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Messages - Snowdrop

#31
Recovery Journals / Re: Snowdrop's new journal
January 22, 2023, 09:15:10 AM
San, Not Alone and Rainy: thank you for your care and support. I value it and appreciate you being there. :grouphug:

=====

There's part of Chapter 21: Common Comorbidities that deeply resonates. Parts are practically pointing at it and saying "look!" so I'm pasting it below to help them feel heard and witnessed. While the details are different (I didn't have a heart attack and I wasn't a partner), it reminds me of the circumstances under which I left my employment. Reading it brought tears to my eyes because I recognise that parts are still carrying some of their heartbreak for similar reasons. I think I can use this knowledge to help those parts heal.

I recently worked with a client named Antonio who was recovering from a heart attack. Here is a sample of the dialogue we shared:

"Antonio, I wonder if you're open to listening to your parts about your recent heart attack," I said.

"What do you mean? Do you think I caused it or something?"

"No, I'm not saying that at all. I think that there's a strong mind-body connection, and perhaps your parts might be able to help us understand if there's any connection between what they're carrying and your physical symptoms."

"I guess so," Antonio said. "Just ask if any of your parts knows anything about your heart attack."

"This is fascinating," Antonio said with his eyes closed. "I would have never guessed this in a million years. What I'm hearing is that there is a connection to my job: 'You've worked so hard for so many years to become a partner at that firm. You gave them everything—long days and many nights and weekends away from the family. You busted your butt for them, and now this new management team is treating you like crap.' What they are telling me is true. I feel like I have no power anymore. My parts are saying that they're brokenhearted."

"Wow, that makes so much sense to me, Antonio," I responded. "Let them know that we're hearing this."

"Oh, you bet I will. I had no idea that this was going on inside," Antonio said, who then paused a moment. "They say it's 50-50. They say I'm not eating clean and not nearly exercising enough—that half of this is medical and the other 50 percent is about their heartbreak."

"Let them know you're really getting all of this, Antonio."

"You know what? This is an echo of my childhood. I worked so hard as a kid too, trying to get my parents to see me and love me, and it never worked. They were always too busy with one thing or another. They never seemed to have the time to care about me. Now I feel like it's happening all over again at work."

"Let your parts know that there's a way we can help them with the feelings they're carrying about your childhood and that it most likely will help you better manage the current problems at work. Are they interested in that?"

"Yes, definitely. They're so happy we asked them about all of this. They said I wasn't caring about them, in the same way that my employer and parents didn't care about me."

"All of these layers and connections make a lot of sense, Antonio. What do you want to say to them about that?"

"I'm not going to repeat this pattern. The buck stops here," he said with conviction.
#32
Recovery Journals / Re: Not Alone: 2022
January 22, 2023, 06:38:01 AM
That sounds so hard, Not Alone. I get how distressing it must be. Is there anything you can do to bring comfort to yourself? I have a soft, comforting blanket to put around your shoulders, and some new tea for you to try if that would help.

This is just a suggestion, but when things get too much for me, I find Bach Rescue Remedy helps. I either put four drops in a cup of tea and sip it, or put them on my tongue. I find it helps lift the distress so that I can cope better. Just a thought.

:grouphug:
#33
Recovery Journals / Re: Rainy Journey 23
January 22, 2023, 06:23:41 AM
The procedure and the staff responses sound unnerving and stressful. I hope you have a good sleep and your back's less sore when you wake up. Sending you a very gentle hug. :hug:
#34
Recovery Journals / Re: Not Alone: 2022
January 21, 2023, 05:04:22 PM
I can see why it was triggering with the other doctor. You definitely did the right thing going to see a new one. I'm glad it went so well, and you were treated with kindness and respect. :hug:
#35
Recovery Journals / Re: Snowdrop's new journal
January 21, 2023, 01:33:06 PM
All going well. There's a feeling of space, lightness and looking forward. Also genuine enthusiasm for my work. I was about to say it's like getting back a part of me I thought I'd lost, but that's the reality of what it is.

I'm aware of a related part from the same system, and I've started to work with her.

The Transcending Trauma book is excellent. I'm about halfway through, and it resonates with me so much. There are lots of things I can put into practice, and as I read, I can feel reactive protector parts soften. They feel heard and validated.

I like that the book is very much focused on complex trauma. I find it adds to and builds on the Internal Family Systems Therapy book by Richard Schwartz.
#36
Recovery Journals / Re: Starting my journal
January 21, 2023, 10:07:20 AM
This sounds really positive. Well done for listening to and figuring out what the depression was trying to tell you. It's great news about the consultant as well. I'm delighted for you. :hug:
#37
Family / Re: Confronting FOO
January 21, 2023, 06:18:18 AM
An inspiration indeed! You're doing so well with this. I'm glad your choir members could see how well you're doing and gave you encouragement. Go Blueberry! :cheer:
#38
Recovery Journals / Re: Not Alone: 2022
January 21, 2023, 06:08:32 AM
It sounds like she's reflected on what happened, and her regret is genuine. It also confirms that when you spoke to her, she heard you and took your words on board.

I know how disruptive feeling unsettled can be, so I'm glad you feel settled about it now. :grouphug:
#39
Recovery Journals / Re: Snowdrop's new journal
January 20, 2023, 06:07:04 PM
Everything's still going well. The part who spontaneously unburdened is happy, and all the other parts are accepting.

I've just started reading Transcending Trauma: Healing Complex PTSD with Internal Family Systems by Frank Anderson. It's very good, and I'm finding it helpful. I actually bought the book about a year ago, but I wasn't able to read it while I was ill. I'm glad I'm able to read it now.
#40
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2023
January 19, 2023, 08:35:20 PM
Just wanted to drop by to your new journal and say hello and send you a hug, Hope. :hug:

In your last post, you said:
QuoteI realise this sounds quite narcissistic of me to say this..
Not at all! You are the least narcissistic person I can think of, and what you said is the truth. There's nothing wrong with you saying what you did. :grouphug:
#41
Recovery Journals / Re: Not Alone: 2022
January 19, 2023, 08:18:48 PM
You've got a lot going on, Not Alone. Taking a break from thinking about the work stuff sounds perfectly reasonable, and a kindness to yourself. :grouphug:
#42
Recovery Journals / Re: Snowdrop's new journal
January 19, 2023, 05:31:16 PM
That's OK, San. You probably caught a glimpse of my reply to Rainy at the top of the page, so her name came out your fingers! Love and hugs back :hug:
#43
Recovery Journals / Re: Snowdrop's new journal
January 19, 2023, 04:10:50 PM
Today has gone well. Apart from some polishing, I've finished the work that I found so triggering yesterday, and it was fine. The parts who wanted to take ownership of it are happy. The part who was so activated and spontaneously unburdened yesterday is also happy. She even found the material quite interesting. I wonder if she might decide to have a new role in this general area, but that's up to her.

Now that she's unburdened, I need to check in with the part every day for the next 30 days to make sure she's OK and doesn't pick up the burden again. So far so good.
#44
Recovery Journals / Re: Rainy Journey 23
January 18, 2023, 09:18:24 PM
Oh Rainy, I feel for you. :hug:

Well done for listening to yourself over the training.

The prompt you mention sounds hard. I wonder if it might be something that those of us with cptsd might find hard in general. I'm sure 2 is fine. I wonder if the important thing is the thought you've put into it, and more might surface in time. :hug:
#45
Recovery Journals / Re: Snowdrop's new journal
January 18, 2023, 09:10:23 PM
Thanks San :hug:.

=====

Interesting. I listened to a hypnosis track this afternoon, and part way through a traumatised part spontaneously unburdened.

It was one of the parts affected by the situation I mentioned earlier today. She shared her experiences with me, I heard and witnessed her experiences with compassion, and after she'd finished, I felt the burden leave. It was like releasing a blockage, and I had a feeling of expansion, space and Self immediately afterwards.

I can't remember a part spontaneously unburdening in quite this way before. Normally, I actively approach a system of parts, negotiate with protectors and go through things step-by-step.

I think it happened because of the things I mentioned in my earlier post. I think the part just felt ready to unburden, so she did.

Fascinating.

=====

Update: there's one extra thing to mention in case it's relevant. Earlier today, before listening to the hypnosis track, I did some tapping on releasing anxiety. It was a guided one on the Tapping Solution app, and one I've regularly used before. Maybe the tapping helped the part, which led to her unburdening when I listened to the hypnosis track? It's just a thought. Either way, it's all good.