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#91
SOT - Sense of Threat / Re: What is this feeling
Last post by Kizzie - February 14, 2026, 04:53:51 PMHey Blue Sky, big hug as I know that would definitely stir up a lot of emotions for the reasons NK suggests 
I know one place my mind went to is "Will he abuse her too?" I wonder what if anything he thinks to himself knowing what what he did to you now that he has a child. Maybe he's able to stuff it down but hopefully she will like "a burr under the saddle" for him. We can only hope.
I know one place my mind went to is "Will he abuse her too?" I wonder what if anything he thinks to himself knowing what what he did to you now that he has a child. Maybe he's able to stuff it down but hopefully she will like "a burr under the saddle" for him. We can only hope.
#92
Books & Articles / Re: Gisèle Pelicot - A Hymn to...
Last post by Kizzie - February 14, 2026, 04:30:40 PMSO, I don't speak French but tks for being willing to look up the link.
It is rather depressing to hear of so much predatory sexual abuse/trafficking in the news at the moment. At the same time, I think (hope) this is a wake up call about what is happening behind a LOT of closed doors.
I see so many resigning/ being fired in the fallout from the Epstein files and it gives me hope that we can hold abusers accountable, even if they are rich and powerful. I must admit I cheered when King Charles stripped his brother Andrew of his titles and royal goodies. It sends a very powerful message worldwide and we need that, to know that powerful people will be outed and punished. I know Trump hasn't been but I think (hope) that it's a matter of when not if. Fingers crossed!
It is rather depressing to hear of so much predatory sexual abuse/trafficking in the news at the moment. At the same time, I think (hope) this is a wake up call about what is happening behind a LOT of closed doors.
I see so many resigning/ being fired in the fallout from the Epstein files and it gives me hope that we can hold abusers accountable, even if they are rich and powerful. I must admit I cheered when King Charles stripped his brother Andrew of his titles and royal goodies. It sends a very powerful message worldwide and we need that, to know that powerful people will be outed and punished. I know Trump hasn't been but I think (hope) that it's a matter of when not if. Fingers crossed!
#93
SOT - Sense of Threat / Re: What is this feeling
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 14, 2026, 04:29:36 PMI can understand that you would feel upset and confused to see this picture.
Maybe you recognise an expression or a posture more than just physical looks. Your husband did not know you at that age, I assume, so I guess he can only compare photos he has seen of you at that age.
I'm sad to see you say that the poor girl has no choice, if indeed she does resemble you, although I am not sure why you might say that. It's good to read later on that you think she is a cute baby and that you were, too. Because that has to be right.
In your position I would be trying, gently, to think through the confusion. To acknowledge that this cute baby is not Little Blue Sky. But to recognise that Little Blue Sky may be scared for this baby. She was badly, so badly, treated by the man who now has this young child in his care. It's bound to stir up horrible feelings and memories for you. Maybe there is even an element of Little Blue Sky feeling that the resemblance somehow plunges her back into that scary time. Of course that is not the case but it does not mean that a child may not have such fears. You may not feel the strong presence of an inner child, and I apologise if this post assumes that you do, but memories from back then will likely sting. Please be kind and gentle with yourself as you work through your questions and your feelings. I doubt ignoring them will make them go away. So it's good you have come to express them here.
Maybe you recognise an expression or a posture more than just physical looks. Your husband did not know you at that age, I assume, so I guess he can only compare photos he has seen of you at that age.
I'm sad to see you say that the poor girl has no choice, if indeed she does resemble you, although I am not sure why you might say that. It's good to read later on that you think she is a cute baby and that you were, too. Because that has to be right.
In your position I would be trying, gently, to think through the confusion. To acknowledge that this cute baby is not Little Blue Sky. But to recognise that Little Blue Sky may be scared for this baby. She was badly, so badly, treated by the man who now has this young child in his care. It's bound to stir up horrible feelings and memories for you. Maybe there is even an element of Little Blue Sky feeling that the resemblance somehow plunges her back into that scary time. Of course that is not the case but it does not mean that a child may not have such fears. You may not feel the strong presence of an inner child, and I apologise if this post assumes that you do, but memories from back then will likely sting. Please be kind and gentle with yourself as you work through your questions and your feelings. I doubt ignoring them will make them go away. So it's good you have come to express them here.
#94
General Discussion / Re: Taking part in a research
Last post by Teddy bear - February 14, 2026, 04:22:02 PMThank you!
I'm not sure whether it's ok to share, or probably some kind of NDA.
I'll try to find out.
Actually I think everyone can take part in something like that in case of a relevant experience 😉
I'm not sure whether it's ok to share, or probably some kind of NDA.
I'll try to find out.
Actually I think everyone can take part in something like that in case of a relevant experience 😉
#95
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by TheBigBlue - February 14, 2026, 03:46:44 PM💛 💛 💛
#96
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by sanmagic7 - February 14, 2026, 03:38:17 PMthank you everyone - just so you know, i know everyone's thoughts came from a place of caring. i was beyond the point of being able to take it in. and today/last nite, the crash came. it was inevitable, but i'm glad i was able to hang on till she was over the hump and now on her way to getting better. i can relax now a bit. this is just how it goes in my life. i do till i drop, then i rest until i can do again.
i love you all for your care and concern.
i love you all for your care and concern.
#97
Letters of Recovery / Imaginary conversation with mo...
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 14, 2026, 02:59:06 PMThis isn't a letter because I would never write him a letter. I do fear a variant of this conversation may one day be had. I hope not. I'm not even sure I would have the heart or the guts to tell A all of this in real life. But it's a good illustration of how Ns work.
..................
A: I've noticed you don't really do anything much for your mother. I do so many things for her. Willingly because she is such a lovely person. So's your father. But you're her daughter and you seem to ignore her most of the time.
Me: There's a reason for that, A. But I don't think it would benefit you or her for you to know why. How about you just take her as you find her and enjoy your relationship?
A: Because I think you are really unfair and horrible and I want you to justify it. She's a lovely friend, so kind and caring. And such fun to be with. You don't even come to her parties and I know she's sad about that. Surely you could attend a party even if you don't want to do any of the running around that I do.
Me: I don't owe you any explanation.
A: Maybe not, but I'm doing so many things that a daughter could and should be doing. I want to know why you're not, when she's your mother and loves you so much.
Me: OK. But before I start on my reasons I'm going to address your friendship. You're basing your view of what I should do on what you believe her to be like. I expect you're not aware of how she likes to gossip behind your back. She's told me all sorts of things about you. She totally disapproves of you being gay, by the way. You should hear the vile things she says about gay men. And she's been encouraging the affair R (A's husband) has been having with MG (a neighbour).
She first got the information from MG who was boasting about it to her. And she told him she wasn't surprised, because you've confided in her about your low sex drive. You told her you would rather think about cheese than sex. She is very keen for your marriage with R to end. Because then you won't have to run around after R at all. You can spend all your time looking after her instead. So she's been telling MG he shouldn't feel guilty. That MG is doing you a favour by having the affair with R. R is, after all, a hot-blooded young man, she says, and it's quite understandable he has physical needs. And she's been telling MG about all your health issues causing your lack of libido. Oh, and telling me too, obviously. You were telling her in confidence were you? Oh well.
She's also been encouraging MG to arrange those group holidays you hate. She's pointed out to MG that a group holiday would give him and R lots of opportunities to slip away for assignations. And she's going to encourage you to go on the holidays, even though you hate them and you have to pay for them, because she'll remind you that R is always wanting holidays. And she'll advise you that you should go on these holidays with R or he might get unhappy and leave you. Especially since you're so woeful in the bedroom. You'll think she's giving you advice to keep your marriage intact. She thinks there's a good chance of you uncovering the affair on one of these holidays and then you'll get rid of R. Job done.
So, now we've got that out of the way, shall I move on to what she's done to me along the way? Where are you going? I've got plenty to tell you. You did ask...OK. Bye, then...
..................
A: I've noticed you don't really do anything much for your mother. I do so many things for her. Willingly because she is such a lovely person. So's your father. But you're her daughter and you seem to ignore her most of the time.
Me: There's a reason for that, A. But I don't think it would benefit you or her for you to know why. How about you just take her as you find her and enjoy your relationship?
A: Because I think you are really unfair and horrible and I want you to justify it. She's a lovely friend, so kind and caring. And such fun to be with. You don't even come to her parties and I know she's sad about that. Surely you could attend a party even if you don't want to do any of the running around that I do.
Me: I don't owe you any explanation.
A: Maybe not, but I'm doing so many things that a daughter could and should be doing. I want to know why you're not, when she's your mother and loves you so much.
Me: OK. But before I start on my reasons I'm going to address your friendship. You're basing your view of what I should do on what you believe her to be like. I expect you're not aware of how she likes to gossip behind your back. She's told me all sorts of things about you. She totally disapproves of you being gay, by the way. You should hear the vile things she says about gay men. And she's been encouraging the affair R (A's husband) has been having with MG (a neighbour).
She first got the information from MG who was boasting about it to her. And she told him she wasn't surprised, because you've confided in her about your low sex drive. You told her you would rather think about cheese than sex. She is very keen for your marriage with R to end. Because then you won't have to run around after R at all. You can spend all your time looking after her instead. So she's been telling MG he shouldn't feel guilty. That MG is doing you a favour by having the affair with R. R is, after all, a hot-blooded young man, she says, and it's quite understandable he has physical needs. And she's been telling MG about all your health issues causing your lack of libido. Oh, and telling me too, obviously. You were telling her in confidence were you? Oh well.
She's also been encouraging MG to arrange those group holidays you hate. She's pointed out to MG that a group holiday would give him and R lots of opportunities to slip away for assignations. And she's going to encourage you to go on the holidays, even though you hate them and you have to pay for them, because she'll remind you that R is always wanting holidays. And she'll advise you that you should go on these holidays with R or he might get unhappy and leave you. Especially since you're so woeful in the bedroom. You'll think she's giving you advice to keep your marriage intact. She thinks there's a good chance of you uncovering the affair on one of these holidays and then you'll get rid of R. Job done.
So, now we've got that out of the way, shall I move on to what she's done to me along the way? Where are you going? I've got plenty to tell you. You did ask...OK. Bye, then...
#98
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 14, 2026, 01:54:42 PMYou are loved too.
#99
SOT - Sense of Threat / What is this feeling
Last post by blue_sky - February 14, 2026, 01:51:32 PMI dont know if this post goes under "Sense of threat" but I couldn't fit it anywhere else.
Victim of CSA here. Perpetrator was sibling who was 2 years older than me. CSA went on for over a decade.
Now he has a daughter. Im NC with him but mid-to-low contact with FOO. Recently came across the toddler's photo in some family group chat.
The toddler resembles my childhood pictures. I guess I wasn't expecting that at all and it sort of shocked me. I guess I forgot all about genetics. Here I was, foolish me, thinking... now that I'm NC with him, there's nothing left; there's no connection.
My husband doesn't see the resemblance. Am I imagining it then? Is it about perception? And what if she does resemble me? Poor girl has no choice, we do share genes i guess as an aunt and a niece. But how do I ignore these feelings in me?
There's tears, hurt, "I dont want his kid to look like little Blue Sky". But there's also a tiny bit of feeling of "oh she's a cute baby, just like I was".
What do I do with this confusion?
Victim of CSA here. Perpetrator was sibling who was 2 years older than me. CSA went on for over a decade.
Now he has a daughter. Im NC with him but mid-to-low contact with FOO. Recently came across the toddler's photo in some family group chat.
The toddler resembles my childhood pictures. I guess I wasn't expecting that at all and it sort of shocked me. I guess I forgot all about genetics. Here I was, foolish me, thinking... now that I'm NC with him, there's nothing left; there's no connection.
My husband doesn't see the resemblance. Am I imagining it then? Is it about perception? And what if she does resemble me? Poor girl has no choice, we do share genes i guess as an aunt and a niece. But how do I ignore these feelings in me?
There's tears, hurt, "I dont want his kid to look like little Blue Sky". But there's also a tiny bit of feeling of "oh she's a cute baby, just like I was".
What do I do with this confusion?
#100
General Discussion / Re: Taking part in a research
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 14, 2026, 01:49:39 PMI'm really glad to hear that you are able to be part of an exciting and interesting project. I'll be very interested to hear more about it as the research proceeds if it feels comfortable for you to share.