Recent posts
#1
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Introduction
Last post by Kizzie - Today at 03:36:30 PMGood to hear about your psychotherapist 
and hopefully you will find a psychiatrist who does know about CPTSD.
I hadn't heard of DeepL before but it seems quite useful.
and hopefully you will find a psychiatrist who does know about CPTSD. I hadn't heard of DeepL before but it seems quite useful.
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 03:13:44 PM[quoteBack in the day, it was a point of pride that a person no matter their sex could handle their own fecal matter. Making a living, figuring out life as it went, having the agency of and for themselves. Did the parental units (joke) provide support? Yes, but they were more like advisors rather than people who were actively engaged in maintaining childhood dependence. ][/quote]
i don't know what 'day' you're talking about, but back in my day, when i asked my mom to show me how to cook or clean, she told me 'you'll have plenty of time to learn when you get married'. the assumption was there, my path was already chosen by that society's norms, and my mom gave me no advice on how to generate 'agency' on my own behalf.
i'm not trying to argue with you, SH, just letting you know that i see different perspectives depending on upbringing, timing, parental guidance (or lack thereof), emotional, mental, physical issues, all of which play a part on how a person can get along in life. our traumas can also push back on us, rendering us quite unable to get along according to others' expectations. i think that's part of the beauty of diversity - differing viewpoints, ways to see the world, ways to see ourselves.
i wish all of us had been given everything we needed to get along in the world on our own, be able to take care of ourselves adequately and without help, and enjoy living day to day w/o fear or anxiety.
and, i just wanted to mention, speaking to your former post, that when i spoke of womens' fear of men, it was not due to propaganda, but due to our personal experiences. I don't know any woman who i've talked to about this who has not been sexually assaulted physically or verbally in some way, shape, or form without permission, by some man, either known or unknown, in private or in public. just for myself, it's happened from strangers, husbands, in public, in private, at the workplace when i was 16 from the manager there. so, no, i wasn't speaking from hearsay, reports, court cases, nothing out in the public that might be considered propaganda. just from some of us gals chatting on what it's like being a woman. and we are afraid now.
so, once again, different experiences for different people. trauma does that. all the more reason i admire and respect the people on this forum. there are some extremely difficult situations people here have lived thru, that have wounded them in so many ways, some to the point that, like me, are unable to support ourselves, take care of ourselves, be independent like we want to. i am thankful every day, tho, that my D is here, helping me make it thru life and living. she is kindness and respect personified, and i learn to be more like that every day. so, maybe not so much childhood dependence in my case, but adult dependence now. we're all so different, aren't we? love and hugs
i don't know what 'day' you're talking about, but back in my day, when i asked my mom to show me how to cook or clean, she told me 'you'll have plenty of time to learn when you get married'. the assumption was there, my path was already chosen by that society's norms, and my mom gave me no advice on how to generate 'agency' on my own behalf.
i'm not trying to argue with you, SH, just letting you know that i see different perspectives depending on upbringing, timing, parental guidance (or lack thereof), emotional, mental, physical issues, all of which play a part on how a person can get along in life. our traumas can also push back on us, rendering us quite unable to get along according to others' expectations. i think that's part of the beauty of diversity - differing viewpoints, ways to see the world, ways to see ourselves.
i wish all of us had been given everything we needed to get along in the world on our own, be able to take care of ourselves adequately and without help, and enjoy living day to day w/o fear or anxiety.
and, i just wanted to mention, speaking to your former post, that when i spoke of womens' fear of men, it was not due to propaganda, but due to our personal experiences. I don't know any woman who i've talked to about this who has not been sexually assaulted physically or verbally in some way, shape, or form without permission, by some man, either known or unknown, in private or in public. just for myself, it's happened from strangers, husbands, in public, in private, at the workplace when i was 16 from the manager there. so, no, i wasn't speaking from hearsay, reports, court cases, nothing out in the public that might be considered propaganda. just from some of us gals chatting on what it's like being a woman. and we are afraid now.
so, once again, different experiences for different people. trauma does that. all the more reason i admire and respect the people on this forum. there are some extremely difficult situations people here have lived thru, that have wounded them in so many ways, some to the point that, like me, are unable to support ourselves, take care of ourselves, be independent like we want to. i am thankful every day, tho, that my D is here, helping me make it thru life and living. she is kindness and respect personified, and i learn to be more like that every day. so, maybe not so much childhood dependence in my case, but adult dependence now. we're all so different, aren't we? love and hugs
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by StartingHealing - Today at 02:04:26 PM11/14/25
I really don't know how to explain what is slowly coming together in my mind. It appears to me at this time that there is a huge amount of behaviors going on in " society " and the behaviors of the BPD former spouse. I wonder if this is me seeing things that are not there because of the learnings I had to get through to save myself or is this something that is actually going on? I also admit that I carry the mindset? hm, expectations? something like that from the era that I grew up in.
Back in the day, it was a point of pride that a person no matter their sex could handle their own fecal matter. Making a living, figuring out life as it went, having the agency of and for themselves. Did the parental units (joke) provide support? Yes, but they were more like advisors rather than people who were actively engaged in maintaining childhood dependence.
Then again maybe it was because of the era and location. Farming communities had / have a totally different take on things that the urban mono-culture has. Growing up where there wasn't this thing about whether the plumbing was external or internal. Where a person's word, that was their bond, that it wasn't a oppressor / oppressed dynamic. It was simple, basic, took into account biology, and all the ways that biology expressed. Who was better at something? How did that fit into the over arching thing of making a living. There wasn't this ... manufactured divide that in retrospect is manufactured to achieve what is being seen today.
IDK, doing the self debate of what I'm perceiving. Because if I am right, then that will allow me to start finalizing the direction that I feel myself being drawn to while also figuring out how to navigate the crazy that currently is in play in this urban he77scape that I have woken up to.
Have a chiropractic appt this morning followed by a new freezer being delivered / old one picked up. Then the rest of the day .. IDK, perhaps I'll start sorting through things, get rid of more debris from the past.
Wishing all here, all the best
I really don't know how to explain what is slowly coming together in my mind. It appears to me at this time that there is a huge amount of behaviors going on in " society " and the behaviors of the BPD former spouse. I wonder if this is me seeing things that are not there because of the learnings I had to get through to save myself or is this something that is actually going on? I also admit that I carry the mindset? hm, expectations? something like that from the era that I grew up in.
Back in the day, it was a point of pride that a person no matter their sex could handle their own fecal matter. Making a living, figuring out life as it went, having the agency of and for themselves. Did the parental units (joke) provide support? Yes, but they were more like advisors rather than people who were actively engaged in maintaining childhood dependence.
Then again maybe it was because of the era and location. Farming communities had / have a totally different take on things that the urban mono-culture has. Growing up where there wasn't this thing about whether the plumbing was external or internal. Where a person's word, that was their bond, that it wasn't a oppressor / oppressed dynamic. It was simple, basic, took into account biology, and all the ways that biology expressed. Who was better at something? How did that fit into the over arching thing of making a living. There wasn't this ... manufactured divide that in retrospect is manufactured to achieve what is being seen today.
IDK, doing the self debate of what I'm perceiving. Because if I am right, then that will allow me to start finalizing the direction that I feel myself being drawn to while also figuring out how to navigate the crazy that currently is in play in this urban he77scape that I have woken up to.
Have a chiropractic appt this morning followed by a new freezer being delivered / old one picked up. Then the rest of the day .. IDK, perhaps I'll start sorting through things, get rid of more debris from the past.
Wishing all here, all the best
#4
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 01:08:16 PMJust catching up on this journal. I'm so glad you have such a good friend and that she is helping you with food. I hope this food stamps business gets sorted out soon. It must be so stressful.
I was very happy to read about your bison. I keep a small collection of stuffed animals on my bed. Just three but one of them (a wombat) is particularly comforting and I find myself reaching out for him sometimes if I am reading something difficult. I was "honoured" with my mother's childhood teddy which then of course had to be the primary stuffed toy. As an adult I find it quite a revelation just how comforting a stuffed toy can be.
I'm glad you handled the doctor appointment so well, and that your D was able to help with that. It can be so hard to deal with medics at the best of time but when they get on their high horse and talk down it is really difficult not to get shoved into a trauma response. I think it is really good that you are thinking through all the ramifications and talking them through here so that you will be well prepared for the next encounter.
I was very happy to read about your bison. I keep a small collection of stuffed animals on my bed. Just three but one of them (a wombat) is particularly comforting and I find myself reaching out for him sometimes if I am reading something difficult. I was "honoured" with my mother's childhood teddy which then of course had to be the primary stuffed toy. As an adult I find it quite a revelation just how comforting a stuffed toy can be.
I'm glad you handled the doctor appointment so well, and that your D was able to help with that. It can be so hard to deal with medics at the best of time but when they get on their high horse and talk down it is really difficult not to get shoved into a trauma response. I think it is really good that you are thinking through all the ramifications and talking them through here so that you will be well prepared for the next encounter.
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 01:03:58 PMi hope sunday is something meaningful for you, SH. love and hugs
#6
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by StartingHealing - Today at 02:13:21 AMHi San.
Honestly, most guys my age have known for a very long time that the world outside is a very dangerous place for us fellas. Yeah, I know the narrative that has been pushed that the gals are more at risk but that is intentional propaganda. The stat's bear that out. Even with them being manipulated.
Another thing to remember is modern society is soo crazy safe than what life was like compared to 1900's that the contrast is totally night and day in difference. I mean think about it. Grocery stores as we know them didn't exist before the 1950's. The interstate highways (at least in the country I live) didn't even start until late 1940's. If a generation is 30 years, it's not very many generations back to where hauling water was a common thing, and if you needed to cook, better be good with fire, and the sailing ships was the means of transport or if it was land based horses were it. Every time us humans "leveled up" the world we experience up till recently got safer and safer over all. Now though things are going the other way and lots of folks don't know how to handle / how to deal with it.
Admittedly the human carpet bomb of unregulated immigration has really increased the general level of danger for all of us.
Even back in the day though there were places that folks didn't go after dark. The old adage of "don't go looking for trouble". Not because of anything that the talking heads were preaching, wasn't about race, economic status, etc. It's that trouble seems to congregate in certain loosely defined areas. Always been that way as far as I have been able to find.
Makes sense to me anyway. I mean birds of a feather you know? There has always been a den of iniquity. Just is.
I'm looking forward to Sunday. I'll see what is the what. I'm working really hard to not get my hopes up. The powwows that I have been to have been cool.
Wishing all here all the best
Honestly, most guys my age have known for a very long time that the world outside is a very dangerous place for us fellas. Yeah, I know the narrative that has been pushed that the gals are more at risk but that is intentional propaganda. The stat's bear that out. Even with them being manipulated.
Another thing to remember is modern society is soo crazy safe than what life was like compared to 1900's that the contrast is totally night and day in difference. I mean think about it. Grocery stores as we know them didn't exist before the 1950's. The interstate highways (at least in the country I live) didn't even start until late 1940's. If a generation is 30 years, it's not very many generations back to where hauling water was a common thing, and if you needed to cook, better be good with fire, and the sailing ships was the means of transport or if it was land based horses were it. Every time us humans "leveled up" the world we experience up till recently got safer and safer over all. Now though things are going the other way and lots of folks don't know how to handle / how to deal with it.
Admittedly the human carpet bomb of unregulated immigration has really increased the general level of danger for all of us.
Even back in the day though there were places that folks didn't go after dark. The old adage of "don't go looking for trouble". Not because of anything that the talking heads were preaching, wasn't about race, economic status, etc. It's that trouble seems to congregate in certain loosely defined areas. Always been that way as far as I have been able to find.
Makes sense to me anyway. I mean birds of a feather you know? There has always been a den of iniquity. Just is.
I'm looking forward to Sunday. I'll see what is the what. I'm working really hard to not get my hopes up. The powwows that I have been to have been cool.
Wishing all here all the best
#7
Music / An Italian song about our core
Last post by Erec - November 13, 2025, 09:04:53 PMI imagine few people here understand Italian, but I would like to suggest a song by a Sicilian songwriter, Franco Battiato, performed in this case by Alice, a singer who is a friend of his. Battiato was an unusual figure in Italian music: he started out with progressive rock and then, after an existential crisis, became very interested in Orthodox Christianity, Sufism, and Eastern philosophy. I tried to have the text translated by Google Gemini, I hope it is understandable. It seems to touch on important points, such as the masks we wear in life and moments of despair:
We have weathered so many storms
And so many ancient and harsh trials
And a clear help from an invisible caress
Of a guardian
Worthy is the life of one who is awake (or: vigilant)
But even more so of one who becomes wise
And then reunites with His joy
Praise be, Praise to the Unviolated
Praise to the Unviolated
And how many useless characters I have worn (or: put on)
I, and my self, how many have endured
Arid is *
Barren is its path
How many miracles, designs, and inspirations
And then the suffering that makes you blind
In the falls there is the reason for His absence (or: the reason why He is absent)
The clouds cannot annihilate the Sun
And he knew it well... Paganini
That the devil is left-handed, and subtle
And plays the violin
https://youtu.be/mkRf4Il605s?si=ZncK3SVZS0wjwICx
We have weathered so many storms
And so many ancient and harsh trials
And a clear help from an invisible caress
Of a guardian
Worthy is the life of one who is awake (or: vigilant)
But even more so of one who becomes wise
And then reunites with His joy
Praise be, Praise to the Unviolated
Praise to the Unviolated
And how many useless characters I have worn (or: put on)
I, and my self, how many have endured
Arid is *
Barren is its path
How many miracles, designs, and inspirations
And then the suffering that makes you blind
In the falls there is the reason for His absence (or: the reason why He is absent)
The clouds cannot annihilate the Sun
And he knew it well... Paganini
That the devil is left-handed, and subtle
And plays the violin
https://youtu.be/mkRf4Il605s?si=ZncK3SVZS0wjwICx
#8
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Introduction
Last post by Erec - November 13, 2025, 06:21:05 PMThank you. My psychotherapist specializes in trauma, with training in certain techniques (particularly Mindfulness and EMDR). The problem here is the psychiatrists who are supposed to manage the pharmacological side: many are not particularly aware of the nature of post-traumatic problems. Just today I discovered that there is an association in Milan that deals with trauma, but I think it's the only one at the moment.
(As for the English: I'm getting help from DeepL, my brain is too tired to produce anything comprehensible.)
Thanks again for the welcome.
(As for the English: I'm getting help from DeepL, my brain is too tired to produce anything comprehensible.)
Thanks again for the welcome.
#9
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Introduction
Last post by Kizzie - November 13, 2025, 06:09:27 PMHi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm Erec 
Your English is great so I wouldn't worry about that. I'm sorry that so far you haven't had much help from therapy. Here in Canada psychiatrists are like gold and when you do manage to connect with one they mainly deal with medications. I see that there are lots of psychologists in Italy and you can search for one here - https://www.therapyroute.com/therapists/italy/1. They can't prescribe medication like psychiatrists can, but some are likely to have at least some training about trauma. It's still a bit of a hunt in some countries (for professionals trained in complex trauma), but they are out there.
In the meantime, I hope being here and sharing about your trauma will help you to feel less alone. Many of us have found that it is a relief to be a part of a community that 'gets it' and I hope that's true for you.
Kizzie
Your English is great so I wouldn't worry about that. I'm sorry that so far you haven't had much help from therapy. Here in Canada psychiatrists are like gold and when you do manage to connect with one they mainly deal with medications. I see that there are lots of psychologists in Italy and you can search for one here - https://www.therapyroute.com/therapists/italy/1. They can't prescribe medication like psychiatrists can, but some are likely to have at least some training about trauma. It's still a bit of a hunt in some countries (for professionals trained in complex trauma), but they are out there.
In the meantime, I hope being here and sharing about your trauma will help you to feel less alone. Many of us have found that it is a relief to be a part of a community that 'gets it' and I hope that's true for you.
Kizzie
#10
Physical Abuse / The Myth of Mutual Domestic Vi...
Last post by Kizzie - November 13, 2025, 05:58:49 PMSome time back Armee shared a link to an article "The Myth of Mutual Domestic Violence" (MDV) that I think belongs here (and in other sub-sections) as it validates for us as survivors that when we fight back we are not initiating DV or are we trying to dominate or control another, we are defending ourselves. This perspective is really helpful if/when your abuser (or their lawyer if you're in court) accuses you of MDV. If you know how to fight back about fighting back you will be better prepared and not susceptible to this erroneous argument.
Other links:
- https://www.goodrx.com/well-being/relationships/is-mutual-abuse-real
- https://www.thehotline.org/resources/mutual-abuse-its-not-real/
Other links:
- https://www.goodrx.com/well-being/relationships/is-mutual-abuse-real
- https://www.thehotline.org/resources/mutual-abuse-its-not-real/