Recent posts
#91
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by Desert Flower - December 05, 2025, 03:07:33 PMHej San, it seems you we're in a similar space that I was and I'm very sorry you were. It's very scary to be there. I'm very happy you seem to have made it through all right. And I'm so glad the forum helped you the way it did.
Lots of love dear San en take some extra care, big hugs for you
Lots of love dear San en take some extra care, big hugs for you
#92
General Discussion / Re: Don't envy the Narcissist ...
Last post by JamesG3 - December 05, 2025, 01:50:48 PMNarcicists push hard upwards, usually using shock and awe tactics or criticising other people into the rungs of a ladder. But it never lasts, they go up, they over reach, then they fail, and fail LARGE. At some point they have to prove their value with actual ability, and they rarely have anything to give beyond manipulation, exploitation and lies. Doesn't stop em trying.
Grab your popcorn, put a log on the fire, and wait.
Grab your popcorn, put a log on the fire, and wait.
#93
General Discussion / Re: progress notes nov 25
Last post by JamesG3 - December 05, 2025, 01:46:50 PMmeant to ask Kizzie... did your CPTSD book come out?
#94
General Discussion / Re: progress notes nov 25
Last post by JamesG3 - December 05, 2025, 01:41:17 PMThanks Kizzie. I dunno, I've reached this point where I've shone a torch into every corner, changing the bulb each time I get a new nugget, or diagnosis. It's great to know what's wrong with ME, but blimey... what in the name of all that is reasonable, was wrong with THEM?
How many of us in here are trying to make sense oof what is just plain inexplicable? We want answers, but how can there be answers for some of these utter monster and their flying monkeys? My heart breaks for all of us here, because no one deserves what we've had to endure. Should we carry any of their guilt, shame and corruption, the negligence and the selfishness for them? No, and I refuse to even think about doing that any more. These people have turned a blind eye to every shred of decency and moral code that all of us... ALL of us, are made aware of through religion, art, literature, experience and folklore. We have rules, we have norms, but we have these people who walk amongst us and they do unspeakable things, or allow it to occur in plain view without intervention and tho small in number, they cause MAYHEM.
But we can't do their work for them. We have to prove them wrong by severance, finding the good and broadcasting it and living lives free of thee poison they seem to like.
Walk away. Stay away. Be defiant in defence and open to real love, real beauty and real emotion.
How many of us in here are trying to make sense oof what is just plain inexplicable? We want answers, but how can there be answers for some of these utter monster and their flying monkeys? My heart breaks for all of us here, because no one deserves what we've had to endure. Should we carry any of their guilt, shame and corruption, the negligence and the selfishness for them? No, and I refuse to even think about doing that any more. These people have turned a blind eye to every shred of decency and moral code that all of us... ALL of us, are made aware of through religion, art, literature, experience and folklore. We have rules, we have norms, but we have these people who walk amongst us and they do unspeakable things, or allow it to occur in plain view without intervention and tho small in number, they cause MAYHEM.
But we can't do their work for them. We have to prove them wrong by severance, finding the good and broadcasting it and living lives free of thee poison they seem to like.
Walk away. Stay away. Be defiant in defence and open to real love, real beauty and real emotion.
#95
Other / Re: Our Healing Porch Part 8
Last post by sanmagic7 - December 05, 2025, 01:36:16 PMso very glad to see you here, blueberry. you sound comfy and cozy and just right. thank you so for your suggestion to come here. it, too, was just right. 
#96
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by sanmagic7 - December 05, 2025, 01:34:29 PMDF, thank you for that. it brought a smile to my heart. i'm glad you're here, too.
yeah, chart, thanks. it was a good night of rest and much appreciated.
i had a bad turn 2 nites ago - wrote about it in my other journal. thank god this forum is here - once again, it helped me not do something bad to myself. i wonder if all those good feelings about the beatles, that time in my life, kind of overwhelmed my brain, like too many endorphins or something, and my brain blew its tires out, left my mind flying on its own thru the air, nothing solid holding it together, but absolutely full to bursting. all i wanted to do was relieve the pressure. it was so awful. i haven't felt like doing something like that in a very long time - at least, not to that extent. it was terrifying.
feeling better today. thanks to one of the dearest people here, i was able to calm down, go to the porch and relax for a bit. i'm forever grateful to her.
yeah, chart, thanks. it was a good night of rest and much appreciated.
i had a bad turn 2 nites ago - wrote about it in my other journal. thank god this forum is here - once again, it helped me not do something bad to myself. i wonder if all those good feelings about the beatles, that time in my life, kind of overwhelmed my brain, like too many endorphins or something, and my brain blew its tires out, left my mind flying on its own thru the air, nothing solid holding it together, but absolutely full to bursting. all i wanted to do was relieve the pressure. it was so awful. i haven't felt like doing something like that in a very long time - at least, not to that extent. it was terrifying.
feeling better today. thanks to one of the dearest people here, i was able to calm down, go to the porch and relax for a bit. i'm forever grateful to her.
#97
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by sanmagic7 - December 05, 2025, 01:26:02 PM
good to see you! love and hugs #98
Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey
Last post by Ran - December 05, 2025, 10:41:05 AMAnd I think something happened yesterday. The alarm system hypervigilance usually appears as a red wide beam scanning, but it turned off and now it turned on and it's a white narrow beam scanning. Maybe due that I've been resting?
Medication my gp wrote has been okay. I'm not overly sensitive to it, so yay and it seems to be working.
Medication my gp wrote has been okay. I'm not overly sensitive to it, so yay and it seems to be working.
#99
Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey
Last post by Ran - December 05, 2025, 10:36:53 AMQuote from: Chart on December 05, 2025, 09:53:18 AMQuote from: Ran on December 04, 2025, 11:38:13 PMI'm confused on something. Somehow this all feels so surreal. All of these experiences. AI tells me dissassociation, but it feels different somehow.I think this feeling is common among Cptsd survivors. For me it is difficult to perceive reality one way and observe others around me who clearly are perceiving things very differently. That dissonance is very disturbing. Were it not for a few friends who support me I'd probably be in much worse straits. Friends help immensely, though I have far fewer now than my younger days.
I've been dissassociating since I was 5 years old and it went away a bit with huge identity crisis and now it comes back time to time. Sometimes it's like watching your life from far away, other times it's surreal surroundings and this time it was different, because the memories felt surreal. When I realized some trauma stuff I dissassociated after a long time again, then the surroundings felt surreal.
It is disturbing, but in ways what has helped me are distractions, grounding and knowing that yes this is dissassociation and sometimes I can bring myself out of it. I don't have people who'd help.
#100
Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey
Last post by Chart - December 05, 2025, 09:53:18 AMQuote from: Ran on December 04, 2025, 11:38:13 PMI'm confused on something. Somehow this all feels so surreal. All of these experiences. AI tells me dissassociation, but it feels different somehow.I think this feeling is common among Cptsd survivors. For me it is difficult to perceive reality one way and observe others around me who clearly are perceiving things very differently. That dissonance is very disturbing. Were it not for a few friends who support me I'd probably be in much worse straits. Friends help immensely, though I have far fewer now than my younger days.