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Messages - LittleBoat

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46
Mother's/Father's Day / Re: Mother's Day and Father's Day
« on: May 12, 2018, 03:26:59 PM »
Mother's Day is a double whammy for me.  1.)  I am childless because I decided when I had the chance to be pregnant that I would "pass down" the abuse my mother had caused in me.  I just thought I would repeat her behavior.  I didn't want to wreck a kid.  I am sorry now, at the age of 57, that I have no children or even grandchildren.  But I still believe I made the right choice.  2.)  I am NC with my extremely cruel and narcissistic elderly mother, but that doesn't prevent the emotional flashbacks that flare up.  Just hearing the words "mothers day" in an ad or just in an offhand remark feels like I'm being stung by a taser tip. 

This is an extremely difficult weekend for me.  But I'm glad I'm here.  Just to hear of others' difficulties in the Hallmark aisle makes me feel less isolated and less "different" from everybody else.  Signed, a Little Boat Glad to be Here

47
Introductory Post / Re: Hello from LittleBoat
« on: May 12, 2018, 03:16:17 PM »
Thanks to all who have welcomed me.  I really like your interpretations of Little Boat.  You are right on all counts, folks, and thank you for taking the time to consider what being a little boat can feel like. 

48
Introductory Post / Re: Hello......
« on: May 08, 2018, 12:07:19 PM »
Hello Deep Blue.  Hi.  I am new, also.  Your intro post is beautiful.  Your use of language is so poetic and wonderful.  It is clear that you are an artist, without you even having to tell us.  I, myself, am a poet.  Thank you for your beautiful and vivid introduction.  All best to you, Little Boat

49
Introductory Post / Hello from LittleBoat
« on: May 08, 2018, 12:02:24 PM »
Dear all,
My name is LittleBoat, and I am brand new to this website and forum, although I've struggled with C-PTSD my whole life, way before I (or anyone in the therapeutic community) seemed to know what it was.  Not ready to go into too many details, and I have yet to learn all the acronyms and protocols, so please bear with me.  My problems began with emotional and physical abuse as a chid.  Both parents problematic.  Mother especially.  My Inner Critic is particularly severe.  And, according to my work with psychiatrist, the C-PTSD is bound up with Bi-Polar swings, which get particularly bad in the spring.  And here comes Mother's Day.  I am NC (No Contact?) with my elderly mother.  Father has died.  I would say I am in a period of Flooding.  Can't think straight, and I sleep a lot.  I question and ruminate over every little thing I say or do.  And here comes Mothers Day.  No card, this year.  No more cards, at all.  Very happy to be here.--LittleBoat

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