Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Chart - Today at 01:04:36 PMHey DF, what strikes me in your last journal entry is just how conscious and aware of all the complexities, subtleties, ins and outs, feelings, fears, links, triggers, etc going on for you. It's totally impressive your level of self-awareness. I'm so very glad you got yourself to that safe place. You got yourself (in spite of Cptsd) to where you could rest and recuperate.
Well done!
Sending hugs and support.
Well done!
Sending hugs and support.
#2
Please Introduce Yourself Here / New Member
Last post by Dochartaigh - Today at 10:06:21 AMHello, I'm a soon to be 72 year old man and I believe my story is fairly basic and not as bad as many. My parents and three year old sister wanted a little sister and when I was born a boy I ruined a perfectly good family.My parents wanted nothing to do with me and girls on our block came in to take care of me until my maternal grandmother came from Canada to takeover. She fed me, bathed me, and dressed me, but was very restful of being in the situation and despised my father. My father told my three year old sister that I was not part of the family and that she didn't have to be nice to me. This is something that years later she would tell the children on our block. Growing up my father avoided eye contact with me and only "yelled" at me through my mother. I was everything my mother didn't want and she made certain to tell me growing up. She often then told me about my birth and the doctor's saying, "You're the mother of a healthy baby boy and how she said, "You've got to be kidding me!" She told me often how she apologized to my father for my being a boy. When I was three years and three months my mother's arms were paralyzed by polio and spent seven months in an iron lung. I have clear memories of her before polio and clear memories of her when she came home from the hospital, but no memories at all of my home life during the period when I was home with my father, grandmother and sister.
My mother yelled at me often and when I was she was yelling at me in the kitchen and I looked up at her and yelled,"Stop!" She suddenly straightened up and in a different voice said, "Ahhhh! Oh my God, he's insane..." Now, talking to me in the third person said, "I didn't know we had an insane boy in this house. You don't think the neighbors know. Oh how terrible it would be if the neighbors knew an insane boy lived in our house!" She went to the living room and looked out the window, then turned to me and said, "You must never tell anyone an insane boy lives in this house!" Somewhere along the line she told my sister who often repeated to the kids on the block that our mother said I was insane.
I have been a nervous wreck since childhood and all I've wanted is to be by myself. Before sleep I would often visualize walking home from school and seeing that the house on either side of our house were now together and our house was gone. I would ask people about our house and no one knew of it or any family by our name. I can still feel the thrill and relief as I'd walk away. The visualization ended there as nothing else mattered other than I was free. I had no idea where I'd go or what I'd do, but I was alone and free. I'll end for now. Thank you.
My mother yelled at me often and when I was she was yelling at me in the kitchen and I looked up at her and yelled,"Stop!" She suddenly straightened up and in a different voice said, "Ahhhh! Oh my God, he's insane..." Now, talking to me in the third person said, "I didn't know we had an insane boy in this house. You don't think the neighbors know. Oh how terrible it would be if the neighbors knew an insane boy lived in our house!" She went to the living room and looked out the window, then turned to me and said, "You must never tell anyone an insane boy lives in this house!" Somewhere along the line she told my sister who often repeated to the kids on the block that our mother said I was insane.
I have been a nervous wreck since childhood and all I've wanted is to be by myself. Before sleep I would often visualize walking home from school and seeing that the house on either side of our house were now together and our house was gone. I would ask people about our house and no one knew of it or any family by our name. I can still feel the thrill and relief as I'd walk away. The visualization ended there as nothing else mattered other than I was free. I had no idea where I'd go or what I'd do, but I was alone and free. I'll end for now. Thank you.
#3
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New & (a little) Nervous
Last post by Hope67 - Today at 09:27:31 AMWelcome 
#4
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Blueberry - November 24, 2025, 11:57:31 PM to you Desert Flower #5
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New & (a little) Nervous
Last post by Blueberry - November 24, 2025, 11:52:13 PMWelcome to the forum
I hope you find this place as supportive as I have over the years.
I hope you find this place as supportive as I have over the years.
#6
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New & (a little) Nervous
Last post by TheBigBlue - November 24, 2025, 10:53:46 PMHi and welcome to OOTS.
I'm really glad you found your way here. What you wrote about having your pain minimized or compared away resonated with me deeply. It takes courage to start naming these things, but doing it in a community that understands can make it feel a little less daunting.
I'm glad you're here.
I'm really glad you found your way here. What you wrote about having your pain minimized or compared away resonated with me deeply. It takes courage to start naming these things, but doing it in a community that understands can make it feel a little less daunting.
I'm glad you're here.
#7
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Definitely still out in th...
Last post by TheBigBlue - November 24, 2025, 10:35:53 PMThank you for your message, TriumphOfEmpathy. It really helps to feel understood. I've been on OOTS only a few days and already found myself a bit obsessed reading through older posts and resources. There's such a wealth of insight and lived experience on this forum. Two posts that have really stayed with me were shared by Kizzie: a song and an essay — both hit something deep and made me feel less alone. I'll try to "quote" the posts below rather than just copy/paste the resource links themselves, for more context (I hope I'm doing it correctly).
I hope this space becomes part of both our support systems.
And
I hope this space becomes part of both our support systems.
Quote from: Kizzie on December 07, 2023, 07:13:22 PM... There's a good article here I found today that explains why this is so, how those of us who cannot describe our abuse as horrific and in some cases as abuse itself end up with Complex PTSD.
https://www.complextrauma.org/complex-trauma/death-by-a-thousand-cuts/
...
And
Quote from: Kizzie on January 19, 2020, 06:08:22 PMIf ever there was an anthem song for OOTS, this would be it - https://www.sunnyskyz.com/happy-videos/8834/People-From-31-Countries-Sing-039-You-Will-Be-Found-039-And-It-039-s-Absolutely-Beautiful.
You found us and we found you, welcome
#8
Please Introduce Yourself Here / New & (a little) Nervous
Last post by TriumpOfEmpathy - November 24, 2025, 09:46:57 PMHello all! 
Where to begin? I guess we'll start with how I found Out of the Storm, which is probably how many of us found our way here... it was a simple Google search. My therapist (LISW) has recommended some form of group interaction, whether that be an online support group or group therapy or the like. I was able to find many a support group for individuals with your run-of-the-mill mental illnesses- depression, anxiety, PTSD, mood disorders, etc., but to find a community of folks dealing with CPTSD is more difficult. I'm so glad to have found OOTS, if only for that sigh I released upon seeing how many of you there are here. I'm not alone.
I have a history of single-event trauma (well, one relationship of trauma) with a PTSD diagnosis since 2016. I entered trauma therapy last year (2024) with a goal of targeting these traumatic memories for reprocessing. This therapist was the first with experience in CPTSD and almost immediately she added that diagnosis. I grew up in an environment with half siblings, and objectively there was "worse" trauma happening in their lives (with their other parent), and I think that is part of the reason I never even considered that my own upbringing provided buckets of its own attachment trauma.
One of my greatest difficulties in struggling with my mental health, which began at a very young age with onset of depressive symptoms around age 11, is that I feel that I must be the only one struggling so badly with x, y, and/or z. My mom didn't (doesn't) believe that mental illness exists, and I was told constantly that I was overreacting, over emotional, attention-seeking, making a big deal out of nothing, etc... and I suppose in the most black and white way, I can see how that would damage a person. But goodness does it feel weird to admit that! I'm here, I'm trying, and I'm hoping to maybe slowly chip away at that self-perception of being hopelessly alone in my struggles.
Thanks, friends. Looking forward to getting to know the forum and you lovely humans.
Where to begin? I guess we'll start with how I found Out of the Storm, which is probably how many of us found our way here... it was a simple Google search. My therapist (LISW) has recommended some form of group interaction, whether that be an online support group or group therapy or the like. I was able to find many a support group for individuals with your run-of-the-mill mental illnesses- depression, anxiety, PTSD, mood disorders, etc., but to find a community of folks dealing with CPTSD is more difficult. I'm so glad to have found OOTS, if only for that sigh I released upon seeing how many of you there are here. I'm not alone.
I have a history of single-event trauma (well, one relationship of trauma) with a PTSD diagnosis since 2016. I entered trauma therapy last year (2024) with a goal of targeting these traumatic memories for reprocessing. This therapist was the first with experience in CPTSD and almost immediately she added that diagnosis. I grew up in an environment with half siblings, and objectively there was "worse" trauma happening in their lives (with their other parent), and I think that is part of the reason I never even considered that my own upbringing provided buckets of its own attachment trauma.
One of my greatest difficulties in struggling with my mental health, which began at a very young age with onset of depressive symptoms around age 11, is that I feel that I must be the only one struggling so badly with x, y, and/or z. My mom didn't (doesn't) believe that mental illness exists, and I was told constantly that I was overreacting, over emotional, attention-seeking, making a big deal out of nothing, etc... and I suppose in the most black and white way, I can see how that would damage a person. But goodness does it feel weird to admit that! I'm here, I'm trying, and I'm hoping to maybe slowly chip away at that self-perception of being hopelessly alone in my struggles.
Thanks, friends. Looking forward to getting to know the forum and you lovely humans.
#9
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Definitely still out in th...
Last post by TriumpOfEmpathy - November 24, 2025, 09:29:37 PMHello TheBigBlue
I'm also new here and decided to select a couple other "introductions" before creating my own. I'm in my mid-30s and feel as though I could've copy-pasted at least portions of your intro above. It wasn't until last year that I found a therapist experienced in CPTSD that I even fully came to realize the extent of my attachment trauma. I too feel grateful to have "taken the red pill," but find myself occasionally wondering if things were easier before I had these realizations. I also toootally get the feelings of shame and regret following a self-disclosure of any kind; even when someone has a neutral reaction, I find myself spiraling for days after sometimes.
Here's hoping we both find the community we seek here on the forum, or at least find a way to incorporate this into our support system.
I'm also new here and decided to select a couple other "introductions" before creating my own. I'm in my mid-30s and feel as though I could've copy-pasted at least portions of your intro above. It wasn't until last year that I found a therapist experienced in CPTSD that I even fully came to realize the extent of my attachment trauma. I too feel grateful to have "taken the red pill," but find myself occasionally wondering if things were easier before I had these realizations. I also toootally get the feelings of shame and regret following a self-disclosure of any kind; even when someone has a neutral reaction, I find myself spiraling for days after sometimes.
Here's hoping we both find the community we seek here on the forum, or at least find a way to incorporate this into our support system.
#10
Ideas/Tools for Recovery / Re: Today I am grateful .... (...
Last post by Dalloway - November 24, 2025, 07:23:59 PMIt´s been a while since anyone posted in here, but I was scrolling through the topics, reading and relating and commenting and sharing and suddenly I realized how grateful I am for this forum that´s been a game changer and life saver for me. I don´t really believe in faith or things like that, but I cannot thank life enough for leading me here.
