Messages

I am so jealous of you Woodsgnome,!! i would love to be able to totally retreat into the woods, i have done it as much as poss in middle England but it's not quite the thing!

this conversation is interesting to me because you guys all seem to have flashbacks as kind of discrete events, whereas i live in a constant state of it; i dream almost every nite of the cult i was in, and every day is a struggle with panic, and most of the time i don't even know what i am afraid of, i am just afraid all the time. the only variation is in intensity, depending on whether something specific triggers me off into a biggie.

after a biggie i tend to close down and i get very very tired and low for a few days. exercise helps, just to get myself moving. music is good too, tho not always.  it's being tough at the moment. this is as open as i have been and i hope i don't put anyone off. you guys are v. brave, i think.

thank you for your replies. have been looking round on the forum and it's really hard to read what people say because i so relate to so much of it it actually upsets me a lot. ho hum. maybe i will get used to it but at the moment it sends me into a bit of a panic, so may not be able to write for a while. feels like i am stuck in a permanent state of flashback at present. not nice.

can't believe i am doing this, but hi, all, am doing this as a bit of a last resort because i can't do social interaction at the mo but desperately need some kind of support/network/someone out there who knows what it feels like. Are there any ex-cult survivors out there? also attachment trauma (acc. to therapist) going back to first few years of life. can't write much, too triggering (hate that buzz word but it's the only one that says it). anyone?