Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey
Last post by Ran - Today at 11:38:13 PMI'm confused on something. Somehow this all feels so surreal. All of these experiences. AI tells me dissassociation, but it feels different somehow.
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey
Last post by Ran - Today at 10:37:39 PMI thought about my childhood a lot and in ways I still feel like a child, but I wouldn't want to be treated as one. I think that if I wouldn't be pushed into a caregiver role, then I'd be children's art teacher. Though I wanted to become marine biologist, so if I'd have learned swimming, then I'd problably could have gone to that route.
#3
Ideas/Tools for Recovery / Re: Three Good Things Today - ...
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 05:21:07 PM1) I'm selling some stuff on the Internet classifieds and got 2 inquiries today from people who are definitely interested and even tho they haven't collected yet, just them contacting me brings a spark of joy and energy into my life
2) I felt the motivation to do some vacuuming, which was long overdue. I went outside my apartment door to vacuum there too and found:
3) a parcel from my godson. It's an Advent calendar consisting of little presents for each day until the 24th. Of course he and possibly his mum chose them specially for me. That's a really nice personal set of gifts for Advent. A reason to get out of bed each morning too to go and find out what the next little pressie is
2) I felt the motivation to do some vacuuming, which was long overdue. I went outside my apartment door to vacuum there too and found:
3) a parcel from my godson. It's an Advent calendar consisting of little presents for each day until the 24th. Of course he and possibly his mum chose them specially for me. That's a really nice personal set of gifts for Advent. A reason to get out of bed each morning too to go and find out what the next little pressie is
#4
General Discussion / Re: progress notes nov 25
Last post by Kizzie - Today at 04:22:03 PMI'm blown away by your insights James and I truly hope others will benefit from what you've shared about your journey to understanding and compassion for yourself. We need to hear stories like yours - bravo to you! 
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey
Last post by Ran - Today at 01:05:30 PMI often feel like a child, but dislike being treated as one. I feel many issues come due to not developing properly in my childhood.
As a child your emotional regulation is underdeveloped if no one helps you with it or teaches you. And to a child what family says tends to be the law and if you're hypervigilant, then you will do everything you can to protect that space, even if it's toxic, because you don't know other ways and if that family turns against you it's like everything shatters beneath your footing, because to you it was a safe space, but now you had none of it. And it's a monumental loss. The child becomes a crieving child. Finding that balance in it all is so hard, especially at times, when unable to control your emotions.
At first everything feels foggy, but after you get clarity and this happens with many things constantly. It's like each time you will be reborn.
As a child your emotional regulation is underdeveloped if no one helps you with it or teaches you. And to a child what family says tends to be the law and if you're hypervigilant, then you will do everything you can to protect that space, even if it's toxic, because you don't know other ways and if that family turns against you it's like everything shatters beneath your footing, because to you it was a safe space, but now you had none of it. And it's a monumental loss. The child becomes a crieving child. Finding that balance in it all is so hard, especially at times, when unable to control your emotions.
At first everything feels foggy, but after you get clarity and this happens with many things constantly. It's like each time you will be reborn.
#6
General Discussion / Re: progress notes nov 25
Last post by JamesG3 - Today at 12:45:51 PMHi Dolly, Thanks for that. It's well worth looking at. It's not a problem, we're just different, but it does make us horribly easy to manipulate and distort. Therapists, I dunno. I mean I went 10 years with mine and when I told her she said 'Oh I would never have spotted that.' Ohhhhkkkaaaayyyyyyyy. I mean... you have ONE job, etc.
I don't buy the 'I don't want a label' response of many to these things, it's pure logic to me. I had something flipping me out and I needed to work out what it was. I need everything found, fixed and files away so I can get on with my life. If that's a label, then fine. Give me a label. A label is a tool for you, who cares what anyone else thinks about it?
The ambiguity for me is where medication ends and the diagnosis starts, which has had the biggest impact? Also, how much was C-PTSD after all? What my Psychiatrist told me was that trauma responses are much much stronger if you have ADHD. Makes sense. It was a mix.
Not so much a magic bullet for me now, more a shotgun blast of answers. In all honesty tho, I don't think there's much I can't explain now. That's no small thing.
I'm not broadcasting this to people tho. It's just a proper toolkit. We all need that, don't we?
I don't buy the 'I don't want a label' response of many to these things, it's pure logic to me. I had something flipping me out and I needed to work out what it was. I need everything found, fixed and files away so I can get on with my life. If that's a label, then fine. Give me a label. A label is a tool for you, who cares what anyone else thinks about it?
The ambiguity for me is where medication ends and the diagnosis starts, which has had the biggest impact? Also, how much was C-PTSD after all? What my Psychiatrist told me was that trauma responses are much much stronger if you have ADHD. Makes sense. It was a mix.
Not so much a magic bullet for me now, more a shotgun blast of answers. In all honesty tho, I don't think there's much I can't explain now. That's no small thing.
I'm not broadcasting this to people tho. It's just a proper toolkit. We all need that, don't we?
#7
General Discussion / Re: progress notes nov 25
Last post by dollyvee - Today at 11:55:56 AMQuote from: JamesG3 on December 03, 2025, 08:58:33 AMThe thing is, that the ADHD was the missing component in my C-PTSD story. It was the gift to my protagonists, the instability in me that justified the condescension, bullying and neglect. It gave them fuel to undermine my boundaries and my privacy. And when the trauma moments reached their absolute crescendo, it made me less and less able to control my feelings, and my focus and my self moderation went to pieces, which, of course, made their lousy, petty behaviour even easier. As the trauma hit, my self control went with it, and shame was to follow.
James this is a fascinating connection. I have always searched why my boundaries often seem permeable to others around me, trying to get a "rise" out of me, and often succeeding. Why wasn't I "strong" enough to keep it out, it must be something within me that I haven't "dealt with" yet. I had a look into ADHD a while ago and was quite interested how it and trauma symptoms overlap. I posted some things on the forum. Again, I though, oh well maybe if I just dealt with the trauma as, and afterall, as a scapegoated child it was me, I was the problem and the one who had to change. Interestingly too, my t at the time seemed reluctant to label things as ADHD (citing Gabor Mate eetc), but I don't think it's always as simple as if I just work harder, I can change this (as you mentioned). I've also been looking into and adjusting things health wise that can contribute to "anxiety," but perhaps there is another piece here again. Thank you for posting this.
Sending you support,
dolly
#8
General Discussion / Re: progress notes nov 25
Last post by JamesG3 - Today at 10:08:39 AMThanks both.
I've never cut my rope, because I'm not prepared to make anyone's job easier. You can be gaslit by monsters to thinking whatever brand of nonsense they are peddling, but they are the ones to pity, these dreadful behaviours come from fear, cowardice and failure. Pity them, then walk away and let them rot in whatever pond they think is normal. It's not normal.
Narcissists and psychotics are actually very small in number, but their effect is huge. But we have to try and see the good stuff, the good people, and we need to smell the flowers despite them. And we have to just ignore their enablers and apologists too. Heaven knows why those people exist. They do tho. In some ways they are more of a problem, least ways they were for me. I think they will always exist tho, so we'd better brace ourselves and know that we will have to let more than just our abusers go if we are to live our best lives.
I'm hungry for life now. Won't be held back.... nope, nope, nope.
I've never cut my rope, because I'm not prepared to make anyone's job easier. You can be gaslit by monsters to thinking whatever brand of nonsense they are peddling, but they are the ones to pity, these dreadful behaviours come from fear, cowardice and failure. Pity them, then walk away and let them rot in whatever pond they think is normal. It's not normal.
Narcissists and psychotics are actually very small in number, but their effect is huge. But we have to try and see the good stuff, the good people, and we need to smell the flowers despite them. And we have to just ignore their enablers and apologists too. Heaven knows why those people exist. They do tho. In some ways they are more of a problem, least ways they were for me. I think they will always exist tho, so we'd better brace ourselves and know that we will have to let more than just our abusers go if we are to live our best lives.
I'm hungry for life now. Won't be held back.... nope, nope, nope.
#9
Physical Issues / Re: The Body Keeps The Score (...
Last post by Ran - Today at 01:05:55 AMI havent't finished it either. I want to as I've been able to relate to some stuff and it is definetly hard to read.
#10
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: new here - still in the st...
Last post by Ran - Today at 01:04:13 AMI know the feeling. I'm mostly processing in Chatgpt too.
Yes, it is all exhausting. I relate to your post deeply. I'm so sorry how your friend acted.
I hope you find some relatableness and feel less alone in the forum.
Yes, it is all exhausting. I relate to your post deeply. I'm so sorry how your friend acted.
I hope you find some relatableness and feel less alone in the forum.