Recent posts
#21
Memory/Cognitive Issues / Re: How Trauma Affects Memory
Last post by dollyvee - March 01, 2026, 03:09:26 PMQuote from: NarcKiddo on March 01, 2026, 11:42:42 AMJust as we are all unique, so our experiences of dissociation are never going to be identical.This is my understanding of dissociation NK — that it exists on a spectrum from day dreaming to DID and everyone experiences that uniquely.
Thanks for sharing
#22
Recovery Journals / Re: The ramblings of an abused...
Last post by GoSlash27 - March 01, 2026, 01:50:07 PMQuote from: TheBigBlue on February 23, 2026, 08:38:06 AMAt the same time, I've had a couple of moments where something shifted in my journey. One was when I stopped counting individual Big-T events (in addition to the 1000 little cuts). I had reached 28, and it became clear that counting them wasn't actually adding understanding. What mattered more was recognizing that my upbringing left me fundamentally unprotected - and that the accumulation and pattern shaped my adaptations far more than any single event.Big Blue,
I think I'm beginning to understand where you're coming from. I requested those records in search of dates, names, and locations. Not of traumatic events, but mundane ones. I got what I asked for and a whole lot more that I never suspected was lurking.
I thought that forming a concrete timeline would make me "whole", but I was wrong. After this experience, none of that matters any more.
What I really needed to understand is causes, effects, and (most importantly) patterns in thought and behavior. *THAT* is who I am. It is all now laid out before me.
This comment helped me. Thank you so much!
-Slashy
#23
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hello (again)
Last post by NarcKiddo - March 01, 2026, 11:43:49 AMWelcome back. 
#24
Memory/Cognitive Issues / Re: How Trauma Affects Memory
Last post by NarcKiddo - March 01, 2026, 11:42:42 AMI understand your distinction, Slashy. I also never feel like I'm someone else. A lot of my work in and around therapy is trying to find ways of finding out who I am. Even just such basic things as what I like and what I don't like and whether it's ok to be unsure about something for a while. A big point of difference, though, is that I don't think plugging the holes (such as they are) in my biographical narrative would do much to help me find "me". But you have a much more disjointed experience to work with, to put it mildly.
Just as we are all unique, so our experiences of dissociation are never going to be identical. There will be similarities. Someone could probably attempt to do a Venn diagram of it - although I think they would need a massive piece of paper!
Just as we are all unique, so our experiences of dissociation are never going to be identical. There will be similarities. Someone could probably attempt to do a Venn diagram of it - although I think they would need a massive piece of paper!
#25
Physical Abuse / Re: "I'll give you something t...
Last post by NarcKiddo - March 01, 2026, 11:25:53 AMIt's awful.
To my mind, the worst psychological damage from abuse comes from abuse that denies you your very personhood. When you are forced to exist and not exist at the same time. A young child can be pushed into that state in any number of ways given their already powerless status. I was pushed into that via emotional abuse but it takes a specially evil person to use physical means against a powerless child. I don't know how anyone could do it and I am very sorry you had to endure it.
To my mind, the worst psychological damage from abuse comes from abuse that denies you your very personhood. When you are forced to exist and not exist at the same time. A young child can be pushed into that state in any number of ways given their already powerless status. I was pushed into that via emotional abuse but it takes a specially evil person to use physical means against a powerless child. I don't know how anyone could do it and I am very sorry you had to endure it.
#26
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hello (again)
Last post by dollyvee - March 01, 2026, 11:01:48 AMHi wintersnow,
Welcome back. I hope you find what you're looking for here
Sending you support,
dolly
Welcome back. I hope you find what you're looking for here
Sending you support,
dolly
#27
Recovery Journals / Re: The ramblings of an abused...
Last post by GoSlash27 - March 01, 2026, 05:49:37 AMQuote from: GoSlash27 on February 24, 2026, 05:05:22 AMI started this thread with a comment about feeling like an "imposter".Upon *further* reflection, I have to rescind this comment as well. At least I remembered the later events, horrifying as they were. The stuff I *didn't* remember was worse, which is exactly why I didn't remember it.
I officially rescind that. The cruel punchline is that this story, horrifying and shocking as it is, isn't the "bad part". It's just the preamble. Things would get MUCH worse later on.
Yeah, this is where I'm supposed to be.
Best,
-Slashy
I spent 7 months in the care of a person who was so abusive that 6 of her own children wound up institutionalized.
So hi. I'm Slashy. Pretty sure I belong here.
#28
Memory/Cognitive Issues / Re: How Trauma Affects Memory
Last post by GoSlash27 - March 01, 2026, 02:55:07 AMQuote from: NarcKiddo on February 23, 2026, 12:01:11 PMMy dissociation is very much "I'm not all here" as opposed to being taken over completely by a different part, which I understand can happen in people with DID.NarcKiddo,
As I keep trying to explain, the one has nothing to do with the other. It isn't a case of "DID". "being taken over" isn't part of my experience. There's no split personality or competing egos at work here. This is not "Fight Club". I am not Ed Norton vs. Brad Pitt.
What I'm *saying* is that a lifetime of disassociated memories with chaotic (or absent) context has left me without a solid sense of "self". "I" in the autobiographical sense am the sum of my experiences. I am certain of the experiences themselves, but not the chronological order or the narrative.
I never feel like sometimes I'm "someone else". I just always feel like I don't quite know who "I" am because my autobiography is so wonky.
It's a very subtle distinction.
Hope this helps and I'll keep explaining until I come across.
Best,
-Slashy
#29
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by HannahOne - March 01, 2026, 01:25:51 AMYes to writing, reading, and playing games! Recreation for the win.
#30
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing or Holding On?
Last post by Dark.art.girl - March 01, 2026, 12:06:56 AMAs I described in my previous post, I have a lot to look forward to. New career endeavors and a graduation, new beginnings in a new location.
But as I'm achieving so much, I can't help but feel disappointed by the fact that someone I knew can't witness them and appreciate them. My father often describes his sadness over her loss of seeing me succeed in my goals and making a future for myself despite the life I once had. I told him the same thoughts crossed my mind, but it truly is her loss.
I caught a little cold recently. You know how, when you get sick, sometimes you might have really vivid and strange dreams? One night this last week, I had two consecutive dreams of two complete strangers telling me, "your mother wishes to speak with you". Each time, I felt her presence somewhere in the room and replied, "she's not going to get what she wants".
It was just odd. Two times in a row? I told my boyfriend and he said, "I bet she does".
I so badly want to know what she's doing with her life. But not as much as I want to know how my cat is doing (she took in both of my cats four years ago). If he's still alive, he'll be really really old. I can't bring myself to think about him, though. It's too painful. In my mind, he's still alive and will be forever.
Anyway, I'm just stuck thinking--am I always going to feel this pain? When I get married? When I buy my first home? When I have children of my own? It'll always be there. It's so unfortunate. I just have to keep reminding myself of the numerous other blessings I have in my life and it'll be ok. I'll fill that hole some day.
But as I'm achieving so much, I can't help but feel disappointed by the fact that someone I knew can't witness them and appreciate them. My father often describes his sadness over her loss of seeing me succeed in my goals and making a future for myself despite the life I once had. I told him the same thoughts crossed my mind, but it truly is her loss.
I caught a little cold recently. You know how, when you get sick, sometimes you might have really vivid and strange dreams? One night this last week, I had two consecutive dreams of two complete strangers telling me, "your mother wishes to speak with you". Each time, I felt her presence somewhere in the room and replied, "she's not going to get what she wants".
It was just odd. Two times in a row? I told my boyfriend and he said, "I bet she does".
I so badly want to know what she's doing with her life. But not as much as I want to know how my cat is doing (she took in both of my cats four years ago). If he's still alive, he'll be really really old. I can't bring myself to think about him, though. It's too painful. In my mind, he's still alive and will be forever.
Anyway, I'm just stuck thinking--am I always going to feel this pain? When I get married? When I buy my first home? When I have children of my own? It'll always be there. It's so unfortunate. I just have to keep reminding myself of the numerous other blessings I have in my life and it'll be ok. I'll fill that hole some day.