Messages

Wow!  Congratulations!!!    You are going to be able to help so many people. 

This thread is so heartbreaking.  That's a terrible thing to do to a child.  I still have  my doll my grandma made for me and would have been so sad if they had been given away. 

Libby183, that is horrible that your mom was jealous of you for not being overweight.  You so often hear of parents being critical of their children for being overweight but not the other way around.

It really is interesting how past trauma can affect your eating habits.  I notice that my dad has the same weight loss patterns I do.   

Oh and just came back on to note, many youtube gurus would say that you are not a "depressed person", but a person who is just having depressed feelings at the moment.  A meaningful distinction.

First time on this thread!  I have been a yo-yo dieter my whole adult life and I never considered before that my  eating issues might be C-PTSD related.  Of course, my pop still makes it his job to monitor my weight and what I eat.  He is one of those that believes he is entitled to tell me when I am gaining weight and when I need to lose.  It's like he thinks I don't notice that I've gained weight and that I don't know that being too overweight can be unhealthy.  :/

When I am not following a diet, I use food to fill the void that is inside me.  It feels like I am not really alive until I eat food.  Eating gives me something to look forward too.  I never thought of myself as an emotional eater before, because when I'm really upset I tend not to eat.   

When I am on a diet, I am super regimented and tend to exercise a lot.  I lose weight quickly, and the thrill of seeing the weight come off replaces the joy I get when I eat delicious, unhealthy food.    I get positive attention from my father and others, and that produces a kind of high too.

It seems there is never a happy medium for me.  Is this a C-PTSD thing or is this just an everybody thing?   

Very interesting discussion.  The distinction that hypervigilance is based on reason and paranoia out of delusion makes a lot of sense.   Hypervigilance is a good thing when you are constantly under threat and not so much when you are not.  For me the trouble is distinguishing between dangerous and harmless situations.

  It's so hard when you've experienced abuse to realize that people love you and want to help you. 

Oh my, that email was certainly a lot to process plantsandworms!  I have not had any personal experience with anything like this, but I'd think the sentiments your mother expressed in her email were genuine.  She does love you in the way that she knows how and probably has been deeply affected by you going no contact.  I'm not as optimistic on whether she will be able to change though.  Unless she's undergone therapy or something, I think she will not be able to change even if she wanted to.  But I can only imagine that getting her email makes you want to give her a chance and I can't blame you.  Maybe you could continue it on a lower level where she can't hurt you or something.  I'll be interested in what your therapist thinks! 

Would addictions to things other than substances count?  Growing up, I was very isolated and sheltered and did not have access to alcohol or drugs, but I tend to have trouble with spending, food, internet and gaming.

Just want to say I love what everyone has told you on this thread.      Good luck!! 

I agree with what so many have said here.  I also think it is a C-PTSD related post.  What your OH's comment says to me is that he doesn't care how you feel and doesn't believe you are entitled to have an opinion or that he doesn't feel it is worth much.  My father says things like this to me know even though I am a middle-aged woman.  I think C-PTSD makes has made it harder for me to recognize that it is a statement I have a right to be offended by.

When people throw out comments like that, it makes me feel like I am stupid and childish and should just keep my mouth shut.  That may not be their intent, but if it's making you feel that way, it can't hurt to let them know.  You are giving him useful info that he seems to be completely discounting.  Or maybe he needs to come back and explain more what he means by "It's not all about you".  Does he know something about the situation that you don't?  Does he think you're wrong about a certain point?       

Rainagain, it is very interesting to me that you describe your response to that jerk as somehow weird or undesirable.  I've read and reread your post a few times and to me it seems that your willingness to stand up to bullies and not be cowered by aggressive people is an incredibly admirable trait.  It is not "normal", but in a very good way.  I tend to be very submissive and I can't tell you how much I wish I could be that person that could stand up to bullies. 

I can kind of see how you're concerned if you feel you are not recognizing how risky  some actions are, but in general, I don't think this is a trait you should completely try to squash.  The world needs people like you.  Maybe it is C-PTSD related, but I don't think it is necessarily bad.  Just like I think my overly submissive and fawning nature makes me better at seeing other people's point of view and negotiating win-win outcomes.  I might need to tamp down on it for my own good, but it's not something to be ashamed of. 

LIttleBirdy, yes I struggle with negative emotions too.  I loved how you phrased it--that negative emotions are trying to tell us something.  I'm at the point too where I'm learning to recognize my emotions, but now my struggle is figuring out what to do with them.  The negative emotions seem to be all powerful and all consuming.

Also, this part you wrote "so I've been thinking 10 years ahead and I'm aware most don't do that."  It's mind blowing to me to think that most people don't do this.  I'm always thinking ahead to all possible negative outcomes, busy thinking of solutions to problems that in all likelihood will never come into being. 

Hugs to everyone who struggled to make it through this Christmas.     

Wow that is definitely a lot to take in after all these years.  I'm so glad you had the courage to call your uncle.  I am so intrigued by your account.    Are you going to try to build a relationship with your uncle going forward?   What is your relationship with your father like now?