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Messages - Trimman

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     Sometimes I think of how narcissism caused a lot of my wife's CPTSD, and that is what she eventually became. So sad.

     Well, I guess the result was inevitable, as my wife has finally left for good. I think that she sank into narcissism. The more I told her that I loved her, the more she criticized me for menial things, demeaned me to the point that I could not take any more abuse. I could not do anything right in her eyes It is truly sad. I am happy in the thought that I stuck with her for many years, but I had to quit pretending that  things were going to get better. Never could she ever say that she was wrong nor sorry about anything in our relationship. It got where I would not want to be around her because of the hurt that she made me feel. I have studied and read many articles and books and that has saved me from self doubt.

     I have been married for almost two years, and I am just now down to giving up on my wife. She left, again, but with all of her belongings, this time. She has left many times in the 3 years that we have been together, after something that triggers her. I see many of the symptoms of c-ptsd, when she goes into what I call an episode. They happen every month or two and last sometimes a week. Isolation (spending time with only her personal belongings), sadness, never speaking to me (for fear of being wrong, as her abuser told her in the past), never going into master bathroom(where her abuse took place), leaving and sleeping in her car for days, and the deflection and blaming me for things I may or may not have done.
     I have learned to agree with everything and be very submissive, to try and not give her a reason to blame me for anything, but cannot win that, either.
     She absolutely will not admit that she has a problem, although I have tried every way to let her know that we should seek help. I love her very much, and would do anything for her, but this does not seem to matter to her. I have been to counselors, and they tell me that I am being the one abused at this point, but I try not to give up on her. She has never said that she was sorry for any of this, since we met, I fear that would be giving herself to someone and maybe feeling vulnerable to a man.
     If I could only get her to see a way to at least admit that she might have a problem.

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