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Messages - zeekoctane

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General Discussion / At a loss
« on: June 16, 2019, 09:15:04 PM »
I don't know where to start. It has been a long week (or life) and I am looking for ideas or help. My CPTSD is a result of coming from a single parent home with the only parent having BPD. It was very difficult and still is. My mom died about 9 years ago and I thought it would get easier because she wasn't breathing down my neck, but it has not. The plot thickens because my husband of 23ish years does not think CPTSD is real and I should just get over it because every one has a rough childhood. He has continued to blame me for all of his life problems because somehow I created them. I am, apparently the reason for all of his life struggles. For the past 3 years, he has been on many very heavy hitting medications for an injury and has been increasingly coming down on me for wrecking his life. His mood swings are directly related to the cycle of medication in the day. I feel helpless because I know he acts the way he does primarily because of the medication, but that does not stop the hurt. He has now resorted to lecturing me in the same manner that my mom did for my entire life. In a nut shell, he is my trigger and my mom now. I have been in therapy to try and resolve childhood issues but it has become complicated with his "new" role.
Any ideas would be appreciated.

General Discussion / Re: brainspotting
« on: April 27, 2019, 12:50:54 PM »
Thank you. I have done the brain spotting but find I now continually stare at the spot. We are moving on to this new thing, but I cannot find and information on it.

General Discussion / Re: Becoming a Theacher with CPTSD?
« on: April 26, 2019, 10:09:39 PM »
I do not know your entire story but can relate. I have always wanted to teach but was afraid of my emotional state. 2 years ago I decided I needed to do it for me and am now in my last semester of classes. I am both very excited and nervous about student teaching. When I see a troubled youth or read a certain book I have to stop and try and control my emotions. I don't know how it will work but I must try. I must succeed. For myself. For my family. I am trying to take control instead of it controlling me.

General Discussion / Re: Trauma Holds Onto US
« on: April 26, 2019, 10:03:51 PM »
That is a profound statement that holds true for me as well. My family keeps telling me to let it go, which I think I have, but I find it consumes me and thus controls me. Thank you for finding this.

General Discussion / brainspotting
« on: April 26, 2019, 10:00:11 PM »
Has anyone had success with using the brainspotting therapy? There is now a new alternate to that which I am looking for information on. The new method uses an item that gives you a positive feeling so when you are in the negative spot, you can learn to go to the positive spots feelings. I have been unable to find literature on this. It sounds promising to me but I need to know more.

Introductory Post / Re: Sister disagrees about our FOO neglect & abuse
« on: March 11, 2019, 05:20:16 PM »
It get complicated with family. Each child has their own perspective of events growing up. Each child remembers their own version. My siblings and I were all treated very differently and that creates a bigger variance in memories. I have not been here very long but every one this forum seem to be very caring. I wish you the best.

Introductory Post / Re: nervous
« on: March 11, 2019, 05:10:04 PM »
Thank you all very much.

Introductory Post / Re: nervous
« on: March 08, 2019, 10:15:24 PM »
Thanks for replying. How does this work? I have never been on a forum. Can I just jump into a conversation somewhere that I find helpful to me? Or do I need to stay on my own?

Introductory Post / nervous
« on: March 08, 2019, 08:06:38 PM »
I have been to this place a few times but have not had the courage to join. I have known about my cptsd for about 10 years now. I have gone the various therapies, including emdr and brainspotting, but have not had any resolution. I am at a wall in my life and need to find a way over it. I personally do not know anyone else who understands what my daily life struggles are and am hoping I find support here.

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