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Introductory Post / Re: Hello from a confused person
« Last post by Boatsetsailrose on Today at 11:13:30 AM »
Hi Sam I hear you... And have read many others who get a diagnosis of bpd when it's actually cptsd. It's great to see Kizzie has put some links for u to look at - I found them really helpful.
I have a fair bit of experience with gp's and charities / mental health services in the UK if that could be helpful for you?
Other / Share Easter experiences
« Last post by Boatsetsailrose on Today at 11:09:23 AM »
I've Often found Easter tricky with feelings of loss. This Easter I made a conscious effort to be with others and its been helping. Easter was always quite a thing in my family of origin.
Today I've been to my church which I joined about 18mths ago and have got more involved in. A women there who is the senior steward is very kind and is my spiritual mentor if I need anything or am struggling. This women is a bit older than my mother but young for her age I like being around her and we get along and have fun too. On Friday she invited me to her home for lunch, we sat in the sunshine and she gave me some plants and really made me feel welcome and kept asking me if there was anything I needed. I was very touched. I've long wanted someone who could be a bit of a mother figure. Today at church she put her arm around me as we were singing and  the emotion came up in me a few tears were shed I felt the loss of not having a relationship with my mother (it doesn't make sense as the relationship was horrible but still blood is blood I guess.
The women at church seems good with her boundaries abs it doesn't feel dysfunctional. Maybe she feels it not having children and if she did have a daughter she would be about my age.
Today I feel grateful for people in my life who care.
I don't have it as much as I'd like maybe but I have it and am fortunate.. Some people don't.
Feel free to share your easter experiences here... Good or difficult sharing is so valuable for us

Hi Johnram

Yes, I exercise. I started Chinese Kung Fu about 28 years ago and just forgot to stop. :stars:

Seriously though, some years have been better than others. I was in a very bad space a few years ago. I was having regular, debilitating panic attacks. I exercised myself out of that period. I started with short walks, then longer walks. After that I started my stretching routine again at the gym, and moved onto 20 - 40 minutes of Tai Chi. After about 4 months, I was able to resume the more strenuous Shaolin forms. As I grew stronger, my panic attacks decreased.

I left the corporate business environment in 2017 as a result of my C-PTSD. I am currently in the process of opening a Kung Fu training studio again. But, I have to be careful not to overdo it. I keep a check on the hours that I train (teach), I watch my diet. Insomnia is currently my biggest hurdle to returning to full health: missing out on a night's sleep really effects my state of mind and mental health.

Take care...LTLTR
Recovery Journals / Re: BeHea1thy's Journal
« Last post by BeHea1thy on Today at 02:06:29 AM »
I've finished a new pair of 3d earrings to match a Wrangler plaid shirt with cream colored silver banded snap buttons! 3 pinks, 1 green and 1 cream. My own design and naturally color coordinated. The silver ear wires are called "marquise leaf". Now, all I gotta to is laundry!

Who else HATES doing it in commercial machines?  :pissed:
I get that. Definitely got me confused
When I first had those... I think sometimes that was part of the brainwashing, the manipulation. My dad taught me to read and when it went great it was amazing. But... even then it was kind of awful.... If I struggled, it was homeschool on the weekend. All my privelages were gone, no saturday morning cartoons. Couldnt play with my sister. Couldn't eat until I got to a certain point of a book... couldnt be with my mom....

But then I remember him giving me chocolate after. It's so confusing sometimes. At the end of the day he is a flawed human. I'd love to think there was love in there, I'm sure there was. which is what used to mess with my mind. I tried so hard to keep in contact with him...... but every time I did, he set me back... he gaslit, made me feel guilty saying the only reason I am where I am is because of him.....

He is a flawed human. I'm the seventh child he messed up. He was unsuccessful in 3 families. That's what I tell myself when I get those positive flashbacks. Idk if that's what I should do....
Recovery Journals / Re: JDog's Journal
« Last post by BeHea1thy on Today at 01:57:20 AM »
Yes, the bikes are great.  Mine is a semi recumbent and hers is a full on recumbent.  We love them!!!!

 :thumbup: :yes: :blahblahblah: :cheer: ;D

You're a great advocate, for yourself AND others.
I definitely do. Like when o was able to watch 2 episodes of a show back to back by myself at home with my cat. I sobbed when I told my husband how amazing it felt. And it was so weird because that's where I felt hurt again.
Like man, this is supposed to be normal. Being able to watch Netflix to pass the time. Instead of watching the ceiling, hiding under a blanket for hours at a time ☹
Birthday / Re: It's coming up in 2weeks
« Last post by Ecowarrior888 on Today at 01:40:53 AM »
Yeah I guess it started coming out as I was writing. I try to convince myself that things are different now. My dad isnt in my lifeanymore. my husband plans my birthday.

But just isnt enough sometimes. Anxiety and fog just creeps in 😭

I will try <3
Recovery Journals / Re: MoonBeam's Recovery Journal
« Last post by MoonBeam on Today at 01:32:27 AM »
Three Roses, Hope and notalone, thank you so much. I'm grateful for your responses. For lending hands and dear welcomes, for encouragement and understanding. Yeah, i don't have to be alone in this, not anymore.  I feel a little emotional, writing that.  Feels like a pretty big thing to say.  Thx.
Recovery Journals / Re: Deep Blue’s searching for balance journal
« Last post by MoonBeam on Today at 01:00:01 AM »
Thanks so much Deep Blue. That was a perfectly proper thank you.  Hang in there.  Big hugs, if that's ok.

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