Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Desert Flower - Today at 03:20:24 PMThank you for the validation, friends.
Had another rough day. Maybe I'll write about it later.
Had another rough day. Maybe I'll write about it later.
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 03:00:01 PMDF, your reply rang true for me on so many levels. thank you for that. the idea of doing the best we can to stay afloat, just to manage being alive from day to day, is so very true. too many professionals don't get that. to go the extra mile and do what we're 'supposed' to do is often way more than is possible. it's like working so hard to stay afloat while awash in a turbulent sea - how can we maintain a certain expectation to do so in a 'healthy' way? sometimes it's just not possible. 
thanks for the hug, chart. love it!
i'm going into a dark place again - haven't been there in a while. this bedtime anxiety is getting to me in a bad way. last nite i did extra meds just to calm myself down. the upside was that i slept really well. but, trying to figure out where the anxiety is coming from, how it's affected me, and the idea that this may be a whole set of emotions, besides fear, that have layered on over the years and 3 marriages - each of which i usually had to go to bed alone - and which i didn't have access to has brought up the idea that i may have to do emdr on myself, which brought tears to the surface cuz on the whole it means i have to take care of myself - again. what a heavy load it feels like i've been carrying. no wonder my posture is crapola.
thanks for the hug, chart. love it!
i'm going into a dark place again - haven't been there in a while. this bedtime anxiety is getting to me in a bad way. last nite i did extra meds just to calm myself down. the upside was that i slept really well. but, trying to figure out where the anxiety is coming from, how it's affected me, and the idea that this may be a whole set of emotions, besides fear, that have layered on over the years and 3 marriages - each of which i usually had to go to bed alone - and which i didn't have access to has brought up the idea that i may have to do emdr on myself, which brought tears to the surface cuz on the whole it means i have to take care of myself - again. what a heavy load it feels like i've been carrying. no wonder my posture is crapola.
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 02:21:56 PMditto what chart said, DF. it made perfect sense to me, too. my background had a slightly different bent, but basically it was similar. severance from a parent meant death, be it physical or emotional. don't upset/disappoint the parent, and you're ok to live another day. that pattern became ingrained in us because it was attached to a sense of survival. very difficult to break, to know we have enough in ourselves to take care of ourselves. lousy electricians, indeed! love and hugs
#4
Eating Issues / Re: Why “Morbid Obesity” Still...
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 02:09:33 PMit is, indeed!
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing or Holding On?
Last post by Chart - Today at 07:44:12 AMQuote from: Dark.art.girl on November 12, 2025, 10:11:50 PMDarkartgirl, absolutely. I experienced this a lot in the past. But now it's different. My take on it is that realizations don't actually change anything. This is why therapy doesn't help in the way we think or hope it will. The neuronal structure of our brains don't rewire quickly. It can take decades. It is freezing-molasses slow... but cumulative! Core issues can be horrifically difficult to "change" permanently. Many (myself included) don't believe in such platitudes as "total recovery".... Suddenly going into next week with sunshine and butterflies. It just doesn't work that way. And odd as it may seem, I'm not surprised (and kinda glad) it doesn't work that way. For me, what this means is that it's not a question of "results" but rather an understanding of the "process". Sure I want change. I especially want the pain to stop. But now that I've realized that's not going to happen (at least not in any Hollywood sense), something else has installed itself in the place where "hope" used to sit. Call it resilience maybe... it's definitely not "strength". It's a kind of acceptance, but that word is too passive and doesn't do justice to the fact that some things have improved. I totally agree with the onion metaphor. But there's something else in this idea of "change". Some things ARE permanent. They have to be because it is the foundation upon which my "self" rests. For example: Love "has" to be permanent. I can't get around that one. It HAS to be. And so if Love is eternal, it's opposite must also exist alongside it. The duality of existence seems pretty well established. And now I'm rambling! Sorry. So yes, I do think I understand that feeling of emotion revelation and subsequent backslide. My solution to that is observation, acknowledgement and patience. I've also seen things change in myself. But it's like getting close to very small birds... you have to stay very still and quiet, hardly breathing.
Does anyone else feel like once they release their big feelings this way things seem normal, but after awhile, feelings accumulate and build up under the surface again? I'm starting to recognize a pattern here and I remember this being a problem when I was younger, too. I wish I could explain why I'm doing it but I can't think that deeply right now. lol
#6
Recovery Journals / Re: Allie's Archives: a recov...
Last post by Chart - Today at 06:47:02 AMCool, sending more hugs! Glad things "moved" in therapy. Hope it was empowering in a positive way.
#7
Eating Issues / Why “Morbid Obesity” Still Hur...
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 05:37:22 AMThere's solid research showing a strong association between childhood trauma and adult obesity. Trauma affects the stress-response system, emotional regulation, and health behaviors across the lifespan. So for many of us with CPTSD, weight is not a simple "willpower issue" but a long-term biopsychosocial consequence of early adversity.
And then there is the term "morbid obesity."
"Morbid" literally means deadly. It's still used by many clinicians for the most severe form of obesity (BMI ≥ 40), even though the WHO's ICD-11 now uses the more neutral Obesity Class III. The CDC also explicitly advises health professionals: "By using clinically accurate terms such as 'Class 3 Obesity' instead of 'morbid obesity due to excess calories,' providers can create a more supportive environment for patients with obesity" and "... can help reduce weight bias and stigma ..." (https://www.cdc.gov/obesity/media/pdfs/2024/12/adult-partner-promotion-materials-icd-10-codes-508.pdf).
But in practice, this hasn't filtered into everyday care. Many of us still read on their charts or walk into appointments and hear:
"You are morbidly obese."
"Morbid obesity is your main problem."
Calling someone "morbidly obese" is like diagnosing a patient with "deadly cancer" instead of "stage 4 cancer". Morbid is not a neutral descriptor - it hits with the full weight of stigma.
For trauma survivors, the impact is amplified:
- CPTSD already comes with shame, body distrust, and a long history of being blamed or judged.
- Early relational trauma and neglect shape the nervous system and often the body.
- Then the medical system mirrors the childhood message: You are the problem.
"Obesity Class III" still communicates medical risk. But it just doesn't define the person as morbid.
Language won't fix trauma, but it can stop adding new wounds.
The coding system has already changed. The science has already moved.
It's time for clinical language to follow.
And then there is the term "morbid obesity."
"Morbid" literally means deadly. It's still used by many clinicians for the most severe form of obesity (BMI ≥ 40), even though the WHO's ICD-11 now uses the more neutral Obesity Class III. The CDC also explicitly advises health professionals: "By using clinically accurate terms such as 'Class 3 Obesity' instead of 'morbid obesity due to excess calories,' providers can create a more supportive environment for patients with obesity" and "... can help reduce weight bias and stigma ..." (https://www.cdc.gov/obesity/media/pdfs/2024/12/adult-partner-promotion-materials-icd-10-codes-508.pdf).
But in practice, this hasn't filtered into everyday care. Many of us still read on their charts or walk into appointments and hear:
"You are morbidly obese."
"Morbid obesity is your main problem."
Calling someone "morbidly obese" is like diagnosing a patient with "deadly cancer" instead of "stage 4 cancer". Morbid is not a neutral descriptor - it hits with the full weight of stigma.
For trauma survivors, the impact is amplified:
- CPTSD already comes with shame, body distrust, and a long history of being blamed or judged.
- Early relational trauma and neglect shape the nervous system and often the body.
- Then the medical system mirrors the childhood message: You are the problem.
"Obesity Class III" still communicates medical risk. But it just doesn't define the person as morbid.
Language won't fix trauma, but it can stop adding new wounds.
The coding system has already changed. The science has already moved.
It's time for clinical language to follow.
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: Allie's Archives: a recov...
Last post by alliematt - November 25, 2025, 10:10:12 PMI had therapy today and yelled.
Therapist agreed that what was going on was insane.
I agree in the US, what we're dealing with is "horrifically inhuman."
And hugs are OK.
Therapist agreed that what was going on was insane.
I agree in the US, what we're dealing with is "horrifically inhuman."
And hugs are OK.
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Chart - November 25, 2025, 09:03:46 PMMakes perfect sense to me, DF! The amygdala knows imminent threat intimately decades before full consciousness even begins to fathom the slightest iota of possible contradiction.
Our parents were lousy electricians... our wiring is seriously messed up.
Our parents were lousy electricians... our wiring is seriously messed up.