Recent posts
#91
Successes, Progress? / Re: Setting boundaries
Last post by TheBigBlue - November 30, 2025, 10:58:13 PMThat's such a powerful moment. 
This was a huge act of protection for your inner child. You honored your truth instead of defaulting to old survival patterns, and that's real freedom.
I'm really glad you shared this, it's inspiring to read.
This was a huge act of protection for your inner child. You honored your truth instead of defaulting to old survival patterns, and that's real freedom.
I'm really glad you shared this, it's inspiring to read.
#92
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Introduction
Last post by TheBigBlue - November 30, 2025, 10:47:18 PMHi DawnMaria, 
I'm really glad you're here. I'm so sorry you're struggling - being in survival mode and having all the trauma responses firing at once is incredibly exhausting. Even with years of therapy, added stress can bring so much back to the surface. You're not alone in that. Many of us here know exactly how that feels, and I'm really glad you reached out instead of sitting with it by yourself. Welcome.
I'm really glad you're here. I'm so sorry you're struggling - being in survival mode and having all the trauma responses firing at once is incredibly exhausting. Even with years of therapy, added stress can bring so much back to the surface. You're not alone in that. Many of us here know exactly how that feels, and I'm really glad you reached out instead of sitting with it by yourself. Welcome.
#93
SOT - Sense of Threat / How twisted is this?
Last post by gcj07a - November 30, 2025, 10:31:11 PMGrowing up, the best I could hope for was to be left alone. I often think of my M as the eye of Sauron. If she were looking at you, you were under a magnifying glass. Everything you did or said was wrong. My siblings and I basically tried to throw each other in her path in order to get away. Anyhow, I view anyone giving me any attention as threatening. If someone asks me if I am ok, I immediately freeze and remind myself not to show weakness in case there is a predator. I so desperately want others to care about me, but I don't trust anyone enough to really let them care for me. Any sign of concern for me is suspicious in itself. My SOT says "why are they thinking about me at all?" Sigh.
#94
AD - Emotional Dysregulation / Re: What is Joy?
Last post by gcj07a - November 30, 2025, 10:18:00 PMThanks NarcKiddo! I appreciate your perspective.
#95
Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey
Last post by Ran - November 30, 2025, 08:45:44 PMQuote from: Chart on November 30, 2025, 03:12:02 PMTrauma brings so many of our behaviors to a unhealthy level, be it eating, sleeping, exercise, almost everything. There is always a healthy balance to strike. Trauma skews this equilibrium, so that the great majority of our behaviors are "beneficial" to being "safe" but detrimental to nearly everything else.
Trauma healing (imo) is the slow and methodical unraveling of all these aspects of ourselves that came about through mistreatment and abuse, restructuring them as they "should" have been in the first place.
It is a long long road.
But what becomes clear through wise and unending search of understanding... it is not the destination, but the journey...
Stay true, stay open, never stop evolving.
Love and support
Thank you.
It is a journey and a painful journey, but I'm determined, though at times things feel hopeless, when my depressive episodes take over. #96
Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey
Last post by Ran - November 30, 2025, 08:41:55 PMI'm using this to vent a bit. I'm 34 and caregiver to my parents and sister and I'm dependent on them financially and for having a roof over my head. Most part they are accepting of me, but what hurts the most is that my dad brings up old topics how no university wants me, while I'm in my last year of university just on break. He's particularly bringing up medical school like only acceptable path. I did study nursing for a year, but the responsibility of it all not to mentioning not liking how the entire system is run was enough of making me not wanting to pursue it furter. It's astonishing how mean can the people in medical field be, when they should show emphaty. I'm pretty sure that my dad hurts me on purpose. I've told him countless times how these things hurt me and I've been vocal about feeling that no one cares and values me and instead they bring out what all I don't do, instead of admitting it.
#97
AD - Emotional Dysregulation / Re: What is Joy?
Last post by NarcKiddo - November 30, 2025, 07:13:56 PMDepression and the holiday season seem to go hand in hand for a lot of us here. I am sorry you are struggling with depression right now and hope you find your way out of it soon.
I think the word joy can be a bit misleading and difficult, especially when it is seen as something to aspire to. I have nothing against joy but it feels like a big emotion, and growing up those were always dangerous. I think big emotions also should be fleeting, whether good or bad. Contentment is what I tend to look for these days. It feels comfortable (now I have come to recognise it) and achievable, which is a big step forward.
I think the word joy can be a bit misleading and difficult, especially when it is seen as something to aspire to. I have nothing against joy but it feels like a big emotion, and growing up those were always dangerous. I think big emotions also should be fleeting, whether good or bad. Contentment is what I tend to look for these days. It feels comfortable (now I have come to recognise it) and achievable, which is a big step forward.
#98
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Introduction
Last post by NarcKiddo - November 30, 2025, 07:07:58 PMI am so sorry you are feeling alone right now. I am glad you found us and hope that might help you feel a little bit less alone. Welcome.
#99
AV - Avoidance / Re: Fearful avoidance
Last post by Ran - November 30, 2025, 07:04:14 PMQuote from: Kizzie on November 30, 2025, 05:39:15 PMHaving trouble with relationships is very common for us so you're not alone in that respect Ran. And really, it's no wonder we are anxious avoidant, etc., considering the trauma we've experienced in relationships. What helped me to be less reactive was I started to hang onto the thought that not everyone wants to hurt me, that there really are good people out there and if I let my guard done a bit at a time I will be OK. Like anything with CPTSD it takes time and practice, but IMO it's worth it to keep looking for the good, healthy people we can trust and be safe with.
Re: seeing issues and feeling you have to change people is a tough one I know. I too have felt that I need to speak up and sometimes I still do, as in when the persona crosses a line. At the same time I can now see that some things may not be important enough to speak up about and I drop it, let it go to the universe and carry on with my day. It's very freeing but again, it takes practice.
Hope this is helpful
Yes I need to learn and put it in active practice. I have such a hard time with it and I never thought it is due to cptsd. I feel like it's me looking for exuses for my behaviours, but at the same time there is a conflict between my feelings, especially due to harm caused and possibly could be caused.
#100
Recovery Journals / Marcine’s journaling forward
Last post by Marcine - November 30, 2025, 06:36:24 PMWell, here I am doing exactly what triggers me deeply— being vulnerable and exposing the soft belly of my self... I thought I could never post a recovery journal, that it would be too dangerously serving myself up to be eaten alive... and here I am.
Logically, I know that I am writing here because it is a safe place on this forum and that I have experienced connection and kinship with others here.
Emotionally, I crave to connect authentically and I am terrified to connect authentically.
What an intense, churning mix of feelings.
The more I have inched my way out in the social world as authentic me (a relatively recent phenomenon) the more I anticipate facing the old terrors, the boogey man, the rhino in James and the Giant Peach... But, I find there's no epic threat, no terrifying villain, no do-or-die existential danger... and this is very confusing.
Sitting with this confusion shows me that the old dangers were real, that the old equations of authenticity=death were lies, and that I can maybe-kinda-sortof BE in the present.
That's more of an intellectual understanding.
Right now, my heart is pounding, a headache is throbbing— I see you, old warnings of danger. Thank you for being of service and helping alert me during times of survival in the past.
I release you from service now. This newness is not dangerous.
And even as I wonder "what have I done?" by writing this, I shall tap on "post" and, after clinging to the shore for so long, I leap into the wild, vast current of being human me.
Logically, I know that I am writing here because it is a safe place on this forum and that I have experienced connection and kinship with others here.
Emotionally, I crave to connect authentically and I am terrified to connect authentically.
What an intense, churning mix of feelings.
The more I have inched my way out in the social world as authentic me (a relatively recent phenomenon) the more I anticipate facing the old terrors, the boogey man, the rhino in James and the Giant Peach... But, I find there's no epic threat, no terrifying villain, no do-or-die existential danger... and this is very confusing.
Sitting with this confusion shows me that the old dangers were real, that the old equations of authenticity=death were lies, and that I can maybe-kinda-sortof BE in the present.
That's more of an intellectual understanding.
Right now, my heart is pounding, a headache is throbbing— I see you, old warnings of danger. Thank you for being of service and helping alert me during times of survival in the past.
I release you from service now. This newness is not dangerous.
And even as I wonder "what have I done?" by writing this, I shall tap on "post" and, after clinging to the shore for so long, I leap into the wild, vast current of being human me.