Messages

But every few weeks this coworker in particular asks me "Have you told your parents yet"?... So what do I say? I try to be honest yet closed off at the same time which then... gets me into situations like this.

How about, "No, I'm not going to tell them. They wouldn't understand." or "I feel uncomfortable talking about this with you."

Sorry yeah. I realise how obvious the answer to my question must be. Somehow I keep forgetting I can set boundaries. I like your first sentence though, I might use that. I don't want to shrug my coworker off and make him feel like I can't trust him or anything. It's easier to just direct the conversation onto my FOO I suppose.
Thank you all. I will try to gather up some courage.

Regards,
Complex

My immediate impulse was to throw eggs at a wall. Not that I could do that in a car... But that was my impulse and it's a step forward too actually because I didn't injure myself nor have any impulse to do so. Nor did I start screaming hysterically the way I supposedly did in my teens when feeling verbally /emotionally / psychologically overpowered by B1.

That must be such a welcome change! I feel that these better impulses and reactions in your dreams are especially a good sign - with dreams being mostly uncontrollable and all... It's like your subconscious fighting against your past reactions.

I hope this is okay to ask. Let me know if not...
I was wondering if it's common for those with CPTSD to have parents with relationship troubles? If that makes sense. For example, splitting, divorce, etc.
Personally I was born to a single mother after my biological father left her. My mother threatened divorce with my step father many times and constantly moved in and out with him.

Regards,
Complex.

This is great just what I needed today I laughed and laughed Kat u have a wonderful sense of humour you all cheered me up, I've played cards against humanity as well people were a bit shocked at my dark sense of humour as well, my husband also has an equally dark sense of humour and were often the only two laughing at some sick comment or event or whatever it is, I wonder if an especially dark sense of humour is an indication of trauma?
I am extremely uncomfortable with anyone touching my hair and my husbands mother used to forever pat my hair my husband used to stand out her view and smile at me knowing it was torturous for me but also knowing I would never say anything to her because she was such a sweety I wouldn't hurt her feelings. This always made me feel much better watching him laugh at me squirming and seeing the humour in it. Maybe humour decreases your level of pain or discomfort and so we reach for it more readily dunno but something like this must be going on
Very interesting topic

This intrigues me as well. I have a dark sense of humour and the only explanation I can come up with is the fact that I may just be desensitised to it.

All this chatter about being startled reminds me of my frequent jumps. My coworker sometimes accidentally scares me as you can't really hear him coming. He'll say something behind my back and I'll swear in a fright. The funny thing is, he's so small and tiny. I'm like an elephant startled by a mouse. I've also had occasions where I'm lying on the bed twitching my foot idly and then I'll startle myself because I see something moving in my peripheral vision. I have to laugh at myself then.

Regards,
Complex.

[notalone]

Those two words "depressed" and "drunk" say an awful lot. Hope you get good rest tonight.

...indeed.

Thank you notalone. I put on some relaxing music and made a lovely warming stew, feel tonnes better. I'm fighting off guilt about not going out of the house today by reminding myself that tomorrow I will be walking thousands of steps at work and managing a team of staff 

Sometimes (when I can see straight) I think I'm pretty incredible. Resilient and that.

Super glad that, althought the symptoms are very strong at times, life in general does seem more settled these days. Want to do what I can to find increasing sense of peace and security.

This is the first time I've lived somewhere for more than a year in a long time.

Your post's positivity really radiates with me. I know how hard it can be to fight that guilt. I'm rooting for you and your tomorrow endeavours!

I'm still hanging in there keeping myself safe during this prolonged excessively rough patch.

I fed my husband well this week to help with a hard week at work where he had to stay late every night.

I'm corresponding warmly with someone from my past with whom I had a difficult relationship filled with misunderstandings because when we knew each other we were young and neither of us yet understood our trauma-riddled lives.

This all sounds really good, I just want to give you a sincere thumbs up.

For myself...
#1. I'm making an effort to really reconnect with my friend from high school. Today we went shopping together.
#2. Lately I've been especially anxious about the streets and cars, but today I was able to cross roads without thinking about it too much.
#3. I bought a new manga and it's very wholesome.

I just want to thank all of you for replying.. it really means a lot to me and I can't explain how good it feels to just be heard.
I've never really thought of 'listening to my heart'. I just listen to what my head tells me but... my head is pretty weird. heh
Thanks again.

Regards,
Complex.

This is an old thread but I can't help myself.
My GP gave me beta blockers as a way to calm my hyper-activeness down with my anxiety. I like to describe them as literal chill pills. They have been very helpful, just to take the edge off things. The thoughts are still present but at least my body stops freaking out.

However after talking to a psychiatrist, he has recommended I stop taking them. Naturally now I seem to be at an impasse.
I think that a lot of doctors are going to have their own opinions about these sorts of meds. But I think one would be wise to follow the rule of having everything in moderation. The best thing about beta blockers is that you can take them as you see fit, and I try to respect that and only take them when I need them.

I'm really sorry if this is in the wrong category or not worth discussion.
A year ago I changed my real name to something completely different as a way of distancing myself from my family. I have not regret any part of it and it has been incredibly freeing. Thankfully as well my coworkers adjusted to the new name. When they asked why I changed, I reply with "Cause I didn't like it" as a way to avoid spilling on about the association with my name and past trauma.

But every few weeks this coworker in particular asks me "Have you told your parents yet"? This drives me into a shock every time he says it and I become so angry internally - as to even think of doing such a thing would be against the very notion of my name change. The problem is, every time he asks I either mumble myself out of the topic or just say "No" and then leave as to avoid further discussion.

This is really troubling me now and I don't know how to tell him the truth without being vulnerably open to him. I don't want my coworkers to know about my CPTSD or depression, I fear I will be treated differently then. So what do I say? I try to be honest yet closed off at the same time which then... gets me into situations like this.
Even if there is no advice that anyone can give me, it felt good to rant about this at least.

Regards,
Complex.

I like this point, about children automatically thinking that "No one and nothing else could be better". It feels even worse when your parents directly affirm that - shaming you for any wish for change.
The video has also reminded me of a rather toxic friendship I recently did 'walk away from'. I felt terrible for a while but, then you realise how better off you are and it feels freeing. I can give myself a pat on the back for that I guess.

Thanks for sharing.

Regards,
Complex.

I was diagnosed with CPTSD alongside the obvious depression and anxiety.
I feel I've been stuck in a terrible rut. How does one motivate themselves to do things that will in turn make them more motivated?

I'm hesitant because I fear I'm making up my problems somehow, that I don't have it 'bad enough'. But then again, that's exactly what my parents told me - whom have proven to be less than adequate guardians. Yet I still struggle to know what is truth and who to believe. I've been debating with myself what is best for me. I tried ignoring my CPTSD diagnosis for months, trying to push myself to catch up with everyone else around me. But then I fall behind and I berate myself and my symptoms thinking they're unacceptable to feel.

So, my new method is to embrace it I suppose. As they all say, the first step is acknowledging it right? I'm always afraid to speak out about my diagnosis in fear of being attention seeking or accidentally disturbing others. So I'm hoping here I can just let those thoughts out a bit.

Thanks for reading.

Regards,
Complex.