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I've been thinking, and I can tell you what helps me in case it's of use. If it doesn't sound helpful or doesn't feel right for you, please ignore.

When I need to talk to or comfort a part, I close my eyes and imagine that I'm walking up a gravel path to a gate. I try and make it as realistic as possible, so I hear and feel the gravel under my feet, feel the warmth of the sun on my skin etc. I then open the gate, walk through it, and close the gate again.

On the other side of the gate, there's a special place. This can be a meadow, a beach, a wood, whatever feels safe and works best for you. Within this place, I ask to see the part I want to talk to or comfort. The part either appears, or I walk along and find her. As the part appears separate from me, I can listen to her, hold her, wrap her in a blanket, tell her I love her etc. Anything that's needed.

When I've finished, I go back through the gate, close it behind me, and walk back along the gravel path.

Please ignore all of this if it doesn't feel appropriate for you. I'm really just saying what helps me in case it gives you a way of comforting SE.

Sending love and hugs to you, Middle B and SE.

 

I don't think I can express it any better than notalone. I believe you and I believe the children.

It's just a thought, but if Middle B is used to dealing with SE, could you perhaps ask her how she thinks you could help SE?  Could you try wrapping SE in a soft blanket?

Sending love and hugs.

Thanks San.

I agree, anger was completely appropriate. A boundary was definitely crossed.

I think the main challenge was that the really angry part was ready to go , even if it meant me losing work, money and saying goodbye to an area of work that's important to me. It was also making me feel very stressed. The situation needed my Self to handle it in a proportionate way, and I needed to convince the part that I could and would do that.

Another journey this afternoon to check up on the 5, 6, 8, 11 and 15 year olds. The 15 year old was a bit anxious about Christmas and whether I would see HB at any point. I reassured her that I wouldn't, she was safe, and she was then OK again. All the other retrieved exile parts are happy as well.

I checked in with the 5, 6, 8, 11 and 15 year olds this afternoon. All doing well.

I've not actively done any work on this yet, but I suspect there's another exiled teenage part that's about 18, along with protector parts. I need to go back to the IFS book and re-read the sections that mention putting an exile part in a waiting room (the Room technique). Doing this removes the exile from their painful situation, and gives them a place to wait until you're ready to help them. It also contains the part so they don't overwhelm.

Hi JRose, pleased to meet you.

Thanks Sceal.

The past 18 hours have been a little challenging, but I'm OK now.

Last night I received an email from someone I'm currently working with. The email was patronising, bossy, and said things that were plain wrong. I felt angry . I realised that the anger came from a part. I was able to unblend from it, but the part was quite stubborn, and kept wanting to blend back with me.

This morning I was unblended from the part, and came up with a strategy for dealing with the person who sent the email. Stage 1 implemented.

This afternoon I journeyed to check up on the parts I've previously been dealing with. They are all OK.

Before I finished, I decided to speak to the part that was angry. I asked it what its role is, and it said it needed to defend me by getting angry. I thanked it for protecting me in that way, and I apologised for always pushing it away. The part was surprised. I agreed to stop pushing it down, and listen to it if there was something it needed to tell me. In return, the part must stop overwhelming me. The part agreed.

After the journey I felt calm. I still do. I even feel compassion towards the person who sent the email.

I need to come back to this part at some point and find out if there are any other parts involved. There might be an opposing part that keeps pushing it down [looks inward: yes, I think there is]. I also need to find out if it's protecting an exile part. I don't want to do this just yet though due to the number of retrieved parts I'm currently juggling.

So all is still good.

It sounds as though it was rough, but well done for getting through it. Well done for speaking up. Well done for telling her what you need. Well done for telling her what you don't need.

I hope you get lots of rest. Thinking of you, and sending you love, hugs and support.

Just wanted to say hello . I hope your sleep patterns are settling down.

Thinking of you, Deep Blue.

All still good after yesterday.

On today's journey, the 5 year old was eating honey with the bear, the 6 year old was playing with butterflies, the 8 year old was fishing, and the 11 year old has decided to leave the library and go exploring. All are well.

The 15 year old is peaceful and content. She's happy in the rocking chair, watching the world go by with the pine marten. She didn't have anything else for me to witness today, and nothing to unburden.

All the protector parts I've been dealing with seem to have wandered off.

We're all here, and we've got your back.

Fingers crossed for today, San.

I don't see you as being selfish in any way at all. I see it as you recognising your limits, and self-care. Both good things.

Never feeling safe can be very tiring. I know that feeling, and about feeling exposed if you open up emotionally.

Despite all this I am allowing some small space for feelings. I'm going to nurture that small place until it grows into something more durable. I'm done killing the only thing inside that lives, that thing being hope. If I have any at all I'm going to take care of it and make sure it is there for me and any other special people in my life that I choose to share it with. I won't hold myself to account for things that were done to me.

^^ I love this.