hello everyone
well starting out with the first trauma as I recall it after many years floundering within society.
I was approximately 3 years old. I was meant to be having asleep in the afternoon with my older brother. i stood up on the bed after being told by my mother to lay down and go to sleep. it didn't register with me that their was agitation in her voice and the sensation of defying gravity even just for a moment was just way to tempting to ignore. as i stood up this mischevious grin enveloped across my face and i was awash with what i recall was a blishful joy. i can recall it vividly as it began to flood through me. i looked at my older brother and proceeded to begin to jump up and down on the bed. he did likewise. the next thing i recall is hearing " right " the next thing i saw was the door burst open and this person with spittle coming out of her mouth burst through the door. she went straight towards my older brother and latched hold of him and wailed into him striking perhaps two or three times. i went into shock and stood their agaped at the ferousity of her thrashing. my turn was next and i was picked up by one arm and struck at least twice. i recall laying on my bed and turning into the wall and hating the pain of the thrashing away. i think i blacked out as i was that full of pain.
i was on holiday overseas getting a deep tissue massage and when the masseus went over this particular area i flinched as if it was only a recent injury and still bruised. when i allaye this to someone else they informed me that it was muscle recall and another thing i had written about that incident from a childs perspective and had referred to my mother as this big red dragon, that was liberating but i blamed myself for years for having gotten my brother into trouble. over a period of time this memory began to enlarge asked myself some probong questions as to who really it was it was that originally may have instigated that game. i suspect it was him originally and i just became enthralled in the euphoria of it.
there is a load more of these abuses that i will post over the next few weeks ( not to sound like a champion ) and i hoping to connect in some way with others as i know it only has to happen once or twicw to become afflicted.
just going to place possible trigger in brackets in my heading as I'm slowly becoming familiar with how this site functions, any tips and guidance will be appreciated.
well starting out with the first trauma as I recall it after many years floundering within society.
I was approximately 3 years old. I was meant to be having asleep in the afternoon with my older brother. i stood up on the bed after being told by my mother to lay down and go to sleep. it didn't register with me that their was agitation in her voice and the sensation of defying gravity even just for a moment was just way to tempting to ignore. as i stood up this mischevious grin enveloped across my face and i was awash with what i recall was a blishful joy. i can recall it vividly as it began to flood through me. i looked at my older brother and proceeded to begin to jump up and down on the bed. he did likewise. the next thing i recall is hearing " right " the next thing i saw was the door burst open and this person with spittle coming out of her mouth burst through the door. she went straight towards my older brother and latched hold of him and wailed into him striking perhaps two or three times. i went into shock and stood their agaped at the ferousity of her thrashing. my turn was next and i was picked up by one arm and struck at least twice. i recall laying on my bed and turning into the wall and hating the pain of the thrashing away. i think i blacked out as i was that full of pain.
i was on holiday overseas getting a deep tissue massage and when the masseus went over this particular area i flinched as if it was only a recent injury and still bruised. when i allaye this to someone else they informed me that it was muscle recall and another thing i had written about that incident from a childs perspective and had referred to my mother as this big red dragon, that was liberating but i blamed myself for years for having gotten my brother into trouble. over a period of time this memory began to enlarge asked myself some probong questions as to who really it was it was that originally may have instigated that game. i suspect it was him originally and i just became enthralled in the euphoria of it.
there is a load more of these abuses that i will post over the next few weeks ( not to sound like a champion ) and i hoping to connect in some way with others as i know it only has to happen once or twicw to become afflicted.
just going to place possible trigger in brackets in my heading as I'm slowly becoming familiar with how this site functions, any tips and guidance will be appreciated.