Recent posts
#21
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Greetings from the storm- ...
Last post by Desert Flower - January 11, 2026, 03:21:15 PMHello Olly and welcome,
I hope you will find the community here that you need and deserve like all the rest of us.
Favourite reptile YAY, yes, turtle and chameleon. And my image is always of the siamese twin turtle, that has five legs and two heads. Are we in or are we out? Fascinates me.
Reptiles need warmth too don't they. I do wish you a warm welcome.
I hope you will find the community here that you need and deserve like all the rest of us.
Favourite reptile YAY, yes, turtle and chameleon. And my image is always of the siamese twin turtle, that has five legs and two heads. Are we in or are we out? Fascinates me.
Reptiles need warmth too don't they. I do wish you a warm welcome.
#22
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Desert Flower - January 11, 2026, 03:02:32 PMThank you too NK. I think actually one of my problems has been that it was usually my keep-on-going part that came to therapy. I'm not sure any of the other parts were ever really there. Keep-on-going did mention them, some of them at least, but they never showed up in full glory so to speak. I think it's a very good sign that your teenage part did show up in your therapy, that she felt enough trust in you and the therapist to do that.
So far, I think I identified 12 parts. I wrote them down. I'm not sure whether they 'count' as alters psychologically, but I am sure they are there. They are more like 'streams of feeling' I enter than persons maybe. I'll leave that up to the doctors to decide. Actually, I am really looking forward to hearing their opinion about this. And I'm not sure they are all distinct parts, some of whom like to work together, or if some of them are actually different sides of a few larger parts. What I do know, is that they are seperated to some extent and that it's awfully hard to willingly switch back to a 'healthier' part. And whenever I feel anyone is trying to make me switch back to a healthy part, I get really angry. That is, an angry part gets triggered.
Like just now, one of my best and dearest friends stopped by. She had actually seen the distress I was in before Christmas. And now I told her that I'm hesitant to go back to work because 'this' has actually been going on for decades and I don't want to hide it anymore. I do not want to start working again under the 'pretense' that with a few months of guidance or whatever, we will be up and running again and everything will be fine again. This is an impression that may have occurred before because I have been in different jobs through the years and it takes the company people a while to figure out there is actually a pattern here. It is not really a pretence either because my keep-on-going part really does feel it is going to get / should be getting better. But this is the process that ignores the other parts, like I said earlier.
So I now told my friend I want to tell the company doctor (that we must see whenever we're on sick leave for a certain period) that this is in fact something that has been going on for decades, that we should not expect to get well and have it over with in six months or whatever. But then my friend started telling me that I am in fact strong, that I did perform well over the years etc. And this is invalidation of the parts that are feeling insecure, scared and angry. They do not want to be put away again behind this facade of keep-on-going. This is exactly what has been going on for all this time but I now want to find a way to function with all these parts participating so to speak, to let all of them be here. But I get the feeling really quickly that most people, including the well meaning ones (maybe especially those), just want to be rid of the scared etc. parts as fast as possible. Which upsets them. So what I think I need to be telling the company doctor is that he is probably talking to the keep-on-going part, but we should not ignore the other parts. I hope he will understand. This might be hard. My friend said it's always the question, in these situations, of how much we should tell. But I just don't want to hide these parts anymore, it does not feel right.
So far, I think I identified 12 parts. I wrote them down. I'm not sure whether they 'count' as alters psychologically, but I am sure they are there. They are more like 'streams of feeling' I enter than persons maybe. I'll leave that up to the doctors to decide. Actually, I am really looking forward to hearing their opinion about this. And I'm not sure they are all distinct parts, some of whom like to work together, or if some of them are actually different sides of a few larger parts. What I do know, is that they are seperated to some extent and that it's awfully hard to willingly switch back to a 'healthier' part. And whenever I feel anyone is trying to make me switch back to a healthy part, I get really angry. That is, an angry part gets triggered.
Like just now, one of my best and dearest friends stopped by. She had actually seen the distress I was in before Christmas. And now I told her that I'm hesitant to go back to work because 'this' has actually been going on for decades and I don't want to hide it anymore. I do not want to start working again under the 'pretense' that with a few months of guidance or whatever, we will be up and running again and everything will be fine again. This is an impression that may have occurred before because I have been in different jobs through the years and it takes the company people a while to figure out there is actually a pattern here. It is not really a pretence either because my keep-on-going part really does feel it is going to get / should be getting better. But this is the process that ignores the other parts, like I said earlier.
So I now told my friend I want to tell the company doctor (that we must see whenever we're on sick leave for a certain period) that this is in fact something that has been going on for decades, that we should not expect to get well and have it over with in six months or whatever. But then my friend started telling me that I am in fact strong, that I did perform well over the years etc. And this is invalidation of the parts that are feeling insecure, scared and angry. They do not want to be put away again behind this facade of keep-on-going. This is exactly what has been going on for all this time but I now want to find a way to function with all these parts participating so to speak, to let all of them be here. But I get the feeling really quickly that most people, including the well meaning ones (maybe especially those), just want to be rid of the scared etc. parts as fast as possible. Which upsets them. So what I think I need to be telling the company doctor is that he is probably talking to the keep-on-going part, but we should not ignore the other parts. I hope he will understand. This might be hard. My friend said it's always the question, in these situations, of how much we should tell. But I just don't want to hide these parts anymore, it does not feel right.
.jpg)
#24
Books & Articles / Re: David Bedrick - The Unsham...
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 11, 2026, 12:36:10 PMReading this, I feel it in my body - silent tears running down my face, not from pain alone, but from recognition. Thank you for sharing this.
#25
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: (Vent) I relied too much o...
Last post by Teddy bear - January 11, 2026, 12:32:42 PMHello Strawberry Cat,
I see it's quite an old topic, but just to add my two cents: I think I can understand you very much.
My experience with using AI as a substitute for a therapist started after problems with a real one, who attempted to victim-blame me—even though I'd been in her therapy for around a year and a half.
When I realised that her blaming attitude was still there, I gradually stopped seeing her. At the same time, I began using AI more and more, until I found myself feeling very disturbed and paranoid, as it was exacerbating my state.
I eventually had to stabilise myself and reduced how much I used AI, avoiding it whenever it would trigger paranoia or make things worse.
I still use it sometimes (and surprisingly, I haven't been banned, even though I've used some strong language on occasion).
I also find the 12-step program helpful sometimes, along with communities for adult children from dysfunctional families (not necessarily related to chemical dependency). It helps me avoid isolation, though some people or topics there can be triggering.
Hope this helps—or maybe your situation is already resolved.
Hugs, if that's okay 🤗
I see it's quite an old topic, but just to add my two cents: I think I can understand you very much.
My experience with using AI as a substitute for a therapist started after problems with a real one, who attempted to victim-blame me—even though I'd been in her therapy for around a year and a half.
When I realised that her blaming attitude was still there, I gradually stopped seeing her. At the same time, I began using AI more and more, until I found myself feeling very disturbed and paranoid, as it was exacerbating my state.
I eventually had to stabilise myself and reduced how much I used AI, avoiding it whenever it would trigger paranoia or make things worse.
I still use it sometimes (and surprisingly, I haven't been banned, even though I've used some strong language on occasion).
I also find the 12-step program helpful sometimes, along with communities for adult children from dysfunctional families (not necessarily related to chemical dependency). It helps me avoid isolation, though some people or topics there can be triggering.
Hope this helps—or maybe your situation is already resolved.
Hugs, if that's okay 🤗
#26
Successes, Progress? / Re: Post-Traumatic Joy
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 11, 2026, 12:25:39 PM
#27
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Greetings from the storm- ...
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 11, 2026, 12:22:38 PMHi Olly, welcome! 
And happy New Year to you too.
Thank you for trusting this space with your story.
Favorite reptile... oh wow, that is a good and hard question.
If I go purely symbolic: chameleons have always fascinated me. Beautiful, slow, almost still - but with those independently moving eyes that scan everything. Blending in, almost invisible; calm on the outside, hyper-aware underneath. That one resonates.
I also have a soft spot for geckos. They're kind of adorable, show up quietly, and do something genuinely useful just by being there. I let them stay when they occasionally move in - free mosquito and fly control - and the whole "hairy palm physics" thing (sticking to everything without glue) still blows my mind.
If you'll allow me to cheat a little: my final pick would be the axolotl (I know - amphibian, not reptile 🙂). Their facial expression is adorable, but also something about staying in a form that works for survival, not forcing a transformation just because it's "expected," and surviving in a very particular environment... that feels meaningful to me.
Most of my favorite animals though, I realize, are the ones that helped me survive or regulate in real life - like my service dog Baloo. Long before I understood trauma and that I have CPTSD, I was drawn to sitting for hours with fearful, undersocialized dogs in animal shelters - not training them, not pushing them, just staying quiet, predictable, and present until their nervous systems settled. The change was often marked by a deep sigh and finally falling asleep. I only recognize now that this was co-regulation.
This question turned out to be deeper than I thought. Thanks for asking it - and for being here. 💛
And happy New Year to you too.
Thank you for trusting this space with your story.
Favorite reptile... oh wow, that is a good and hard question.
If I go purely symbolic: chameleons have always fascinated me. Beautiful, slow, almost still - but with those independently moving eyes that scan everything. Blending in, almost invisible; calm on the outside, hyper-aware underneath. That one resonates.
I also have a soft spot for geckos. They're kind of adorable, show up quietly, and do something genuinely useful just by being there. I let them stay when they occasionally move in - free mosquito and fly control - and the whole "hairy palm physics" thing (sticking to everything without glue) still blows my mind.
If you'll allow me to cheat a little: my final pick would be the axolotl (I know - amphibian, not reptile 🙂). Their facial expression is adorable, but also something about staying in a form that works for survival, not forcing a transformation just because it's "expected," and surviving in a very particular environment... that feels meaningful to me.
Most of my favorite animals though, I realize, are the ones that helped me survive or regulate in real life - like my service dog Baloo. Long before I understood trauma and that I have CPTSD, I was drawn to sitting for hours with fearful, undersocialized dogs in animal shelters - not training them, not pushing them, just staying quiet, predictable, and present until their nervous systems settled. The change was often marked by a deep sigh and finally falling asleep. I only recognize now that this was co-regulation.
This question turned out to be deeper than I thought. Thanks for asking it - and for being here. 💛
#28
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by NarcKiddo - January 11, 2026, 11:35:46 AMIt's really weird coming to terms with parts, I find. I found Janina Fisher very helpful. I don't have many parts (at least I don't think I do), just a couple of inner children, but they are capable of hijacking adult me completely and without my realising - especially teenage NK. I didn't realise she did that, actually, until she did it during a therapy session but hesitated and adult NK became aware of her pulling down the shutter, as it were.
It sounds like you dealt with that unexpected phone call very well and I hope you get the desired result.
It sounds like you dealt with that unexpected phone call very well and I hope you get the desired result.
#29
Successes, Progress? / Re: Post-Traumatic Joy
Last post by NarcKiddo - January 11, 2026, 11:25:52 AM
#30
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: stuck in a loop
Last post by NarcKiddo - January 11, 2026, 11:23:29 AMThat sounds really tough. Ignore this if it doesn't help, but Kizzie's post touches very much on what I was thinking as I read yours. It sounds like you have been doing so much hard work to get better that maybe you need a rest from that. Maybe taking stock of what is "good enough" and just sticking there for a while could help. It doesn't mean you are settling, it doesn't mean you are saying that something is good enough for ever. But maybe it is good enough for now, while you take a breather and take time to plan the next step. It feels from your post that you are being bombarded by so much that you feel like you are being backed into a corner and being forced to be reactive. Nobody can sustain that - but the corner can be helpful too. The walls have got your back. Maybe you don't need to fight your way out of the corner just yet.
I hope things improve soon.
I hope things improve soon.