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Messages - Snowdrop

#1396
Recovery Journals / Re: Snowdrop's journal
September 24, 2019, 07:31:41 AM
Feeling upset this morning. It's hard for me to say much, but it relates to past patterns of over-responsibility. I mentioned that on Friday a friend made me feel triggered. He said things that made me feel he only thought I was there for his benefit and to fix him. And I'm not. A couple of other things have also tapped into this same feeling.

It's probably coming up this morning because yesterday I did some releasing work over patterns of over-responsibility. When I work on releasing something, other things can surface that also need to be released. It will pass, but I'm currently finding it a bit upsetting.
#1397
Recovery Journals / Re: E's Emotions and Experiences
September 24, 2019, 07:11:31 AM
Nice to see you, E. I'm sorry you've been feeling sad. Here is a picture of you on a cloud. :cloud9:
#1398
Family / Re: Is my behaviour inappropriate?
September 24, 2019, 06:56:47 AM
A non-apology with an undercurrent of blame.

I'm not great in these kinds of situations, but I wonder if responding to the non-apology would drawn you in more.

I'm sorry you're going through this.
#1399
Sexual Abuse / Re: **TW**
September 24, 2019, 02:43:15 AM
Earlier today Hope posted notes on an online trauma conference session she attended. The session was on sexual trauma. Here's an excerpt:
Quote
The body is biologically programmed to respond.  Therefore tremendous confusion.  Confused by reactions.  'You like this' 'You wanted this'  Self-blame and shame and self-hatred and self destructive and demeaning behaviours can occur.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. It's a normal reaction.
#1400
Recovery Journals / Re: Tee's first journal
September 24, 2019, 02:19:42 AM
An A? Hooray! :cheer:
#1401
I'm glad you feel better, Hope. I can imagine that the conference sessions have stirred things up. Taking care of yourself sounds like a very good idea. :hug:
#1402
Hope, your notes are brilliant. Thank you so much. :hug:
#1403
Recovery Journals / Re: Snowdrop's journal
September 23, 2019, 06:40:45 PM
A lot of pattern releasing this afternoon.

I started off by releasing shame, and I forgave myself for things I felt guilty about. I found it helpful to involve my inner child, as I could look in her eyes and tell her that I forgave her and I loved her. I genuinely felt easier in myself after doing this.

I then worked on patterns of over-responsibility. I gave back anything I'd been caretaking, and did some more cord cutting to change the dynamics of some of my interactions with people. I felt more at ease after doing this, and more secure in myself.

Finally I worked on reclaiming my power and strengthening my emotional centre.

I've been reading Hope's notes on the trauma summit, and I think I need to do more research on IFS therapy (Internal Family Systems). Aspects of it remind me of the shamanic approach to trauma, with exiles corresponding to soul parts. I have a strong hunch that learning more about IFS would help with my trauma-related journeying.
#1404
Recovery Journals / Re: ch. 6 - beyond the past
September 23, 2019, 02:57:48 PM
I hope you feel better soon, San. :hug:
#1405
Recovery Journals / Re: Starting my journal
September 23, 2019, 07:16:40 AM
 :hug:
#1406
Recovery Journals / Re: Snowdrop's journal
September 22, 2019, 02:43:49 PM
Thank you for the support, Blueberry and SaB. :grouphug:

I've been a bit out of sorts for a couple of days. On Friday a friend tried to cross one of my boundaries by saying something that made me feel uncomfortable and a bit triggered. I didn't completely freeze though, I could still think, and I pushed back. I've been feeling a bit edgy about it though, and let down and angry that my friend thought it was OK. Part of me wonders if I pushed back in too subtle a way. If I learn that this is the case, I will reiterate where my boundaries and be very unsubtle about it. I deserve better.

I journeyed again this afternoon because I thought I could use the experience to grow and heal. I started by using my anger to push anything out of my system that didn't belong there and re-establish my boundaries. I then went to a house of healing where I removed some cords that I felt didn't belong. My archetypal parents gave me nurturing and helped to reinforce my boundaries. Finally, I stood in a pool of multicoloured light, which helped to rebalance my system and even everything out. After leaving the house of healing I reiterated my intentions about my boundaries: I won't allow them to be crossed, and I deserve better.

I'm feeling much better after the journey.
#1407
General Discussion / Re: Tumble dried
September 22, 2019, 07:35:27 AM
I think if you need to blame anything, blame the alcohol. You are in no way responsible for her death. Please listen to your family friend, as she has a lot more perspective on the situation than most.

Sending you support. :hug:
#1408
Recovery Journals / Re: Starting my journal
September 21, 2019, 10:23:45 AM
It's worth looking at the information here, as it may set your mind at rest, or prompt questions you can ask of the therapist:
https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=106.0
#1409
Recovery Journals / Re: Starting my journal
September 20, 2019, 04:19:56 PM
It's worth looking at the UK resources here too:

https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=266.0
#1410
Recovery Journals / Re: Starting my journal
September 20, 2019, 03:58:13 PM
I hear you. I was told that I wasn't eligible for NHS help as I would need longer-term support. It's shocking.

It could be worth speaking to Mind. Some charitable/voluntary organisations offer therapies for free or at a reduced cost, and Mind may be able to suggest who to contact. A lot depends on where you live though.

I hope you feel better soon. Here's a virtual cup of hot lemon and honey ☕.