Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Messages - SunnyDays

Pages: 1 [2]

Where can I find a therapist like this?

Wow, she's amazing. Such an intelligent and empathic woman.

Dear peers,

today I've had the idea of expressing myself with a serious, well done, documentary. Covering the effects of this exact pattern everywhere.

I don't want to expose myself since I'm still surviving inside a very abusive family. Anyway, I'm gathering and buying many books on this huge topic, in order to increase public awareness. Especially in the science community.

I want to use a pseudonym, I think it is legal and bounding.

Anyway, what do you think of this? I want to show extreme pain and triggering (for us) situations so "they" can actually feel a bit of our messy life and work for thriving and recovering.

It is work for me, and it is something with meaning... what do you think? Is this a good idea. I want to do it "explicit" (not sexually explicit), but I want to show people crying nonstop every single night for physical abuse (like spanking without motive), and mental brutal abuse when we grow and its effects.

I want to have an extreme care of not "excite" people but to feel (and understand thru empathy our pain).

It will be hard so I need your emotional support and wisdom because it will be like a cognitive therapy approach for me. But I CAN.

First I will create a simple trailer...
Please share your opinions, I will hear all the points of view, and try to do my best. Even while this is triggering for me...


Questions/Suggestions/Comments/Shout Outs / Re: Chat?
« on: September 04, 2018, 04:50:01 PM »

If the staff is OK with that, I can do it (and in a very private way). It's easy for me because of my experience.
I cannot work well for myself yet, but I can help you. 20 years of experience.

Looking forward,
Sunny  :grouphug:

Questions/Suggestions/Comments/Shout Outs / HTTPS versus HTTP
« on: September 04, 2018, 04:48:07 PM »
Hello dear peers,

There's a slight enhancement with huge repercussions. We all know they are stalkers, in extremis.
I've noticed the forum isn't encrypted, not https. I can help you willingly and free to change that. I'm an experienced software developer and this will give me a good feeling like I can help myself and others a bit.
Microsoft consultant, I've worked for banks and the government.

Let me know.


Hello friends,

I'm so sorry that I wasn't able to reply, not because of lack of time or things like that. But because is somehow a passive triggering for me this topic. But I've read all the replies, and in fact, as I type this I'm following many good pieces of advice, like getting rid from the non essential things, and asking for help (I haven't received anything from my two "friends", which is a good signal to keep some distance from them).

Money, yes, I have some synths and computers that are quite expensive, thanks to my work in the near past. The thing or my fear is that I will need them to create my money, work. (Music and software development mainly)... But there are many (many) things that I can publish, and that's OK... but it will take more time. I'll have to do it I guess...

I hope this thread is useful for many survivors that are still in this position. I'm also considering getting back to the usual normal works I've used to do. It's hard, it's like a wall between me and the idea of earning deserved money... I have no problem with starting from 0, from scratch so to speak. But there's a mental wall, my physician is somewhat helping me and a medication helps to break that wall with a cost (less focus).

You know? I was even considering (for a moment) taking a loan, a small one. But my gut feeling is telling me not to, there are many other ways... it's amazing that I only need 400 bucks to survive... while I've earned that little amount in a week years ago, and more without difficulty.

I'll keep you posted and I will try to keep it simple and short, my story isn't more important than yours. But it helps me a LOT to express among peers. And I really appreciate it.
All the best to you, and keep on moving forward (I say this to myself and to you guys).


Hello, have anyone being in this situation. After a disastrous depletion of resources and work and money (I've always worked and earned quite OK!), now I have a small place to escape from 2 abusers, decades of abuse as you may guess.

But I don't want to leave my computers, expensive keyboards, and specially: 3 huge boxed of DVDs full of personal information of all kind, documents (both digital and in paper),. Takes a lot of energy, time and I don't know how to escape.

Any advices, hard to think outside the box right now...


Memory/Cognitive Issues / Re: How Trauma Affects Memory
« on: August 21, 2018, 04:45:24 PM »
Yes indeed,

Some of us are prescribed with some drugs that alters memory as well. Music is a great helper, try to use not-triggering music, but good memories music, our memory improves and our mood too.

General Discussion / Re: CPTSD as an Official Diagnosis
« on: August 21, 2018, 04:37:47 PM »
Thank you for sharing this... I'm going to print and found those books, since the DSM is something very relevant of course. Let's cross fingers for a new (and positive) update,

Introductory Post / Re: Hello! Another fellow with CPTSD :S
« on: August 13, 2018, 03:20:47 PM »
Hello Luke!

...struggled all my life with the effects of the abuse and abandonment I was exposed to as a child ( anxiety, low self-esteem, shame, self-hatred, etc. ). I have had difficulty keeping jobs

Oh yes... even when we are extremely capable of doing things we are programmed or traumatized and break down if we don't have the tools. Fortunately, we have them.

Yes, one medicine after another... in my case from the "classic" Xanax-like (benzo) 4-hours window for years, then Clonazepam (12-hours window)... because when I was 18-19 I've suffered from the first panic attack, in the middle of the street thinking and feeling that I was going to die (and all that horror jazz)--.
So they (my toxic parents) called a cheap ambulance and "gave me" that terrible drug, so addictive!

My family (I was living there) denied the problem and never went to a therapist, so after years of Xanax it became a must for the bodie... and there are no positive effects since a looong time ago, only withdrawal effects.

Nowadays I can handle it way better. A few years ago I've been prescribed with Pregabalina which *in some cases* helps me to reduce the withdrawal symptoms and stop the benzo.
Please anybody who read this: don't harm yourself, and take only what your doctor tells you. I've seen it, no 2 bodies are the same!

Anyway, keeping a job was terrible like you said, but I feel things are going to improve. Today I'll restart the University and in September I'll move into my own little apartment, and then I will accept a fulltime work (I have too many requests),
But I want and need to feel ok first.

I know I may have to take medication all my life, but I want to improve my day to day life standard. We all deserve that.


Then in the early 2000's I worked with a very competent therapist who was able to help me recognize the truth about my childhood as well as to open up and grieve about the damage done.

That encourages me to try harder to find a good one. One who understands Complex Abuse. I'm very glad for you, and that statement alone gave me more faith that I will find one.
Good luck on your journey and on finding the support you need.

Thank you!! I know you mean it!

Let's enjoy life, thanks for sharing your story...
We're all in this together.

P.S.: I'm not from the States, but trust me, this happens everywhere in the same way, it's like a modus operandi written in stone, isn't it?
We can.

Introductory Post / Re: Hello! Another fellow with CPTSD :S
« on: August 13, 2018, 02:57:50 PM »
Hello BeHea1thy,

First of all, thank you to all of you, I'll reply personally later.
As I'm currently trying to literally "escape" from the stuck situation that I'm in (once more).


I'm glad that you see support in terms of talking, laughing and sharing. We do that too! Parts of the forum are dedicated exclusively to non-trauma experiences and the regular "stuff" of living.

Yes, it I may sound fun and too optimistic, it's because because in the moment I wrote that I was getting huge news about a place where I can live... *breathe* , and be able to recover and focus on jobs, study (I need to constantly adapt because software is evolving at such a fast rate) to work in peace (where I am I can even have 15 minutes of peace, and I really miss that feeling). And can't study, nor do the work I used to do, or have friends...
So, there was momentum and that gave me courage to share with peers. And I was happy to see there're peers here where we can support each other.

Oh, and I didn't want to make a "drama" impression in my very first post, because that's not who I really am... that's what my family do and I don't want to imitate them. This problem is extremely serious for me, and complex (no pun intended) at this very moment. I'll try to be always sensitive where I post and what I post with trigger warnings and respect. It's something automatic since one can see each other even if they are in different situations... but abuse is abuse always. And we can feel the pain.

This post was written after a huge "a-ha" moment months ago. It may seem fast, but I really need to connect and that gave me the required desired to overcome any barrier. That and because of my therapy, back in 2000s. And the "real", more serious one in 2010, from both sides psychological and psychiatric, sometimes 2 times a week.

I didn't want to suffer any more, and knew there was an advance both in science and knowledge on this kind of topics (cognitive therapy for example), so that gave me enthusiasm... although I don't feel my therapists really "get it". Of course, I will continue with both approaches but I may switch to a more specialized professionals.  This peer-to-peer forum, and the books I read are simply a must.

The situation is complex, I'm stuck in my dysfunctional family, living with both perpetrators. It's amazing how they can follow you wherever you go, work, friends, lovers and they even try to contact my therapist (which can't say anything about me but it feels uncomfortable nevertheless).

My little room is my inner sanctum, but they've hidden the key. Thankfully I've got it back, but the peace I felt once in life, is still missing.

Sorry for the long post, I'll try to make them better and approachable.

Thank you for the warm welcome!
SunnyDays (glad you like the name :) )

Music / A bittersweet, and will giving song about we all.
« on: August 13, 2018, 12:40:32 AM »
It's been a very short time when I realized what was really going on (I went thru many philosophies and information for decades), but now I can sing happier than ever before this song:

Live, modern version

Original version (both are good)


    As you may already know, "they" are very very very privacy invaders. And in this digital age, it's so easy to hire someone or do it yourself for them to know almost everything about you. I'd like (if you want) to teach about security, that's my field (for free since I want to share all my discoveries and this is my fields). Is there anyone interested?


*triggers warning*

Me too. Unfortunately, there was a time when this was perceived at """"normal""". But even back then, a few decades ago, to be a target of abuse on this topic.... every single night (like my case) was certainly one of the causes of panic attacks back in the 2000s and now generalized anxiety (and fear too though I've overcome it a bit). I took this serious when I perceive that something like that is happening I can be almost sure that there are worst things to come. (I was attempted to be strangled by my mother, at 18, one day after work because I was tired).


Introductory Post / Hello! Another fellow with CPTSD :S
« on: August 11, 2018, 01:30:25 AM »

    I'm "Sunny", and new here (as you may already guess :) ).

     And finally, finally, this year, I became familiar with this problem... *relief*
     I was finally able to understand it just about 2 months ago.

Thanks to many persons that went thru quite similar problems I was able to understand things like my panic attacks (way back in the 2000s) and my general current general anxiety. I've bought From Surviving to Thriving, and What's wrong with you Dad? And I've seen *tons* of selected videos. Along with a deep introspection (a sincere one).

     I'm being always monitored by a counsellor (for years and years) it is a need. But, is hard to explain the issue to them, or they don't *really* get it. So I'm considering switching to a more specialized place. (PTSD, neuroscience-oriented places)
     Being able to *know* that I was a target of abuse...and I currently struggle with Complex Post Traumatic Syndrome is such a relief, there's hope for a better future. Because anxiety + some medicines (as a consequence) is crippling. And can't sustain a job, even when I'm capable. So I want to turn the tide for good. I have no friends (you know real friends), I've been married for 15 years until 2010... I thought things will get better but no, I was in my mother's house (yes, I still quite a bit feel shame too having 41 years old!) along with my grandmother (81).

- In my case, CPTSD generated a lot of problems, being the most evident anxiety and fear. (Thankfully years ago I was able to ''''handle''' a bit the guilt.

Anyway, I was wrongly prescribed by a familiar at in my 20s with a typical benzodiazepine, and now I'm struggling to drop it (in a healthy and monitored way by a physician).

I just need a human touch (talk, laugh, share) and a job that so I can leave alone and start the recovery. I'm still here, feeling stuck, but deep down I know I'm not.

Thanks for reading this story! I hope I was clear.

Oh! My apologies if my English is not good enough, or rusty :S

Pages: 1 [2]