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Hi


I write, his is a little of my experience if any of it is useful then great, if not then please disregard.

I have a main note book and a small one I take out in my bag, that one has no identifying names etc in just incase I loose it, that one I only write in as me now.

I have noticed that my handwriting changes wildly, tho that's not through any conscious effort, so the parts of me are very distinguishable. I also sometimes draw or just make lines zigzags if writing words is too much. Sometimes using different media, ie felt pen, pencil, etc seems important, but I don't specifically have different pens for different ages. I have also turned the book upside down and started again at the back, often for a different style of writing rather than a 'different me' tho.

When I first started my main concern was confidentiality. Felt very vunerable but this has lessened over time.

I hope you're able to find something that works for you, it has really helped me.

I'd love to hear how you get on.

Welcome to oots

1 The house is tidyer than it was. It was a struggle to do but I feel better for having some space.

2 Fish and chips.

3 The calming effect of a hot water bottle.

1 Dancing

2 Someone else driving

3 It didn't rain

4 Pudding

1. I left the house to get some fresh air.

2. SO suggested getting a take away, I am so glad I don't have to cook.

Struggling with a third one today.

Argh

This talking about stuff is so difficult. I asked my questions, T answered openly and honestly.

Now I am terrified of going back to therapy. The thought that she knows something, knows the areas that are important to me. I freeze before we even begin. She hadn't pushed, she's giving me the space  but I'm still terrified.

1. Getting out the house. It helped.

2. Gentle lighting. Bright lights hurt.

3. Sweet potato chips.

4. My very patient SO.

5. TV, it is a useful distraction.

Oh I am sorry you are experiencing all that.

Thank you for your honesty. I can personally relate to so much of what you were describing. You are no alone I  in experiencing multiple physical symptoms.

Just as one sympton goes, another comes.

It's as if parts of our bodies are screaming something is wrong and our brains will not allow us to give it the rest and comfort it needs to recover and when we begin to realise what's going on another part of the body starts the process all over again.

I truly believe we can heal, it may take a long time but I believe we can.

A hug, if that's ok, of support and solidarity for you.

1. Successful shopping trip for household bits.

2. A brief pause in the rain, I walked around the local park and enjoyed getting outside.

3. The flicker of a candle and scent from my oil burner, I rarely light it but this evening I have and I am enjoying it.

4. Snuggling in a blanket listening to the gentle patter of rain on the windows and roof.

Oh deepblue. I don't have any words. I am sorry you had to go through that.

While I was reading all I wanted to do was hold you until the pain and fear had gone.

You are strong and brave. It is in the past and lighter times will come.

Sending a  if that's ok.

1. I'm up, dressed and trying to engage with the world.

2. Washing on the line.

3. I can make my own decisions.

4. Today is bin day.

Thank you persistant, I really appreciated your message. It arrived when I needed some encouragement.

I have been noticing that I'm getting??? (I as yet dont have a word for the feeling or emotion, but it's not a positive one). I have realised that I've been putting some dates in the diary for next month and that reminds me  I'll be time to call my Mum. I call her at the beginning of the month, her birthday etc, I take calls from her during the month if she rings and it's convenient but other than that no contact. I give her as little information as possible, I let her talk for half an hour or so and then say goodbye.

It's something.

Thank you sanmagic, I read your post just before I went for my therapy session.

So, I asked and my T answered. I wasn't able to go any further and explain. Everything shutdown. At least she has an idea that there are things we haven't spoken about that I'd like to somehow find a way into.
My inability to speak makes me feel useless.

I'm exhausted. I've been very on edge and have been startling easily all day. I'd really like to sleep but when I'm at that point of falling asleep I come to in panic.

Hello and welcome.

I hope you are able to benefit from this site. I certainly have.

1. Beautiful weather.

2. I'd prepared dinner in the morning so I could enjoy being outside this afternoon.

3. I am breathing deeply and I can feel my body, it feels uncomfortable, but I can feel it.

4. My T sent me a message and I was reassured by it.