The honest approach turns out to be the safest, I've found. I was badly used by the m, for instance; whenever someone would ask about her, I deflected it, sometimes told people she died early (emotionally she did, but it's still a half-truth). That answer could end up being a double whammy, though; as it could prompt further questions leading to even more evasive answers beyond the little white lie behind which I sought to divert it in the first place. Or it produced a faux sympathy from whoever I told, even more awkward to deal with.
I still avoid the topic, if I can, as it's of course just as painful as it's ever been to go there. But if I have to, I also have concluded, as you have, that cptsd isn't something to be ashamed of. It affected me deeply, it explains some of my behaviours, but the minor discomfort of revelation outweighs full denial.
As you say, the reactions can backfire, but that's not about you, it concerns the "friend" or whoever responds negatively. It too stems from fear, only this time it's their fear and has nothing to do with you. It's still uncomfortable, as we fear their rejection in like measure, but I've still found the only option to be the honesty course.
It's not like I wear a sign saying "I have cptsd" but if it comes up, I've felt better since I haven't tried so hard to hide (although I still fervently hope it doesn't come up). Sometimes "a rough childhood" is enough of an answer, and if it gets further, I know what went on, they don't; I'm trying to deal with it, they should be able to respect that. If not, I don't need further dealings with them in that regard. It hurts, as I have chosen a very lonely way of life, but true friends should commit to accepting all of you.
Surprisingly, a couple seemed to regard me better having heard how I've learned to be stronger with it, especially having taken steps to learn more about it, to understand myself and what I can/can't do about it.
This is such a weird culture where it's not understood that life isn't a sport with winners and losers. The implied message is that wounded people are losers, and cast in a negative light. Seems pretty positive, though, to have tried to pick up the pieces of a damaged soul and walk with it, accepting it even, in hope rather than defeat.
I still avoid the topic, if I can, as it's of course just as painful as it's ever been to go there. But if I have to, I also have concluded, as you have, that cptsd isn't something to be ashamed of. It affected me deeply, it explains some of my behaviours, but the minor discomfort of revelation outweighs full denial.
As you say, the reactions can backfire, but that's not about you, it concerns the "friend" or whoever responds negatively. It too stems from fear, only this time it's their fear and has nothing to do with you. It's still uncomfortable, as we fear their rejection in like measure, but I've still found the only option to be the honesty course.
It's not like I wear a sign saying "I have cptsd" but if it comes up, I've felt better since I haven't tried so hard to hide (although I still fervently hope it doesn't come up). Sometimes "a rough childhood" is enough of an answer, and if it gets further, I know what went on, they don't; I'm trying to deal with it, they should be able to respect that. If not, I don't need further dealings with them in that regard. It hurts, as I have chosen a very lonely way of life, but true friends should commit to accepting all of you.
Surprisingly, a couple seemed to regard me better having heard how I've learned to be stronger with it, especially having taken steps to learn more about it, to understand myself and what I can/can't do about it.
This is such a weird culture where it's not understood that life isn't a sport with winners and losers. The implied message is that wounded people are losers, and cast in a negative light. Seems pretty positive, though, to have tried to pick up the pieces of a damaged soul and walk with it, accepting it even, in hope rather than defeat.