Messages

Thank you for the  's - Jdog and others

Three Roses, I started reading his work a few years back — never finished it. Now is a good time to get back to it — EF management is what I need! Thanks for the lead!

Woodsgnome, yes! A good T does make a difference — I feel it already. I have come to realise that thriving happens in small instances, at least for now,  today I am getting to the beach before the sun goes down and its a new spot —- less people and quiet. I dont always stop in the midst of it to recognize the work done, thank you for the cheer!

Last week I met twice with a new T, number six. I think its a good fit.

Up until now, I was losing energy and perspective on my situation - negative thoughts were creeping in and my body was telling me to slow down, to sleep. I needed a good therapist.

T number six:

She is quick: asks good questions notices how I feel and makes accommodations in the space - she responds with meaning behind her action - she has thrown away the book and is taking me as I am. I am letting her do ‘her’ thing because I trust her; she has shown me a little bit of what she is capable of: mind body connection, CBT, holistic assessment (all approaches I respond well too)

The priority is to help me to develop coping strategies (thick skin) for living in a polarized city (nine months in a new city) caught in an imbalance of power that plays out through death, violence, hate, indifference, joy, content, mysticism, and pleasure. I live among civil strife. The nature of my work exposes me to these imbalances. I take care to manage a low risk factor. I am unable to leave the city till my finances clear. In the meantime I engage in work that supports my interests: noting the lifestyles people make and their stories.

The issue and how I deal:

I experience flashbacks daily that take emotional energy to work through - this takes energy away from my forward direction. I am balancing a few major changes in: finances, family, with a love, and in a career direction. Self care comes first and with that I choose my level of interaction of and between these life changes; this comes down to how I am with the people I come across everyday. Living in a ‘charged’ city requires a bit of calm, mindfulness, and care for myself and others. Throughout the day I make time for me — that comes through mindfulness body work whether its 20 minutes or three hours. I love it when I get three hours of body work in, it helps to manage the stress.

I confide in a family member and a close friend for support and its reciprocal. The work I am putting into my close relationships is starting to take shape.  I respect the people in my life and with that their schedules and needs.

Overall I am feeling better after a week of therapy, body work, and visiting OOTS.  I have read stories from a few new members and checked out the cPTSD thread for childhood trauma. I continue to struggle with freeze and flight response, in fact it is blocking me creatively at times, not with writing, but with drawing (main reason why I am with T#6)

Any thoughts on the matter are appreciated - thanks for listening.
If you don’t know how to respond, a group hug will do just fine.

Welcome

I am so glad you posted this.   

You are trusting us, with your struggle — you are not alone. My family is especially ripe with BPD and NPD, including one of my parents. Its HARD when someone you love looks at you like a stranger and doesnt believe anything you say —-  crazy pain!!!, until it isn’t, acceptance wins.  I am so sorry you are going through this. In my FOO, I take a step back, still being myself but from a distance — thats how I work through the craziness (not expecting anyone to listen, till they do) yay for breakthroughs!

three roses wrote about calling out on unhealthy behavior —- you are doing it!

You wrote that you feel better.  

When I feel lost, I do what I know: go heavy with a self care routine and reachout to a trusted few (you are doing all of this - on your own terms YES!) its ok to feel lost, its a beginning.

Every time you push beyond your comfort zone may the growth achieved give you calm and strength to keep going

Hello timetakesmymind,

I am glad you found some calm here. Welcome.

I don’t know what its like to be in your shoes — yet I have gone through NC with a family member. It felt emotionally confusing in the beginning, I let go of the thoughts and trusted the actions — after some time  I became aware of my thoughts (the narrative) about our relationship and I let it go. Instead I focused on the kind of connection I wanted to have (the here and now), questioned (in my mind) if it was possible, and when I was ready, I acted on the decision (clear boundaries in place). Just making the decision was a relief.

I feel irrational fears of abandonment from a partner, too; the feelings come and go. Noticing the feelings helps, it is personal and has nothing to do with my partner — I take care until it goes.

sending positive thoughts your way

Thank you for your hello’s! 

I try to be clear in my writing, especially when there is vulnerability and emotion involved. It takes time for me to write — yet it’s well worth it. There is connection through vulnerability, it feels scary at first, but I know its going to be ok.  It does work well.

See you in the forum.

Aloha.

I am happy to be here.

About six years ago I realized I had symptoms of cPTSD not PTSD. I made this connection after relocating to a new city, starting a new job, making a new home, eating well, getting good exercise, and  standing (falling) in love. Everything I was doing was right but inside I was an emotional rollercoaster, crying almost everyday (happy and sad tears). I didn’t understand — I had been through years of therapy, self reflection, and  journaling: I was committed to living the best life possible. I was off medication for depression for over fifteen years - why now?

I was triggered and the trauma is complex.

Back then, I found support through a women’s clinic and an ADHD Forum as I was working through a diagnosis — I did not consider joining the PTSD Forum. I cant remember why, it was possibly too much to handle at the time.

Now, I find myself in a new city and the triggers are constant. I knew this would happen when I returned to a city close to my FOO. I am at the point of needing help —- this is what brings me to you all. I am grateful OOTS exists and I am committed to working through my recovery with you all.

I dont feel the need to go into my past history at this time — I will save if for a good discussion, in context to one another’s struggle. I believe in our human capacity to love and in that comes change. Every contribution I make whether passive or active is a step through my recovery which connects me to you. I am appreciative to be in your presence; for your stories and the courage it takes to show up.