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It must be really difficult to be living in your situation.

I just finished rereading the book, Unshame by Carolyn Spring. She has a whole chapter on forgiveness, which you might find helpful. She doesn't specifically address when an abuser has ASD. I looked for something to quote here for you, but it is a deep subject and just quoting a few sentences won't be adequate.

Thank you so much for this recommendation! My therapist has also recommended this book, but i've been working through The Body Keeps the Score which has been bogging me down. I just saw that Unshame can be read for free with Amazon prime so I'm going to start it shortly. I really appreciate your reply and chapter recommendation. I'm glad to know that there is help for wanting to forgive

Hello! Thank you for sharing! I think this is a very truthful representation of how CPTSD recovery feels and shows itself. It feels so validating to know I'm not alone.

Edit: I apologize, I had misread your post and thought you were saying "energy drops in the legs"   
Original response below for clarity's sake.


Relating to your leg pain: I suffer from physical effects of chronic stress in my lower back and my legs. One thing I have learned is that over-production of cortisol can affect circulation which can cause fatigue in the lower half of the body. My understanding is that too much cortisol will dilate blood vessels in the arms and legs causing blood to pool resulting in fatigue and pain. The general term I've heard for this is "Autonomic Neuropathy", another term I heard a lot was "veinous insufficiency" and the related condition of "Chronic Veinous Insufficiency."
What has helped me:

• I follow non-surgical and non-medicinal treatment recommendations for chronic veinous insufficiency.
• I use compression socks (the kind that go all the way to the knee).
• When I am working, I limit my standing and sitting to 30 minutes at a time with breaks for stretches that flex my legs and feet.
• I will also walk around during these breaks and try to elevate my heart rate with jumping jacks.
• When I sleep or am relaxing I will elevate my legs above my heart and use a heating pad for the joint pain.
• I have been trying to get into a better exercise routine to improve my heart health and strengthen my muscles.

I really hope any bit of this information is of use!! Leg fatigue can be so draining and painful on top of the draining and painful reality of PTSD recovery!

Hello Pioneer! Thank you for sharing, I can relate to what you said about the "need to compare my weaknesses to the strengths of others." That observation is something I never realized that I did until I read this post and realized that I do that too.

I think an important part of being a part of a mental health community is being your authentic self and receiving validation that your authentic self is entirely welcome - even if you only feel comfortable or have the energy to do so every once in a while. We're here for you when you need us. I think your post shows that you're doing a really good job by sharing despite the guilt/shame that comes from feeling "selfish" (you aren't selfish at all!).

I think that focusing on the self is definitely part of the healing journey, it takes so much emotional energy to heal yourself from the inside out!! Sometimes just getting through the day drains me of all my emotional energy tbh. I was taught it's wrong to focus only on myself and that "lesson" has really harmed me. Untwisting that survival skill has helped me release the guilt I feel from being so self focused when I have the energy to focus on anything.

You're so strong for sharing and wanting to show yourself empathy and kindness, this is all an important step in the healing journey in my humble opinion.

I'm glad you're here and I'm so thankful to you for sharing your insights 

There was a large degree of emotional abuse but that was mixed with physical abuse and threats of abuse. There was physical and emotional neglect. What it really amounted to was a house where everyone avoided each other most of the time. So I had to figure out how to survive the attacks and how to raise myself amidst threats to 'send me away' or 'get rid of me.' I grew up thinking I shouldn't be alive.

These words were very powerful to me so I quoted it. I had a similar experience. My household also "functioned" through avoidance. I also grew up thinking I shouldn't be alive and that my presence would cause bad things to happen.

My father was physically abusive in the manner you described, C... throwing stuff, grabbing at us, pushing us, "spankings" with objects. There was also quite a bit of verbal abuse... screaming, name calling, ultimatums. We all tiptoed around him because we were fearful. I repressed a lot of it and have been working through his behavior in therapy over the past few months. I'm not quite sure how it's impacted me in the long term yet. Mostly I have emotional flashbacks or panic attacks when memories surface.

I want to let you know that I see you and hear you. It was very shocking and disorienting for me to realize how often it happened and the degree of violence. I'm so glad to hear that you have better support now. It's so important to have a strong support network. Thank you for sharing.

[Possible trigger warning]

Hello! I hope it's okay that I shared so much. Possible trigger warning




A small breakthrough for my negative/harmful coping skills was finding alternative coping methods. It's still a struggle to keep the healthier methods to be honest and sometimes I slip back. The three most disruptive coping skills for me are self harm (SH), dissociation (depersonalization and derealization) and substance abuse.

I've drastically reduced the severity and frequency of my SH by simply holding an ice cube. I've also been taking out some frustrations that usually lead to SH by having a pillow fight with my wall. I basically just use the pillow as a physical way to let out the anger and frustration.

As for dissociation, I've been working really hard on grounding techniques. Essential oils have been helpful, ice packs have been helpful, mindfulness and meditation have been very helpful. I can't always tell when I'm dissociating a lot or more likely to dissociate, but I think that practicing mindfulness has really improved my ability to tell when I'm vulnerable to dissociating. When I can tell that I've been dissociating or will dissociate I try to use an icepack or essential oils to ground myself. I practice meditation to help my brain understand healthier ways to take a break from information processing.

My substance abuse has gone way down since beginning treatment for CPTSD (I am now a year into treatment). Sometimes when I crave substances or crave an altered consciousness or escape that they provide, I will spin myself literally in circles really fast while looking at a point on the ground until I get dizzy. It sounds so silly and sometimes it can be really silly, but I've found that it does help!

I hope that you are able to break through the brick wall and deviate from going in circles! I believe in you!

I am the youngest daughter of a larger family (3 siblings) with two parents who worked full time and are alcoholics. My CPTSD was caused by my oldest brother's CSA (SSA), my parent's emotional neglect and my father's physical/verbal abuse of all his children.

My oldest brother has Autism Spectrum Disorder and has had his own mental health journey that has lasted into adulthood. His developmental disability adds a complicated factor to the CSA (SSA) I endured at his hands because I feel like he didn't know that what he was doing was wrong and he didn't understand that he was hurting me. I believe that intentions don't trump experience (as in someone with "not bad" intentions can still cause a harmful experience for someone and that harmful experience is no less valid) but I'm so conflicted.

I know that people with mental illness or developmental disabilities are more likely to be abused rather than to be abusers. I feel so fearful of telling the whole truth about my brother because I don't want to add to the stigma. Despite what happened, I still love him. It's so painful. I'm so fearful of making a post on here about this, but it's been something that's really weighing on my mind. Please, please, please don't think that I am writing this post as negativity against people with developmental disorders.

One day I would like to talk to him about what happened. I would like for him to apologize and I would like to forgive him instead of justifying things only to myself. We currently both live with our parents, I've only recently moved back in due to circumstances out of my control. I live in America and the Covid-19 epidemic and resulting economic crisis has had a huge impact on me. He has always lived with my parents due to his disability.


I still feel so conflicted. Has anyone ever forgiven their abuser? Has anyone experienced a situation like mine? Is it even possible to forgive him?

hi haleygh! I just joined the forum today and saw your post - yes, I can relate to living with your abuser(s) and feeling stuck in it because of life circumstances. I am currently in a similar situation and have been in and out of this situation for my whole life. I am so so sorry to hear that you're also in this position, it is so difficult. Every day is a struggle between knowing what happened is true, seeking validation from potential allies, and dealing with the triggers of living with an abuser and the triggers of not being believed.

Something that has helped me is focusing every day on reducing triggers. I spend a lot of time finding ways to make myself feel safe. Barricading my door, keeping food, water jugs and a microwave in my room so I don't have to leave my room as often. I use a white noise machine, earplugs and headphones to block out the sounds of people moving around the house because it can be triggering to be reminded who i am living with. I am lucky to have a great therapist whom I can trust and vent to, honestly I think the important part is just getting the words out and being validated. If you're unable to have a therapist then perhaps using this forum to dig deep and vent and explore what you're experiencing while receiving validation?

Thoughts on escaping the situation:

My first thought is talking to your mom about the situation, does she know what happened? I'd imagine that it would cause a lot of fear to consider moving in with another male step relation. However, it could also be a healing situation - even if it's temporary while you figure out alternatives.

My second thought is the possibility of applying for government housing to get out of the living situation. This can take weeks to be approved depending on your location and isn't always comfortable, but it might be a way to move out. I've found that people who are unwilling to have one live with them permanently are more willing to have one stay temporarily if there's a plan and timeline to move out.

My third thought is staying with a friend or finding a roommate to move in with, is that a possibility for you? Depending on your city and country, Craigslist will post sublet, short term and temporary living options - sometimes people are searching for a roommate.

Please let me know what you think. I'll be here to listen if you want to talk more about your situation in a reply to this. Wishing you all the best.

Hello and welcome! I'm new here too and very much feeling odd about posting as well - so glad I'm not the only one feeling odd about it!! Thank you for your post 

Hello everyone, I'm a new member and am very nervous but excited to join this community. I developed CPTSD in childhood and have been in treatment for a full year. I received a CPTSD diagnosis in 2019 after years of unsuccessful treatment because I was only treating my co-morbidities.

I'm really grateful to be here. As I've become stronger and more healthy, my desire to find a community to share questions, validations, fears and joys has blossomed... So here I am! Thank you all for building this community, I'm looking forward to joining everyone.