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General Discussion / Re: Sayings and idioms, and overcoming them.
« on: January 25, 2021, 06:44:40 PM »
I had several like yours, Bermuda, that were awful, but so forceful that the hurt behind them seems almost to fulfill one of the worst -- "it'll just have to beaten into you." Yuk.
One that continually circulates comes via the father. "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." Huh? Invalidating and meaningless, but it amounted to total disregard for anything I'd ever say, or want to; rather like: "shut-up if you know what's good for you." The overall message was always "You don't count for anything".
He was also an enabler and excuser of the multiple abuses of the mother. No matter what she felt like, it all came back to me as in "you're hurting your mother" (like after she beat me?
). In the end, "it's all your fault" seemed to wrap things up, satisfying them but leaving me to stew in misery.
So many more rattle around in the mind's cobwebs. Fortunately, they're long gone from my life but I also have learned to talk back in thought-speak, with strong encouragement from my T.
I just dismiss them, sometimes angrily, but also just with a curt dismissal of "you can go now" or something similar. What does the most good is just knowing the further back they've receded into the rear-view mirror.
One that continually circulates comes via the father. "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." Huh? Invalidating and meaningless, but it amounted to total disregard for anything I'd ever say, or want to; rather like: "shut-up if you know what's good for you." The overall message was always "You don't count for anything".
He was also an enabler and excuser of the multiple abuses of the mother. No matter what she felt like, it all came back to me as in "you're hurting your mother" (like after she beat me?

So many more rattle around in the mind's cobwebs. Fortunately, they're long gone from my life but I also have learned to talk back in thought-speak, with strong encouragement from my T.
I just dismiss them, sometimes angrily, but also just with a curt dismissal of "you can go now" or something similar. What does the most good is just knowing the further back they've receded into the rear-view mirror.