Recent posts
#21
General Discussion / Re: Managing Multiplicity
Last post by TheBigBlue - March 03, 2026, 12:40:41 AMHi Layöa
I really appreciate how thoughtfully you're holding this. Trauma is not one single thing, and the ways our systems adapt to it can look very different from person to person.
My own history is different from what you're describing, so I can't speak from the same lived place around multiplicity - but I can absolutely resonate with the longing for community.
That feeling of wanting to find others who get it without you having to over-explain... that's real. And the exhaustion of trying to appear "normal" while carrying something complex inside - that, too, feels very understandable.
I also hear how carefully you're thinking about diagnosis - not just as a label, but as something that can both validate and pathologize. That's a nuanced place to stand.
I may not share the same internal structure, but I do share the desire to make meaning of what happened, to stay safe, and to not be alone in it. I'm glad you brought this here. 💛
I really appreciate how thoughtfully you're holding this. Trauma is not one single thing, and the ways our systems adapt to it can look very different from person to person.
My own history is different from what you're describing, so I can't speak from the same lived place around multiplicity - but I can absolutely resonate with the longing for community.
That feeling of wanting to find others who get it without you having to over-explain... that's real. And the exhaustion of trying to appear "normal" while carrying something complex inside - that, too, feels very understandable.
I also hear how carefully you're thinking about diagnosis - not just as a label, but as something that can both validate and pathologize. That's a nuanced place to stand.
I may not share the same internal structure, but I do share the desire to make meaning of what happened, to stay safe, and to not be alone in it. I'm glad you brought this here. 💛
#22
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by TheBigBlue - March 03, 2026, 12:31:58 AMI really relate to how exhausting that place can feel.
Sometimes well-meant advice - especially more CBT-type reframes - can land as either invalidating of the lived, felt experience or as subtle pressure. Like there's something we should be doing differently, some switch we're failing to flip. When you're already stuck and hurting, that can make the stuckness feel even heavier.
And what you said about anger feeling unsafe, but depression feeling safer... that makes a lot of sense. For many of us, anger once had consequences. Depression can be a kind of armor - dull, heavy, but protective.
When your therapist talks about "power," I wonder if part of what makes it hard is that power doesn't feel accessible when you're this worn down. It's hard to imagine agency when your system is in survival mode.
I don't hear someone who doesn't want power. I hear someone who's tired, disappointed, and wanting relief.
I'm really glad you said it out loud here. You don't have to carry that alone tonight. 💛
Sometimes well-meant advice - especially more CBT-type reframes - can land as either invalidating of the lived, felt experience or as subtle pressure. Like there's something we should be doing differently, some switch we're failing to flip. When you're already stuck and hurting, that can make the stuckness feel even heavier.
And what you said about anger feeling unsafe, but depression feeling safer... that makes a lot of sense. For many of us, anger once had consequences. Depression can be a kind of armor - dull, heavy, but protective.
When your therapist talks about "power," I wonder if part of what makes it hard is that power doesn't feel accessible when you're this worn down. It's hard to imagine agency when your system is in survival mode.
I don't hear someone who doesn't want power. I hear someone who's tired, disappointed, and wanting relief.
I'm really glad you said it out loud here. You don't have to carry that alone tonight. 💛
#23
Memory/Cognitive Issues / Re: How Trauma Affects Memory
Last post by GoSlash27 - March 02, 2026, 10:31:14 PM I now more fully understand what happened to me. My case is so "edge" that I'm not sure if it's even worthy of further study.
I was broken at the exact moment that I was supposed to start forming narrative memories. As a result, not only did I not overwrite the baby footage, I *continued recording*!
I don't know *how* to record memories like a normal person. All of my memories are photo- accurate and insanely detailed raw data, but they lack any metadata. No context, no date stamp, no personalization.
I don't suffer from generalized dissociative amnesia. I suffer from verdical eidetic recall.
Not only do I have to make sense of every memory I have, but I will have to make sense of every memory I will ever form for the rest of my life.
This is a lot to contend with.
-Slashy
I was broken at the exact moment that I was supposed to start forming narrative memories. As a result, not only did I not overwrite the baby footage, I *continued recording*!
I don't know *how* to record memories like a normal person. All of my memories are photo- accurate and insanely detailed raw data, but they lack any metadata. No context, no date stamp, no personalization.
I don't suffer from generalized dissociative amnesia. I suffer from verdical eidetic recall.
Not only do I have to make sense of every memory I have, but I will have to make sense of every memory I will ever form for the rest of my life.
This is a lot to contend with.
-Slashy
#24
General Discussion / Re: Managing Multiplicity
Last post by Kizzie - March 02, 2026, 09:05:55 PMLayla, I searched DID/OSDD/PDID and online sites and found several sites. This one in particular sounds like what you are looking for - Multiplied By One Org. There is a small fee but for those that can't afford it, there's a form to be exempted.
You are more likely to find the community you are looking for there (or at a similar site) as it is specifically for those with DID/OSDD/PDID. Given that OOTS is for those with CPTSD I'm not certain there are many (if any) here with or who know much about DID/OSDD/PDID. As such, you may end up not getting replies to your posts because of that and I would hate to see that happen.
There are also a number of other sites I found so maybe do a search of DID/OSDD/PDID and online sites so you can find a community that knows more about these diagnoses than we do. We all need community and there do seem to be ones that are a better fit than here.
I hope this is helpful.
You are more likely to find the community you are looking for there (or at a similar site) as it is specifically for those with DID/OSDD/PDID. Given that OOTS is for those with CPTSD I'm not certain there are many (if any) here with or who know much about DID/OSDD/PDID. As such, you may end up not getting replies to your posts because of that and I would hate to see that happen.
There are also a number of other sites I found so maybe do a search of DID/OSDD/PDID and online sites so you can find a community that knows more about these diagnoses than we do. We all need community and there do seem to be ones that are a better fit than here.
I hope this is helpful.
#25
General Discussion / Re: Taking part in a research
Last post by Kizzie - March 02, 2026, 08:50:20 PM #26
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by Bach - March 02, 2026, 08:20:10 PMTherapy is SO depressing lately. I'm so tired of going over the same old crap again and again with no answer, no way to progress. I feel utterly stuck, like maybe I've already dealt with all the things I can deal with, and the rest I'll just have to live with forever.
I've been terribly unhappy for the past few days and nothing is helping. Not drugs, not accomplishing useful things, not swimming, not comforting routines with My Person. I'm full of regretful thoughts about my life. I think the truth of the matter is that I'm angry, furiously angry at many people about many things, but I won't let myself feel it because depression is safer. And even if I did feel it, what good would that do? I can't do anything about any of it. Which brings me back to depressing therapy: My therapist says that I feel that I have no power because I don't want to believe that I have any power. She might be right, I don't know. I'm not even sure exactly what she means by "power". It feels like just another no-answer, another thing that I should be able to do something about, but don't know what.
I've been terribly unhappy for the past few days and nothing is helping. Not drugs, not accomplishing useful things, not swimming, not comforting routines with My Person. I'm full of regretful thoughts about my life. I think the truth of the matter is that I'm angry, furiously angry at many people about many things, but I won't let myself feel it because depression is safer. And even if I did feel it, what good would that do? I can't do anything about any of it. Which brings me back to depressing therapy: My therapist says that I feel that I have no power because I don't want to believe that I have any power. She might be right, I don't know. I'm not even sure exactly what she means by "power". It feels like just another no-answer, another thing that I should be able to do something about, but don't know what.
#27
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by SenseOrgan - March 02, 2026, 07:51:02 PMI'm speechless after reading this. Your dedication to your children moves me deeply. I'm in awe of what you provide(d) for them, carrying such a heavy load yourself. And growing so much while at it. I love that you give yourself the credit you deserve, and that the next chapter of your life is arriving. Your life is a work of art. What a ride! ❤️
#28
General Discussion / Re: Managing Multiplicity
Last post by LaylaDalal - March 02, 2026, 07:20:17 PMAny people who can relate? :-) Im really struggling finding community...
#29
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by HannahOne - March 02, 2026, 07:18:57 PMNarcKiddo, SanMagic7, thank you for reading. Yeah I think that's it, maybe a tribute of sorts to the me who did it. 4 stars out of 5 for me 
And I can move on. I'll always be their mom, but they don't need me the same way. There's no graduation for moms, no certificate of completion. Maybe I needed to process and mark it and let All of Me know that I'm safe, they're safe, mission complete in terms of their childhood and not freaking it up too bad. There were very hard times, conflicts, stress, problems, disappointments, failures, that's life. But they're not traumatized. They had safe parents. And I did it the way I wanted to do it, in integrity with what I wanted. I was lucky to be able to pull that off and have a partner who made it possible in the ways they could. I need to let it sink in, so I can adjust my focus and find my feet again. Need to pause and recognize how I got from there to here. And keep letting them go. They will go more easily the happier I am. They will be more free the more engaged I am in my own life. They will be safe to need me if I don't need them to need me. So I guess this is my graduation speech. And now, I commence!
And I can move on. I'll always be their mom, but they don't need me the same way. There's no graduation for moms, no certificate of completion. Maybe I needed to process and mark it and let All of Me know that I'm safe, they're safe, mission complete in terms of their childhood and not freaking it up too bad. There were very hard times, conflicts, stress, problems, disappointments, failures, that's life. But they're not traumatized. They had safe parents. And I did it the way I wanted to do it, in integrity with what I wanted. I was lucky to be able to pull that off and have a partner who made it possible in the ways they could. I need to let it sink in, so I can adjust my focus and find my feet again. Need to pause and recognize how I got from there to here. And keep letting them go. They will go more easily the happier I am. They will be more free the more engaged I am in my own life. They will be safe to need me if I don't need them to need me. So I guess this is my graduation speech. And now, I commence! #30
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by Armee - March 02, 2026, 02:44:49 PMI'll be thinking of you today. I almost always forget nearly all of what went down in therapy week to week and also forget to write it down or forget to read it...forget, forget, forget...That's dissociation for you. It isn't your fault, it isn't wrong, and honestly it's probably pretty protective and ingenious. Plus you have 2 weeks between appointments so it's even harder to remember. I agree with NK...you are in control of what gets discussed in a healthy therapy...if something is saying "no" then going slow in returning to that topic is probably essential. Slow is fast, and all that.
I recall that this was about love and that I had a theory or gut-level feeling about that that I wanted to share with you. But if your mind is telling you "no," you can ignore it and not read it. I'll treat it like a potential trigger warning just in case and will use white font. I hope it isn't upsetting if you read it. I will delete this if you want or need me to.
But my theory is that you loved your Ds very strongly and they felt that love. But it was too powerful an emotion that your mind had to protect you from perceiving it, because somewhere along the lines you were taught that you had to block out emotions to survive...alexythymia... whether that's autism, CPTSD, or both. But I don't think you don't have emotions, I'm guessimg you just don't perceive them when they are over-powering. The love you felt for that cat was probably just the right amount of love that it didn't overwhelm you. So your mind let you feel it.