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Messages - Libby183

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31
Introductory Post / Re: Finally got the courage to post
« on: January 19, 2019, 08:45:50 PM »
Welcome to OOTS, Blue Bunny.

It's a long, difficult journey but the support from everyone here is so valuable.

All the best to you.

32
Professionals (GPs/Therapists/Lawyers...) / Re: Medical notes.
« on: January 19, 2019, 08:43:18 PM »
Thanks snailspace.  It does seem to be a complicated system. I think I was naive to think that different parts of the system worked together. Very naive, in fact, because I was a nurse in the NHS and nothing seemed to ever run smoothly. It will be interesting to see if f I can crack this thing, so to speak!!

33
Recovery Journals / Re: Wattlebirds journal
« on: January 19, 2019, 04:22:55 PM »
I am really with you on the subject of sleep. The less sleep, the worse I feel. Same for a lot of us, I expect. Hope sleeping improves for you soon.

All the best.

Libby.

34
Professionals (GPs/Therapists/Lawyers...) / Re: Medical notes.
« on: January 19, 2019, 04:20:03 PM »
Thanks, Rainagain. It seems like a really shoddy way to carry on. Especially when it could affect peoples' lives. Makes me more determined to sort it out. Wish me luck. I reckon I will need it.

BTW, I liked your idea of having two dogs. I can see the appeal of their interactions, and feeling part of a pack.

Libby.

35
Professionals (GPs/Therapists/Lawyers...) / Re: Medical notes.
« on: January 19, 2019, 11:48:14 AM »
Thanks everyone.

I'm pleased that you all generally agree that I should be able to get access to my notes. As I have never had a diagnosis, I think it might be helpful to support my case for on going financial support from my husband.  After all, all of the things that added on layers of stress within my cptsd, like having children, moving house, dealing with his family, were all things we decided on together.

I hadn't thought of the confidentiality issue before, so thanks for bringing that up.

I find the fact that the provider didn't send the request form, as promised , makes me concerned. I wonder whether they are thinking that I might be wanting to make a complaint. After all, the therapy did cause me huge distress.

I will follow this up next week. I am probably a bit paranoid, but this feeling of distrust of this complicated system will not go away.

Lovely to hear from you both, Hope and Eyessoblue. Hoping that you are both doing OK along this very rocky road.

Libby.

36
Professionals (GPs/Therapists/Lawyers...) / Re: Medical notes.
« on: January 18, 2019, 09:33:20 AM »
Thank Wattlebird. I really would have thought so too. There was a full write up of the CBT I had five years ago. Yet nothing about this.

It seems to leave patients in a very vulnerable place. Going to phone the provider again today.

Hoping that everything is OK with you.

Libby.

37
Professionals (GPs/Therapists/Lawyers...) / Medical notes.
« on: January 18, 2019, 08:42:25 AM »
I was wondering if anyone had any advice for me.

I saw a GP earlier in the week and asked about what exactly was in my medical records with regards to my mental health issues. Quite a bit, it seems, but nothing about the last lot of emdr therapy. No mention of referral or letter to GP practice about treatment or outcome. I phoned the Emotional Wellbeing Service who commissioned the treatment and they said they have a record that I went for treatment but no follow-up.

Finally, I phoned the therapy provider who said they would release the notes, and would send a form to me to do this. It never came. They said, as well, that I would need to pay for a report from the therapist. I will do that but it seems wrong.

Anyway, this therapy had a huge (mostly negative) effect on my life and yet nobody, other than the therapist, seems to know anything about it.

I think I will continue to chase this up, but I feel very unsettled by it. I placed my trust in the NHS and this therapist, and yet it's like it never happened.

Any insights gratefully received.

Thanks.

Libby.

38
Thank you for all of your responses. As ever, each one has a useful perspective.

Snailspace, that was a very interesting idea about how memories that arise reflect how we are feeling in the present, more than how we felt at the time. I do remember the event, but really it was just one event in a long series, where he viewed me as the person who caused his upset. He blamed me for his autism diagnosis, but that was down to the school. He blamed me for making him go to school, whereas his dad wasn't involved with the school at all. He never attended any parents evenings, meetings, plays, anything. So for my son, it is cut and dried. I am the baddie!

We have been quite OK together, because his father hasn't been here. I think it is the best I can hope for.

Thanks again.

Libby.

39
Having an Exceptionally Difficult Day / Re: End of marriage
« on: January 16, 2019, 08:05:29 PM »
Oh, Hope, thank you so very much. When you are feeling so abandoned, it's lovely when you realise that someone is thinking of you.

I feel a bit calmer this evening, which is a bit of a surprise as my husband is here. We had a civil conversation about selling the house, so that's progress.

Hoping that all is going well with you.

Hugs.

Libby.

40
I have been reading some really helpful things elsewhere on OOTS about relationships between parents and grown up children. Elphanigh was talking about her mother's visit and got some really good advice.

I talked to my autistic spectrum son yesterday, who told me that he found me scary. When stressed, I tend only to act out to my StbxH and its usually about things I can't cope with in the house, especially as I genuinely get no help. Hence his desire for divorce, I suppose!

So I asked my son why he was scared and he said it was because of an event, nine years ago, where I made him do something he didn't want to do. He admits his father also encouraged him to do it and offered him money. He did it.

I tried to explain, very simply, about my disorder, and its roots in my childhood. He disliked my parents intensely so he may have got it a bit. When I think of all his autistic melt downs that I had to deal with alone (they were often school related and his father was at work), where I was left with bruises and bite marks, it seems so harsh that he can't accept my melt downs, which weren't ever directed at him.

He has elected to live with his father. I think that is connected to money. I asked him if he would ever want children and he said, certainly not as he would rather save the money.

Sorry for the ramble. I wonder if anyone has anything to say about this relationship. I am at a loss as to how to move forward.

Thank you again.

Libby.

41
Hello again, sharpandblunt.

I think I must have missed this post when you first made it. Hope you don't mind my belated reply.

I hear and understand everything that you say. Any sort of relationships, whether romantic or friendship, are absolute minefields. Like you, I cannot forgive and forget any hurts.

I honestly don't have any advice because isolating seems reasonable when we feel so fragile. I suspect we have spent our lives in these catch-22, double bind situations. I know that I have. Don't be hard on yourself, telling yourself to grow up and be a man. Be kind to yourself and, as you say, take time to heal and healthy relationships might follow. I will never consider getting into another romantic relationship. I have found, however, that I have a few people who seem to care about what I am going through at the moment. It's hard to trust, so I am very careful, but they have given some support. Perhaps there is a little hope for us.

Please take care of yourself.

Libby.

42
Hi, Rainagain.

Your description of how you feel with regards to people is so very, very familiar to me.

My world had dwindled to my husband and children. Now we are divorcing, it's just going to be me and my dog. I seem to recall that you have dogs and that they are very important to you. I lost trust in my husband quite a while back. I think I have lost trust in my sons and am struggling against the urge to avoid them.

It's not just you being difficult. I am right there with you. Then again, perhaps we are both being difficult! I like sj's ideas and am going to try and think along those lines, as I plan for my future life.

All the best to you.

Libby.

43
Recovery Journals / Re: Wattlebirds journal
« on: January 16, 2019, 07:57:50 AM »
Hi, Wattlebird.

It was really good to hear some more about your relationships with your children. It sounds like you are doing well in difficult circumstances.

By the way, I would guess that I, too, am Borderline as well.  This is the real issue for me atm. I am doing well with my daughter (like yours, she's lived away for several years), doing OK ish with the more normal of my twin sons, but things are bad with my autistic son. I wonder if it is easier for me to cope with people if they are psychologically healthier? I think I might post about this as people may have some advice.

I am so pleased that you have managed to bring the project at your ex's house to an end. It sounded extremely stressful. I think pretty much all of my meltdowns over the last nine years have been brought on by house related things. It was too big a project, I felt no one cared to do it but me and I hated dealing with tradespeople. I am going to, hopefully, live in a very small house with only my dog. The less stress the better.

Thank you again for the opportunity to talk over these things. It means such a lot.

Have a relaxing time with that project out of the way.

Libby.

44
Eating Issues / Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 3
« on: January 15, 2019, 09:01:46 AM »
I wonder, LilyITV, whether, when  people have CPTSD, everything happens with that framework.  My feelings about food are different to yours and yet both seem equally CPTSD related.

My mother wanted me to be overweight because she was. She took my not being overweight as an insult to her. She convinced me that I was overweight. My stbx has always eaten to excess and I found this very difficult to cope with. I really think that he suffered from emotional neglect from his parents, no abuse, and he has turned to food for comfort. Also, therapy showed me how attachment and food are so intertwined in so many and varied forms.

I think that as we realise all of these aspects of ourselves, we can start to deal with them. But you're right, I think, it's that happy medium that is so elusive. People who haven't been traumatised are, I think, more likely to hit upon that.

All the best.

Libby.

45
Sorry to read about your separation, Trimman. I understand how hard it is as my husband has just decided that we will divorce.

Your post, and the replies, really made me think. Therapy forced onto me the fact that I am profoundly damaged by my pd mother. I fought not to pass this on. But I was always accutely aware of how volatile I am and always apologised and admitted to my faults, and explained where my reactions came from. Like Rainagain says, I hated rather than loved myself. I see more clearly now that my husband never apologised for anything, big or small. The word sorry absolutely never passed his lips in thirty years. I think this was very triggering to me as my mother never said sorry to anyone either. She was too narcissistic (or traumatised) ever to be wrong. In both cases, I was too busy taking all the blame on myself, to see how they were.

Sorry for the ramble. This thread has helped clarify a few things.

Trimman, I hope you go on to have a very good life, full of all the things you want to do.

All the best to you.

Libby.

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