Recent posts
#21
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by Papa Coco - February 19, 2026, 07:52:07 PMBB,
Good for you, for focusing on your own stuff today. And good on the dishwasher!!!! You've conquered that monster
Good for you, for focusing on your own stuff today. And good on the dishwasher!!!! You've conquered that monster
#22
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by Papa Coco - February 19, 2026, 07:48:13 PMSan,
I agree. It's nice that you are able to let yourself handle just what needs to be done and let the rest slide a day or two. Your D sounds like a real sweetheart to be so concerned about all you're doing for her. I always get a sense that there is a great deal of love between the two of you.
I agree. It's nice that you are able to let yourself handle just what needs to be done and let the rest slide a day or two. Your D sounds like a real sweetheart to be so concerned about all you're doing for her. I always get a sense that there is a great deal of love between the two of you.
#23
Successes, Progress? / Re: Putting the brakes on / li...
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 19, 2026, 06:49:43 PMWell done. You are right that all the parts are important and deserve to be heard. I'm glad you were enjoying the Duolingo lessons and well done for getting on with them. I wonder if maybe some of the parts were concerned about the content of the sentences? I could be totally off base here but my own FOO forbade us from talking about family unless FOO curated what was said. At any rate it's good you put the brakes on so you can consider what your part(s) are trying to communicate.
I notice huge reluctance when I am trying to read certain books but I have not yet always managed to find out exactly who or why. I do know that Little NK who is probably between 5 and 8 is often satisfied by having a toy to hold and will then be content for me to read on. I think you have used that approach too?
to you. And
I notice huge reluctance when I am trying to read certain books but I have not yet always managed to find out exactly who or why. I do know that Little NK who is probably between 5 and 8 is often satisfied by having a toy to hold and will then be content for me to read on. I think you have used that approach too?
to you. And #24
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by Blueberry - February 19, 2026, 06:39:59 PM
Seconding NK.
Quote from: sanmagic7 on February 19, 2026, 01:58:25 PMi'm quite worn out today, had a bunch of stuff i was going to do and just thinking about all of them last nite i knew it was too much.
This caught my eye because so familiar to and for me.
on acting on that today too, paring down what can wait till Sat. I like that you're doing hair and makeup tho that's mostly not my thing at all but when it occasionally has been, it has touched parts/aspects in me that are mostly not touched, in a beneficial way. I hope it is similar for you.
#25
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by Blueberry - February 19, 2026, 06:33:52 PM
#26
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by Blueberry - February 19, 2026, 06:28:04 PMQuote from: NarcKiddo on February 19, 2026, 05:28:21 PMSending you good thoughts as you mull your new strategy.
Thank you.
A little while ago
was the feeling in my chest and it was definitely too much, so seeing your post was at least very apt. Mulling is also right! I'm feeling into a lot rn because of my new strategy. This is GOOD. Now I'm remembering and even feeling back into work with my brilliant trauma T who retired. Feeling minute changes in body, asking Parts / asking 'inwards' what those changes could mean and just observing. Also remembering that there were Ts (especially the one who retired) who spent a long time working with me, for me just to stay in my body w/o dissociating in order to be able to feel and observe. And that now, I can do that feeling and observing on my own. And also that is just an observation, it's not an order to get going working with a Part. Tho as I write that I recall that writing as I'm doing atm in a watchful, awakened way can help me lean into a Part a little bit, to hear a bit of what might be going on. Or even to tease a little bit out of whatever out. Not tease as in aggravate but tease as in allow, make space for, put my hands and especially fingers forward to gently make space among the fronds of pond weed to let whatever out, probably a shy Part that's maybe been hidden away a long time, somewhere dark under water, tho not so far a creepy place, more a dark green place. I used to need help to get that far in imagery, I often don't anymore. But if I were inpatient atm that might be something a T would do with me. Whereas :lightbulb: I can do it on my own in the comfort of my own place and space.
I also noted today that working on my Duolingo language course was a definite brain/mind activation. And that it was good to do so! I do tend more to thinking/writing/reading, but this was thinking with a purpose rather than rumination. It brought some joy e.g. at my progress, it jogged some "oh, this is interesting!" in my mind. So, activating myself is about more than physical activation, in fact the brain activating I was doing and the fact that I was interested in what I was doing caused me to sit up a little straighter and really focus, which both bring minute physical changes.
I didn't go into town today, but I did do some more genuine physical stuff, like some stretching exercises off-the-top-of-my-head kind of stuff, moving from one exercise to another and allowing my mind to ruminate while I was about it which helped me make my mind up. Also did a little more clean up in kitchen and put the dishwasher on.
Decided against going to the farm tomorrow to make up for not going today. Decided it makes better sense to concentrate on my own stuff today and tomorrow and especially go slowly! No leaps - it's better to make micro movements and observe and see what that might mean or what that might lead to. When I decide to do x and y and z and then j and k, I crash sooner or later. Some of my work at the farm involves cleaning or tidying odd spots, householdy stuff that I notice. Much better atm to do that at home instead, where it's really necessary rn. Good on the dishwasher!
So now I notice my attention wandering, probably time I looked back into what was going on during my language lesson? what did I overlook? what self-soothing would I have needed then? what do I or Parts need now?
#27
Successes, Progress? / Putting the brakes on / listen...
Last post by Blueberry - February 19, 2026, 05:55:18 PMI was really enjoying working on my duolingo lessons today - full steam ahead and actually pausing to make up little sentences about me and my own life based on textbook examples. When either a bodily function? like breathing or that manifested as a Part began to have more and more trouble, I did eventually put the brakes on.
And have since been simply breathing normally to settle my breathing down again.
This is new-old progress. I have been here before in different contexts, but it's good to remind myself: ALL my Parts and what they are feeling is important, everybody needs and deserves to be heard. When that doesn't happen, some thing /some aspect of me forces me to listen. Putting the brakes on earlier would've been beneficial, but I did put them on eventually and that is PROGRESS.
And have since been simply breathing normally to settle my breathing down again.
This is new-old progress. I have been here before in different contexts, but it's good to remind myself: ALL my Parts and what they are feeling is important, everybody needs and deserves to be heard. When that doesn't happen, some thing /some aspect of me forces me to listen. Putting the brakes on earlier would've been beneficial, but I did put them on eventually and that is PROGRESS.
#28
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 19, 2026, 05:28:21 PM Doggy is probably TOO activated but in terms of emojis he seemed like the most suitable. Sending you good thoughts as you mull your new strategy. #29
General Discussion / Managing Multiplicity
Last post by LaylaDalal - February 19, 2026, 05:25:38 PMHey dear people,
I read that DID / OSDD / PDID have come up here before but the posts are rather old, so I'm hoping for some feedback and relating through creating this anew, I hope, its ok.
I am currently in a deep process of figuring out if I need to go for an official diagnosis of PDID/OSDD or if its better to stay with my "general" feeling of multiplicity.
I personally believe that humans are always multiple and that the gift of complex trauma enables those who had to suffer this horror to be more aware of their own multiplicity (like shamans). There are so many teachings in the world that help me deeply to understand my multiplicity and the diagnosis of DID as a disorder often feels invalidating of peoples inner geniouses. At the same time, its incredibly helpful to learn from and connect with others diagnosed with DID/OSDD (just as with CPTSD) and feel validated and inspired by their worldview.
Also because it shows the immense struggles that come with it.
I relate to those struggles. I have parts who are very distinct, who use names and I have amnesia with them. They do things that I consider dangerous. I also experience coconsciousness in the forms of watching them doing things, that I cant stop. I also experience coconsciousness, more and more so, in the form of being able to have conversations with them in my head, which is an incredibly helpful, new development. Young parts only "talk" in therapy or through drawing, some of them named themselves by now and I feel so grateful. Generally, drawing and dance (and writing to an extent) help me to develop co-consciousness, dramatically.
I feel extreme exaustion from trying to appear normal and functioning in the world (and I can to an extent) but I do it because I feel so afraid of amnesia and what can happen during those times. I got lost before but the worst fear is that I will end up being in dangerous sexual situations again like it happened so many times before and I cant control what this other part is doing.
So, the intense pressure of trying to mask multiplicity, that many people with DID describe, feels very familiar to me.
I would love to hear other peoples experiences and how you see the world through your multiplicity. I am determinded to believe, that our multiplicity is a deep gift, we share, despite the extreme difficulties it can bring.
I read that DID / OSDD / PDID have come up here before but the posts are rather old, so I'm hoping for some feedback and relating through creating this anew, I hope, its ok.
I am currently in a deep process of figuring out if I need to go for an official diagnosis of PDID/OSDD or if its better to stay with my "general" feeling of multiplicity.
I personally believe that humans are always multiple and that the gift of complex trauma enables those who had to suffer this horror to be more aware of their own multiplicity (like shamans). There are so many teachings in the world that help me deeply to understand my multiplicity and the diagnosis of DID as a disorder often feels invalidating of peoples inner geniouses. At the same time, its incredibly helpful to learn from and connect with others diagnosed with DID/OSDD (just as with CPTSD) and feel validated and inspired by their worldview.
Also because it shows the immense struggles that come with it.
I relate to those struggles. I have parts who are very distinct, who use names and I have amnesia with them. They do things that I consider dangerous. I also experience coconsciousness in the forms of watching them doing things, that I cant stop. I also experience coconsciousness, more and more so, in the form of being able to have conversations with them in my head, which is an incredibly helpful, new development. Young parts only "talk" in therapy or through drawing, some of them named themselves by now and I feel so grateful. Generally, drawing and dance (and writing to an extent) help me to develop co-consciousness, dramatically.
I feel extreme exaustion from trying to appear normal and functioning in the world (and I can to an extent) but I do it because I feel so afraid of amnesia and what can happen during those times. I got lost before but the worst fear is that I will end up being in dangerous sexual situations again like it happened so many times before and I cant control what this other part is doing.
So, the intense pressure of trying to mask multiplicity, that many people with DID describe, feels very familiar to me.
I would love to hear other peoples experiences and how you see the world through your multiplicity. I am determinded to believe, that our multiplicity is a deep gift, we share, despite the extreme difficulties it can bring.
#30
Recovery Journals / Re: The ramblings of an abused...
Last post by GoSlash27 - February 19, 2026, 05:03:40 PMPerhaps not McIntyre Shelter after all, ca 1974.
I've been digging up what I can about McIntyre Children's Shelter, and the photographs/ experiences of others who were there in that period do not match mine. McIntyre was old, stately architecture. Mine was more institutional. They describe "cottages", I remember dorms. They describe their classrooms as "trailers", mine was as described as above.
So now I don't know *where* I was.
I suppose I'll find out shortly.
Another memory that's occurred to me that I have to attribute to the shelter is what I'll call the spare crib storage room. I and a few other kids got in there and played peek-a-boo, hide and seek, and hid from the adults. What I remember is it being large, brightly lit, and semi-transparent blue... I dunno. Curtains? Visclean? was hanging from the cribs, which were higher than the ones we slept in. It gave the room a blue "forest" vibe.
I played with other kids, but I never befriended any because they were always leaving and being replaced by others. The staff only very rarely mistreated us, but they were also detached and clinical. I suppose for the same reason.
I've been digging up what I can about McIntyre Children's Shelter, and the photographs/ experiences of others who were there in that period do not match mine. McIntyre was old, stately architecture. Mine was more institutional. They describe "cottages", I remember dorms. They describe their classrooms as "trailers", mine was as described as above.
So now I don't know *where* I was.
I suppose I'll find out shortly.Another memory that's occurred to me that I have to attribute to the shelter is what I'll call the spare crib storage room. I and a few other kids got in there and played peek-a-boo, hide and seek, and hid from the adults. What I remember is it being large, brightly lit, and semi-transparent blue... I dunno. Curtains? Visclean? was hanging from the cribs, which were higher than the ones we slept in. It gave the room a blue "forest" vibe.
I played with other kids, but I never befriended any because they were always leaving and being replaced by others. The staff only very rarely mistreated us, but they were also detached and clinical. I suppose for the same reason.