Messages

Time out, well deserved.

Ummm, hey Wattlebird,

The crying thing. The public expression of emotion. Or rather not.

I still don't understand this. I really don't understand how other people can emote but I cannot.

I am feeling the same things but my public persona cannot allow it.

It feels good to at least let it all out.

Yes, here is a good place to do that. And that change in your feelings can give a new view on what is troubling you.

Enjoy your vacation.

I hope you will have some happy memories to share with us on your return.

This problem.

I can only reapond as per my experiences. I have had the opportunity to meet a psychiatrist who shared with me his insights. He said whilst most people see emotions as a rainbow of 6-7 colours, I could see 10+. And I could also see them before the person themselves understood that was what they are feeling.

It is a "symptom" of the abuse that we have suffered. We have learned to interpret certain actions, expressions, tones of voice. We are sensitive and interpretive beyond any measure.

Right down to the other individuals involved ready to deny their true experiences.

I've been away for ten days doing a housesit. Something happened between therapy and self work while I was up there so that for the last 3 or so days my alcohol consumption has dropped by 25%.

But then back home this morning and my partner and I have had several miscommunications so
I am struggling to keep it together. Well I was, then he noticed I was upset. I had a little cry and he totally misunderstood me again. I finally got my message through and he agreed he needs to take this back to work on with his therapist.

We might (as in the members of this board) think we a mental cot case, but as many know those around as are far from perfect too. If only they could see that and do some work on themselves.

Hmmm, that helped. I feel more positive now. I do have a partner who accepts and has acted upon the need for therapy for himself so that our relationship functions better.

I think you will find yourself understood here.

I can seriously recommend Pete Walkers book CPTSD from surviving to thriving.

Alliemat,

I understand your comments re power and bullying.

I also know there are a significant number of people who do not believe in that model, but because of the toxic culture that is the norm they keep themselves well hidden.

As someone on the outside I am just bewildered and aghast. The unbelievable is real? No!

Hi Three Roses,

Away from everyone and disappear. Wouldn't that be nice.

A place where there is no-one to trigger or hurt you, no-one to judge you.

Bliss indeed.

I cant send petrol, but I am sending my thoughts of bliss your way.

I know the totally overwhelmed and unable to begin to even explain it.

Fortunately I had already met a good therapist who I could reconnect with and begin the journey I am still on.

Hi, unfortunately I have no tips but just wanted to say that I get this too, I wake up throughout the night feeling like I'm choking and can't swallow, have to have a large glass of water with me to ground myself, I also get nightmares that stay with me all day and I regularly have to stop and think was that my nightmare or did it really happen, it's horrible and I understand how you must be feeling.

Forgive me for wondering, in my case the middle of the night choking was massive acid reflux up my oesophagus then spilling into my lungs. Could be worth checking in with your doctor.

I am reflecting more on my session today with my T.

My partner has long called me the Pied Piper when it comes to children.

I have over the years made many frightened and suspicious children feel at ease and ready to cooperate with me.

I need to learn to do this with my inner child.

So here I am.

Dishevelled according to my inner critic. I have not shaved for eight days (that was a struggle to resist). I am wearing a t-shirt underneath a collared shirt that is unironed, unbuttoned and untucked!

I also accidentally ran late due to unexpected traffic. I am normally ten minutes early for every appointment. I managed to not chastise myself. I walked calmly from where I parked my car (300m/yd). And my anxiety levels only reach moderate.

It was a good appointment. We checked over my appetite issues and reflected on my childhood experiences. We explored a number of themes around supporting and parenting my inner child.

Hey thetruth,

I am 50, it all fell apart for me 18mths ago.

I agree reading some of other peoples lives as revealed here is truly horrifying. I can be grateful that my childhood wasn't as horrific. Fortunately no-one here seems to hold that against me and there is no competition.

We are all survivors sharing and learning and healing.

Wattlebird,