Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by StartingHealing - Today at 07:43:11 PM10092025
What a kick in the gut. Older sister, middle of 3, lots of background sh-_, anyway, ended up in hospital, went sideways, will not recover, and today is when she will be going on to her next adventure.
In addition to all this, the thoughts of how modernity is stacked, and navigating all that crap, plus prior question of a life well lived, which still hasn't been answered, then again perhaps wrong question. Plus the how / when of the run up and EOL for my own self.
Can't be there either.
I'd really really really like to be using a lot of different cuss words here.
awwww dam--t.
wishing all here all the best
What a kick in the gut. Older sister, middle of 3, lots of background sh-_, anyway, ended up in hospital, went sideways, will not recover, and today is when she will be going on to her next adventure.
In addition to all this, the thoughts of how modernity is stacked, and navigating all that crap, plus prior question of a life well lived, which still hasn't been answered, then again perhaps wrong question. Plus the how / when of the run up and EOL for my own self.
Can't be there either.
I'd really really really like to be using a lot of different cuss words here.
awwww dam--t.
wishing all here all the best
#2
General Discussion / Re: Autism or CPTSD?
Last post by Kizzie - Today at 05:07:08 PMI think most people will feel some irritation if something was free simply to lure you in and then start charging you, especially if they don't give you a warning (i.e., something like "Try our crossword free for 2 weeks then pay $$$/month). If you have a warning, then it's not being manipulated, you have choice and control. But when someone takes away our choice, especially as a survivor, we're bound to feel quite irritated/triggered because control was taken away from us by those who abused us. That could be either CPTSD or autism I suppose.
I worked in two jobs many years ago that were heavily micromanaged in terms of routine, etc. I ended up leaving within days in one job and a few months in the other. It was partly because who likes to be micromanaged, but due in large part to the feelings it triggered because of my CPTSD. I was very independent back then mainly because I didn't like feeling controlled by anyone - too much like my original family and the abuse I suffered.
In recent years I have been working on understanding what is actual loss of control/choice, and just the normal interdependence we all have and that's not going too badly. Like all symptoms of CPTSD I find it takes conscious recognition and trying out new ways of thinking about things. When it feels like someone is impinging on me I will set boundaries, but first I look at whether or not it is actually something I need a boundary for. It helps me manage life when I take a moment, take a breath and think things through.
Perhaps a way to tell if you're bothered due to autism or if it's CPTSD is to try what I've mentioned above. Is a change in routine by others something you can let go of if you pause, think about it and conclude it's not as big a deal as it first appears to be? Can you set a boundary when a routine does feels invasive, losing control/choice? (E.g., Saying something to the effect "I'm not comfortable with this.)? Perhaps if you try and still feel stuck maybe talking with a professional would help.
Just some thoughts Saluki, hope something resonates
I worked in two jobs many years ago that were heavily micromanaged in terms of routine, etc. I ended up leaving within days in one job and a few months in the other. It was partly because who likes to be micromanaged, but due in large part to the feelings it triggered because of my CPTSD. I was very independent back then mainly because I didn't like feeling controlled by anyone - too much like my original family and the abuse I suffered.
In recent years I have been working on understanding what is actual loss of control/choice, and just the normal interdependence we all have and that's not going too badly. Like all symptoms of CPTSD I find it takes conscious recognition and trying out new ways of thinking about things. When it feels like someone is impinging on me I will set boundaries, but first I look at whether or not it is actually something I need a boundary for. It helps me manage life when I take a moment, take a breath and think things through.
Perhaps a way to tell if you're bothered due to autism or if it's CPTSD is to try what I've mentioned above. Is a change in routine by others something you can let go of if you pause, think about it and conclude it's not as big a deal as it first appears to be? Can you set a boundary when a routine does feels invasive, losing control/choice? (E.g., Saying something to the effect "I'm not comfortable with this.)? Perhaps if you try and still feel stuck maybe talking with a professional would help.
Just some thoughts Saluki, hope something resonates
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2025
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 04:00:03 PM
I'm glad that you are finding the book helpful. It sounds very good. Thank you for sharing those extracts. I'm also glad you are reassuring the parts of you that are concerned about you writing here.
#4
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2025
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 12:44:48 PMthanks for writing this, hope. i like the idea that you were able to talk to yourself, tell yourself it's ok to write your experience/feelings down, and then listen to what you said to yourself. i think that's big. i also really like that the author said any kind of relationship has value in itself, no matter how long it lasts. i do think we can learn from everything we do, whether it was pos. or neg., and move on if that's what's needed. i do not think that because something doesn't work out for us long term it means it was a failure, or we failed. to me, the important thing is that we gave it a shot.
sounds like some pretty good stuff you're learning. i like it. love and hugs
sounds like some pretty good stuff you're learning. i like it. love and hugs
#6
Inner Child Work / Re: Learning to write
Last post by Saluki - Today at 12:21:57 PMYes- performing for her. That's what it was. I was my mother's performance artist too, Hope . It's just horrible, isn't it?
It is difficult, so difficult,to find a way to love the little ones because they were shown that they didn't deserve to exist in the first place... maybe that's why?
It is difficult, so difficult,to find a way to love the little ones because they were shown that they didn't deserve to exist in the first place... maybe that's why?
#7
Inner Child Work / Re: Learning to write
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 12:13:38 PMSo much of this resonates. So, so much. What did we ever do to end up with mothers like these? Nothing, of course. And it is weirdly difficult to find a way to love the little ones inside us that need and deserve so much love and encouragement.
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2025
Last post by Hope67 - Today at 09:55:04 AMThanks NarcKiddo
*******
9th October 2025
I was thinking about journalling as a result of something someone had said, and decided I'd pop in to write something here today. I have been reading a book called 'Flex Your Feelings: Train Your Brain to Develop the 7 Traits of Emotional Fitness' by Dr Emily Anhalt, and it's proving to be really helpful to me. It's helped me to unpack some unresolved experiences from a previous workplace/and other workplaces prior to that as well, and also has proved helpful with thinking about relationship issues and communication.
I related to what Dr Anhalt wrote on p.138: "Whether it's because success would mean that things will change or because on some level you believe you don't deserve it (shame), you may subconsciously slow your ambitions" - I relate to this, as I often hope to do something creative but have a real block on being able to effectively start any project etc
p.130 "Remember, a relationship, job, or experience does not have to last forever for it to have been worth having or doing."
I found this really helpful - as I've felt so much guilt about the fact I gave up my profession. It's only been in recent months that I've felt able to think 'I'm retired now' Maybe I can enjoy life for me, and not dwell on the fact I no longer do my job.
On p.149 she said "People may forget what you said, but won't forget how you made them feel." - I find this really poignant.
Wow, I've just found this quote that is from Donald Winnicott, and which Dr Anhalt included on p.200 of her book "It is only in playing that the individual is able to be creative and to use the whole personality, and it is only in being creative that the individual discovers the self."
I'm considering that quote, and thinking that whilst I was able to 'play' as a child on occasions, there was often the stifling influence of my M who might dictate 'how' I might play, or with whom, and in what way, and that she stifled it on numerous occasions, and therefore the whole personality couldn't blossom - and maybe my ability to 'play' as an adult is also stifled, and that's why I can't progress in attempting something creative, as I feel guilt/stifled/prevented. BUT I want to break through that, and hope that I will do so, so that I can be creative, and I can explore the entirety of my personality.
Looking back at other notes I wrote, I noted in p.51 that she wrote "It's not your experiences but your reflection on your experiences that leads to change." - I have certainly been doing much more exploration of past memories using bilateral stimulation, and it has definitely been helpful to me.
p.41 "Mindfully sit with unpleasant thoughts and feelings without stuffing them down, avoiding them, or numbing them." - I like the fact she said this, as I have been leaning into feelings, rather than avoiding them, and I feel I am learning/growing as a result of that.
Incase anyone is reading this and wonders what the 7 traits are that Dr Emily Anhalt lists, they are:
Mindfulness
Curiosity
Self-Awareness
Resilience
Empathy
Communication
Playfulness
Something that felt very emotional to me, was reading on p.54 that she said "...part of her believed that she did not deserve to be treated with love and respect because she wasn't treated that way as a child." I really related to that. I felt it in my younger selves, and my older selves reach out to comfort those parts, because I care about them, all of them.
Parts of me are concerned that I'm talking about all of these things here. Like I'll get into trouble for speaking about it.
Telling myself, it's ok. I'm not doing anything wrong writing about any of these things.
*********
Anyway, I am finding the book helpful.
Hope
*******
9th October 2025
I was thinking about journalling as a result of something someone had said, and decided I'd pop in to write something here today. I have been reading a book called 'Flex Your Feelings: Train Your Brain to Develop the 7 Traits of Emotional Fitness' by Dr Emily Anhalt, and it's proving to be really helpful to me. It's helped me to unpack some unresolved experiences from a previous workplace/and other workplaces prior to that as well, and also has proved helpful with thinking about relationship issues and communication.
I related to what Dr Anhalt wrote on p.138: "Whether it's because success would mean that things will change or because on some level you believe you don't deserve it (shame), you may subconsciously slow your ambitions" - I relate to this, as I often hope to do something creative but have a real block on being able to effectively start any project etc
p.130 "Remember, a relationship, job, or experience does not have to last forever for it to have been worth having or doing."
I found this really helpful - as I've felt so much guilt about the fact I gave up my profession. It's only been in recent months that I've felt able to think 'I'm retired now' Maybe I can enjoy life for me, and not dwell on the fact I no longer do my job.
On p.149 she said "People may forget what you said, but won't forget how you made them feel." - I find this really poignant.
Wow, I've just found this quote that is from Donald Winnicott, and which Dr Anhalt included on p.200 of her book "It is only in playing that the individual is able to be creative and to use the whole personality, and it is only in being creative that the individual discovers the self."
I'm considering that quote, and thinking that whilst I was able to 'play' as a child on occasions, there was often the stifling influence of my M who might dictate 'how' I might play, or with whom, and in what way, and that she stifled it on numerous occasions, and therefore the whole personality couldn't blossom - and maybe my ability to 'play' as an adult is also stifled, and that's why I can't progress in attempting something creative, as I feel guilt/stifled/prevented. BUT I want to break through that, and hope that I will do so, so that I can be creative, and I can explore the entirety of my personality.
Looking back at other notes I wrote, I noted in p.51 that she wrote "It's not your experiences but your reflection on your experiences that leads to change." - I have certainly been doing much more exploration of past memories using bilateral stimulation, and it has definitely been helpful to me.
p.41 "Mindfully sit with unpleasant thoughts and feelings without stuffing them down, avoiding them, or numbing them." - I like the fact she said this, as I have been leaning into feelings, rather than avoiding them, and I feel I am learning/growing as a result of that.
Incase anyone is reading this and wonders what the 7 traits are that Dr Emily Anhalt lists, they are:
Mindfulness
Curiosity
Self-Awareness
Resilience
Empathy
Communication
Playfulness
Something that felt very emotional to me, was reading on p.54 that she said "...part of her believed that she did not deserve to be treated with love and respect because she wasn't treated that way as a child." I really related to that. I felt it in my younger selves, and my older selves reach out to comfort those parts, because I care about them, all of them.
Parts of me are concerned that I'm talking about all of these things here. Like I'll get into trouble for speaking about it.
Telling myself, it's ok. I'm not doing anything wrong writing about any of these things.
*********
Anyway, I am finding the book helpful.
Hope
#9
Inner Child Work / Re: Protecting my inner 4 year...
Last post by Hope67 - Today at 09:02:17 AMYes, I think boundaries are so important as well. Thanks for making this thread Freedom4me, and I hope that you are doing ok.
#10
Inner Child Work / Re: How to journal - to honour...
Last post by Hope67 - Today at 09:00:44 AMHi Freedom4me,
I just read what you wrote, and thank you for sharing it. It's good to hear that your journalling is helping you. I also find that a very good way, and I often think I should do it more. I also love this site and get so much from it, and I'm glad you do too.
Hope
I just read what you wrote, and thank you for sharing it. It's good to hear that your journalling is helping you. I also find that a very good way, and I often think I should do it more. I also love this site and get so much from it, and I'm glad you do too.
Hope