Recent posts
#21
Physical Issues / Re: Weight fluctuations, body ...
Last post by Teddy bear - March 09, 2026, 08:53:41 AMHi 
thanks for replying,
After antipsychotic dose reduction I could loose a couple of kilos, that's inspiring.
Also adhering more to my low carb diet seems was helpful.
Feeling better, that's the most important 😊💚
thanks for replying,After antipsychotic dose reduction I could loose a couple of kilos, that's inspiring.
Also adhering more to my low carb diet seems was helpful.
Feeling better, that's the most important 😊💚
#23
Emotional Abuse / Re: Death by a Thousand Cuts
Last post by HannahOne - March 09, 2026, 02:23:28 AMHi Mia, late to the thread here, wanted to add that many of us what caused CPTSD was more a traumatic _environment_ than specific events. If it's one event, there's no discrete beginning and ending to the danger, we never get away from the people who did it, we live with them, so we don't recover from the trauma. Or it's hundreds and thousands of events, so again the trauma doesn't end. Either way, our nervous system stays on alert.
#24
Art / Happy International Women's Da...
Last post by Teddy bear - March 08, 2026, 06:49:30 PMHappy International Women's Day! 💐
Just postcards I've painted today
#25
Emotional Abuse / Re: Death by a Thousand Cuts
Last post by sanmagic7 - March 08, 2026, 05:18:39 PMQuote from: Blueberry on March 07, 2026, 09:58:31 PMEarly memories may often be traumatic, but it doesn't mean they ALL are.
i agree, mia. I have a wonderful memory of walking with my M to a store about 2 blocks from our house. I must've been quite young, maybe 3 or 4, and she bought me the most beautiful doll i'd ever seen. that was a happy memory, one that i can still picture, including the doll sitting on the shelf in the store. there's a trauma memory about that doll at a later point in my life, but having my M buy her for me, something i chose for myself, always has an inner smile to it.
i also have one from when i was younger, probably around 2. we had a record-making machine at the time, and my folks allowed me to record my voice. i still recall what i said, which was really nearly pre-verbal, and i can still hear my little girl voice saying my made-up words, and i remember feeling very grown up doing that.
so, yeah, not all family memories have to be traumatic. i think it's good to find some of these that made us smile when we were so very young, whether they were FOO-related or not. at least it's one thing we can look back on and feel something pos. about in our life. love and hugs
#26
Recovery Journals / Re: The ramblings of an abused...
Last post by GoSlash27 - March 08, 2026, 02:17:10 PM Frustrations...
While I have the obituaries and faces of Mrs. Norma- Jean "Mama" Davis and her daughter Apostle Marilynn Davis, I have no recollection of them as people. They took us in. Nurtured and cared for us when we were abandoned. Sheltered and took care of us in the back of a church out of the kindness of their hearts. But I don't remember them at all. I don't have the excuse of "I was too young". Just "I was dissociated". I wish I did have memories of them. She stated in her testimony that she loved us like her own grandchildren. Judging from her biographical information I do not doubt her sincerity. But I do not love her in return. I don't remember her at all. I wish I did.
"Bob Dad"'s anonymity hurts more. He was a paternal figure for me throughout the 1970s. Kind, doting, never showed impatience or frustration. He adored us and we adored him. I think his relationship with my mother was more about us than her.
But I never knew his last name. He's simply "Bob Dad". I have seen his driver's license and can describe it in detail but I never read it. Same with his license plate. I have been to his house (I wouldn't call it a "home") but I don't know the address.
Despite the mountains (years) of information and details I can recall about him, which should easily be enough to positively identify one man, none of it is easily tagged "metadata".
He's the opposite of "Mama" Davis. I remember him very fondly, but I don't know who he is.
While I have the obituaries and faces of Mrs. Norma- Jean "Mama" Davis and her daughter Apostle Marilynn Davis, I have no recollection of them as people. They took us in. Nurtured and cared for us when we were abandoned. Sheltered and took care of us in the back of a church out of the kindness of their hearts. But I don't remember them at all. I don't have the excuse of "I was too young". Just "I was dissociated". I wish I did have memories of them. She stated in her testimony that she loved us like her own grandchildren. Judging from her biographical information I do not doubt her sincerity. But I do not love her in return. I don't remember her at all. I wish I did.
"Bob Dad"'s anonymity hurts more. He was a paternal figure for me throughout the 1970s. Kind, doting, never showed impatience or frustration. He adored us and we adored him. I think his relationship with my mother was more about us than her.
But I never knew his last name. He's simply "Bob Dad". I have seen his driver's license and can describe it in detail but I never read it. Same with his license plate. I have been to his house (I wouldn't call it a "home") but I don't know the address.
Despite the mountains (years) of information and details I can recall about him, which should easily be enough to positively identify one man, none of it is easily tagged "metadata".
He's the opposite of "Mama" Davis. I remember him very fondly, but I don't know who he is.
#27
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by Blueberry - March 08, 2026, 01:10:16 PMQuite a bit of motivation today for housework and even yardwork but not going to manage it all. Still, I've done a bit of tidying in odd small places and finally loaded the dishwasher and put it on. Loaded it with saucepans and other things I normally do by hand. I've worked on dishwasher in OT so I'm realising today that it's not so surprising I was feeling blocked and couldn't set it in motion. But now I have.
I'm going to a friend's to play board games in an hour and then going straight to the bus stop to head to the farm, so have to get organised for both of those now. I'm happy I have the wherewithal to do both today in addition to what's already done because there are days when it's hard to do the absolute basics like get up and take my meds.
I'm going to a friend's to play board games in an hour and then going straight to the bus stop to head to the farm, so have to get organised for both of those now. I'm happy I have the wherewithal to do both today in addition to what's already done because there are days when it's hard to do the absolute basics like get up and take my meds.
#28
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Introduction
Last post by dollyvee - March 08, 2026, 10:02:21 AMHi Erec,
Welcome to the forum
I hope you find what you need here.
Like you, I have been dealing with genetic and health issues that often mimic cptsd anxiety, and/or can set off cptsd symptoms. I'm sorry that being overlooked as a child has led to a more prolonged health issues and a lost 25 years. That is a lot to contend with. For me, I grew up in an NPD household where a lot of my health issues were viewed as a nuisance, or extraneous problem, and I adopted that attitude as well until it came to the point where I *knew* that something was wrong in the body, and it wasn't in my mind, as I'd been told by doctors, or something that I could talk my out of in therapy.
I'm glad you've found something that is helping you and I hope you're able to process what has happened with enough space.
Sending you support,
dolly
Welcome to the forum
I hope you find what you need here.
Like you, I have been dealing with genetic and health issues that often mimic cptsd anxiety, and/or can set off cptsd symptoms. I'm sorry that being overlooked as a child has led to a more prolonged health issues and a lost 25 years. That is a lot to contend with. For me, I grew up in an NPD household where a lot of my health issues were viewed as a nuisance, or extraneous problem, and I adopted that attitude as well until it came to the point where I *knew* that something was wrong in the body, and it wasn't in my mind, as I'd been told by doctors, or something that I could talk my out of in therapy.
I'm glad you've found something that is helping you and I hope you're able to process what has happened with enough space.
Sending you support,
dolly
#29
Recovery Journals / Re: The ramblings of an abused...
Last post by GoSlash27 - March 08, 2026, 01:36:58 AM It's amazing how "plastic" toddlers are under duress. They "forget" whatever or whoever they need to when they need to. They adapt to any situation, traumatic or therapeutic.
When mom suddenly disappears, they don't ask where she went or when she will be back. When their care is transferred to total strangers, they don't question it. When they're dropped into a new situation, they don't ask why. You would *think* they would, but they don't.
They just adapt. They "go with the flow". And if they have to "shut down" and dissociate in order to survive, they will.
And most adults have no direct memory of it ever having happened! They carry forward "triggers", cPTSD, emotions... but no memory of the events that caused it or how they responded in the moment.
Many adults picture toddlers as miniature adults. Projecting their own adult thought patterns and responses on little kids. It's logical but a false empathy. You cannot simply "put yourself in their shoes". You have to remember what it was like to *be* a toddler yourself.
When mom suddenly disappears, they don't ask where she went or when she will be back. When their care is transferred to total strangers, they don't question it. When they're dropped into a new situation, they don't ask why. You would *think* they would, but they don't.
They just adapt. They "go with the flow". And if they have to "shut down" and dissociate in order to survive, they will.
And most adults have no direct memory of it ever having happened! They carry forward "triggers", cPTSD, emotions... but no memory of the events that caused it or how they responded in the moment.
Many adults picture toddlers as miniature adults. Projecting their own adult thought patterns and responses on little kids. It's logical but a false empathy. You cannot simply "put yourself in their shoes". You have to remember what it was like to *be* a toddler yourself.
#30
Self-Help & Recovery / Re: Not being able to ask for ...
Last post by Saluki - March 07, 2026, 11:49:09 PMThank you for understanding, and for the useful suggestions, NarcKiddo.
I'm glad it's not just me who can't cope with video game sound effects! I thought it was just me. Not that I'm glad anyone else suffers them...
I'm useless at playing video games. I used to play them with my kids when they were younger but I never did get any good at them. Most of the games these days seem to be single player, which makes it boring. I used to really enjoy Lego games with my kids. They always beat the bosses though. I didn't stand a chance!
I think another reason I'm scared to ask is because I hate being criticised because all I ever experienced was criticism before and my partner experienced a lot of criticism previously too, so I'm quite desperate not to make him feel bad equally as I am desperate not to be criticised myself. But I also have to acknowledge that I'm not scared of my partner so I don't think he'd mind me asking in the slightest. I just close the living room door and put on music sometimes but the feeling of helplessness is still there. Also I refuse to let him do things for me even if I find them difficult sometimes because I was treated like a slave by my ex and I have a massive problem with feeling like someone is doing something for me. Oh dear, it's really silly because I actually love doing things for people who do things for me too ie) there's a good balance. I've never had that balance before and now I have it, I don't know what to do with it...
I'm glad it's not just me who can't cope with video game sound effects! I thought it was just me. Not that I'm glad anyone else suffers them...
I'm useless at playing video games. I used to play them with my kids when they were younger but I never did get any good at them. Most of the games these days seem to be single player, which makes it boring. I used to really enjoy Lego games with my kids. They always beat the bosses though. I didn't stand a chance!
I think another reason I'm scared to ask is because I hate being criticised because all I ever experienced was criticism before and my partner experienced a lot of criticism previously too, so I'm quite desperate not to make him feel bad equally as I am desperate not to be criticised myself. But I also have to acknowledge that I'm not scared of my partner so I don't think he'd mind me asking in the slightest. I just close the living room door and put on music sometimes but the feeling of helplessness is still there. Also I refuse to let him do things for me even if I find them difficult sometimes because I was treated like a slave by my ex and I have a massive problem with feeling like someone is doing something for me. Oh dear, it's really silly because I actually love doing things for people who do things for me too ie) there's a good balance. I've never had that balance before and now I have it, I don't know what to do with it...