Hi, Vrizzy,
I think a lot of people struggle with validation questions -- that is, were their experiences "really that bad" or did they "qualify" as abusive. I know I've encountered lots of invalidation from many sources and have learned to keep quiet about my FOO and its violence with all but a few trusted friends.
The problem is partly that we can always find someone who at least appeared to "have it worse." All you need to do is read the news to find evidence of people suffering all over the world. As a child of a WWII veteran, I learned that whatever happened in my FOO could never be compared with "real" problems.
That kind of thinking is a dead end (or at least I think it is). While recognizing other people's difficulties is important, one's own matter too. What's important is understanding your own needs and reaching for what you want. That effort doesn't diminish the problems of anyone else.
I think a lot of people struggle with validation questions -- that is, were their experiences "really that bad" or did they "qualify" as abusive. I know I've encountered lots of invalidation from many sources and have learned to keep quiet about my FOO and its violence with all but a few trusted friends.
The problem is partly that we can always find someone who at least appeared to "have it worse." All you need to do is read the news to find evidence of people suffering all over the world. As a child of a WWII veteran, I learned that whatever happened in my FOO could never be compared with "real" problems.
That kind of thinking is a dead end (or at least I think it is). While recognizing other people's difficulties is important, one's own matter too. What's important is understanding your own needs and reaching for what you want. That effort doesn't diminish the problems of anyone else.