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#91
Therapy / Re: Body reactions and somatic...
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 18, 2026, 01:39:37 PMThank you for creating this topic.
Like BB, I am also somewhere along the dissociation spectrum but not DID.
I have no experience of therapy other than talking because I have to see my T over zoom. That works well enough and she is very supportive of my own exploration of art and anything else I might care to try.
I have only dissociated once to my certain knowledge during therapy, though I am sure it has happened much more often than that. On the one occasion I am only fully aware because teenage NK hesitated in taking over and I was able to tell T what was happening. Teenage NK then finished the job and it felt like adult NK watching as she pulled a shutter down. I don't get obvious physical reactions in the way you describe but my T is getting much better at picking up on emotions I am trying to hide, which is helpful. My somatic reaction tends to be limited to a raised heart rate, dry mouth, that sort of panic response.
I am really glad that you have a supportive therapist. It must be difficult to deal with very obvious somatic reactions, especially in places where you might not feel safe displaying them. I hope you can find a way to work with this and reduce the shame you are feeling.
Like BB, I am also somewhere along the dissociation spectrum but not DID.
I have no experience of therapy other than talking because I have to see my T over zoom. That works well enough and she is very supportive of my own exploration of art and anything else I might care to try.
I have only dissociated once to my certain knowledge during therapy, though I am sure it has happened much more often than that. On the one occasion I am only fully aware because teenage NK hesitated in taking over and I was able to tell T what was happening. Teenage NK then finished the job and it felt like adult NK watching as she pulled a shutter down. I don't get obvious physical reactions in the way you describe but my T is getting much better at picking up on emotions I am trying to hide, which is helpful. My somatic reaction tends to be limited to a raised heart rate, dry mouth, that sort of panic response.
I am really glad that you have a supportive therapist. It must be difficult to deal with very obvious somatic reactions, especially in places where you might not feel safe displaying them. I hope you can find a way to work with this and reduce the shame you are feeling.
#92
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by TheBigBlue - February 18, 2026, 01:38:05 PM
#93
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by sanmagic7 - February 18, 2026, 01:34:23 PMQuote from: Bach on February 16, 2026, 08:52:18 PMStrategy for managing my self-hatred: Find one little useful thing I can cope with doing, no matter how small, and do it. Then if I can, find another little useful thing and do it. Then if I can, another. Etc. If at any time I start feeling like I can't cope with whatever I'm doing, STOP. Find something else to do, or rest. When possible, go see the river.
sounds like a solid strategy to me. and, yeah, sometimes being w/ nature is one of the greatest healing devices ever concocted. glad you have a river to go to. love and hugs
#94
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by sanmagic7 - February 18, 2026, 01:31:51 PMi echo everyone's thoughts, hannah1. falling out w/ your therapist can be so painful, can make us question ourselves to the nth degree. i do believe conflict, boundaries, etc. are on the path to being our very own selves, but i also know it takes practice. i think the more we believe in ourselves as people, the more we are comfortable with that notion, the easier it gets. maybe not to the point where we enjoy confrontation/boundary setting, but at least to the point where we know it's important for reclaiming our 'selves' and we do it for that reason.
we're here w/ you. love and hugs
we're here w/ you. love and hugs
#95
Recovery Journals / Re: Of course it's worth it!
Last post by sanmagic7 - February 18, 2026, 01:22:56 PMdear blueberry, it seems that you are coming to grips w/ a lot of things you're noticing from before. i know that 'should is never good for me' has been your mantra for ever so long, and i totally agree w/ it, including for myself. it always has a ring of guilt around it, and too often that's how we were taught to behave - out of guilt rather than out of a personal want. our own 'person' was overridden by guilt/shame time and again. hard to get out from under that one, but i think you're doing a really good job on it. keep up the good work, ok? love and hugs
#96
Recovery Journals / Re: More Concrete Steps, More ...
Last post by sanmagic7 - February 18, 2026, 01:16:04 PMi can respond for you, blueberry, if that's ok. yes, of course, it's worth it to not be in the 'job market' in order to avoid being sick for so long so many times a year. My D is going thru something similar which is why she's trying to get disability benefits. she, too, knows it would benefit her health-wise to not have to worry about timelines, work pressure, appeasing clients all the while she's consistently too tired to function at peak level and feels bad most days. yes, of course, it's worth it, for you as well as her.
sending love and a hug filled with 'yes, of course'. maybe, eventually, you'll be able to say it as well.
sending love and a hug filled with 'yes, of course'. maybe, eventually, you'll be able to say it as well.
#97
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 18, 2026, 01:15:14 PMQuote from: sanmagic7 on February 18, 2026, 01:06:18 PMi do hope that eventually you can stop calling my friend NK 'stupid'.
#98
Recovery Journals / Re: Of course it's worth it!
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 18, 2026, 01:14:05 PMQuote from: Blueberry on February 18, 2026, 04:17:44 AMFOO either lamenting they didn't get to meet my friends
The similarities of things we at OOTS encounter never ceases to amaze me. My M from time to time takes an active interest in my friend situation. I never talk about anything I care about to her. I fling around a few names occasionally because it can be useful to have a ready excuse for not doing something on the basis it is X's birthday or whatever. If she has never heard of X it doesn't work so well. But I've never really got to the bottom of why she shows this interest. Maybe she knows friends can be influential and wants to make sure they are suitable?
It's interesting that you have been remembering these issues with your FOO. Also that you were given that advice by the inpatient trauma place. Did you find it helpful? It strikes me as well-meaning but potentially challenging unless it was accompanied with sensible and potentially actionable suggestions of how you might go about doing that.
I'm glad you are identifying these instances of "should" and thinking them through.
#99
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by sanmagic7 - February 18, 2026, 01:08:35 PMand congrats to you, blueberry, for starting. that's the first step for everything, isn't it? i like the idea of 'activating'. it's not a passive word at all, and i think that speaks to a change in mindset somehow. best to you - one step at a time, ok? love and hugs
#100
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by sanmagic7 - February 18, 2026, 01:06:18 PMNK, i'm so sorry all this FOO stuff keeps messing w/ your head, keeps pulling you back in. i hear your struggles, and i do believe you're making progress for the mere fact that you are now questioning their actions and your own reactions. i think that's a great step, and you will move forward from there. so, well done!
one sentence that bothered me was this:
all my support during this time. love and hugs
one sentence that bothered me was this:
QuoteI stupidly set mine up as the recovery number.i do hope that eventually you can stop calling my friend NK 'stupid'. i think what you did was part of your response in the moment in the midst of FOO mindset. we aren't stupid, we are self-protective in whatever form that takes.
all my support during this time. love and hugs