Recent posts
#21
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 04:32:24 AMI hope the meeting with the new T went okay, or at least felt workable. One step at a time really fits here. I'm thinking of you and hoping Monday brings a bit more clarity too.
#22
Successes, Progress? / Re: Post-Traumatic Joy
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 04:27:40 AM
Here is 🥂 to "totally normal".
#23
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 04:20:13 AMPapaCoco, it's so much you are carrying. I'm really glad you let this space hold you while things are unsettled. You matter here, exactly as you are, and you don't have to make sense of everything right now. I know that place, too.
#24
Recovery Journals / Re: TV's Repair Journal
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 04:04:31 AMI'm really glad you're safe! Sending thoughts and support to the north.
It makes so much sense to turn that need for self-parenting into characters and creativity - that is such a gentle, resourceful way of caring for yourself. I'm sorry the migraines have been rough lately. I hope you get some easing soon. Sending steady, quiet support your way 💛
It makes so much sense to turn that need for self-parenting into characters and creativity - that is such a gentle, resourceful way of caring for yourself. I'm sorry the migraines have been rough lately. I hope you get some easing soon. Sending steady, quiet support your way 💛
#25
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 03:51:36 AMChart, I hear you. Sitting with pain without dissociating or pushing it away is brutally hard work, even when it doesn't feel like work at all. Feeling empty, fake, or unable to respond doesn't mean you are those things though. It often just means you are right in the middle of it.
Thank you for the Schore video. For me too, understanding what is happening in the nervous system can sometimes create just enough steadiness to stay present.
Even if the duck video failed tonight 🦆💛, you're still here, and we are staying with you; and that counts more than it feels like right now.
Thank you for the Schore video. For me too, understanding what is happening in the nervous system can sometimes create just enough steadiness to stay present.
Even if the duck video failed tonight 🦆💛, you're still here, and we are staying with you; and that counts more than it feels like right now.
#26
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by HannahOne - Today at 02:42:16 AMChart, SenseOrgan, TheBigBlue, thank you for commenting!
SenseOrgan, "the dog doesn't know it's a dog."
That IS astute! How to carry knowing with some equanimity and less suffering is the ongoing question. Compartmentalizing/pretending didn't work. How can it be ok to know what I know, how can I be ok with knowing? Or be ok with not being ok with knowing? An attitude to cultivate. I can create the conditions, and give time and energy for equanimity to grow. Pulling it out every five minutes to yell at the roots "ARE YOU GROWING YET?!" is probably not going to work
SenseOrgan, "the dog doesn't know it's a dog."
That IS astute! How to carry knowing with some equanimity and less suffering is the ongoing question. Compartmentalizing/pretending didn't work. How can it be ok to know what I know, how can I be ok with knowing? Or be ok with not being ok with knowing? An attitude to cultivate. I can create the conditions, and give time and energy for equanimity to grow. Pulling it out every five minutes to yell at the roots "ARE YOU GROWING YET?!" is probably not going to work #27
Recovery Journals / Re: TV's Repair Journal
Last post by lowbudgetTV - Today at 01:08:06 AMQuote from: Chart on January 25, 2026, 06:36:54 PMQuote from: lowbudgetTV on January 23, 2026, 11:56:20 PMI try to remember the bad things to avoid the guilt. I still just want loving parents sometimes, though.It's sad, really sad. But that's how it is.
Yeah. I love writing and being creative, so I tend to harness the need to be my own parent into actual characters.
...
It has been hard since I live in Minnesota currently, which if you know you know what I mean. There are more present problems than parents. We are safe though! My head (migraines) has been bad recently but I am getting through.
#28
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 12:32:09 AM 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆
#29
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by SenseOrgan - January 25, 2026, 07:40:36 PMIt's so brave to share this here HannahOne. Your mind seems to be giving you a hard time at the moment. You're not responsible for the hand you were dealt. For none of the domino's that were set in motion. I have a hunch you did more than your best to play the game as best as you possibly could. That's good enough. Even if the fruits of your efforts aren't edible right now.
Today I heard one of my teachers talk about her dog. She said the dog doesn't even know she's a dog. Astute. I presume the absence of mind-identification equals non-duality. That's full-on. No filter. No escape. No trips into what's not happening [aka thoughts]. Intense emotions that leave the system rather quickly compared to what lingers in ours. What I've observed is a correlation between openness to difficult emotions, their intensity, and how long they stick around. It boils down to what Shinzen Young said: "Suffering = Pain × Resistance. Purification = Pain × Equanimity". That's not a switch that can be flipped at will. Especially not for traumatized people. Rather an attitude that can be cultivated, which does seep into deeper layers over time. Deconditioning/reconditioning is a messy, non-liniar process. Feeling intense emotions, or being hijacked by the mind doesn't necessarily mean that something is going wrong, or that you are. It happens. And there's Frank.
We share Frank's beingness in our equally mammalian systems. We're just dealing with an extra layer of distraction from it that we identify with much more than is helpful. The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master, as they say.
Much love
"Still a good duck". That's priceless Marcine
Today I heard one of my teachers talk about her dog. She said the dog doesn't even know she's a dog. Astute. I presume the absence of mind-identification equals non-duality. That's full-on. No filter. No escape. No trips into what's not happening [aka thoughts]. Intense emotions that leave the system rather quickly compared to what lingers in ours. What I've observed is a correlation between openness to difficult emotions, their intensity, and how long they stick around. It boils down to what Shinzen Young said: "Suffering = Pain × Resistance. Purification = Pain × Equanimity". That's not a switch that can be flipped at will. Especially not for traumatized people. Rather an attitude that can be cultivated, which does seep into deeper layers over time. Deconditioning/reconditioning is a messy, non-liniar process. Feeling intense emotions, or being hijacked by the mind doesn't necessarily mean that something is going wrong, or that you are. It happens. And there's Frank.
We share Frank's beingness in our equally mammalian systems. We're just dealing with an extra layer of distraction from it that we identify with much more than is helpful. The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master, as they say.
Much love
"Still a good duck". That's priceless Marcine
#30
Recovery Journals / Re: TV's Repair Journal
Last post by Chart - January 25, 2026, 06:36:54 PMQuote from: lowbudgetTV on January 23, 2026, 11:56:20 PMI try to remember the bad things to avoid the guilt. I still just want loving parents sometimes, though.I believe that is normal and healthy. Was just writing about that to NarcKiddo...
But the truth is we have to take care of ourselves now. No more guilt for parents who totally messed me up. I took care of my mother long enough, was never my job, and now I'm stumbling around and trying to straighten myself out.
It's sad, really sad. But that's how it is.