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I'm finally home in my own bed and loving it, I was in hospital for 3 weeks but I've come out feeling a lot better than previous shorter visits, so it was worth it, what a horrid year it's been, I'm looking forward to a fresh start in the new year. I'm going to stay with my daughters and son for a week at each place over Christmas which will be a good escape from here for a while, hopefully the house sells in that time and I can move into a new place without the triggers I have here.
I've got a few appointments tomorrow and Thursday and I'm off to the city Friday .
Thank you so much for your support everyone it helped me thru
Wb

Thanks everyone, I'm starting to feel a lot better, thanks for the hugs
They are treating me well, just wanted to pop in and say thanks, but I'm going to sleep now - good night
Wb

Looking back over my last few entries and it seems that in just 3 weeks I plummeted a long way, I'm back in the psych hospital and this is my 10th day here, what to say ?..... I think that says it all
Wb xo

Sounds like a good step if your roomie treats you like that.

Sounds like derealisation or a bit of dissociation
I can relate to your resisting connections, I get that when some part of me is emotionally fragile.
Sending hugs     

Sounds altogether too familiar,  I may not have even sent the parcel, actually I do have something I was meant to send my daughter 3 weeks ago - it's still sitting on the table 

Journal
Things have improved a bit this week, I was able to do some paid work, the first since January, so I'm feeling good about that, also my self confidence is growing with every success in overcoming self destructive impulses, I'm impatient for my house to sell so I can get away from the multitude of triggers here, I'm really looking forward to a fresh start.
Wb

As I read your encouraging responses I realised what a big part you all have had in keeping me feeling posative.
Thank you so much for your kind words it has really helped me thru a tough week. 

Thank you so much for the support all of you.
Yesterday was a awful day, I was badly triggered and very tempted to act out in ways that have previously been very destructive, not only to myself but others as well.
But I followed my crisis plan and got thru it, today I've been a lot better, I feel so good to have overcome thoses awful temptations last night that it's helped my self confidence a lot. I'm still struggling with the same temptation tonight though it's more manageable - my therapist checked up on me today and seemed happily suprised at my success (as am I)

I'm sorry to hear that 3r, having strong anxiety is really crippling, I hope the meds work for you.

Wb

Thanks jazzy
Journal
I had therapy today and it was going ok, until later in the session my therapist told me that she will no longer be working there next year and we need to make plans to continue my therapy with her via other means I.e. Video conferencing or the like, I just went to pieces, I became very triggered, as I have severe abandonment issues, I could see she was very careful in reassuring me and worried as to how badly I would react. I felt guilty for my reaction - she reassured me on this too. She is going to ring me tomorrow to check up on me too, so why do I feel like *, she isn't dropping me as a client, actually I got the impression I'm the only patient she is dropping.
Its taken me the best part of 2 years to let down my guard with her, my head is a mess

Don't you just hate having to be nice to ugly minded people

im sorry you are so tired, hopefully you get some downtime unexpectedly or you recover quicker than expected

Hi hope,
I'm sorry your feeling a little raw and vulnerable and I'm impressed at your self awareness and willingness to explore how little hope is reacting to things, I guess I admire it because they are the things I struggle with, you  have encouraged me to keep trying though
Thanks

Thank you for the support everyone, thanks sceal for the warrior comment, and hope too, thanks blueberry for the hugs, and 3 roses you are as supportive as always thank you so much.
I've had a rough week but doing ok I'm dealing with it in a healthy way.
I'm a bit concerned with my frame of mind, the amount of intrusive thoughts is sometimes overwhelming. I've been trying to listen to my parts more this week though the suggestions some parts throw at me are highly destructive,  I wish my house would sell - I need to move away from this place. It's so triggering,
I need to remember that I've done well not to enact any of these suggestions, and thoughts are just thoughts, it's how I treat myself and others that counts.
Wb