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#91

Recovery Journals / Re: Post-Traumatic Growth Jour...

Last post by sanmagic7 - December 15, 2025, 02:53:12 PM

SO, quite a journey!  i actually thought of the idea of tone of voice as you did your recordings, as compared to writing down your thoughts.  i can imagine it would make a big difference.  my solo trips off the grid were my road trips.  at the time, i had no phone, no computerized car, was completely off the grid and on my own for however long - a weekend, a week, depending on where i was going.  but the feeling of freedom was paramount for me.  unlike you, i did not feel lonely, but that may have been because i think i was escaping home life and its problems at the time.  still, those were my favorite times during that period of my life.

i do hope you are able to make some real life connections going forward.  it sounds like you're ready.  glad you're back and well.  love and hugs

#92

Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...

Last post by sanmagic7 - December 15, 2025, 02:44:51 PM

beautiful, indeed, DF.  so glad for you.  i love those kinds of shifts!  love and hugs

#93

General Discussion / Re: (A lot) Truer than "I" tho...

Last post by sanmagic7 - December 15, 2025, 02:39:09 PM

DF, what a lot to realize!  i also can relate, altho i've never broken everything down to 'parts' like you have.  i've just known that i couldn't take the time or energy to have or release emotions because there was always some kind of crisis that 'had to be taken care of', so i'm thinking it was my 'take care of everything' part who was in charge all the time.  this makes perfect sense to me.  it also feels right.

and, it's got me thinking now.  i don't know if i'm ready to look at 'parts' yet, but i think i'm acknowledging that they are there, thanks to you.  i think this was a courageous post, and i appreciate your candidness so much.

w/ my former T, i did therapy 2x/week for 5 yrs., and it was a blessing.  i'm so glad you're going to get the help you deserve.  good for you for reaching out to the GP.  well done.

the incident about your D made sense to me as well.  i think trauma regurgitates itself in such instances.

and i agree w/ armee - we have been traumatically wounded, (i remember that in my better moments) which is different than being mentally ill.  it sounds like you will be getting the help you need to begin healing.  love and a big, gentle, caring hug

#94

RE - Re-experiencing Trauma / Re: Re-traumatization activate...

Last post by NarcKiddo - December 15, 2025, 12:46:17 PM

At a certain point in healing I think it can be helpful (not always and not for everyone, but it can) to understand that bad behaviour from others can come from a place of trauma. That can help you to understand, emotionally as well as logically, that it is not generated by you and it is not your fault. In my own case I know perfectly well that my mother must be very damaged because her own mother was off the scale awful. However I have had past discussions with my T where she has suggested that maybe I don't need all the fear I have because I am no longer a defenceless child. I told her that I needed the fear, and the anger, because at that time if I did not have them I would be liable to open myself to further abuse. I was not capable of reacting in a safe and mature emotional way. I'm still not fully capable but things have improved and I now have more mental capacity to consider where my mother's behaviour comes from. Understanding it is not - now - going to make me feel sorry for her and want to make it all better at my own expense.

Given you are at a stage of knowing things are a bad idea but doing them anyway, I would suggest that you may still need your fear and anger because they are warning you against doing something possibly harmful. You are the person who best knows what is most helpful for you to focus on, but to an outsider it seems like you probably need to deal only with the effects on you at this stage. In time, when emotion is more closely aligned to logic, you may find it helpful or instructive to consider where his behaviour came from. Or you may be so past him that you find it really doesn't matter to you any more why he did it.

#95

Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New here

Last post by Abitbroken - December 15, 2025, 11:22:09 AM

Hi Chart,

Thank you so much for your response, and perspective - I hadn't realised a lot of what you said, particularly

ust an observation here: no two children have the same parents. Each sibling is different (even twins). Parents are evolving people with their own history, behaviors and pathologies. And transgenerational trauma is now very well recognized. It can come down to one sibling but not others.

For theses reasons, siblings' experiences can be very different. Just because one sibling seems "normal" doesn't mean a brother or sister didn't experience something different.

This is helpful for me to consider, and is something that has been troubling me a LOT.

Self Compassion is also something that feels difficult - like I am letting myself off the hook - (The inner critical voice is very loud) but it is something I am working on.

I can feel the support/love in every response I have had, and it does make a difference. Thank you.

Sending support and hugs your way too 

#96

Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey

Last post by Ran - December 15, 2025, 10:02:13 AM

Sounds familiar, Ran. I have "stories" running through my head pretty much permanently. For me, when I become aware of what I'm doing, I try to "return to my body". It's slow. Very slow. But it's having an effect.

Yes slow for me too. It seems to depend on how intence the reaction is. There are times, where no one can calm me down and I'm having a panic attack. Sometimes grounding helps. You kinda feel slowly coming back.

#97

Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey

Last post by Chart - December 15, 2025, 09:29:20 AM

Sounds familiar, Ran. I have "stories" running through my head pretty much permanently. For me, when I become aware of what I'm doing, I try to "return to my body". It's slow. Very slow. But it's having an effect.

#98

AD - Emotional Dysregulation / Re: Feel lonely

Last post by Ran - December 15, 2025, 08:43:56 AM

That sounds really hard, Ran. I'm really glad you've had the helpline - reaching out there when you're struggling takes courage. It's also good that you have the psychiatrist appointment coming up; that's an important step, even if it feels far away right now. You deserve proper support, not just to manage on your own. In the meantime, you're not alone here, and it's okay to take this one small step at a time.

Thank you. Hugs. I feel that there has been some progress. Mostly been talking to a guy what has kept me distracted and also I didn't freak out if he didn't understand me fully, but he was calming me down. I was triggered by some stuff. But I'm proud I was able to handle it much better than previously.

#99

AD - Emotional Dysregulation / Re: Feel lonely

Last post by TheBigBlue - December 15, 2025, 01:58:14 AM

That sounds really hard, Ran. I'm really glad you've had the helpline - reaching out there when you're struggling takes courage. It's also good that you have the psychiatrist appointment coming up; that's an important step, even if it feels far away right now. You deserve proper support, not just to manage on your own. In the meantime, you're not alone here, and it's okay to take this one small step at a time.

#100

Other / Re: Our Healing Porch Part 8

Last post by Marcine - December 15, 2025, 12:14:55 AM

Knock knock, hello? Hi there, I smelled the good food cooking and the wood fire smoke, and decided to stop by. I brought a bundle of tall, home-made beeswax candles that anyone is welcome to light and enjoy, plenty for all.
I think I'll light one on the beach at sunset tonight and watch the night arrive down by the water. Join me if you'd like.