten a need to be the same to my mom before to be cared for. But I'm a lot more naturally introverted, a lot more nerdy and analytic, a lot more quirky in expression with body langauge, a lot more easygoing in appearance than formal looking, a lot less practical and so on. I'd get the need to be similar with others in many other ways, but it seems like the ones different from my own mom seem to be more of my sensitive point.

Anyone can relate or give me any insights about this?


#24
I've been getting a little too solitary recently — well, I tend to be solitary because I'm introverted. . . but now it's getting nearer to the extremes of the Freeze response.

I can't convince myself that people genuinely care and not just because "they have to". Not because it would make them look better. And even the idea that people won't reach out to me at all

There seems to be two people in my head. There's one that thinks I really need help, that I'm doing my best and that people will care to reach out. That I deserve encouragement, listening and nurturing, and people are free to offer so.

Then there's another part of me that believed if I just pushed myself hard enough, I could do everything by myself and asking for help is a weakness. That in the the end, no one will ever truly believe or care for what I hope for, dream for, get afraid of or get depressed over. And If they actually do, they would abandon me someday because I'm a burden.

:disappear:
#25
Whether you're fight, fawn, freeze or flight, I ask of you to share what worked out for you. Not everything will work for everyone — since everyone's different but I hope there'll be at least one thing that can work out for you — the reader — whoever you are.  :bigwink:

I'll start. I've spent most of my trauma and after in freeze mode and flight mode so I'll comment on that.

With freeze mode, other than the obvious thing of talking to someone or some people more — even online, what helped me to see the benefit of friendships and community was finding stories about people who benefited from it — whether real or fictional. I gave up on the idea of closeness or love, but finding stories like that inspired me to connect with people more.

Another was reading about the scientific benefits online — not as much as a romantic fantasy, but considering how logical minded I tended to be, this helped. I didn't really care about others before and only made the effort to be warmer and to talk to people more because I wanted those benefits — even if it had a selfish motive in the start, it turned into something more genuine and deep.

With flight mode, it helped to find people who did care about me. I was on flight mode with workaholism because I believed I wasn't worth something. The more others affirmed I was worth something when I showed them who I was inside — the less I worked too hard.

Pete Walker pointed out in one of his books is that flight response people benefit from meditation which I've tried too, but aside from that, I also found benefits from other Eastern teachings. I noticed Western self help emphasized hard work, positive thinking and all that, but Eastern life advice often encouraged reflection, a gentleness in taking action and an acceptance rather than a rushing towards life.

Even without believing the supernatural beliefs such as reincarnation or karma, there are many teachings that could apply to people from every walk of life. Philosophies such as Buddhism or Taoism. You find teachers like this from googling "Enlightened masters" rather than life coaches. In the same extent, Stoicism (which is a Western philosophy) also encouraged similiar beliefs.

I hope that's not too weird, but oh well.

Was there anything that helped you?

#26
I usually try to avoid more than 1 long post for me today so others can get more of a turn, but I just can't sleep. I can't stop thinking about it.

Dear Inner Teen,

I'm angry at you. I'm not supposed to if I want to heal. But I am.

It's easier for people to care when you have problems like "being too nice" which allows some likability. It's easier to sympathize when you couldn't have possibly chosen your situation at all — like poverty. I know those are pretty horrible but I can't stop feeling it . . . , I had to end up with the situation that made people turn away from me — get disgusted at me.

Before I knew that what people did to me was emotional abuse and what people did not do to me was emotional neglect — I thought I was pathetic, because I had no clear external signs of unhappiness at all. My family was financially well off and sent me to one of the most expensive schools in the country but I didn't have the motivation to use it.

Well, thanks mom and dad for making me the archetype of the rich kid who gets what they materially want and barely enough love or guidance whatsoever. And my high status making my own suicidal thoughts look petty to me and some of the people I reached out to.

You had friends who clearly cared for you— but you could not feel any connection or trust in them and withdrew. You had intelligence but you couldn't be proud of it at all — it was never enough to be accepted. You had hard work but you worked so hard, you physically collapsed regularly. You had great humor with others — but you could never have made yourself genuinely laugh. You secretly despised others as much as yourself.

Most of all, you lied in a way that looked so much much much better.

And most of all, you lied about being better than you were. It was so convincing — you believed it yourself.

And it was breaking you. Because you've been working on treating yourself in mental health for years often with hours a day and it never seemed enough.

To believe no one in the world would sympathize with you because of all this. . . to believe you were just pathetic — because why would someone with so many opportunities be so damn broken? That was the worst thing — the utter isolation of your own years long suffering never seemed justified enough before finding out about CPTSD.

You only got really better when someone bothered to listen to your own problems and treated them as valid.

Sigh. . . I can't be angry at you anymore. . .

#27
I thought the guilt thing was more recent. I still feel oddly guilty for being less empathetic in the past even when people around me in real life and people here tell me I'm understanding and gentle. I remember being guilty for getting angry at my mom in my early teenage years when she had incredibly high standards for me — and I was convinced it was all my fault.

But no. . . It seems it all began when I was even younger than that.  . . when I was around preschool or elementary. Sigh, I'm not going to sound like much of a good person back then, but hear me out.

My mom was a woman everyone saw as kind — always doing favors, giving gifts and being overall kind. And she sought to form me in her image.

When I was joking and being casual with people, she often berated me for being funny with others. . . saying I wasn't being proper or serious. She would tell me to hug, kiss or smile at a relative at command and shout at me for lacking obedience to this. I'd go around school doing different things and unknown to me and her at this time — I had Aspergers (A social delay) — and I couldn't tell why many things I've done were rude. And she'd shout at all these little details without explaining why saying I was an embarassment.

I became more of a troublemaker to rebel. But inside I'd be wrecked with guilt at all the things I've done morally wrong as my mom said they were — others' kindness touched me but I was convinced that kindness meant absolute blind absolute obedience to other people like my mom has shown me — and I avoided it. I still flashback to that intense guilt today to the point of thinking I don't deserve any kindness or happiness sometimes— it's just . . . now I know which memories those feelings have come from. I'm not Catholic anymore, but I still sometimes feel like . . . I'll go to * for any small sins.

But I don't know — I guess there's still a part of me that believes I should have been a perfect saint as a kid . That is always disciplined, always can read other's emotions, always have perfect patience, always smiley, extroverted, somehow born with perfect knowledge of what makes things moral and so on. .

I hated her shouting you know as a kid . . . Utterly hysterical and absolutely irrational. Of no calm reasoning and expecting something as illogically stupid as blind obedience — even with good intentions. I found the lack of objectivity disgusting. That's exactly why I hate it when I become just like that during flashbacks sometimes.

Maybe this is what I'm truly ashamed of.. Because I've been getting nicer to all the people around this forum and real life — and when I'm kind, I feel like I'm becoming her — hysterical, manipulative, irrational, stupid, blindly obedient and rushed.

Eh. . . Guess things don't always work out well, do they? I don't even think this was emotional abuse sometimes. . .It looks to me it was all my fault . . . Wasn't I just being petty? Sigh.





#28
The Cafe / Why did you choose your signature?
November 21, 2017, 10:53:03 AM
I was inspired by SanMagic's post on asking why people chose their username and thought I'd make another getting to know question.

I'll post my own reason soon. But now I'm distracted by some interesting hobbies.

Haha. See ya.
#29
https://www.unstuck.com

It's a website or an app that gives you advice on how to solve problems. I found it useful to use when I'm stuck somewhere in my recovery process and don't know what to do next. The app has more features though so I recommend you get it for the full experience. It's free.
#30
Hi there.

Enneagram has been one of the most revolutionary systems I found to help me so I thought I'd share it here.

It's similar to Pete Walker's 4Fs types in that it attempts to identify different reactions to emotional burdens. It has 3 types of coping responses for each emotion — anger, shame and fear. You have one type for each emotion that is often listed from the most dominant to the least dominant.

It identifies the traumatic roots of these responses, the false beliefs around it, the unhealthy and healthy coping responses for this and how to improve them.

It even has something called "Levels of Development" where they identify different levels of mental health for each type. The site I'm going to give you has Enneathought — a collection of daily emails on having different reflections and exercises to carry out each day for your type.

One thing that's important though is that this is only meant to be a guide — as human beings of course are complex and can't be summarized entirely by 9 types. But still, all guides in our life don't know everything, but they still managed to allow for insight we can find valuable.

Here's the site you can start with. The full info is in the books, but you'll find a good start around online.

https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/how-the-enneagram-system-works/


#31
Ideas/Tools for Recovery / Wonder and Curiosity Journal
November 12, 2017, 07:14:14 AM
You've heard of Gratitude Journals, right? So how about a Wonder and Curiosity Journal? I've thought of the idea when I was younger and it's been one of the greatest influences in bettering my life.

It has given me benefits like :

1) Less dissociative experiences.
When you're full of wonder, it allows something pleasant from the emotional numbness. Wonder allows a certain energy for life that dissociative experiences lack.

2) More meaning and motivation for life.
This allows more interest towards everyday life, even routine tasks. When you learn to find wonder in something that seems ordinary or even something troubling, things become more rewarding to experience.

3) More openess to new experiences.
Curiosity is the opposite of fear. It's wanting to discover more even in the face of risks. This can benefit people to have more openness in all areas of life — including recovery.

4) More acceptance towards life
The thing about curiosity is that curiosity can be present in both positive and negative situations. It's not asking, "What good might happen?" or "What bad might happen?". It's simply asking, "What will happen?" and whatever it is, looking forward to know.

I'm not saying you'll have the same experience as me. Everyone is different. But I thought I'd give this idea a try to share it.

Here's how to do it.

Technique # 1 Wonder Lists

Like a gratitude journal, you can list a number of things you feel give you curiosity or wonder. It can be sensory like a beautiful sunset or a touching piece of music. It could be quotes or certain ideas. It could be a certain piece of information you find interest in and want to look at. It could be events in your or other's life.

This trains your ability to see these things in everyday life.

Technique #2 First Eyes

One thing is to see the world like a child or an alien. Imagine never seeing something, hearing about something, thinking about something and so on. When you realize with awed surprise how strange it is for something to exist, then you've found your wonder.

Pick anything and write what you think of it this way.

The grand goal is to be able to see things like this for long hours at a time — so everything in your life can allow a certain wonder.

Technique # 3 Grand Time
One practice I've thought of is imagining what something is like in the past or the future.

I remember a story of a tourist guide who was guiding people through a normal looking park. The park seemed ordinary but when he told the story of the wartorn heroes and terror — it became more interesting. Now imagine that same tourist guide asking questions of what this park will become in the future — what possibilites for it could await?

This could be used with ordinary objects. Notice an apple. This apple was picked in a farm, it was sold somewhere, transported for possibly several miles, placed in a grocery and found its way into your hand. Even small things have a history to them and these objects slowly morph into different things in the future — like we do as human beings.

Write it in your journal.

Technique # 4 Reframing.

What's a more interesting way of seeing something? Take a hobby, a book, a website, a movie, an activity and so on. Then write down a description of it and transform it in the most interesting way possible.

How we say things affect how interesting they are. Like the teacher who drones on in monotone compared to a teacher who's more animated in her lectures.

Here are some tips to make things interesting.

a.Mention sensory details. What we can visualize catches our attention more.

b.Use high contrasts. When you compere something mediocre with something much worse, what looks mediocre looks a lot more amazing.

c.Imagine saying it in a certain tone of voice you enjoy.

d. Use analogies. Compare something uninteresting with something you find interesting.

Technique # 5 Questions
It's a simple technique to understand. Ask things in what you find most interesting or what you want to find interesting.

Sometimes the answers don't come from finding the answers, but in asking the right questions. Asking questions changes your understanding of an experience, allowing you to know what you don't know. Curiosity only exists when there is something you know you don't know.

Technique # 6 Grand Size

If the grand time technique allows you to find wonder across time periods, this technique allows you to find wonder in size.

It involves visualizing. First you imagine yourself where you are. Slowly zooming out to the whole town or city. . . The whole country . . . The whole continent . . . The whole solar system . . . To the whole galaxy.

But don't rush it. Imagine what's happening. The billions of people living out their complex lives you will never meet. The different natural phenemona around the world. The different events, different objects, different places and everything that you will never hear about. What might be out there in the galaxy you will never hear about in your lifetime.

Write it in your journal. Remember it sometimes when you go across your ordinary life and realize you're a part of all this — connected with everything in the world.

Technique # 6 Sensory Appreciation.

Enjoy something delicious, something that sounds amazing, something that looks awe inspiring, something that feels wonderful to the touch or even a peace inducing smell. It could be something physical like exercising or going out hiking.

You can take a picture of whatever it is and write about it.

Technique # 7 Novelty and Familiarity

Notice small details in what makes something new. What small details make something interesting? What is changing in it or what is changing in every moment? Every month? Every week? Everyday? Every second?

Another part of this technique is to notice something familiar about your choice of interest. This allows people to be more comfortable with something that seems too unknown and scary. What does it remind you of? — something that's more familiar? What certain details allow memories?

Write it down.

......

Thanks for reading.

If you want to read more about my experience with this, check out the 11th post in the second page of my journal. (http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=7921.15)

If you have any questions, ask me.

Bye!  :wave:
#32
I remember sometimes, and I get ashamed. My own trauma before made me broken to react that way. While I don't have these problems today to such an extreme extent anymore or have unhealthy ways of dealing with these, I still have guilt over them.

I had a hidden hatred for everyone — including myself and I went months with LVKM meditation for that. I was a liar — to myself and others to look better — and when I look back, I bet I didn't even look convincing. I did what I could to be aware of myself even if the discovery of what I was shocked me to tears on a regular basis — but it was not enough. I was arrogant — I switched between thinking everything was possible with thinking everything is impossible.

I held in it in school but at home, I was having shouting matches with my abusive mom. I slapped her, I kicked her, I punched her and for every first move I make — I'd stop myself in horror and she'd be so angry at me for doing so.

I did everything to hold these feelings in — research and practice for several months and even years —  in but even when all the external actions of lying around it were nearly gone, I still felt what caused the lying addiction in the first place. It was a denial of some very selfish feelings inside me — that I believed I was entitled to worship for my accomplishments. That a part of me once think I was powerful as a god and another as weak as a worm.

I hid whatever narccistic emotions were in me. I hid them because I thought no one would ever truly care, love or listen to me. I watched how other people taught of people like me inside — and they often hated them or laughed at their efforts.

I tried Voice Dialogue. It's a practice to talk to parts of yourself — like the inner child but with more personalities.

I went and talked to the Narccistic side of myself. For a long time, he talked about himself. His achievements. His greatness. His amazingness. His intelligence, his objectivity, his humility, his hard work, his kindness, his likability, his everything.

But one day, he broke down, cried and talked about how no one ever really cared about him in his life. No one listened. How truly pathetic he was. He only let go of all the belief of being perfect when I said I love you to him over and over. . . and when I listened to him in a way no one else did. I only was able to feel connection to other people only when the first people who bothered to listen to me did.

But to be honest, I regret it. I regret that part of me ever existed. I feel humiliated at how I acted. I feel guilt at being a d****. For not trying hard enough. For not being worthy of love.

At the same time, I'm heartbroken. Heartbroken and grieving for the sheer loneliness the me back then had.

Sigh. I'm in tears.

I'm in tears.



#34
https://palousemindfulness.com

Copy pasted from its home page :

Online Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
This online MBSR training course is 100% free, created by a fully certified MBSR instructor, and is based on the program founded by Jon Kabat-Zinn at the University of Massachusetts Medical School.


Welcome!
I'm so glad you found this website! Here you will find a complete eight-week MBSR course, designed for people who are not able to take a live MBSR course for financial or logistical reasons. All of the materials used in the live course I teach, including guided meditations, articles and videos, are freely available here. - Dave Potter

Offering something for nothing does seem a little suspicious these days and I get many emails about this free online MBSR course, many of which ask one or more of the following questions:
#35
As a kid, all I really had to deal with many of my unseen problems was myself. Not my parents, teachers, friends or even online.

I often coped with it by researching and reflecting ideas on my own. I've made my problem solving skills and analysis as powerful as I could make it to survive on my own.

So to question my awareness is to question my ability to deal with life itself.

I keep focusing on not being aware of certain important things about myself and my situation in the past. I didn't know certain things about happiness, relationships, my own studies and so on — and it drives me crazy!

I had to know. I have to know.

What if there's even more I don't know?
#36
https://selftherapyjourney.com/Pattern/Incentives/Wounds_Quiz_Incentive.aspx

Here. It says if you send an email spreading the word to a friend or post on social media, you'll get the PDF of the book for free.

It deals with skills that could be harmed from trauma. Like interpersonal skills, personal skills and how you deal with change. 200+ pages. This also allows an understanding of different emotional wounds that can be gained from  trauma.
#37
I had the most bizzare experience.

I'm new to the idea of CPTSD and I was reflecting on my past . . . why everything came to be . . . and it was too much. At that moment, I forgot nearly everything about the present.

I stared at my room and didn't know why it looked different. I felt my body and I wondered why I was bigger than I was as a child. I looked at the little memories I had of recent times and concluded it was the memories of a different person. CPTSD? The me then laughed. Of course not. I kept thinking I had a happy family despite barely able to remember anything about them.

Later something backflipped in my mind and suddenly I switched to different memories of my life. For some reason, my mind managed to filter all the bad scenarios in life to just remember my accomplishments. Suddenly, I became arrogant. I remember thinking, "I have no mistakes. I'm perfect. Perfect. Everyone else who isn't is terrible."

Later on, I'd remember a little bit about this forum and getting the sense that I wanted to remember this place. I felt gratitude for the people who were kind to me. The memories then flooded back. . . and I felt myself grieve. I did some grounding techniques and I went back to how I am usually. But I still feel like . . . my life isn't real.

Uhhh. . . What just happened?
#38
I noticed something.

I'm pretty sure I have strong trust issues with being overly suspicious. But I strangely have more ease trusting other people here to be kind than I have more ease in trusting that I'd be kind to people here. I avoid replying to other's threads more than my own because I sometimes think I'm some kind of monster.

I think it has to do with how my mom has treated me.

Trigger Warning *** Emotional abuse

Whenever I noticed she did something wrong, she would defend herself or deny it ever happened. Then she'd blame it all on me. She'd talk about how she has been such a martyr to me — always caring for me yet I being so ungrateful. So I learned to supress my anger all these years, blame things all on myself and view myself as a burden when I ask for help.

Not that I was a perfectly good kid — but hey, I was a kid. Some of her ways of "discipline" went too far. And often resorted to raging, shaming, or pulling my body to angrily force me to do things without explaining enough why. I had a long period in my life where all the supressed rage at her after years surfaced and everyday in my house had a shouting match — with some even leading to physical violence. I don't have this problem today — but I still blame myself for not being patient enough. I'd read and write about anger management everyday back then and I'd always blame myself for not adjusting enough for her. 

Trigger warning end***

The worst thing about it is that I couldn't predict when I did something wrong and so I just assumed that what I said or did was always wrong.

I can't comment on other's threads here without assuming I said something wrong to hurt others. I can't comment on this thread without assuming I said or did something cruel.

What can I do?

#39
I think I'm onto something and after realizing this, I've been grieving and the feelings around it are overwhelming.

My parents were warm in the small times there were there and seemed rather well intentioned but they were often at work or off doing hobbies I didn't share with them. When I cried, my mom and teachers told me not to cry — so for years, I've never told them any of my pain and to this day, I rarely do.

I remember when I was young — the school had surveys given asking what values they should emphasize in the curriculum. It asked what values your family valued most and to circle them. I told my teacher I had no family values and he told me I must have been taught something in life. But I had next to nothing — my parents have barely taught me anything about life.

I've cried as a kid over the years and it was often alone. When I had confusions about life, I didn't trust my parents enough to turn to them. And many of the causes of my deep depression and anxieties could have been fixed by correcting some basic misunderstandings.

I was warm the little time I spent talking but most of the time, I was distant. Never really believing there was a point to friendship or family and believing that people only liked me only out of pity. In my later years, I attracted classmates and teachers who often wanted to take special care of me — but I rejected them and went through the majority of my problems on my own.

To me, it seemed normal. . . That my parents barely talked to me about these things. I'm confused. Wasn't I born distant? Wasn't it all my fault? Other people saw my parents as warm and good parents and I was the problem child. What's healthy parenting like then?

But whatever it is, for most of my life, I've been alone.
#40
I was talking to my 11 year old self and he was having trouble understanding his emotions. I remember at that age, I had the nonverbal logical intelligence of an adult and the emotional intelligence of a toddler. Not a very good combination — when you're screwed like that, the smarter you are, the more your inner critic has the ability to say the most convincing arguments against you. He tended to be too detached from his emotions and was telling me to isolate myself from this forum.

But my 14-15 year old self was crying. She told me to talk to someone (My inner children have different genders for some reason. . .). To be loved. To be cared for. She was overthinking everything. From the philosophical questions on the existence of reality, panicking about the limits of human collective knowledge, and the meaning of life.

I had my 9 year old self running around — just rocking himself (herself? Doesn't seem to have a gender. . . ) quietly in the corner. I could feel her emotions that she wants me to comfort her but also is conflicted on wanting to be distant and aloof as well.

My 6 year old self just wanted to have some play time. Play time means reading  complex books that interested him for fun. And he seemed rather upset that I was being too serious these days — learning on things I have to learn rather than learning just out of wonder. He was confused about why the others seemed so upset and I could feel a bit of his sadness for this.

And I sense there are even more of them that won't trust me enough to show themselves. Sigh.

Man, confusing to have all these emotions and needs inside me. They all seem to be reacting to how I decided to open up on this forum even if trying to trust others here make me anxious. I spent time comforting them but going through each of their different worldviews and reactions was really overwhelming.

What can I do?