Recent posts
#1
Emotional Abuse / Re: Death by a Thousand Cuts
Last post by Stussy7 - Today at 02:57:35 PMThank you Kizzie, it was a very good article!
It validated my feelings that emotional abuse is more damaging than other forms of abuse! If only everyone else would realise this!
It validated my feelings that emotional abuse is more damaging than other forms of abuse! If only everyone else would realise this!
#2
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Definitely still out in th...
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 01:40:52 PMWelcome. I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry you felt embarrassed and regretful after your interaction with the stranger at the dog park. It's fine to "spill" here. I hope that after you have had more time to process the interaction with the stranger, though, you may come to feel less bad about it. There are some positives to telling people things in real life, especially if you don't get an unhelpful reaction from them.
#3
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Definitely still out in th...
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 09:39:30 AMWelcome to the forum, TheBigBlue 
#4
Depression / Re: Feeling depressed
Last post by Ran - Today at 09:13:45 AMQuote from: TheBigBlue on Today at 12:43:26 AMI'm really glad you posted. Everything you wrote: the exhaustion, the body pain, the "doing too much to keep going," the grief of losing a support place, it all sounds incredibly heavy. I could feel how worn down and unseen you are feeling.
I relate to parts of what you shared. When I was diagnosed with CPTSD earlier this year, my therapist told me she was leaving a week later. It sent me into months of panic and anxiety until I found a way to reconnect with her somewhere else. During that time, I felt exactly what you described: being overwhelmed, isolated, trying to keep moving just so I wouldn't fall apart. And also that fog of "I don't matter." Those thoughts can feel so convincing when everything in the system is overloaded.
So I just wanted to say this clearly, from someone who has been in that place: you matter here. Your pain matters. Your voice matters. We see you.
And thank you for trusting us enough to post. That's not a small thing when trust feels like an impossible task.
I hope you find a therapist who feels like a safe-enough anchor. In the meantime, we are here with you.
Thank you for the reply. It means a lot. Usually these words of I understand seem so shallow from others, but in here for some reason I don't feel that, problably because people here go through the same things. I can relate to almost everything said in this forum. It does help a lot in feeling not as alone and doing inner child work, what is another tool that helps me. It all gets more and more obvious. I had psychiatrist and psychologist before. I trust both enough to have worked with them at the time I had identity crisis and my lost support place helped me too, so I had a lot of support. Now the support forum feels too hostile, when it was previously like a family to me. All because I got triggered and no one seeing why I was so uppset as to everyone else everything was normal and I got banned and that person got to stay. It's like person who harmed you got to take over your home. It's temporary, but I still feel unfairly treated. I feel that all I can apologize for to them is how I sounded and handled everything, but not for standing up for something that affects me and possibly others who are more affected by written text. It all affects my relationships with people I really care about. That is one of the main reasons I need treatment and of course to keep my extreme moods more under control. I've tried to learn boundaries and communication and still I completely lost it. People said that it feels like I was going to the deep end. That's what happened. I joined another place that waa related to my stuff, but someone told me to just journal, when I wanted someone to see me and say I understand as well. So I completely panicked and left.
Usually for me it is that I myself must feel that a person understands me, if I don't then it's not helpful. I am trying to reach out, but seems I get nothing in return when I do. Everything seem shallow.
#5
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: new here - still in the st...
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 03:17:32 AMI'm so sorry you were met with that response. Being dismissed or ignored by someone who once felt safe hits with a kind of force that's hard to put into words. It makes sense that it hurt as much as it did.
What you wrote here ... it mattered. You matter. I'm grateful you shared this with us instead of sitting alone with it.
Reading your post reminded me of something similar I went through recently. I opened up to a friend of 10 years about my recent CPTSD diagnosis and the dysregulation I was in, and she replied with: "doesn't everyone feel that way?" I froze - the hurt just echoed, and I shut down, like I always do.
You're not alone here. Really.
What you wrote here ... it mattered. You matter. I'm grateful you shared this with us instead of sitting alone with it.
Reading your post reminded me of something similar I went through recently. I opened up to a friend of 10 years about my recent CPTSD diagnosis and the dysregulation I was in, and she replied with: "doesn't everyone feel that way?" I froze - the hurt just echoed, and I shut down, like I always do.
You're not alone here. Really.
#6
Depression / Re: Feeling depressed
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 12:43:26 AMI'm really glad you posted. Everything you wrote: the exhaustion, the body pain, the "doing too much to keep going," the grief of losing a support place, it all sounds incredibly heavy. I could feel how worn down and unseen you are feeling.
I relate to parts of what you shared. When I was diagnosed with CPTSD earlier this year, my therapist told me she was leaving a week later. It sent me into months of panic and anxiety until I found a way to reconnect with her somewhere else. During that time, I felt exactly what you described: being overwhelmed, isolated, trying to keep moving just so I wouldn't fall apart. And also that fog of "I don't matter." Those thoughts can feel so convincing when everything in the system is overloaded.
So I just wanted to say this clearly, from someone who has been in that place: you matter here. Your pain matters. Your voice matters. We see you.
And thank you for trusting us enough to post. That's not a small thing when trust feels like an impossible task.
I hope you find a therapist who feels like a safe-enough anchor. In the meantime, we are here with you.
I relate to parts of what you shared. When I was diagnosed with CPTSD earlier this year, my therapist told me she was leaving a week later. It sent me into months of panic and anxiety until I found a way to reconnect with her somewhere else. During that time, I felt exactly what you described: being overwhelmed, isolated, trying to keep moving just so I wouldn't fall apart. And also that fog of "I don't matter." Those thoughts can feel so convincing when everything in the system is overloaded.
So I just wanted to say this clearly, from someone who has been in that place: you matter here. Your pain matters. Your voice matters. We see you.
And thank you for trusting us enough to post. That's not a small thing when trust feels like an impossible task.
I hope you find a therapist who feels like a safe-enough anchor. In the meantime, we are here with you.
#7
RE - Re-experiencing Trauma / Re: (Warning: PA, SA , EA talk...
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 12:31:19 AMHi, I just wanted to let you know that I see you, and I'm really glad you shared this here. What you described sounds absolutely terrifying, especially the way your housemate's expression pulled you straight back into the memories of what your brother did. That kind of trigger hits on a level that the body remembers long before the mind can reason with it.
I also relate to the part about people around you not really understanding the intensity of the fear. I've had moments in therapy where I tried to open up about something that felt like existential danger to me, and the response - even well-intended - didn't match the depth of what was happening in my nervous system. It left my protector parts scrambling, feeling like I shouldn't have said anything at all. So I recognize that aloneness you mentioned, and how hard that can be between sessions.
I hope that by the time you read this, you've had your appointment with your psychologist, and that it brought even a small sense of grounding or relief. Waiting while being so triggered can feel like its own kind of endurance test.
Thank you for trusting us with your story. You're not alone here.
I also relate to the part about people around you not really understanding the intensity of the fear. I've had moments in therapy where I tried to open up about something that felt like existential danger to me, and the response - even well-intended - didn't match the depth of what was happening in my nervous system. It left my protector parts scrambling, feeling like I shouldn't have said anything at all. So I recognize that aloneness you mentioned, and how hard that can be between sessions.
I hope that by the time you read this, you've had your appointment with your psychologist, and that it brought even a small sense of grounding or relief. Waiting while being so triggered can feel like its own kind of endurance test.
Thank you for trusting us with your story. You're not alone here.
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by NarcKiddo - November 20, 2025, 10:56:02 PMIt makes sense to monitor what you are eating for sure. But I often find myself stressed at meal times for no obvious reason. It is something I need to discuss with my T. I have no conscious memory of FOO meal times being especially hard but I think they were and I just dissociated. If your family had regular sit down family meals I would guess there was stress there even if it was an undercurrent. So if that was the case for you it might pay to work on that aspect, since clearly we cannot simply stop eating.
I'm glad you felt good at least for a while. Every good experience helps rewire the circuits.
I'm glad you felt good at least for a while. Every good experience helps rewire the circuits.
#9
Depression / Feeling depressed
Last post by Ran - November 20, 2025, 09:58:50 PMFor context one thing I am diagnosed with is generalized anxiety and depression disorder.
I guess I wanted to just I don't even know what. I don't have any support with any of this right now. I even lost a place that was my support, so I guess I'm in grief too. I have been crying a lot and generally down.
At first at times this all didn't affect me as much. The older I got the more my past started to affect me.
I have no energy. My body hurts and I have tremors. I'm pretty sure my health is detoriating, though I'm trying to get all the help what is hard.
I'm advocating for my physical and mental health and not only my own. I'm doing always too much, but keeping busy is a distraction.
Everything just feels too much. I feel like I don't matter at all. I feel worthless and not like a human at all.
All I can hope for is get a good therapist, because otherwise I can't talk about none of it. I don't trust people very much.
I am in great pain.
I guess I wanted to just I don't even know what. I don't have any support with any of this right now. I even lost a place that was my support, so I guess I'm in grief too. I have been crying a lot and generally down.
At first at times this all didn't affect me as much. The older I got the more my past started to affect me.
I have no energy. My body hurts and I have tremors. I'm pretty sure my health is detoriating, though I'm trying to get all the help what is hard.
I'm advocating for my physical and mental health and not only my own. I'm doing always too much, but keeping busy is a distraction.
Everything just feels too much. I feel like I don't matter at all. I feel worthless and not like a human at all.
All I can hope for is get a good therapist, because otherwise I can't talk about none of it. I don't trust people very much.
I am in great pain.
#10
General Discussion / Re: I wish I had a personality...
Last post by kilroyinco - November 20, 2025, 09:36:53 PMHi,
I read your subject line differently. I thought for years that I had depression. I didn't want something to be wrong with me. I just knew I was suffering. Since I was a small child. It wasn't until three different therapists told me "you know you have PTSD, right?" that I found my way to complex trauma. The problem with all of this, which is sort of what I connected with from your subject, is everything seems to fall between the cracks. Without an actual, recognized diagnosis, I don't fit in anywhere, which is part of the problem to begin with. There aren't clear paths forward. I have spent the last three years finding my own treatment practice, having to find a path on my own, as I have done since I was very young. What I have concluded after a lot of introspection and deep research is there are loads of people who are impacted by trauma without any awareness.
I read your subject line differently. I thought for years that I had depression. I didn't want something to be wrong with me. I just knew I was suffering. Since I was a small child. It wasn't until three different therapists told me "you know you have PTSD, right?" that I found my way to complex trauma. The problem with all of this, which is sort of what I connected with from your subject, is everything seems to fall between the cracks. Without an actual, recognized diagnosis, I don't fit in anywhere, which is part of the problem to begin with. There aren't clear paths forward. I have spent the last three years finding my own treatment practice, having to find a path on my own, as I have done since I was very young. What I have concluded after a lot of introspection and deep research is there are loads of people who are impacted by trauma without any awareness.