Recent posts
#91
Recovery Journals / Re: Healing journal (tw) Anger...
Last post by sanmagic7 - November 17, 2025, 02:38:03 PMthanks, SH.
how was your tribal gathering? hope you got something pos. from it. love and hugs
how was your tribal gathering? hope you got something pos. from it. love and hugs
#92
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by sanmagic7 - November 17, 2025, 02:35:32 PMright beside you thru the toleration process. i know it isn't easy, but it sounds like you have a good handle on it. love and hugs
#93
Physical Abuse / Re: The Myth of Mutual Domesti...
Last post by sanmagic7 - November 17, 2025, 02:24:38 PMtotally agree!
#94
General Discussion / Re: It's so physical
Last post by EB - November 17, 2025, 01:11:41 PMThanks LadyBoar
I love your idea of body as ally-that's really helpful and not silly at all. I'm definitely gonna try this.
I'm also grateful for your courage and hope (that's how it struck me) around your chronic pelvic pain. That is inspiring
And I wish you loads of relief and healing
I love your idea of body as ally-that's really helpful and not silly at all. I'm definitely gonna try this.
I'm also grateful for your courage and hope (that's how it struck me) around your chronic pelvic pain. That is inspiring
And I wish you loads of relief and healing
#95
Neglect/Abandonment / Emotional neglect. Possibly tw...
Last post by Ran - November 17, 2025, 10:58:06 AMSince I was very young I have always had trouble with health as my immune system was very weak. The moment I touched water I catched a cold and coughed a lot. Due to that I spent most of my time in hospitals by myself as my mom needed to take care of our home/my sister and dad worked long hours as a bus driver. Neither were very attentive at home either. I remember being alone a lot.
In hospitals I've met kind staff there and not so kind staff. I'm not sure if that memory is real, but I distinctly remember a doctor telling me that I won't live past 18 years of life and I started living despite, because I'm very much a rebel. I'm 34 now, who exactly don't live past 18? This is what my mind thinks. I though have memories I not sure are real and there are stuff I don't simply remember. I once saw a flashback, but again I don't know if it's real. There seems to be something blocked.
At home my enviroment was unsafe. I remember being to the markets with my family and I think I saw a small teddy bear one vendor was selling and wanted it, but my parents said no (we weren't rich), and I think I felt incredibly sad and I think the vendor took pity on me and gave it to me just like that for free. She problably saw how much I liked it and it became a comfort object. They really help with anxiety too. I have now a little white soft polar bear plushie to help me out. I don't think I need to drag the story out as that's the most of it that belongs under this thread.
In hospitals I've met kind staff there and not so kind staff. I'm not sure if that memory is real, but I distinctly remember a doctor telling me that I won't live past 18 years of life and I started living despite, because I'm very much a rebel. I'm 34 now, who exactly don't live past 18? This is what my mind thinks. I though have memories I not sure are real and there are stuff I don't simply remember. I once saw a flashback, but again I don't know if it's real. There seems to be something blocked.
At home my enviroment was unsafe. I remember being to the markets with my family and I think I saw a small teddy bear one vendor was selling and wanted it, but my parents said no (we weren't rich), and I think I felt incredibly sad and I think the vendor took pity on me and gave it to me just like that for free. She problably saw how much I liked it and it became a comfort object. They really help with anxiety too. I have now a little white soft polar bear plushie to help me out. I don't think I need to drag the story out as that's the most of it that belongs under this thread.
#96
General Discussion / Re: It's so physical
Last post by LadyBoar - November 17, 2025, 10:19:19 AMHey EB!
For me the main physical symptom I have is chronic pelvic pain, its annoying cause even when I'm doing the proper stretches and relaxation it just shows up again (together with its minions aka constipation and bladder pain). So I'm just try to focus on the long game, if I manage to store less stress on my pelvic muscles with time it should get better.
When it comes to panick attacks and worrying about having a heart attack, I never expirenced the fear of having something wrong with my heart, whoever one thing I do when I'm in a particular panicked state is to talk to my body. I know it sounds silly, but telling my body "ok, I hear you, but we need to calm ourselves first and then we can address this" seems to help me. It's a way to make my body an ally to my journey instead of a threat or something I have no control over.
For me the main physical symptom I have is chronic pelvic pain, its annoying cause even when I'm doing the proper stretches and relaxation it just shows up again (together with its minions aka constipation and bladder pain). So I'm just try to focus on the long game, if I manage to store less stress on my pelvic muscles with time it should get better.
When it comes to panick attacks and worrying about having a heart attack, I never expirenced the fear of having something wrong with my heart, whoever one thing I do when I'm in a particular panicked state is to talk to my body. I know it sounds silly, but telling my body "ok, I hear you, but we need to calm ourselves first and then we can address this" seems to help me. It's a way to make my body an ally to my journey instead of a threat or something I have no control over.
#97
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Hello
Last post by Ran - November 16, 2025, 11:15:24 PMHello!
My name is Ran and I am 34 years old, from Estonia and I have a very long story of everything that has happened what has only now in the recent years started affecting me so much more. I'm a bit scared to post, because I fear that I missed something in rules or that people find my story not belonging in this forum as somehow it's unrelated to the cptsd and tell me to go find a therapist, what I will. I have psychiatrist appointment coming up as I want to get official diagnosis, because it very much disturbes my everyday life to the point where I am mean to people, when I don't want to. I'm impulsive and experience cptsd related symptoms. I'm mostly here to learn and maybe get support as I feel incredibly isolated and all alone. Last time someone told me to go journal my thoughts down, when I was just looking for someone that could understand. I was in a very bad crisis, but I'm currently a lot more calmer. I will tell my full story soon as I get the chance. Nice to meet you all.
My name is Ran and I am 34 years old, from Estonia and I have a very long story of everything that has happened what has only now in the recent years started affecting me so much more. I'm a bit scared to post, because I fear that I missed something in rules or that people find my story not belonging in this forum as somehow it's unrelated to the cptsd and tell me to go find a therapist, what I will. I have psychiatrist appointment coming up as I want to get official diagnosis, because it very much disturbes my everyday life to the point where I am mean to people, when I don't want to. I'm impulsive and experience cptsd related symptoms. I'm mostly here to learn and maybe get support as I feel incredibly isolated and all alone. Last time someone told me to go journal my thoughts down, when I was just looking for someone that could understand. I was in a very bad crisis, but I'm currently a lot more calmer. I will tell my full story soon as I get the chance. Nice to meet you all.
#98
General Discussion / It's so physical
Last post by EB - November 16, 2025, 10:44:34 PMHi All
I'm not entirely clear on the trigger warning protocol. There might be some triggers in this about fear of process.
Wondering if anyone can relate:
My physical body reacts to my trauma in a very way.
As an example, the other day I was going deeper into a memory (which i considered kinda minor in relation to other experiences I've had-some kind of lesson there) and I broke out in some hives-one spot where my arm had been held. And i got a pounding headache that thank-fully went away in an hour or so.
The stuff that goes on mentally and emotionally is a lot as well. But the body stuff sometimes borders on frightening. I'm lucky to be working with a therapist who is, imo, "body-centered" He has taught me the emdr flash technique, has me breath and stretch. So that's helpful. Plus I am a long time massage therapist so I'm aware of many helpful techniques.
But here's the concern. I had a previous therapist for a year or so who was almost only "talk-centered" and left me to deal with all fall-out on my own. He was my first therapist after working on my stuff solo for decades. I am 63yo woman.
When I started to get into more intense emoting, crying and wailing basically, the therapist dropped me because he said he was worried I'd have a heart attack or nervous break-down and should work with someone else. Ha! He was certainly correct that i needed to work with someone else.
But his worries stuck with me. I do have some managed heart issues (angina) and he knew I has an experience when I felt like i was losing my mind (terrifying).
So now when i have an anxiety attack (my panic attacks are mostly under control) or have strong feelings I'm frightened that I'll have a heart attack or lose my mind.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has strong physical reactions and how they might deal.
I'm not entirely clear on the trigger warning protocol. There might be some triggers in this about fear of process.
Wondering if anyone can relate:
My physical body reacts to my trauma in a very way.
As an example, the other day I was going deeper into a memory (which i considered kinda minor in relation to other experiences I've had-some kind of lesson there) and I broke out in some hives-one spot where my arm had been held. And i got a pounding headache that thank-fully went away in an hour or so.
The stuff that goes on mentally and emotionally is a lot as well. But the body stuff sometimes borders on frightening. I'm lucky to be working with a therapist who is, imo, "body-centered" He has taught me the emdr flash technique, has me breath and stretch. So that's helpful. Plus I am a long time massage therapist so I'm aware of many helpful techniques.
But here's the concern. I had a previous therapist for a year or so who was almost only "talk-centered" and left me to deal with all fall-out on my own. He was my first therapist after working on my stuff solo for decades. I am 63yo woman.
When I started to get into more intense emoting, crying and wailing basically, the therapist dropped me because he said he was worried I'd have a heart attack or nervous break-down and should work with someone else. Ha! He was certainly correct that i needed to work with someone else.
But his worries stuck with me. I do have some managed heart issues (angina) and he knew I has an experience when I felt like i was losing my mind (terrifying).
So now when i have an anxiety attack (my panic attacks are mostly under control) or have strong feelings I'm frightened that I'll have a heart attack or lose my mind.
I'm just wondering if anyone else has strong physical reactions and how they might deal.
#99
Physical Issues / Re: Skin problems in stressful...
Last post by Erec - November 16, 2025, 08:56:26 PMIn fact, I'm not even sure whether rapid-onset dermatitis and psoriasis are two aspects of the same problem, or whether they're two separate issues. The former happens to me more frequently, the latter is more related to lithium intake. I know there are UV treatments, but in my case, dermatologists have always prescribed corticosteroid creams. (By the way, I've been taking lithium again for a few weeks now; I hope it doesn't reactivate my psoriasis.) The correlation between inflammation and mental health problems has been the subject of much research for a few years now, but I don't recall any studies on dermatological issues.
#100
Physical Abuse / Re: Spanking is Abuse Part 2
Last post by Saluki - November 16, 2025, 06:31:15 PMI've not read everything in this thread by any means but I wanted to add to it.
I was very frightened of my mother as a child and still am.
My memories of spanking involved my mother commanding my dad to pull down my pants and smack me on the bum. Sometimes she commanded him to use the belt. He never did this independently of my mother commanding him to do it.
My mother took me into the attic and whipped me with a horse whip. My dad wasn't aware of this.
The paedophile who paedoed me from age 5 to 15 started his abuse by asking me "Does your dad pull your pants down and spank you?"
I nodded yes. I wish I hadn't.
Every single week he'd pull down my pants, put me over his disgusting old man knee and spank me and grope my private parts and more. I fing hate him.
He told me that if I didn't do what he said he'll tell my dad so my dad would spank me too because I'd been a naughty little girl.
If my dad hadn't spanked me, I would have said no wouldn't I? He'd probably have just found a different way to abuse me.
But I know abusers test kids to see if their families will go to the police. He groomed my dad and my mother too.
Disgusting paedo.
My mother later told me my dad was abusive because he smacked my bottom, with zero concept that I remembered that she was commanding my dad to do so. I was never scared of my dad and I have zero memory of him ever hurting me, but when she whipped me it hurt so badly.
I was absolutely terrified of her.
When I went to the police about the paedo my dad supported me and my mother was defensive and weird.
My mother blamed me for being paedoed and raped and called me a prostitute and a little slag same as the paedo did.
I think I actually hate my mother.
I was very frightened of my mother as a child and still am.
My memories of spanking involved my mother commanding my dad to pull down my pants and smack me on the bum. Sometimes she commanded him to use the belt. He never did this independently of my mother commanding him to do it.
My mother took me into the attic and whipped me with a horse whip. My dad wasn't aware of this.
The paedophile who paedoed me from age 5 to 15 started his abuse by asking me "Does your dad pull your pants down and spank you?"
I nodded yes. I wish I hadn't.
Every single week he'd pull down my pants, put me over his disgusting old man knee and spank me and grope my private parts and more. I fing hate him.
He told me that if I didn't do what he said he'll tell my dad so my dad would spank me too because I'd been a naughty little girl.
If my dad hadn't spanked me, I would have said no wouldn't I? He'd probably have just found a different way to abuse me.
But I know abusers test kids to see if their families will go to the police. He groomed my dad and my mother too.
Disgusting paedo.
My mother later told me my dad was abusive because he smacked my bottom, with zero concept that I remembered that she was commanding my dad to do so. I was never scared of my dad and I have zero memory of him ever hurting me, but when she whipped me it hurt so badly.
I was absolutely terrified of her.
When I went to the police about the paedo my dad supported me and my mother was defensive and weird.
My mother blamed me for being paedoed and raped and called me a prostitute and a little slag same as the paedo did.
I think I actually hate my mother.