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Messages - stillhere

#121
Hi, Vrizzy,

I think a lot of people struggle with validation questions -- that is, were their experiences "really that bad" or did they "qualify" as abusive.  I know I've encountered lots of invalidation from many sources and have learned to keep quiet about my FOO and its violence with all but a few trusted friends.

The problem is partly that we can always find someone who at least appeared to "have it worse."  All you need to do is read the news to find evidence of people suffering all over the world.  As a child of a WWII veteran, I learned that whatever happened in my FOO could never be compared with "real" problems.

That kind of thinking is a dead end (or at least I think it is).  While recognizing other people's difficulties is important, one's own matter too.  What's important is understanding your own needs and reaching for what you want.  That effort doesn't diminish the problems of anyone else.


#122
General Discussion / Re: Talk therapy
August 21, 2015, 01:58:07 AM
Reading this thread, I thought I'd pass along a link to an article I read a few weeks ago:

http://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/component/content/article/485-the-limits-of-talk


It focuses on a leading trauma researcher (Bessel van der Kolk, a psychiatrist) whose work has impressed me.  I have yet to read his new book:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Keeps-Score-Healing/dp/0670785938


But I've been reading much about CPTSD in the past few months, since I came to identify with its explanation.  Pete Walker's book was enormously helpful. 

Van der Kolk's main point is that talk therapy is limited for resolving long-term trauma (pretty much the definition of CPTSD, yes?).  His research shows that trauma leaves imprints in the brain, below the level of consciousness.  So accessing the effects of trauma requires more than talk.  He advocates mind/body work, especially yoga.

All this makes sense to me.  I spent some years in therapy in the late 1980s and was encouraged to dredge up memories of verbal/emotional/physical abuse in an effort to resolve them, somehow.  The process helped me make sense of my experience and helped move me toward going NC with my NM.  And life got better.  But now that she's found new ways to undermine me, the symptoms have returned.  I'm back in therapy, with someone who's encouraging me to explore multiple paths forward.

Curious about the experiences of people here.




#123
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: checking in
August 20, 2015, 10:14:18 PM
Thanks, Woodsgnome.

I, too, am a book/print person and don't participate much online (I'm not on Facebook, for instance).  But over a few days, I've found myself logging on here to see what's been posted.  I've been profoundly impressed with the clarity and empathy in the messages I've read.  Like you, I expected "fluff," and like you, I'd really like a way into more sunshine.

I've found a T who seems right, at at least so far.  I also found Pet Walker's book to be spot on, after stumbling into it about six weeks ago.  The commonalities are something I'd never known.
#124
Please Introduce Yourself Here / checking in
August 20, 2015, 08:51:40 PM
After reading a large segment of the forum, I finally registered.  I'm wary of on-line forums, but the messages here tell familiar stories.  Over the past year or so, I've been thrust back into the symptoms of CPTSD.  I last experienced this kind of storm twenty-five years ago, when the label was very new.  I've been trying to learn about research and treatment developed since then.  Clearly, much has changed.

Questions keep arising for me, so perhaps this community can help.  And I hope to contribute here from time to time.