Recent posts
#91
General Discussion / Re: Lonely at Christmas
Last post by GettingThere - December 24, 2025, 03:38:54 AMThanks so much Big Blue. It helps to know I'm not alone. I hope you have the best holiday you can and I'm so glad therapy is an anchor for you and that you'll be able to eat the food you enjoy and spend time with your dog <3
#92
General Discussion / Re: Lonely at Christmas
Last post by TheBigBlue - December 24, 2025, 02:25:43 AMHi GettingThere, You're not alone in this. This will be only my second Christmas in 57 years that I won't spend with my family, and even knowing it's safer this way, it still carries weight.
I'm grateful I'll have a CBT session tomorrow morning (24th) that feels like a real anchor for me. After that it'll be simple, gentle things: my service dog, movies, the dog park, letting myself eat what I actually feel like for a few days, and not asking more of myself than I can give. Then back to therapy on Monday.
I don't have advice, just solidarity. It's okay to be grateful and sad at the same time. This season can be hard even when we've made the right choices for ourselves. 💛
I'm grateful I'll have a CBT session tomorrow morning (24th) that feels like a real anchor for me. After that it'll be simple, gentle things: my service dog, movies, the dog park, letting myself eat what I actually feel like for a few days, and not asking more of myself than I can give. Then back to therapy on Monday.
I don't have advice, just solidarity. It's okay to be grateful and sad at the same time. This season can be hard even when we've made the right choices for ourselves. 💛
#93
Inner Child Work / Re: Learning to write
Last post by Saluki - December 23, 2025, 11:38:21 PMThank you for reminding me! My son called himself stupid the other day and I said to him, hey, you're not allowed to call yourself stupid because you're not stupid and he said well in that case, you're not allowed to call yourself stupid either, because you're not stupid. Bless him - I need these reminders! 
#94
General Discussion / Re: Writing about the trauma: ...
Last post by Saluki - December 23, 2025, 11:35:13 PMThank you everyone for your thoughtful replies.
I'm emotionally exhausted right now and was planning to reply to everyone but my brain seems to be telling me I need to do that another day! So thank you all, you are all very much appreciated
I'm emotionally exhausted right now and was planning to reply to everyone but my brain seems to be telling me I need to do that another day! So thank you all, you are all very much appreciated
#95
Recovery Journals / Re: Allie's Archives: a recov...
Last post by Chart - December 23, 2025, 10:03:55 PMHappy to hear it Alliematt!
#96
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: For those struggling with ...
Last post by Chart - December 23, 2025, 10:02:28 PMQuote from: Blueberry on December 22, 2025, 09:33:13 PMI am also bumping this thread for anybody having trouble round Christmas/ New Year's.Great idea to bump this thread BB! But I had a weird disorientation when I read my own post you quoted. I suddenly didn't know what year it was. A kinda time-warp.
I think I'm being a lousy friend irl atm so it's no wonder no one is reaching out.
I've discussed with a few other people setting up a Holiday open zoom meeting. I love the idea, but am actually kinda scared to take on the project. I just don't trust myself one week to the next. And the idea in itself is complicated...
[sigh]
#97
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by Chart - December 23, 2025, 09:54:12 PMQuote from: Desert Flower on December 22, 2025, 07:15:22 PM(Sorry if this reply was a bit jumbled up due to the state I'm in.)
#98
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2025
Last post by Chart - December 23, 2025, 09:51:50 PMYeah, me too Hope, thanks for that binaural link. I actually downloaded that exact one ans listen to it on a little mp3 player I have. 40 minutes a might? Most nights I listen. Serious experimentation. The only (pretty) clear sign is my irritated bowel syndrome has "gotten worse". Not 100% sure there's a link, but it's pretty noticeable. Anyway, all that's me. Sounds like you're pretty zen at the moment and the awareness is strong, but not overwhelming. Good place to be. Ps. I love libraries too. :-)
#99
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Desert Flower - December 23, 2025, 07:16:29 PMAnother thing, I feel my brain is recalibrating or something. Like the lid went off and I am now allowed to feel everything and now it's up to me to decide what is 'normal' and what is not, when to relax and when to panic, when there is no danger (most of the time, I'm told) and when there is (most of the time according to my trauma brain). So I'm very cautiously starting to feel what side I'm on at any given moment. I feel very vulnerable and volatile.
#100
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Desert Flower - December 23, 2025, 06:12:43 PMNot sure where to start now. I'm still in limbo it feels. I'm okay, but very very easily triggered. Or maybe, I'm just as easily triggered as I was before, but now I'm much more conscious of it. I don't know, maybe both.
Some practical facts. I spoke to the GP again, she now says I can see her whenever I need, which puts the initiative and responsibility back into my hands, she apparently thinks I can handle it. And the visit to the mental health practitioner at the GP's turned out to be awful, this lovely person just out of psych school saying: "I can image that would be hard." and me thinking: "Yes, that's what you're supposed to say but No, you cannot, you haven't the faintest idea." Not going there again.
The Trauma Sensitive Yoga that I'm supposed tot start in January may not start for lack of participants. The uncertainty of this does not feel so trauma sensitive to me. The waiting list for the specialised mental health care turns out to be approx six months ... and I'm not at all sure anymore this will be so helpful because it will be more of the same that I had already. But then again, what I had was good, but not enough. So I'm staying on the waiting list for now. In the meantime I plan to start Parts Work and Brainspotting in February or March next year and I am very confident that will help (this is outside 'regular care' over here and it is privately funded but usually faster). I spoke to the therapist on the phone and she seems to know her stuff. So hang on till then I will.
I did the ultimately important (to my mind) Christmas shopping in the busy town and made it through. I cannot tell you how. I also did the packing to go to our holiday home. As some point I had misplaced my mobile and I noticed and said out loud: "My brain now wants to panic but I don't". That impressed me. But I don't know how I would have handled all the organising AND work as well. It felt as if my schedule was quite full without work. Probably was my mind that was full.
Now that I've had a little rest at last at our holiday place, I do not think work is of the utmost importance anymore. Meaning, I think it is important for me to do something to contribute and keep myself occupied, but it does not necessarily need to be this job. And while I was very worried about having to start work again after the holidays and I was thinking "How on earth am I ever gonna do that without derailing again?" (that was trauma brain talking), at this point, I do not mind if I start again real slow and pace myself and if that means changing tasks or whatever, I don't mind anymore. I just want to stabilise and take better care of myself. If that means I won't 'perform' like I did before, so be it.
So now the Christmas days are almost here. We'll be spending those with just our little bunch: husband, kids and me. I'm really enjoying our time here, it's so nice and quiet. (Even if I did get a little worried today when my husband stayed away doing some chores a little too long to my liking.) And my brother will be visiting and that's fine. No in laws fortunately. And no mother to upset me either. Part of me thinks I should feel guilty about that but I don't feel it. It feels as if I may just be me. No dressing up, no fancy dinner, just chicken and fries will do just fine. And I told my bunch I will not be stepping outside to see the fireworks (explosions) at New Year's because I'm too afraid. That's fine as well.
Thank you friends, for being here
Some practical facts. I spoke to the GP again, she now says I can see her whenever I need, which puts the initiative and responsibility back into my hands, she apparently thinks I can handle it. And the visit to the mental health practitioner at the GP's turned out to be awful, this lovely person just out of psych school saying: "I can image that would be hard." and me thinking: "Yes, that's what you're supposed to say but No, you cannot, you haven't the faintest idea." Not going there again.
The Trauma Sensitive Yoga that I'm supposed tot start in January may not start for lack of participants. The uncertainty of this does not feel so trauma sensitive to me. The waiting list for the specialised mental health care turns out to be approx six months ... and I'm not at all sure anymore this will be so helpful because it will be more of the same that I had already. But then again, what I had was good, but not enough. So I'm staying on the waiting list for now. In the meantime I plan to start Parts Work and Brainspotting in February or March next year and I am very confident that will help (this is outside 'regular care' over here and it is privately funded but usually faster). I spoke to the therapist on the phone and she seems to know her stuff. So hang on till then I will.
I did the ultimately important (to my mind) Christmas shopping in the busy town and made it through. I cannot tell you how. I also did the packing to go to our holiday home. As some point I had misplaced my mobile and I noticed and said out loud: "My brain now wants to panic but I don't". That impressed me. But I don't know how I would have handled all the organising AND work as well. It felt as if my schedule was quite full without work. Probably was my mind that was full.
Now that I've had a little rest at last at our holiday place, I do not think work is of the utmost importance anymore. Meaning, I think it is important for me to do something to contribute and keep myself occupied, but it does not necessarily need to be this job. And while I was very worried about having to start work again after the holidays and I was thinking "How on earth am I ever gonna do that without derailing again?" (that was trauma brain talking), at this point, I do not mind if I start again real slow and pace myself and if that means changing tasks or whatever, I don't mind anymore. I just want to stabilise and take better care of myself. If that means I won't 'perform' like I did before, so be it.
So now the Christmas days are almost here. We'll be spending those with just our little bunch: husband, kids and me. I'm really enjoying our time here, it's so nice and quiet. (Even if I did get a little worried today when my husband stayed away doing some chores a little too long to my liking.) And my brother will be visiting and that's fine. No in laws fortunately. And no mother to upset me either. Part of me thinks I should feel guilty about that but I don't feel it. It feels as if I may just be me. No dressing up, no fancy dinner, just chicken and fries will do just fine. And I told my bunch I will not be stepping outside to see the fireworks (explosions) at New Year's because I'm too afraid. That's fine as well.
Thank you friends, for being here