61

Recovery Journals / Re: Sasha is not my real name

« on: November 02, 2019, 04:08:59 AM »

Those two words "depressed" and "drunk" say an awful lot. Hope you get good rest tonight.

...indeed.

Thank you notalone. I put on some relaxing music and made a lovely warming stew, feel tonnes better. I'm fighting off guilt about not going out of the house today by reminding myself that tomorrow I will be walking thousands of steps at work and managing a team of staff 

Sometimes (when I can see straight) I think I'm pretty incredible. Resilient and that.

Super glad that, althought the symptoms are very strong at times, life in general does seem more settled these days. Want to do what I can to find increasing sense of peace and security.

This is the first time I've lived somewhere for more than a year in a long time.

Your post's positivity really radiates with me. I know how hard it can be to fight that guilt. I'm rooting for you and your tomorrow endeavours!

62

Ideas/Tools for Recovery / Re: Three Good Things Today ... Part 5

« on: November 02, 2019, 04:04:49 AM »

I'm still hanging in there keeping myself safe during this prolonged excessively rough patch.

I fed my husband well this week to help with a hard week at work where he had to stay late every night.

I'm corresponding warmly with someone from my past with whom I had a difficult relationship filled with misunderstandings because when we knew each other we were young and neither of us yet understood our trauma-riddled lives.

This all sounds really good, I just want to give you a sincere thumbs up.

For myself...
#1. I'm making an effort to really reconnect with my friend from high school. Today we went shopping together.
#2. Lately I've been especially anxious about the streets and cars, but today I was able to cross roads without thinking about it too much.
#3. I bought a new manga and it's very wholesome.

63

Introductory Post / Re: Hesitant

« on: November 02, 2019, 03:53:30 AM »

I just want to thank all of you for replying.. it really means a lot to me and I can't explain how good it feels to just be heard.
I've never really thought of 'listening to my heart'. I just listen to what my head tells me but... my head is pretty weird. heh
Thanks again.

Regards,
Complex.

64

Medication / Re: Beta blockers and health concerns

« on: November 01, 2019, 11:42:48 AM »

This is an old thread but I can't help myself.
My GP gave me beta blockers as a way to calm my hyper-activeness down with my anxiety. I like to describe them as literal chill pills. They have been very helpful, just to take the edge off things. The thoughts are still present but at least my body stops freaking out.

However after talking to a psychiatrist, he has recommended I stop taking them. Naturally now I seem to be at an impasse.
I think that a lot of doctors are going to have their own opinions about these sorts of meds. But I think one would be wise to follow the rule of having everything in moderation. The best thing about beta blockers is that you can take them as you see fit, and I try to respect that and only take them when I need them.

65

Self-Help & Recovery / Nosy Coworker

« on: November 01, 2019, 09:57:55 AM »

I'm really sorry if this is in the wrong category or not worth discussion.
A year ago I changed my real name to something completely different as a way of distancing myself from my family. I have not regret any part of it and it has been incredibly freeing. Thankfully as well my coworkers adjusted to the new name. When they asked why I changed, I reply with "Cause I didn't like it" as a way to avoid spilling on about the association with my name and past trauma.

But every few weeks this coworker in particular asks me "Have you told your parents yet"? This drives me into a shock every time he says it and I become so angry internally - as to even think of doing such a thing would be against the very notion of my name change. The problem is, every time he asks I either mumble myself out of the topic or just say "No" and then leave as to avoid further discussion.

This is really troubling me now and I don't know how to tell him the truth without being vulnerably open to him. I don't want my coworkers to know about my CPTSD or depression, I fear I will be treated differently then. So what do I say? I try to be honest yet closed off at the same time which then... gets me into situations like this.
Even if there is no advice that anyone can give me, it felt good to rant about this at least.

Regards,
Complex.

66

General Discussion / Re: Video - "The Capacity to Give up on People"

« on: November 01, 2019, 09:45:34 AM »

I like this point, about children automatically thinking that "No one and nothing else could be better". It feels even worse when your parents directly affirm that - shaming you for any wish for change.
The video has also reminded me of a rather toxic friendship I recently did 'walk away from'. I felt terrible for a while but, then you realise how better off you are and it feels freeing. I can give myself a pat on the back for that I guess.

Thanks for sharing.

Regards,
Complex.

67

Introductory Post / Hesitant

« on: November 01, 2019, 09:34:29 AM »

I was diagnosed with CPTSD alongside the obvious depression and anxiety.
I feel I've been stuck in a terrible rut. How does one motivate themselves to do things that will in turn make them more motivated?

I'm hesitant because I fear I'm making up my problems somehow, that I don't have it 'bad enough'. But then again, that's exactly what my parents told me - whom have proven to be less than adequate guardians. Yet I still struggle to know what is truth and who to believe. I've been debating with myself what is best for me. I tried ignoring my CPTSD diagnosis for months, trying to push myself to catch up with everyone else around me. But then I fall behind and I berate myself and my symptoms thinking they're unacceptable to feel.

So, my new method is to embrace it I suppose. As they all say, the first step is acknowledging it right? I'm always afraid to speak out about my diagnosis in fear of being attention seeking or accidentally disturbing others. So I'm hoping here I can just let those thoughts out a bit.

Thanks for reading.

Regards,
Complex.