Recent posts
#91
The Cafe / Re: The Love of Libraries
Last post by Hope67 - November 22, 2025, 06:05:19 PMI feel joy when I enter a library, it is exciting, comforting, and I feel excited as I look to discover which books to accompany back home. I really love it.
#92
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by Bach - November 22, 2025, 06:04:41 PMNK, I have so many issues around food that it never occurred to me that there might be issues related to having sit-down meals with my family. My mother was ragingly eating-disordered, had a terrible relationship with food and hated to cook, while my stepfather had previously been married to a gourmet, so I can well imagine that there was subterranean stress around dinners with my family when I was living with her. I'm pretty sure that dinners with the family when I lived with my father and stepmother were better, but it's hard to remember. I've always assumed that my problems with food stem from malnourishment as an infant, obesity as a teenager, and spending my early life observing my mother's aforementioned raging eating disorder, but there probably IS more to it than that. What do you know, another set of mysteries to grapple with!
Feeling good feels unsafe. I'm trying to rewire that. Not much opportunity to work on that today, I'm afraid. I didn't sleep well last night and today I'm low as can be. That's probably a backlash from yesterday's conscious effort to nurture the positive feelings and stirrings of optimism that I experienced a few times in the past week, but I will not allow it to discourage me. Even though it hurts. Even though everything hurts.
Feeling good feels unsafe. I'm trying to rewire that. Not much opportunity to work on that today, I'm afraid. I didn't sleep well last night and today I'm low as can be. That's probably a backlash from yesterday's conscious effort to nurture the positive feelings and stirrings of optimism that I experienced a few times in the past week, but I will not allow it to discourage me. Even though it hurts. Even though everything hurts.
#93
Inner Child Work / Re: The Doll - Possible Trigge...
Last post by Hope67 - November 22, 2025, 05:58:18 PMOops, sorry about that, I thought I'd not responded to Chart's message, but it was on page 1, and there are 2 pages - I feel silly now - but thank you again. 
#94
Inner Child Work / Re: The Doll - Possible Trigge...
Last post by Hope67 - November 22, 2025, 05:57:35 PMThanks Chart for what you wrote, I just came back to this thread today, and saw your message.
#95
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: new here - still in the st...
Last post by Hope67 - November 22, 2025, 05:52:24 PMWelcome 
#96
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Definitely still out in th...
Last post by Hope67 - November 22, 2025, 05:51:58 PMWelcome TheBigBlue
#97
Recovery Journals / Re: What to say...
Last post by Hope67 - November 22, 2025, 05:47:51 PMI hope that you are able to get some time to recuperate after taking on all those burdens of others. That's heavy to carry that. I hope that your bruise on your forehead is going to heal soon - sometimes arnica can be soothing.
Sending you a hug of support, if that's ok
Sending you a hug of support, if that's ok
#98
Research / Re: new research and hope for ...
Last post by Kizzie - November 22, 2025, 03:50:04 PMOK I have to admit most of the science was beyond me but the conclusion was not:
"In conclusion, our findings identify hippocampal SGK1 as a key mechanism regulating stress vulnerability and as a potential target for novel resilience-promoting interventions."
Now that I like the sound of. And knowing scientists are getting down to the molecular level when it comes to traumatic stress is very reassuring.
Tks for this BigBlue
"In conclusion, our findings identify hippocampal SGK1 as a key mechanism regulating stress vulnerability and as a potential target for novel resilience-promoting interventions."
Now that I like the sound of. And knowing scientists are getting down to the molecular level when it comes to traumatic stress is very reassuring.
Tks for this BigBlue
#99
Emotional Abuse / Re: Death by a Thousand Cuts
Last post by Kizzie - November 22, 2025, 03:36:41 PMIn re-reading this thread I see that my thinking about emotional abuse has changed slightly. That is, I see emotional wounding in all forms of abuse and in neglect, in fact I think it's the core wound. Both sexual and physical abuse are attacks on the self to a certain degree, meant to demean and exert power over us, while emotional abuse/neglect is a directed and ongoing attack meant to crush us. That said, it remains (IMO) the most powerful form of abuse because it is targeted directly at who we are, even in cases where it is covert (i.e., death [of the soul] by a thousand cuts). It's just that both physical and sexual abuse also target who we are and ultimately are deeply emotionally wounding.
Stussy, there's a fair bit more literature out there that acknowledges the powerful impact of emotional abuse and neglect finally. It makes a real difference to those of us who weren't physically or sexually abused to know this and for others to know this as well.
Stussy, there's a fair bit more literature out there that acknowledges the powerful impact of emotional abuse and neglect finally. It makes a real difference to those of us who weren't physically or sexually abused to know this and for others to know this as well.
#100
Recovery Journals / Re: What to say...
Last post by Blue_Jays - November 22, 2025, 02:53:20 AMOk ok, I made another mistake at work. I make mistakes literally all the time.
But this one was bad.
Not very bad (says wise self). but bad enough to trigger something in me that is just not ok. My boss said I need to fix my mistake. And that is what I plan to do.later I guess. My boss said they aren't mad, and that I am doing a good job. but I obviously broke a bit tonight.
Every time i make a mistake I literally lose myself. I hate myself, I want to give up, I am flooded with every single mistake I ever made. Then I make a list of the worst mistakes and the least. I am pretty sure this is the end of the world. every time.
Like do I run to my therapist, do I ask for an increase in my medication? Like what the heck is the solution here. I have no idea. This seems to be my number one trigger and the thing that throws me completely into an emotional flashback. I come out of it quickly, or quicker.. than before.
but today was terrible. I get clumsy when I am off. Like I worry that I am going to walk into a pole or chop a finger off while cooking. Today was a day I needed to avoid hard things, but my job is just hard.
Anyways, hurt myself accidentally, 3 times.
I have a bruise on my forehead.
I found out my mom (no contact 2+years) has cancer this week and getting a major surgery, and that has been * me up.... not because I am like "oh no my mom has cancer and I love her, and this is going to be hard for me and my siblings, I hope we can get through this" but more along the lines of "huh, do I care? People are telling me I should care. I should reach out to her?! No, I can't do that. People don't need to understand... But you are a bad daughter, a bad person... I should be able to forgive her. She literally has never cared when you were sick. And has made up lies to avoid caring for you"
You see the problem!?!?!
Anyways. I am taking on others burdens. While trying desperately to protect myself. My relationship with my mom nearly killed me. And I am still experiencing those side effects. All on top of making mistakes and having no grace for myself. And I am not trusting myself that I can even do my job. That is why i make mistakes!!!!
But this one was bad.
Not very bad (says wise self). but bad enough to trigger something in me that is just not ok. My boss said I need to fix my mistake. And that is what I plan to do.later I guess. My boss said they aren't mad, and that I am doing a good job. but I obviously broke a bit tonight.
Every time i make a mistake I literally lose myself. I hate myself, I want to give up, I am flooded with every single mistake I ever made. Then I make a list of the worst mistakes and the least. I am pretty sure this is the end of the world. every time.
Like do I run to my therapist, do I ask for an increase in my medication? Like what the heck is the solution here. I have no idea. This seems to be my number one trigger and the thing that throws me completely into an emotional flashback. I come out of it quickly, or quicker.. than before.
but today was terrible. I get clumsy when I am off. Like I worry that I am going to walk into a pole or chop a finger off while cooking. Today was a day I needed to avoid hard things, but my job is just hard.
Anyways, hurt myself accidentally, 3 times.
I have a bruise on my forehead.
I found out my mom (no contact 2+years) has cancer this week and getting a major surgery, and that has been * me up.... not because I am like "oh no my mom has cancer and I love her, and this is going to be hard for me and my siblings, I hope we can get through this" but more along the lines of "huh, do I care? People are telling me I should care. I should reach out to her?! No, I can't do that. People don't need to understand... But you are a bad daughter, a bad person... I should be able to forgive her. She literally has never cared when you were sick. And has made up lies to avoid caring for you"
You see the problem!?!?!
Anyways. I am taking on others burdens. While trying desperately to protect myself. My relationship with my mom nearly killed me. And I am still experiencing those side effects. All on top of making mistakes and having no grace for myself. And I am not trusting myself that I can even do my job. That is why i make mistakes!!!!