Recent posts
#21
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 19, 2026, 04:16:46 PMI'm glad you have been able to care for yourself by thinking about what can wait. I'm also glad that part of your plans remain going to spend some time with the girls. And I'm glad you've got a smile on your face.
#22
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 19, 2026, 04:14:35 PMSo much food for thought here. Thank you for your post.
#23
Therapy / Re: Craniosacral Therapy (CST)...
Last post by Kizzie - February 19, 2026, 03:58:38 PMVery interesting! I think if we're touch deprived we need that feeling of being held and soothed rather then being "worked on" as you say. I'm glad to hear you went for the CST therapy after your experience with the Korean massage. It's lovely that you were able to feel grief and comfort at the same time.
I had something similar happen when I had cancer some years back. I made the decision to have my hair shaved which was recommended by a woman's cancer group I attended. I was scared and upset understandably, but I came to see why it was a good thing to do. They made the whole thing into a kind of ritual of being cared for and held in my grief. Once my head was shaved, they gently washed my scalp and then gave me a long, soft head massage in a room with soft light and music. It was absolutely wonderful. As you experienced, it somehow balanced the grief, sadness and fear I was feeling. They gave me a lock of hair as I was leaving and suggested I burn it. My H and I did so in our fire pit and it was like sending my cancer out to the universe.
Our stories do make me sad I must say. It highlights just how much we needed caring touch and holding when we were children and I can't help think how much better off life would have been if we had been. I also can't help thinking about those who were sexually/physically abused and became touch adverse. It would be so much harder to break down those walls and try some healthy physical touch. CPTSD is a beast.
I had something similar happen when I had cancer some years back. I made the decision to have my hair shaved which was recommended by a woman's cancer group I attended. I was scared and upset understandably, but I came to see why it was a good thing to do. They made the whole thing into a kind of ritual of being cared for and held in my grief. Once my head was shaved, they gently washed my scalp and then gave me a long, soft head massage in a room with soft light and music. It was absolutely wonderful. As you experienced, it somehow balanced the grief, sadness and fear I was feeling. They gave me a lock of hair as I was leaving and suggested I burn it. My H and I did so in our fire pit and it was like sending my cancer out to the universe.
Our stories do make me sad I must say. It highlights just how much we needed caring touch and holding when we were children and I can't help think how much better off life would have been if we had been. I also can't help thinking about those who were sexually/physically abused and became touch adverse. It would be so much harder to break down those walls and try some healthy physical touch. CPTSD is a beast.
#24
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by Blueberry - February 19, 2026, 03:57:04 PMQuote from: Armee on February 19, 2026, 03:18:44 PMApologies for my question about singing if it stirred anything up!
No worries, it didn't! In fact, I think things don't tend to come up anymore just because something is written on the forum (unless maybe something that obviously needs a huge TW for everybody or something CSA...) so that would speak to more stability and less reactivity in me, which is good to state the obvious.
You're right, singing plus mantra chanting can lead to feelings of spontaneous joy in me. Also some Parts react well to 'music from the past' e.g. nursery rhymes or music/songs from one of my home countries.
_______________
So, back to activating myself: I was considering going into town centre maybe in a 'should' kind of way, but it's raining and I don't want to cycle or walk so thinking: What Else Could Activate me physically for a bit? And remembering that being a little strict with myself in just following certain guidelines (activation!) can be kind.
#25
Dating; Marriage/Divorce; In-Laws / Re: I’m ruining my husbands li...
Last post by Kizzie - February 19, 2026, 03:21:52 PMOh Stussy, I am so sorry to hear this Yes, I've also worried about what my trauma has done and does to my H and S. It is out in the open though and we do talk about it which helps. I try not to let my symptoms spill over onto either of them, but it happens sometimes and then I make sure I apologize. I think letting them know I really care that my trauma affects them has been key to helping us all to deal with it. Sometimes it's just really hard though I know.
Just some thoughts but have you and he ever considered couples therapy with a therapist who understands trauma? Or maybe he needs a therapist of his own, someone he can talk to to help him deal with the stress?
Yes, I've also worried about what my trauma has done and does to my H and S. It is out in the open though and we do talk about it which helps. I try not to let my symptoms spill over onto either of them, but it happens sometimes and then I make sure I apologize. I think letting them know I really care that my trauma affects them has been key to helping us all to deal with it. Sometimes it's just really hard though I know. Just some thoughts but have you and he ever considered couples therapy with a therapist who understands trauma? Or maybe he needs a therapist of his own, someone he can talk to to help him deal with the stress?
#26
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by Armee - February 19, 2026, 03:18:44 PMSuch a brilliant strategy! 
Apologies for my question about singing if it stirred anything up! I remembered it being something mostly joyful for you which is why I asked if it would "count" as something activating. But what you are saying about being coercive to younger parts makes sense!
I'm so impressed with your new strategy.
Apologies for my question about singing if it stirred anything up! I remembered it being something mostly joyful for you which is why I asked if it would "count" as something activating. But what you are saying about being coercive to younger parts makes sense!
I'm so impressed with your new strategy.
#27
Symptoms - Other / Re: Complex Relational Trauma,...
Last post by Kizzie - February 19, 2026, 02:57:34 PMTks Dolly. For everyone's information Here's a link to Ingrid Clayton's book - https://www.amazon.ca/Fawning-Need-Please-Makes-Ourselves-ebook/dp/B0DPYJPL9R and one of the videos (not sure if it's the one NK posted) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yY7-njK7kiM.
I had not heard of her work before but from the sample provided at the link she does a good job of explaining what fawning is, why we do it, and most important of all, how to step away from it.
Books like hers and the many others we tend to read are good, great in fact at putting things into words things we feel or know but aren't quite able to bring to the surface and articulate. As the saying goes though, "If you can name it, you can tame it."
I had not heard of her work before but from the sample provided at the link she does a good job of explaining what fawning is, why we do it, and most important of all, how to step away from it.
Books like hers and the many others we tend to read are good, great in fact at putting things into words things we feel or know but aren't quite able to bring to the surface and articulate. As the saying goes though, "If you can name it, you can tame it."
#28
Dating; Marriage/Divorce; In-Laws / I’m ruining my husbands life
Last post by Stussy7 - February 19, 2026, 02:48:31 PMDoes anyone else suffer from guilt/shame/self hatred because of how our disease affects our spouse?
It is so hard for him to cope with all my issues. He often breaks down in tears due to all the stress, especially if he accidentally triggers me.
He used to be a happy guy, but after years of marriage to me, he's always struggling to cope. On one occasion he blew up and yelled at me "stop ruining my f#ck*ing life!"
Those words still haunt me to this day.
It is so hard for him to cope with all my issues. He often breaks down in tears due to all the stress, especially if he accidentally triggers me.
He used to be a happy guy, but after years of marriage to me, he's always struggling to cope. On one occasion he blew up and yelled at me "stop ruining my f#ck*ing life!"
Those words still haunt me to this day.
#29
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by Blueberry - February 19, 2026, 02:35:25 PMSo, remembering ACTIVATION is what finally got me out of bed and doing something this early afternoon. It's a different way of motivating myself, using a different term. And to do something active or even semi-active. To do something more with my body than my mind or my psyche. So not to head to my computer first thing and do my duolingo.
No, instead I lay on the floor and did some stretching type exercises. I let them flow from one to the other too, allowing my body to move as it would. One totally new one in there that is possibly not really healthy even, without lower back support, but something in me (a Part?) was inspired to move my legs that way. Later when I was back on my feet, I thought I should do some arm exercises maybe. (There's that should again.) Arms stuck (emotionally) so did shoulder circles instead. Activation. Better than not doing any body movement. A bit later I remembered to do some hip rotation while waiting for the kettle to boil.
So, activation off and on throughout day.
I'm certainly not understanding any blasphemy in there, san!
I heard at an ecumenical Ash Wednesday service a few years ago that giving up something for Lent is a way to get closer to God and not a way to lose weight or otherwise improve your physical health etc etc. So I'd say even deciding to say a prayer every day or going back to church once a week could be part of one's personal Lent (if you're Christian-leaning obviously.) For me, activating myself atm is a support for anything religious/spiritual. I won't pray lying in bed, I'll just doze off, so whatever gets me out of bed, even if I'm just remembering ACTIVATION, and gets me doing something as opposed to just thinking/writing/reading (tho that does have a place e.g. on here but not as first priority) may help me on towards something low-key spiritual/religious: watch Youtube church service and join in; sing hymns with my CDs; sing mantras with or without my CDs; go to a church service even, which always does me good in some way.
No, instead I lay on the floor and did some stretching type exercises. I let them flow from one to the other too, allowing my body to move as it would. One totally new one in there that is possibly not really healthy even, without lower back support, but something in me (a Part?) was inspired to move my legs that way. Later when I was back on my feet, I thought I should do some arm exercises maybe. (There's that should again.) Arms stuck (emotionally) so did shoulder circles instead. Activation. Better than not doing any body movement. A bit later I remembered to do some hip rotation while waiting for the kettle to boil.
So, activation off and on throughout day.
Quote from: sanmagic7 on February 19, 2026, 01:47:59 PMblueberry, i like the thought of adding something to your everyday rather than restricting something. something positive seems much more productive to me (regardless of the religious meaning behind the act of self-sacrifice) at this stage of recovery. in my mind, the powers that be, so to speak, would look kindly on someone adding something healthy to their lives, be it physical, mental, emotional. just my thoughts, and no blasphemy intended. love and hugs
I'm certainly not understanding any blasphemy in there, san!
I heard at an ecumenical Ash Wednesday service a few years ago that giving up something for Lent is a way to get closer to God and not a way to lose weight or otherwise improve your physical health etc etc. So I'd say even deciding to say a prayer every day or going back to church once a week could be part of one's personal Lent (if you're Christian-leaning obviously.) For me, activating myself atm is a support for anything religious/spiritual. I won't pray lying in bed, I'll just doze off, so whatever gets me out of bed, even if I'm just remembering ACTIVATION, and gets me doing something as opposed to just thinking/writing/reading (tho that does have a place e.g. on here but not as first priority) may help me on towards something low-key spiritual/religious: watch Youtube church service and join in; sing hymns with my CDs; sing mantras with or without my CDs; go to a church service even, which always does me good in some way.
#30
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by Blueberry - February 19, 2026, 02:09:39 PMQuote from: HannahOne on February 19, 2026, 01:35:45 AMHooray for activation!
I've recently joined a gym while doing PT and it is making a big difference. Being grounded in the here and now, the body, while music plays, and with others in the same space. Here's to forty days of active living!
for you HannahOne For me, activation is a little more low-key...
P.S. Hannah, there's also this thread https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16309.0 which is a follow-on from https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16116.0 It's a big forum and helpful threads quickly get lost if not used regularly / bumped. I have no objection to your chiming in on my thread and maybe you don't even need a communal thread like those I've linked, maybe not an issue for you at all, if so just ignore.
I even find it useful myself to go back to old threads, re-read and discover new aspects to my own recovery, which often happens when I link a thread for others
