Recent posts
#91
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by sanmagic7 - November 05, 2025, 02:36:53 PMhonestly, you people are the best!
PC, the idea of 'eyes open' made so much sense for me, and i do believe that is true. the rest of what you wrote, about we each having different personalities, also hit home. i think parents can't help treating each kid differently - you helped open my eyes to that. thank you for all your wisdom and support.
thank you, SH, for sharing your sib experience. i think my eyes are opening a bit more about how parents treat kids differently - i guess they really can't help but do that. i know i did w/ my 2 girls, but some of that was circumstantial - the older had a lot of illness both physical and mental that demanded attention, so the younger was kinda left out of my time and energy in many ways. however, those differences can happen in a lot of perception, perspective, time of life kind of ways.
for example, my B was the only boy, born later in life, babied to death, so to speak, while my sister and i just weren't. at any rate, i so appreciate what you wrote, your take on this. it helped a lot.
chart, you brought a smile to my heart! i do hope you find your stuffed animal, the one who fits with you and for you. i swear, i never 'got it' before, cuz i'd never had one. being someone else each time we go thru a realization reminds me of something 'alice' said (i have this above my desk) - 'i can't go back to yesterday, because i was a different person then'. yep, so true. and i totally understand the 'absorbing' bit. have done a lot of that throughout life, on so many levels. we really do live and learn, don't we. thank you so much for your encouragement and support.
busy day today, so i'll just go. but some good stuff w/ my galpal yesterday, and just being accepted by someone. it was so very good, but quite unsettling the entire day!
PC, the idea of 'eyes open' made so much sense for me, and i do believe that is true. the rest of what you wrote, about we each having different personalities, also hit home. i think parents can't help treating each kid differently - you helped open my eyes to that. thank you for all your wisdom and support.
thank you, SH, for sharing your sib experience. i think my eyes are opening a bit more about how parents treat kids differently - i guess they really can't help but do that. i know i did w/ my 2 girls, but some of that was circumstantial - the older had a lot of illness both physical and mental that demanded attention, so the younger was kinda left out of my time and energy in many ways. however, those differences can happen in a lot of perception, perspective, time of life kind of ways.
for example, my B was the only boy, born later in life, babied to death, so to speak, while my sister and i just weren't. at any rate, i so appreciate what you wrote, your take on this. it helped a lot.
chart, you brought a smile to my heart! i do hope you find your stuffed animal, the one who fits with you and for you. i swear, i never 'got it' before, cuz i'd never had one. being someone else each time we go thru a realization reminds me of something 'alice' said (i have this above my desk) - 'i can't go back to yesterday, because i was a different person then'. yep, so true. and i totally understand the 'absorbing' bit. have done a lot of that throughout life, on so many levels. we really do live and learn, don't we. thank you so much for your encouragement and support.
busy day today, so i'll just go. but some good stuff w/ my galpal yesterday, and just being accepted by someone. it was so very good, but quite unsettling the entire day!
#92
NSC - Negative Self-Concept / Re: The line between self care...
Last post by sanmagic7 - November 05, 2025, 01:57:47 PMhi lina24,
i have put myself on the back burner for many, many years, also feeling insignificant and that everyone else's needs were more important than mine. thru the years of working at recovering from such beliefs, and with the support of others here, i've come to realize that the idea of being selfish was a manipulation used by others on us to get what they wanted from us.
having no regard for others, their wants and needs, is, to my mind, a selfish way to look at the world. however, that is very clearly not your state of mind, or you wouldn't be thinking about the others where you work. the other side of this is self-care, which is very important. without it, we end up not being able to do anything, not for ourselves and not for others, either.
so, in my mind, for these types of situations, where self-care is what leads to eventually healing, being able to be out there again for others, i've separated the word 'selfish' into 2 words - self and ish, or self-ish. being aware of our 'self' and what it needs, and taking care of that 'self' is crucial. without being self-ish, we hurt ourselves further by ignoring 'self' and what it needs to be able to perform at its peak ability.
in your situation, you're running the risk of hurting yourself to the point where you wouldn't be able to be there for your office mates at all if your injury gets worse. if you take the time and care for it properly, it will get better, sooner, and you can go back to your job cleanly and with enthusiasm. besides, pain wreaks havoc w/in our brain, and we can't function as well as usual.
so, those are my thoughts on it, what i've learned over the years of dealing w/ similar issues. i hope you can realize how very important you are in this world, and even to your colleagues at work. i do believe they'd want you to take care of yourself, be self-ish in this matter. i know i do.
i have put myself on the back burner for many, many years, also feeling insignificant and that everyone else's needs were more important than mine. thru the years of working at recovering from such beliefs, and with the support of others here, i've come to realize that the idea of being selfish was a manipulation used by others on us to get what they wanted from us.
having no regard for others, their wants and needs, is, to my mind, a selfish way to look at the world. however, that is very clearly not your state of mind, or you wouldn't be thinking about the others where you work. the other side of this is self-care, which is very important. without it, we end up not being able to do anything, not for ourselves and not for others, either.
so, in my mind, for these types of situations, where self-care is what leads to eventually healing, being able to be out there again for others, i've separated the word 'selfish' into 2 words - self and ish, or self-ish. being aware of our 'self' and what it needs, and taking care of that 'self' is crucial. without being self-ish, we hurt ourselves further by ignoring 'self' and what it needs to be able to perform at its peak ability.
in your situation, you're running the risk of hurting yourself to the point where you wouldn't be able to be there for your office mates at all if your injury gets worse. if you take the time and care for it properly, it will get better, sooner, and you can go back to your job cleanly and with enthusiasm. besides, pain wreaks havoc w/in our brain, and we can't function as well as usual.
so, those are my thoughts on it, what i've learned over the years of dealing w/ similar issues. i hope you can realize how very important you are in this world, and even to your colleagues at work. i do believe they'd want you to take care of yourself, be self-ish in this matter. i know i do.
#93
NSC - Negative Self-Concept / The line between self care and...
Last post by Lina24 - November 05, 2025, 10:07:25 AMHi
I am struggling at the moment with working out what is reasonable and what is selfish. I have never put my own needs above others as I have always believed I am irrelevant and unworthy of care. I just push through in silence and don't let on that I am in pain.
I have an active job, but am dealing with a leg injury. I feel that to take time to heal or take it slowly for a bit would be extremely selfish as I would be letting everyone down and causing a nuisance. I feel weak and useless about being in pain. Anyone else in my position, I would tell them to go easy or let someone know they are struggling.
Does anyone else feel confused about this or worked out how to tell the difference between reasonable need and selfishness?
Lina
I am struggling at the moment with working out what is reasonable and what is selfish. I have never put my own needs above others as I have always believed I am irrelevant and unworthy of care. I just push through in silence and don't let on that I am in pain.
I have an active job, but am dealing with a leg injury. I feel that to take time to heal or take it slowly for a bit would be extremely selfish as I would be letting everyone down and causing a nuisance. I feel weak and useless about being in pain. Anyone else in my position, I would tell them to go easy or let someone know they are struggling.
Does anyone else feel confused about this or worked out how to tell the difference between reasonable need and selfishness?
Lina
#94
NSC - Negative Self-Concept / Re: negative self-talk
Last post by Lina24 - November 05, 2025, 06:39:19 AMHi Dalloway,
I struggle with this too. I have found that by thinking about myself I always believe I am not worthy and that I don't deserve to feel bad because I am not important. However, if I was hearing someone else talk about my experiences happening to them, my heart would break and I would just want to gather them in a hug and hold them and tell them they were safe. I have found that by imagining I am someone else, it allows me to show that compassion without all the negative thoughts. It doesn't always work, but it's the only thing I've found so far that helps.
You are worthy of compassion and care and I hope you find a way to accept it and let yourself feel it.
I struggle with this too. I have found that by thinking about myself I always believe I am not worthy and that I don't deserve to feel bad because I am not important. However, if I was hearing someone else talk about my experiences happening to them, my heart would break and I would just want to gather them in a hug and hold them and tell them they were safe. I have found that by imagining I am someone else, it allows me to show that compassion without all the negative thoughts. It doesn't always work, but it's the only thing I've found so far that helps.
You are worthy of compassion and care and I hope you find a way to accept it and let yourself feel it.
#95
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing or Holding On?
Last post by Dark.art.girl - November 05, 2025, 05:31:33 AMQuote from: Chart on November 03, 2025, 09:50:54 PMHave you read Pete Walker's book? CPTSD, From Surviving to Thriving? It sounds to me as though the police report hurled you into a very large EF (emotional flashback). Anyway you probably know all that.Chart,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my thoughts and share your response here. It definitely made me feel a lot more confident about tackling this with my partner. He's been nothing but kind and loving about all of it but I'm sure it isn't easy. You're right, it is an intimate thing.
Also, I've seen multiple people on here reference Pete Walker's book. I just ordered it because until now I've never heard of an emotional flashback and it kind of explains a lot--I'd like to know more. In fact, I'll accept any resources anyone has to help me work through this lol I haven't fully addressed a lot of these things until now.
I'll also accept all the hugs!! Thank you, SH.
You are all so wonderful and it makes me very grateful I reached out here again. It's easy to feel alone in something like this.
#96
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by Chart - November 04, 2025, 08:45:44 PMI'm sorry you're struggling so much Bach. You didn't deserve that treatment as a child. Please find the strength to treat yourself differently. You deserve love. Sadly you never got that from the ones responsible. Please try and comfort and love the one you were who so deserved it. You can do it. You have good reason to feel what you're feeling right now. Allow it to be. Know it will change. And with each cycle encourage the little girl to show her sadness... and meet her sadness with love. As much as you can.
Sending love and support.
Sending love and support.
#97
Recovery Journals / Re: strawberrycat's journal
Last post by Chart - November 04, 2025, 08:05:41 PM #98
Recovery Journals / Trigger Warning - Very Negativ...
Last post by Bach - November 04, 2025, 08:00:40 PMMy whole life, I've done everything wrong. I really wish that it could just be over already. I'm not going to do anything to purposely end it, but wow am I tired of everything. Tired of dealing with everything. Tired of the pain. Tired of trying and failing. Tired of trying and succeeding only for the briefest time before sinking back into failure and hopelessness once again. Tired of feeling old. I'm tired of my bowels not working right. Tired of therapy, tired of drugs, tired of advertisements, tired of social media, tired of false hope. Tired of politics and of everyone going crazy. Tired of the general lack of hope in the world today, at least the parts of it that I'm exposed to. I'm tired of worrying about money. I'm tired of having to figure out what's for dinner. I'm tired of waking up in the morning wishing I could just go back to sleep.
I'm tired of living with having been born unwanted. Tired of all the things I don't know happened. Did my mother really break my leg when I was an infant, or was it some mysterious freak accident involving the bars of a crib? Did she really try to suffocate me or was it a near-miss with a pillow or blanket or crib bumper, because those were the days when people didn't know any better about that kind of thing? I'm tired of thinking about it all. I'm tired of blaming her. Blaming all the adults that failed me. I'm tired of having to live only barely as my present self and mostly as 8 or 9 or 10 year old unwanted unnurtured me. I'm tired of not being able to let it all go.
I'm tired of so many things, I could go on and on and on. But now I'm tired of this ranting, too. I really, really, really REALLY wish that I could just go to sleep and not wake up.
#99
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by Chart - November 04, 2025, 07:31:47 PMOk, I'm sold! I'm gonna start shopping around for a stuffed animal. :-)
San, my best friend of all time and space calls himself the Lone Bison. He too suffers from Cptsd, but he hasn't the faintest notion nor would be even slightly interested should I ever bring it up.
Siblings and shared parents... Just like the adage, no one steps into the same river twice... No two people have the exact same parents. And even identical twins have unique and sometimes enormous personality differences. C'est la vie...
I'm trying to think of a situation where I realized the full scope of something from the getgo. Aint happenin... I don't "realize", I "absorb"... Then little understandings plink-up like mini-mushrooms. I link G with H and it clicks. I get a solid feeling of being a genius... which lasts exactly seven minutes. Then I look back up at the night sky and feel a silly giggle rise in my throat. I think the realization of anything is just another step on that stairway. I'm still pretty darn discouraged. Would it have been worse if it'd come all in one fell swoop? I don't think so. Cptsd sucks no matter what temporal time-frame we engage it on. At the beginning I was obsessed with speed. Now I'm impressed by the depths the condition can take me to. I encounter innumerable "ah-ha" moments, but remain generally clueless. But I know I'm someone else every time I decide to cross that river. Each time, the freezing water shocks me just a minuscule fraction less.
Sending positive senator-reactivity vibes. Keep writing your representative. I believe collective energy accumulates. This Forum serves as my proof.
Kisses and hugs
San, my best friend of all time and space calls himself the Lone Bison. He too suffers from Cptsd, but he hasn't the faintest notion nor would be even slightly interested should I ever bring it up.
Siblings and shared parents... Just like the adage, no one steps into the same river twice... No two people have the exact same parents. And even identical twins have unique and sometimes enormous personality differences. C'est la vie...
I'm trying to think of a situation where I realized the full scope of something from the getgo. Aint happenin... I don't "realize", I "absorb"... Then little understandings plink-up like mini-mushrooms. I link G with H and it clicks. I get a solid feeling of being a genius... which lasts exactly seven minutes. Then I look back up at the night sky and feel a silly giggle rise in my throat. I think the realization of anything is just another step on that stairway. I'm still pretty darn discouraged. Would it have been worse if it'd come all in one fell swoop? I don't think so. Cptsd sucks no matter what temporal time-frame we engage it on. At the beginning I was obsessed with speed. Now I'm impressed by the depths the condition can take me to. I encounter innumerable "ah-ha" moments, but remain generally clueless. But I know I'm someone else every time I decide to cross that river. Each time, the freezing water shocks me just a minuscule fraction less.
Sending positive senator-reactivity vibes. Keep writing your representative. I believe collective energy accumulates. This Forum serves as my proof.
Kisses and hugs
#100
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Outside my own head
Last post by Kizzie - November 04, 2025, 06:49:18 PMHi and a warm welcome LadyBoar! 
It's hard sometimes when you start into recovery to believe it was that bad, but if you have the symptoms of CPTSD, then it really was. I think it's great that you're looking for validation by the way, IMO it's such an important first step to recovery and healing. One thing that's at play in your life seems to be abuse that has carried on into adulthood (i.e., you mentioned your M see's you as an emotional dumping ground).
I think you will find as you settle in here that you are NOT crazy or selfish or any of the negative things your ICr is telling you and that compassion, comfort, support and validation are healthy.
It's hard sometimes when you start into recovery to believe it was that bad, but if you have the symptoms of CPTSD, then it really was. I think it's great that you're looking for validation by the way, IMO it's such an important first step to recovery and healing. One thing that's at play in your life seems to be abuse that has carried on into adulthood (i.e., you mentioned your M see's you as an emotional dumping ground).
I think you will find as you settle in here that you are NOT crazy or selfish or any of the negative things your ICr is telling you and that compassion, comfort, support and validation are healthy.