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Sceal and Elphanigh, if you don't mind I think Kim (the gecko) would like to have some company when I jump into the water. He has a dry and warm belly and likes to keep it that way. 

I'd like to join too. The porch seems so calm. I will bring my pet gecko, he is usually shy but I think even he would enjoy hanging out with everyone.

I would like to play cards Sceal. Maybe it can be a summer evening out on the porch, and warm enough to take a late swim in the ocean afterwards.

Thank you for the cheers! 

artemis23, I hope you get accepted too and that the wait will be worth it! It's not easy I agree. I really relate to the phone thing. This morning I got triggered by my phones alarm because I thought maybe it's the therapist calling, hmm on a Sunday... don't think so. It's gonna be a jumpy 30 days until I get that call (yeah also, they said they will call within 30 days, couldn't it be more specific haha).

Felt like sharing that I got an answer today about therapy and that they will contact me for a meeting. I find it hard to believe that the therapy in my town has accepted me. I weren't able to feel anything about it because I had an unrelaxed day. But hopefully I can feel more later about the positive outcome. I know my day would have been a lot worse if the letter told me they declined! 

Also, amazing thing that happened today is that a friend I lost contact with two years ago contacted me about meeting up next week. That did make me happy. I missed her a lot.

This happens to me too. I feel sorry for my partner at times when he has to repeat himselves 2-3 times because I just can't remember or process what he's saying. Other times I just don't realise he is talking to me at all. I'm just too busy in my bubble.

You seem to have a good friend though. I don't think people generally mind too much. Usually I just say sorry and that I got lost in my thoughts or that I'm a bit tired.

Shankara, it's far away from easy, but then I'm trying to think that we have been through so much and are still standing. That means we are strong. And being strong all the times also means we need to rest, maybe more than others.

Take your time. It is very possible to change and learn new behaviors and experience new ways to cope. It can take some creativity and support. I hope you can update if you reach some progress or new understandings about yourself and your reactions. Personally I think it's "nice" (not sure what word to use, maybe relief or a feeling of not being alone) that I can relate to what you are writing and others have experienced the same thing.

I feel a lot the same as you Hope63 when it comes to socializing. I do meet friends and family, not really because I want to but because I should and if I don't meet people, I will feel bad about being alone. Very back and forth!

I do better socializing via the internet. I enjoy it even. I think it might have to do with the lack of stimuli. I only have to focus on what is being said in text and an occasional emoji, where I can express feelings without having to fake a facial expression or laughter. Does that make sense?

artemis23, it's alright, you didn't come out as harsh, you said good things! I just thought my thread could need some back story.

ah, yes, he has worked hard and is still working hard! Also wanna say thank you for this quote, "Sometimes talking is harmful, and silence is a source of strenght." I'm so used to hearing that talking about your problems solves everything (I study social work at this is like A and O of the whole program) and I just feel like talking can be very * at times. It just feels kinda good to hear that silence can be alright too.

Blueberry, good point. My family is difficult and my partner has expressed dislikes about them before, but after he went NC he avoids my family completely. Might be a mix of both then, or something else.

Thank you artemis23! So far I kept the thoughts to myself. When he left his parents I let him stay at my place, so we live together now. I try my hardest to support him, just that sometimes I wish he talked to me more. But I really agree with you that it's his decision.

I felt partly responsoble because at the time I was living with him and his parents. Long story short, after 4 months * broke loose and the M started to yell and threatend me. So I left, I didn't dare to stay a day longer and my partner left with me. After a month of her calling and texting everyday he decided NC. I think I made the right choice of leaving that day, but the IC sometimes gets to me and I blame myself for everything that happened. My partner had told me about his mother before I moved in, but I didn't fully believe him at the time and I was worried about him, so I moved in. Thouse 4 months was an eye opener. I struggle writing about this, maybe my text is super confusing. I get quite triggered remembering it all and my thoughts seem messy. I have issues with cptsd and right now it makes me question everything. And I feel like I'm an awful person when I write it down. I think I'm trying to say it's a sensitive subject for me.

Blueberry, thank you for sharing. Every story is of course individual but what you are saying really gives perspective. I've noticed my partner gets triggered during holidays but also meeting my family, so he doesn't. I thought he just didn't like my family but then it might instead be connected to his FOO.. I've tried to ask but he doesn't talk about it. 

You are so right about what you say that I shouldn't question him and also I myself hate it when people question my choices. I need to remind myself that I'm not responsible for him.

Thank you ah for your response! I will try and talk to my partner about the questions you mentioned, they were good and I think it would be helpful for my partner to think it through, especially about the relationship with his dad.

My partner isn't very open about his feelings and when he lived with his parents he was in a drug addiction. I think drugs was his only way to cope and he has never been able to speak openly about his thoughts it seems. Since he went NC he completely stopped with the drugs though. He also seems happier.

So far it hasn't been possible to be in contact with only the father because the mother uses the fathers phone and social media. I was hoping the father would reach out more I guess. It also makes me think that maybe it's not very urget to communicate so soon. It seems like there's a lot of emotional exploration to be done.

My partner is since about 3 months back no contact with his parents due to a (undiagnosed!) narcissistic mother.

I don't have narc. parents myself but I try to be understanding. I just wonder if I could get some input from others. (I have met my partners mother and she truly terrifies me).

The father hasn't behaved okay either, but I wonder if it might be more damaging for my partner to go no contact with him as well instead of keeping a relationship with at least one of his parents?

My partner won't really deal with all of this, and also, he can't meet a professional at the moment due to a lot of messy things. He wanna avoid both of the parents so I havn't pushed at anything. But I'm wondering and worrying because I feel partly responsible for him going no contact and I'm just afraid it will hurt him more. 

Maybe I just don't understand the situation fully. But others who has gone no contact, was it possible to build a relationship with one parent and not the other?

Potential triggers.

Gromit, I think my "fear" of shy people was because I saw myself in them. Due to bullying I stopped talking for years. I only spoke to family members who taught be things about weakness and power that was all wrong.

Everyone told me I was shy. When in reality, I was depressed, suicidal and didn't even view myself as a person anymore. After I changed school I decided to not be "weak" and be what I had been taught as powerful. So when I met shy people I saw myself in them. And the thing I find so difficult today is instead of feeling empathy for them I felt contempt. I took my oppressors role, because that's how I had learned to react towards shy people, and how I had been treated by others. I didn't understand it myself until much later.

Now I swung back to being submissive. Struggeling with that balance.

I think your subject is very interessting and important to bring up. I used to experience something similair until I realised where thouse feelings came from.

I can't really give you any examples because I find it difficult to express myself about it. That's also why I think it's good that you are bringing up the subject. But being aware of your own behavior and realising where it comes from is coming a long way in being able to manage triggers.

An example I can give is that I used to get triggered by shy people. It was something similair to what you said about an impulse to oppress. I've been able to understand more about my feelings and now I behave in a way I feel more comfortble with.

Wanted to share my first noticeable progress with you.

It started while listening to a pod and I got triggered by something that was said. My inner critic started shaming and guilt-tripping me.

I went to OOTS to the IC forum, remembering there was information how to cope. So I tried the steps in  the article "Calm your inner critic". And something amazing happened!

For others it might seem like the smallest thing, and therefore I felt like sharing on this forum where someone might understand what a huge step it was for me. The coping technique made me feel proud of myself for the first time ever.

It wasn't just a thought, it was a feeling. I didn't recognize the emotion, it was short, coming on and off for just a second. But it was there. I think what I felt was being proud. (I actually had to google if proud even was a feeling to make sure I wasn't way out, omg).

It might sound abstract, but I'm used to being numb or feeling negative feelings such as guilt, sadness, anger etc. This was new, and comforting. I could be proud over myself, even if only for a second. I didn't even know I could feel proud over myself. But I have that in me, the emotion exists!

I will keep exploring feelings and make the IC shut up. I'm seeing some hope, especially because I did it by myself, almost, this forum made it possible in the first place. ♡

Thank you

You are not alone in being Trumped out! I'm glad to live in a country where most people realise what a danger he is. I think it sounds good to avoid news about him, if it is a trigger. Some things are just too difficult to get used to and I think he is one of thouse things..