Recent posts
#21
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 02:13:31 PMthis was so much for me, i need a break. thanks to all of you. more later.
#22
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 02:10:10 PMi agree w/ NK that the fastest way is thru rather than around. i know so many people who have problems, and they use various means to avoid looking at them, feeling the feelings, etc. - shopping, cleaning, working, screentime, exercise - you know the list goes on and on. i myself have a hard time slowing down, being still. my D and i were talking about meditating the other day, which i've had low to no success with, unless it was a short guided meditation for relaxing. she went to a zen retreat once to see if she could quiet her mind, it was terrible for her and she felt like a complete failure until the leader told her that if she simply takes the time to stop 'doing' and sit, even if it lasts a few seconds, she has reached her goal. the goal being stopping doing things, even if for a moment.
i took that and went with it yesterday. i was only able to sit still for a minute, maybe 2, but i was able to come away feeling satisfied. i think we accomplish a lot more than we give ourselves credit for cuz we only see the big picture and think that's the only one that means success.
so, yeah, stopping during our day for even a minute may not be a bad idea. small steps, right? love and hugs
i took that and went with it yesterday. i was only able to sit still for a minute, maybe 2, but i was able to come away feeling satisfied. i think we accomplish a lot more than we give ourselves credit for cuz we only see the big picture and think that's the only one that means success.
so, yeah, stopping during our day for even a minute may not be a bad idea. small steps, right? love and hugs
#23
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 01:53:35 PMchart, i cry all the time, especially about love and children. the idea of feeling loved is still kind of foreign to me - the lack of feelings thing - and i can't watch shows anymore where children are being hurt, abused, manipulated in bad ways, etc. or people, for that matter. there was a show called 'doll house' - joss whedan - and i watched one episode before my nervous system went haywire w/ what i was seeing. too close to home.
i think most of us have a lot to grieve, but it's painful, which would be my guess as to why we tend to shy away from it. to me, it's very distressing, all those feelings coming out at one time. it easily gets me sick the next day or three. so, for that reason, i avoid it whenever possible.
if the level of EMDR you're doing or the subject you're targeting is too much for your system, you can ask your T to do the eye movements more slowly and with more breaks, or break down whatever you're working on into smaller bits. i've done that, and it helped not to get overwhelmed at the same time i could let the tears flow.
well done on helping your body re-regulate itself. keep up the good work! love and hugs
i think most of us have a lot to grieve, but it's painful, which would be my guess as to why we tend to shy away from it. to me, it's very distressing, all those feelings coming out at one time. it easily gets me sick the next day or three. so, for that reason, i avoid it whenever possible.
if the level of EMDR you're doing or the subject you're targeting is too much for your system, you can ask your T to do the eye movements more slowly and with more breaks, or break down whatever you're working on into smaller bits. i've done that, and it helped not to get overwhelmed at the same time i could let the tears flow.
well done on helping your body re-regulate itself. keep up the good work! love and hugs
#24
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2026
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 01:39:33 PMglad you're feeling better for having written it out, hope. we have beautiful snow here, it's been a very pretty winter, but i also look forward to the spring flowers. i agree w/ the feeling of cozy while it's below 0 outdoors! enjoy! love and hugs - those flowers will be here soon!
#25
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Desert Flower - Today at 01:00:23 PMThank you dear friends, I do appreciate your responses and comments but I do not feel I have the capacity to write on the Forum atm.
#26
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 12:58:49 PMYour latest post has described a huge part of what I struggle with. My logical brain knows something fine well, but if my emotional brain does not have the experience, and thus the circuits wired in, I will never fully (or even at all) understand whatever it is my logical brain knows. (Wow, that was some tortuous sentence construction right there. Sorry.) So, yes, I think you are on to something. You need to experience peace to understand it. But getting there can be a pretty unpleasant experience. All my life I have tended to avoid feeling my feelings and this has not served me well now it is not a survival mechanism. My T would advise me to feel the feelings and my logical brain was cool with that. But when they hit, those nasty, cruel EF type ones especially, my emotional brain thinks they will NEVER END. So I have to do my utmost to NOT feel them. If I don't feel them they are not there. It reminds me of a pet guinea pig I had years ago. He would hide by putting his head inside his house door. He was convinced he was hiding despite the fact that his great big backside was sticking out of the door. I am now making a conscious effort to feel my feelings, when I can bear to, and am realising that they do go away. Much faster than the ones I squash down and pretend aren't there. I don't think my emotional brain has fully cottoned on yet, but it seems to me that there is no way round feeling this stuff when it comes up. The fastest way is to go through it, not round it.
#27
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by dollyvee - Today at 10:49:12 AMPC - I'm glad you were able to take my comments about Chatgpt as just another side of a coin, and I would've been equally ok with a response of this is something that I really need to use right now. I guess/think this part of me wanting to offer information is an extension of my caretaking part (fawning 101) who needs others to be safe and ok, so that I in turn can be safe and ok.
I am also learning about grief and understanding that it's a complicated thing. Part of the reading (and well youtube videos on this topic) that I have been looking into this year is around scaepgoating in families and being the scapegoated child. I've started Rebecca Mandeville's book, Rejected, Blamed, and Shamed and she has a chapter regarding the complicated process of grief for scapegoated children because grief is masked by anger, which is easy for the scapegoated child to get stuck in because there is no way to resolve the issues with their family. As I understand it, it's a double bind because they suffer if they remain engaged with their family, and they suffer if they end contact with those they still love. When they finally have their sense of anger and injustice heard, it can give way to grief. This is called disenfranchised grief. As I understand, this kind of anger, and therefore grief, in scapegoated children is also unrecognized because they are the ones that are seen to be the problem (and therefore don't deserve validation).
Please take and leave if it makes sense to you. I'm sorry that you're having to go through the issues regarding credit card fraud, but adult PC seems to be handling everything well.
Sending you support,
dolly
I am also learning about grief and understanding that it's a complicated thing. Part of the reading (and well youtube videos on this topic) that I have been looking into this year is around scaepgoating in families and being the scapegoated child. I've started Rebecca Mandeville's book, Rejected, Blamed, and Shamed and she has a chapter regarding the complicated process of grief for scapegoated children because grief is masked by anger, which is easy for the scapegoated child to get stuck in because there is no way to resolve the issues with their family. As I understand it, it's a double bind because they suffer if they remain engaged with their family, and they suffer if they end contact with those they still love. When they finally have their sense of anger and injustice heard, it can give way to grief. This is called disenfranchised grief. As I understand, this kind of anger, and therefore grief, in scapegoated children is also unrecognized because they are the ones that are seen to be the problem (and therefore don't deserve validation).
Please take and leave if it makes sense to you. I'm sorry that you're having to go through the issues regarding credit card fraud, but adult PC seems to be handling everything well.
Sending you support,
dolly
#28
Books & Articles / Re: David Bedrick - The Unsham...
Last post by Hope67 - Today at 10:14:56 AMHi SenseOrgan,
The book (Unshaming by David Bedrick) has arrived, and I've started reading it, and I am so glad I bought it - it is really helpful so far.
The book (Unshaming by David Bedrick) has arrived, and I've started reading it, and I am so glad I bought it - it is really helpful so far.
#29
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by Hope67 - Today at 10:13:00 AMI really like what you wrote Papa Coco - about being in the present moment and attempting to find peace there, without analysing the past and the future - just being in the moment - I am hoping to try to do more of that today.
#30
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by Hope67 - Today at 10:09:55 AMSending you a big hug 
as well.
as well.