Recent posts
#21
Recovery Journals / Re: Of course it's worth it!
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 01:14:05 PMQuote from: Blueberry on Today at 04:17:44 AMFOO either lamenting they didn't get to meet my friends
The similarities of things we at OOTS encounter never ceases to amaze me. My M from time to time takes an active interest in my friend situation. I never talk about anything I care about to her. I fling around a few names occasionally because it can be useful to have a ready excuse for not doing something on the basis it is X's birthday or whatever. If she has never heard of X it doesn't work so well. But I've never really got to the bottom of why she shows this interest. Maybe she knows friends can be influential and wants to make sure they are suitable?
It's interesting that you have been remembering these issues with your FOO. Also that you were given that advice by the inpatient trauma place. Did you find it helpful? It strikes me as well-meaning but potentially challenging unless it was accompanied with sensible and potentially actionable suggestions of how you might go about doing that.
I'm glad you are identifying these instances of "should" and thinking them through.
#22
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 01:08:35 PMand congrats to you, blueberry, for starting. that's the first step for everything, isn't it? i like the idea of 'activating'. it's not a passive word at all, and i think that speaks to a change in mindset somehow. best to you - one step at a time, ok? love and hugs
#23
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 01:06:18 PMNK, i'm so sorry all this FOO stuff keeps messing w/ your head, keeps pulling you back in. i hear your struggles, and i do believe you're making progress for the mere fact that you are now questioning their actions and your own reactions. i think that's a great step, and you will move forward from there. so, well done!
one sentence that bothered me was this:
all my support during this time. love and hugs
one sentence that bothered me was this:
QuoteI stupidly set mine up as the recovery number.i do hope that eventually you can stop calling my friend NK 'stupid'. i think what you did was part of your response in the moment in the midst of FOO mindset. we aren't stupid, we are self-protective in whatever form that takes.
all my support during this time. love and hugs
#24
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 12:50:00 PMBB - I certainly do remember the issues with that 'friend'. It's good that we can air these things out to one another. I often find other people's posts oddly applicable to my own situation in ways I did not expect.
HannahOne and TBB - thanks for your support.
Dolly - Thank you for thinking this through with me.
Funnily enough my M has just sent me a message telling me some velcro slippers I bought for my F the first time he went to hospital for surgery have now proved useful. She made it clear at the time he hated them and preferred to endure the discomfort of an abdominal incision while bending down to do up shoelaces. A typical example of something that would objectively be a good thing being flung back in my face. I'd forgotten about the slippers. But now she chooses to send out a random pat on the head to me. It's just hoovering. Back in the day I would have been so pleased at the crumb of recognition. But it goes to show she is quite an operator when she wants to be. The slight nuance of "oh, you were right all along about those slippers" is an easy thing for her to throw out but potentially very seductive to receive.
HannahOne and TBB - thanks for your support.
Dolly - Thank you for thinking this through with me.
Funnily enough my M has just sent me a message telling me some velcro slippers I bought for my F the first time he went to hospital for surgery have now proved useful. She made it clear at the time he hated them and preferred to endure the discomfort of an abdominal incision while bending down to do up shoelaces. A typical example of something that would objectively be a good thing being flung back in my face. I'd forgotten about the slippers. But now she chooses to send out a random pat on the head to me. It's just hoovering. Back in the day I would have been so pleased at the crumb of recognition. But it goes to show she is quite an operator when she wants to be. The slight nuance of "oh, you were right all along about those slippers" is an easy thing for her to throw out but potentially very seductive to receive.
#25
Therapy / Re: Body reactions and somatic...
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 12:38:28 PMJust want to say I read your post and want to validate tho I don't have the wherewithal to write much atm. I have a lot of body reactions too, tho often more of the Freeze variety. otoh I have seen people in inpatient settings shaking and fainting, so I know it's a possible reaction.
I'm also somewhere along the dissociation spectrum, tho not as far along as DID.
My best therapists have had an integrative approach too. In fact, where I live therapists tend not to do 'just' talk therapy or 'just' CBT etc but combine as needed.
I hope you can begin to feel less shame around all this. But step by step, it's all a process...
I'm also somewhere along the dissociation spectrum, tho not as far along as DID.
My best therapists have had an integrative approach too. In fact, where I live therapists tend not to do 'just' talk therapy or 'just' CBT etc but combine as needed.
I hope you can begin to feel less shame around all this. But step by step, it's all a process...
#26
Therapy / Body reactions and somatic the...
Last post by LaylaDalal - Today at 12:28:22 PMHey dear people,
This is my first topic to create and I hope I'm doing everything "right" - I didnt find anything too similar, so I hope to share some valid direction here.
My therapist holds an Integrative approach, combining somatic and body work with arts and talk therapy. She is very trauma and addiction informed, and she guides me from her own lived experience which is incredibly valuable for me and other parts / my system. I trust her deeply by now and she is saving my life.
During the sessions, I dissociate a lot and it's still incredibly hard for most of my parts to talk and not be flooded by each others material and needs. When I go into overwhelm, my body reacts strongly through spasming, shaking and fainting. I often felt and feel like Im dying. These episodes used to happen before in my life - in session I feel relatively safe because my therapist is there and she can contain me. Outside of session it feels extremly scary but even during session, many parts feel threatened and think they will die. I often cannot walk anymore. That is especially overwhelming. It has gotten better but that also comes from avoiding specific themes maybe, because we realised that these states do get dangerous and the parts saying "you need to die" can take over in such moments.
Still Im learning to deal with all this, one step at a time and mainly because my therapists patience and compassion and care seems eternal and I have never received trust like this, that recovery is possible.
I think, I'm sharing this and reaching out to you because I'm interested in your somatic reactions during therapy and in life - so this may help me feel a bit more unshamed around this, because I still often feel like an extreme freak (with the dissociation anyways already but with the body reacting this extreme, sometimes very publicly, even more).
Thank you all for being here and looking forward to reading from you!
This is my first topic to create and I hope I'm doing everything "right" - I didnt find anything too similar, so I hope to share some valid direction here.
My therapist holds an Integrative approach, combining somatic and body work with arts and talk therapy. She is very trauma and addiction informed, and she guides me from her own lived experience which is incredibly valuable for me and other parts / my system. I trust her deeply by now and she is saving my life.
During the sessions, I dissociate a lot and it's still incredibly hard for most of my parts to talk and not be flooded by each others material and needs. When I go into overwhelm, my body reacts strongly through spasming, shaking and fainting. I often felt and feel like Im dying. These episodes used to happen before in my life - in session I feel relatively safe because my therapist is there and she can contain me. Outside of session it feels extremly scary but even during session, many parts feel threatened and think they will die. I often cannot walk anymore. That is especially overwhelming. It has gotten better but that also comes from avoiding specific themes maybe, because we realised that these states do get dangerous and the parts saying "you need to die" can take over in such moments.
Still Im learning to deal with all this, one step at a time and mainly because my therapists patience and compassion and care seems eternal and I have never received trust like this, that recovery is possible.
I think, I'm sharing this and reaching out to you because I'm interested in your somatic reactions during therapy and in life - so this may help me feel a bit more unshamed around this, because I still often feel like an extreme freak (with the dissociation anyways already but with the body reacting this extreme, sometimes very publicly, even more).
Thank you all for being here and looking forward to reading from you!
#27
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 12:10:07 PMQuote from: dollyvee on Today at 09:14:55 AMhahahaha I have an image of your m getting up at 4am to greet the milkman and to try and solve his problems.
NK, when I read this quote from dollyvee, I suddenly think of the 'friend' who was helping me after I broke my ankle. idk if you remember tho I know you commented on various aspects at the time. This realisation is probably more useful for me than you, but possibly also of slight interest to you, or at least validating.
#28
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 11:11:53 AM #29
Physical Issues / Re: Constantly t i r e d. Shou...
Last post by Teddy bear - Today at 10:53:54 AMI agree, that we are different.
But I decided to cease coffee as I've read it can interfere with my medication.
It seems to me, I've started to feel worse during the last few months of a regular moderate consumption.
I also feel tired often now.
But I decided to cease coffee as I've read it can interfere with my medication.
It seems to me, I've started to feel worse during the last few months of a regular moderate consumption.
I also feel tired often now.
#30
Recovery Journals / Activating myself
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 09:33:22 AMI've decided that for the moment activating myself seems a good step to try for. It could be a fairly low-key activity. Often it would undoubtedly be sensible and useful to try for a physical activity, even though that too can be very low-key. Not exercises, not sport but just e.g. bringing the communal wheelie bins back in and gritting the frozen drive, as I have done this morning.
Other examples will be in my Recovery Journals (beneficial things, concrete things, the easiest activity among beneficial activities etc.) What I have also done this morning is start cleaning up in the kitchen, which is very overdue. But I have started.
Other examples will be in my Recovery Journals (beneficial things, concrete things, the easiest activity among beneficial activities etc.) What I have also done this morning is start cleaning up in the kitchen, which is very overdue. But I have started.