Messages

Hi Alliematt,
I know you've got a lot of stressful things at the moment - but I'm glad that so far your husband's job is ok.  Finger's crossed that it will be ok. 

Sending you a hug, if that's ok 
Hope 

Hi Eireanne,
I wanted to send you a hug  - I read what you wrote in the red font, your experiences, and I felt some feelings of upset over the things you've experienced.  Those suggestions written in black ink - they were 'absolutes' (great term that SanMagic said), and most likely difficult to achieve in real life.

Anyway, I also send you love and hugs 
Hope 

Dear Sage,
Your group sounds very supportive and caring.  I am glad you have them in your life. 

Your crocheting sounds really creative and colourful.  I hope to find where you've posted about it - and have a look.  I used to do a little bit of crocheting when I was a child, but haven't done any for years.

Anyway, I hope that your letter that you're waiting for will come sooner rather than later.  It is so frustrating to be waiting for it, and I hope it will come soon.

Hope 

Hi Bermuda,
I hope you are ok.  I also wish you well.   
Hope 

Hi Blueberry,
It's so great that you're doing that course - I hope it goes really well. 

Sorry to hear you took the wrong evening meds the other day - I hope you feel better as time goes on.  (I would never suggest you go to the doctor's - I have a phobia about doing just that!) (I mean about going to the doctor myself)...

I really appreciate Steve Porges' Poly-vagal theory - it is amazing.

Sending a supportive hug to you Blueberry.   

Hope 

Hi PapaCoco,
It's great that you've got those books, and are enjoying reading them.  The Others Within Us does sounds like a really interesting read. 

I also read what Dollyvee said about Calorie counting, and was grateful to see what she wrote - very helpful.

Hope 

Hi Dollyvee,
Wow, that is great that you've found a NARM therapist, and that you found the first couple of sessions to be helpful. 

I hope you'll be able to untangle more of your feelings around that romantic interest person, and work out what you want from stuff related to that. 

Sending you a hug 
Hope 

Hi Larry,
I hope you're feeling better.   
Hope 

Hi Little2Nothing,
I read your poem, and it is lovely.
Hope 

Thank you so much Larry 

*********
23rd March 2024
So far today, I've been able to do the things I wanted to do.  I've written a couple of letters, I've baked a couple of cakes, and I've been for a walk with my partner. 

I started to read a little of Arielle Schwartz's book last night, and it made me feel calm - because I feel sure that it will have plenty of calming things that will help me continue to regulate my system.  I only read a couple of pages, but I am excited to read more of it. 

Hope 

Hi Marianne,
I just wanted to wish you the best for your goals for the week. 
Hope 

Hi StartingHealing,
It's lovely that you received such a nice letter yesterday from your pen-pal. 

I hope that your muscles readjust to the new allignments of your body, after your chiropractic appointment.  I hope you enjoy some restful sleep as well - if indeed you have hit the rack.

I found it interesting to read what you wrote about hand-written letters.  I have found that I process more if I hand-write something, than if I type it.  Hence I do use hand-written notes and writings to complement things I write digitally.

Wishing you the best,
Hope 

Hi Blueberry,
Thank you so much, I was feeling upbeat when I wrote that.  Definitely!      Thanks also for the hug 

***********
22nd March 2024
I found it really helpful to re-read a couple of my old journals, here in the forum, and I've not quite finished that process yet, but I hope to do so in the coming days - I'm making some notes, and I feel like it's been helpful to see the things I'd written about before, and to really re-process things, and the other thing I found helpful was re-reading things people had written to me in my journal - there are so many really helpful things that people said - so thank you all so much 

I think that I could stay present more with my feelings and reactions, and with what people had said, and that's thanks to being able to feel that my system is more 'regulated' - I think that doing more somatic type of stuff has been incredibly helpful to me.  That's another reason why I'm so happy to have ordered and received that book about polyvagal yoga stuff (by Dr Arielle Schwartz) - I feel ready to really enjoy that book, and see what I can get out of it.

**Trigger Warning - mentioning a documentary about CSA and discussing my feelings relating to that.**

I want to write today about a documentary I watched last night - it was called "Tell Me Who I Am" - this is a documentary about twins (Alex and Marcus Lewis) and it's described as being about 'Memory, identity and complex bonds of brotherhood in the face of a dark family secret'.  I watched it all last night, and I was really struck by so many things about it.  It really was helpful for me to watch it.  I related to a lot of things within it.  It was also helpful for my partner to watch, as he had some light-bulb realisations when he said that he understands a bit more now why I am unable to 'let it go' - i.e. why I end up obsessively 'looking into' family secret type stuff, and can't 'let it go'.    Apparently, they have also written a book - the title of their book is "Tell Me Who I Am: Sometimes It's Safer Not to Know" - I've written the title incase I decide to try to get hold of that book - but I'm not sure I need to do that, as I found the documentary was plenty enough for me.

I have no idea why I'm phrasing things like that - it sounds a strange way of saying something.  Anyway...

I wanted to write more about my reactions and thoughts about it, but I think it's quite hard to allow myself to do that - because I have parts who are reluctant.  I did have quite a strong EF this morning - because I think I was still processing things relating to that documentary - and my partner wanted to talk about some stuff relating to practical things we need to organise.  I found I then went into a strong EF reaction, and ended up crying, BUT I did try to explain how I'd been triggered and why I was reacting in that way - and we did talk it through, and it's ok! 

I am feeling so much better this afternoon, and we've been having an enjoyable day today - we've been out together and done some nice things - with a feeling as if we're on 'holiday'.  So it's been a nice day.

I have felt quite selfish to be focusing so much on re-reading my own journals, and felt like I was neglecting responding in other people's - and that is true, that's what's happened, but I also think that I've considered that I've been fixing my own 'safety net' before then venturing to support others - I had also read some other people's journals again as well - but didn't feel able to write anything further at that time. 

I think this time of year is harder for me than some other times of year - mainly because Mother's Day was in March - I am pleased that's over now, and April is getting closer. 

Hope 

Hi Larry,
I'm glad you were feeling well enough to go back to the gym.  Sorry to hear you'd not been feeling well before that. 

I'm glad you're feeling good.  Wishing you the best for today.    I've put that today instead of sunshine, as it's raining here!   
Hope 

Hi Dollyvee,
Thank you so much.  Yes, that book was amazing - I finished it about a week ago, and since then I have been re-reading some of my old journals here in the forum, and making notes from those - because it's helped me to process more what's been going on over the past few years.  I feel much better for that - it feels positive!

Also, I've just got a new book in the post - which I'm keen to read in the coming days - it's by Dr Arielle Schwartz and it's called 'Applied Polyvagal Theory in Yoga: Therapeutic Practices for Emotional Health'.  I am excited to read it, and hopefully to apply some things.

Dollyvee, I found that book very powerful - NARM is definitely a good combination of therapeutic stuff - a framework that makes sense, and I am grateful that you recommended that book.  Thank you!

Sending you a hug too,  and thank you for yours!

Hope