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Hi everyone,
I have registered for this event - the Trauma, Attach(e)ment & Resilience Summit, which is hosted by Quantum Way and will be on March 9th to 20th at 9am MST this year (2023) - just noticed that's tomorrow!

Here is a link: https://sommet.quantum-way.com/ref/6408593843309M

Hope 

Hi everyone,
There is a Free Summit about Narcissism organised by JungPlatform.

The dates of this summit are March 30th to April 2nd 2023 and a link to the registration page is here:
https://jungplatform.com/summit/narcissism-summit-2023
Hope 

12th January 2023
Here is my new journal for 2023.  It took me a few days to summon up courage to post a new Journal - and I recognise that this is because I am able to hear the various voices of my different parts and recognise that they have different viewpoints and feelings about things, and there was some resistance from parts of me about continuing to write about things here.

But - I am grateful for the fact that as a whole, I think my parts have reached consensus that it's a helpful and really supportive place to put things - and even though one part of me is highly resistive about it, I have managed to convince that part that it's going to be ok.

There is a part of me who wants to say that when I sent New Year greetings to people in the forum, I was able to find the majority of people via their journals, but I didn't get to wish Woodsgnome or Gromit a Happy New Year and I want to do that - but I feel a bit silly now for having taken so long - but incase they happen to pop by and read this entry, then they'll know that I was thinking of them, and part of me wasn't happy that I hadn't communicated that wish to them.  There are past members that I'd love to greet too, and this wish not to miss anyone out - it must be borne of trauma, because it feels an excessive need rather than one that is perhaps ....  can't find the word I want. 

I have given myself a bit of a rule that I won't delete anything, that I won't change what comes out on the page as I type this - so I hope to stick with that.

Over the past few weeks, I've wondered about whether I should delete many of the entries I made in this forum - because I've felt scared that I'll be recognised by FOO or even by friends.  But then I've thought, I've not been writing anything terrible.  I have been writing about my experiences and my thoughts and feelings about things, and therefore is that so terrible.  Haven't I got the right to express things, to try to work things out and understand things.  I've found a community where I feel accepted and where I feel understood.  I recognise I've been here for a few years now, and that it's a place that feels supportive - I feel like I need to be here, and want to be here. 

Sometimes I listen to a part of me that tells me that I shouldn't be here, that I don't need the support, and that I'll be ok if I dive off on my own - but honestly, I tell that part that it's ok to rely on support in life, it's ok.  Trying to negotiate through things alone - that's not so good.  Therefore having a supportive place to come and offload thoughts and feelings - but also get perspectives of others and support from others - that's so beneficial and helps so much.

Somehow I like the number 23 in this year's title - so I feel some optimism somehow.  I also feel optimism that I've been continuing to communicate with my parts, and that I now recognise that I can interact with them - and that I feel more things than I did previously.  That has been overwhelming at times and difficult to cope with, but it's been ok. 

Hope 

Hi everyone,
There is a free event from 11th October to 17th October 2022 which is called the 'Psychedelic Assisted Therapy Global Summit' and they list it has being helpful for: Healing trauma, evolving consciousness and relieving human trauma.  It is on Pacific time 8am to 6pm for those 7 days.  There are quite a few speakers and it looks interesting. 

Here is a link - and it's free to register:
https://spiritualgrowthevents.com/events/psychedelic-assisted-global-therapy-summit/

Hope 

I just started reading a little of this article, and must admit I wasn't able to continue to read it just now, as I am feeling too many feelings, but I wanted to put it here, as I think it's a helpful article, and I'd like to come back to it another time:

It's called 'Understanding and Treating Survivors of Incest' by David M. Lawson, and he wrote the article in 2018 in Counseling Today.

https://ct.counseling.org/2018/03/understanding-treating-survivors-incest/#

Hope 

Hi everyone,
The free video event is called 'Beyond Trauma to Healing & Happiness" and is by Dr Arielle Schwartz (a Clinical Psychologist)

A Free Video Event With Clinical Psychologist, Author, Consultant, Therapist Trainer Arielle Schwartz, PhD<br />https://theshiftnetwork.com/Beyond-Trauma-Healing-Happiness

I've listened to her talk before, and find her helpful.  I am looking forward to this event on August 12th.

Hope 

https://drarielleschwartz.com/interoception-a-key-to-wellbeing-dr-arielle-schwartz/#.YovWgO7MIn8

I hope that link works ok.  It is an interesting article, and I particularly liked this part of it:

"Drawing your senses away from the outer world can be challenging when you have a history of trauma. When you have had to attend to your environment for extended periods of time, your attentional focus can start to feel stuck in this manner. You might find it difficult to let down your guard because you fear that you will be unable to protect yourself without it. Or you might fear that your body will begin to relax, which gives you greater access to your emotions. In short, letting go of your defenses can feel vulnerable.

One way to build your capacity for interception is by cultivating dual awareness. Dual awareness involves noticing environmental cues that let you know you are safe now while simultaneously paying attention to uncomfortable sensations or emotions for brief periods of time. For example, you might look around your healing space and focus your eyes on external cues of safety, such as the sky outside your window, until you feel calm and at ease. Then you might begin to orient your attention to your body. It can help to start by noticing the feeling in your fingers and toes or the movement of air through your nose as you breathe.

As you continue, you might feel more capable of paying attention to your internal sensations, such as the temperature of your body or the feeling of your breath moving in and out of your belly. If at any point an emotion or sensation feels overly distressing, you can return your attention to your external cues of safety. Eventually, you might feel comfortable paying attention to patterns of physical tension or the weight of any emotional burdens you carry. Most importantly, be gentle with yourself."

I know that I struggle with Interoception, so seeing an article like this is helpful to me. 

Hope 

Hi everyone,
This article is by Annie Wright, and was published in the Psychology Today on January 28th 2022.  The title of the article is "Successful Recovery from your Childhood Trauma".  Here is a link to the article:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/making-the-whole-beautiful/202201/successful-recovery-your-childhood-trauma

I really liked the fact she said
"Noone is the expert on your experience but you, and only you can define what successful recovery from your childhood trauma looks like."

I found the descriptions of what Annie thought a successful recovery should NOT look like to be helpful. 

I also particularly related to her saying this:
"It's usually abusers or people who have a lot to gain from trauma victims not feeling their feelings about events."

I love the list that Annie put where she lists things that she feels suggest a successful recovery - it's a list I hope to achieve as time goes on, and I feel like I've made some progress already in some of them - but it's a long road.

Hope 

'5 Valuable Life Skills often Learned by Those with Complex PTSD' is an article in Psychology Today written by Jennifer Lock Oman on 4th January 2022.

Here is a link to the article:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/knowing-feeling/202201/5-valuable-life-skills-often-learned-those-complex-ptsd

Hope 

5th January 2022
So I'm starting my new Journal today, and it's already the 5th January.  I hope to continue to get to know the different parts of myself that I've been discovering over the last few years, and I hope to continue on a path towards feeling more comfortable within myself as a whole. 

So it's a start to the journal, and I hope to write regularly.  I also hope to be more open with my communications, and see how it goes. 

Hope 

Hi everyone,
I read this article from Psychology Today by Janice Webb called '8 Signs Emotional Neglect in Your Family' and found it helpful.  Wanted to share it here:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/childhood-emotional-neglect/202112/8-signs-emotional-neglect-in-your-family
Hope 

Walk with me in the Secret Garden,
A place that brings sanctuary to my heart,
Where all things blossom, and grow,
Roses blooming and sweet scent pervading

Sometimes I feel fearful and afraid,
When I can't find my way into the garden,
Like something stands in the way,
So I listen for the robin's call...

He will show me the way,
He will guide me there,
I know that entering, will bring me peace
There is tranquility there.

Hope 

Hi everyone,
There is a free event on 30th September 2021 between 1.30pm and 3pm CENTRAL timed by Janina Fisher & Frank Anderson, called "A Dialogue on New Treatment for Relational Trauma & Emotional Numbness.

Here is a link if you want to have a look and register for that online event:
https://landinghub.pesi.com/en-us/bh_w_058585_fisherandersontrauma_sq?utm_campaign=058585&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=159746413&_hsenc=p2ANqtz--oylvg-Fgp8SmCG8i-palbbtoYdPHWeL6RSBRB2SXm_MDTOpU0aNffcvFsm0k9DAZ2ZcQ2uliJpXwZjRM45EfLxxSkkx0TKZRIsbAL0-8MddkHxQY&utm_content=159746413&utm_source=hs_email

Hope 

This is currently free to watch for a few hours, and I started watching it, and found it helpful.

It's called 'How To Set Boundaries with Narcissists and Toxic People' and it's a talk by Sharon Martin. 

https://www.avaiya.com/freedom/s-martin/

Hope 

I've been meaning to read a book I have called 'Unshame' by Carolyn Spring - I think that's the name and the author, and I had the book for a while.  But I have found it difficult to start the book. 

Now, I try to find the book, and I can't even find where I've put it.

I'm wondering if there is a part of me that is reluctant for me to look at and explore my shame.  I know I carry shame, and I do feel it sometimes, very heavily.  But I also acknowledge that there's a part of me that tries not to let me feel it, or even look into it.

Anyway, I just wanted to write this now, just to say this.  I hope to find the book.  I hope to read and explore the concept of shame, and explore my own shame.

If anyone has read this book, I'm hoping it was helpful - please do comment if you want to.  I hope to read it - when I finally find it.

I feel exasperated not to even know where to start looking.  It's so hot (weather-wise) at the moment as well. 

Hope 

TW: Mentioning CSA

I read some of this article today - it's full title is: "Why a child might not disclose abuse and how to word a question in a way that may promote disclosure" and it's from a website called Theflyingchild.com

I found it a helpful article, and wanted to share it here:

https://theflyingchild.com/2021/07/11/why-a-child-might-not-disclose-abuse-and-how-to-word-a-question-in-a-way-that-may-promote-disclosure/

Hope 

I am reading a book by Roxane Gay called 'Hunger'.
In her book on p.63 she says this:

"Eventually, I was assigned to a woman counselor and she gave me a copy of The Courage To Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis.  At first, I hated the book because it included a "workbook" as well as cheesy exercises I couldn't possibly take seriously.  The language was too flowery and full of affirmations that also made me distrustful."

Roxane goes on to say "Many of the theories that book espouses have now been discredited, but at that time, when I was so scared and shattered The Courage to Heal gave me a vocabulary for what I had been through.  I needed that book as much as I hated it for all the infantile exercises it encouraged."

********
I have read that book myself - and I didn't feel the same way.  I found it was helpful to me.  But what concerns me is that Roxane said 'Many of the theories that book espouses have now been discredited" and that concerns me, as I would like to read something that is going to be 'up to date' and not 'discredited' - I find it hard to read about CSA in a meaningful way - I know that parts of me won't take it in and process it properly, but I do sometimes try to read things.  I definitely remember finding the book to be helpful, and I bought myself a copy of it for that reason.  I mean to re-read it - but, I wonder what people think - who've read it, and whether there's any other books that they think might be more helpful?

Or any comments on what Roxane might mean by 'theories being discredited'...?

Anyway, I wanted to ask that question here.

Hope 

I've had a difficult afternoon - had to set a boundary with an in-law, and couldn't do this without descending into being triggered and ended up crying infront of the person.  Didn't go so well, as I then couldn't really explain myself, as my brain was going off-line and I was triggered and dissociated.  Went to the toilet to try to get some time to get myself together.

Tried to give some explanation when came back, but couldn't really make it make any sense, and I think I might have made it worse.

Feel completely drained now.  Feel massively triggered by 'family' issues in relation to 'in-laws' - feel annoyed that this is the situation.

Wanted to write it somewhere - away from my journal, as I don't want to have this memory in that space. 

I think I have a right to have some boundaries, and to have my own wishes listened to.

I've been comfort eating since it happened, and at the time I felt like I wanted to eat something 'massive'.   

What I also notice is the 'push' 'pull' nature of relationships - i.e. my attachment issues being such that I crave the closeness but then fear it massively and back away.  But I wanted to give myself a boundary, as I felt the person had crossed it - and wasn't taking my feelings into account - taking me for granted.  I didn't want to feel that way.

Hope 

I am a hugely grateful for the work of Janina Fisher, regarding Trauma, and have just found this link that has quite a few interesting resources and things she's written:

https://janinafisher.com/resources

I hope they'll be helpful to others here.

Hope 

[The book addresses 'trauma-related dissociation']

I have bought this book:

"Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: Interventions for Trauma & Attachment" by Pat Ogden & Janina Fisher

It's a large book - over 800 pages - and 35 chapters -
I'm currently starting Chapter 3 entitled "Orientation for Clients"

I wanted to quote what it says on that page:

"Moving on after difficult events such as trauma or hurtful experiences with the people who raised us is not easy, especially when those experiences have conditioned us to view the world as threatening or ourselves as inadequate.  Even in a good therapy with a skilled therapist, it can sometimes be challenging to find relief or resolution and we may end up feeling discouraged or stuck in our patterns.  Since you are reading this book,  you are probably interested in learning new tools to transform old patterns.  The body's movement, posture, and sensation can provide a missing link that can help you tap into that innate drive in all living things to heal, adapt, and develop new capacities.  This volume is intended to guide you and your therapist to draw upon the natural intelligence of the body to lessen the distress and increase the satisfaction you might experience in your life today.  The purpose of this chapter is to orient you to the structure of the book, how to use it, and to clarify a few underlying concepts and terms that will help you work together with your therapist to use the chapters that follow to your best advantage."

(I am excited about this book - because it is written in a clear and careful way, and I appreciate the structure of it.  It has also got some work-sheets to use and step by step directions and explanations.)

On the back of the book there are comments by the following people:

Philip Bromberg
Daniel J. Siegel
Bessel Van der Kolk
and
Stephen Porges

They all say very endorsing things about the book, which gives me some confidence that it's going to be helpful.  But most of all, as I am already a massive fan of Janina Fisher - I am already keen to read it, just for that reason.

I wanted to put the details here.

Has anyone else been using this book, or using sensorimotor psychotherapy.  I feel it will hopefully be beneficial to me, so I'm going to try to work my way through the book, and will try to do the exercises. 

The book addresses 'trauma-related dissociation'   which is another reason I'm keen to use it, as it includes adaptations to use to take account of this. 

I think these paragraphs are pertinent, and they are from p63 of the book (this chapter was entitled 'Orientation for Therapists')

"As stated in the previous chapter, clients' alternation between being dysregulated by traumatic reminders and trying to avoid them in order to participate in daily life is characteristic of a dissociative compartmentalization that reflects different adaptive priorities.  The goals of the defensive system - to defend and protect - conflict with the goals of daily life systems - to engage with other people and the environment.  If you track for such different priorities in your clients, you may notice that at times, your client is focused on stability, work, or family, and the wish to grow and resolve the issues that bring him or her to therapy.  You may also notice that these goals are thwarted when traumatic reminders activate strong (and sometimes contradictory) defensive responses.  At those times, your client might suddenly become frozen with fear or mute, want to run out of your office or terminate therapy, or first become furious and then drop into helplessness and hopelessness."

The next paragraph says:
"Obviously, such internal conflicts will affect how your client responds to this book.    (my bold print) "For example, a client may initially express a wish to use this material but then have difficulty following through.  As you continue with the book, that same client, though clearly benefitting from its use, might suddenly become ambivalent or even hostile about using the worksheets, or decide that he or she is "too stupid" and will not possibly be able to understand the concepts.  Or, the gains achieved from a chapter are soon completely forgotten or cannot be sustained over time.  The client who seems to be tolerating working with the body quite well might suddenly become triggered and overwhelmed and not want to continue.  These types of strong or sudden shifts in mood, perspective, or belief are often interpreted as ambivalence or resistance but may instead reflect the activity of dissociative parts that have conflicting goals and priorities (I put that part in bold)"

What reassured my own parts was that they wrote "therapists hold the clarity that no part of the body or mind can, or should, be eliminated.  They then said "When you can help your clients understand that, after trauma, they might experience such alternations between parts of themselves that want to engage in daily life and defensive parts that live in "trauma time" (van der Hart, 2012) as if they are still in danger, they can better understand and work with the conflicts between different parts of the self.  They key to increasing their awareness is drawing their attention to the two "sides" (parts fixated in trauma and parts engaged in daily life) so they are more likely to recognise when their reactions are connected to different internal parts and, most importantly, become curious rather than confused by them."

(I am excited by this book, I really think it will be helpful to me, and I think the authors really 'get it' from the point of view of understanding experiences - I realise I've written quite a lot here, but hope it's helpful for others, and I'm only at Chapter 3, but I'm going to hopefully work my way through the book, at a pace that me and my various parts can tolerate. 

Hope