Recent posts
#91
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Seeking Support after Extr...
Last post by MiaBailey - March 06, 2026, 06:56:47 PMYou guys are great.
#92
Emotional Abuse / Re: Death by a Thousand Cuts
Last post by MiaBailey - March 06, 2026, 06:47:18 PMThank you for all of your responses. 
#93
Personality Disorder (Perpetrator) / Re: Undiagnosed Autistic Mothe...
Last post by Whobuddy - March 06, 2026, 06:11:45 PMThank you for the reply and the article. 
I hadn't come across that one. Most articles deal with autistic parents who have a diagnosis and they are doing their best to parent their children - or how to parent autistic children. Autism had not even been identified until my M was an adult. It makes me sad that she never got support for the overwhelm she must have felt all her life.
My head is really spinning as to how to process this new information.
I know they always tell us that the abuse wasn't about us and I had understood that on some sort of cognitive level but now I see much more clearly how it REALLY wasn't about me, she was coping the best she could considering her disorder. But it was very frightening for me as a child. Apparently, some autistic people don't remember all or part of what they do during a meltdown. It was so confusing how afterwards she would act like nothing had happened.
This explains so much about her inconsistency, and why once my sisters and I had become adults and moved out of the house, how she seemed to be able to cope somewhat better.
It's a lot.
I hadn't come across that one. Most articles deal with autistic parents who have a diagnosis and they are doing their best to parent their children - or how to parent autistic children. Autism had not even been identified until my M was an adult. It makes me sad that she never got support for the overwhelm she must have felt all her life. My head is really spinning as to how to process this new information.
I know they always tell us that the abuse wasn't about us and I had understood that on some sort of cognitive level but now I see much more clearly how it REALLY wasn't about me, she was coping the best she could considering her disorder. But it was very frightening for me as a child. Apparently, some autistic people don't remember all or part of what they do during a meltdown. It was so confusing how afterwards she would act like nothing had happened.This explains so much about her inconsistency, and why once my sisters and I had become adults and moved out of the house, how she seemed to be able to cope somewhat better.
It's a lot.
#94
General Discussion / Re: Triggering event: our cat'...
Last post by Kizzie - March 06, 2026, 05:06:58 PMI feel the same about any pets we have had over the years that got sick, although fortunately I didn't have to deal with my parents taking care of them. I could feel how that must feel for you though and I'm sorry you had that to deal with on top of everything else you have going on.
I'm very glad to hear the cat is doing better now and that your parents are getting it the care it needs.
I'm very glad to hear the cat is doing better now and that your parents are getting it the care it needs.
#95
Personality Disorder (Perpetrator) / Re: Undiagnosed Autistic Mothe...
Last post by Kizzie - March 06, 2026, 05:00:53 PMI do remember you WhoBuddy, welcome back!
That's quite the revelation about your M. I did Google "parents with autism" and there is quite a bit from various organizations although not much in academic journals apparently. Here's just one I found. I don't know if it quite matches what you've said about your M - https://heller.brandeis.edu/parents-with-disabilities/pdfs/autism-parent-factsheet.pdf. I suppose it matters where on the spectrum a parent is.
In any event, I think what matters is how it affected you and from the sounds of it you needed to be invisible a lot of the time to avoid her anger so developing CPTSD is not a surprise. My M was a narcissist due to trauma in her own life and it was the same for me. Even though I can now feel some compassion for her because of what brought her to be an N, I still have a lot of feelings about losing my childhood and ending up struggling with CPTSD.
Hopefully there will be a few members whose parent(s) were autistic who can share their experiences.
That's quite the revelation about your M. I did Google "parents with autism" and there is quite a bit from various organizations although not much in academic journals apparently. Here's just one I found. I don't know if it quite matches what you've said about your M - https://heller.brandeis.edu/parents-with-disabilities/pdfs/autism-parent-factsheet.pdf. I suppose it matters where on the spectrum a parent is.
In any event, I think what matters is how it affected you and from the sounds of it you needed to be invisible a lot of the time to avoid her anger so developing CPTSD is not a surprise. My M was a narcissist due to trauma in her own life and it was the same for me. Even though I can now feel some compassion for her because of what brought her to be an N, I still have a lot of feelings about losing my childhood and ending up struggling with CPTSD.
Hopefully there will be a few members whose parent(s) were autistic who can share their experiences.
#96
General Discussion / Re: Triggering event: our cat'...
Last post by TheBigBlue - March 06, 2026, 04:38:56 PMHi Teddy bear,
I'm really glad to read that the cat seems to be feeling better. That must be such a relief after the worry of the last days. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the tests go well and that she continues to improve. 💛
I also really resonate with how triggering illness or harm to animals can be. Pets can mean so much, especially when the human environment around us was difficult. In my family our cats and dogs always slept in my bed growing up, and their unconditional love was a huge regulating anchor for me in an environment that otherwise felt relationally unsafe. So when something happens to them, it can touch very deep places.
It sounds like you're carrying a lot right now: concern for the animals, tension with your parents, and trying to navigate your own health and medication. I hope the new doctor turns out to be good (enough) and supportive for the tapering process.
I'm really glad the cat is doing a bit better today. 🐾
I'm really glad to read that the cat seems to be feeling better. That must be such a relief after the worry of the last days. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the tests go well and that she continues to improve. 💛
I also really resonate with how triggering illness or harm to animals can be. Pets can mean so much, especially when the human environment around us was difficult. In my family our cats and dogs always slept in my bed growing up, and their unconditional love was a huge regulating anchor for me in an environment that otherwise felt relationally unsafe. So when something happens to them, it can touch very deep places.
It sounds like you're carrying a lot right now: concern for the animals, tension with your parents, and trying to navigate your own health and medication. I hope the new doctor turns out to be good (enough) and supportive for the tapering process.
I'm really glad the cat is doing a bit better today. 🐾
#97
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by TheBigBlue - March 06, 2026, 04:29:51 PM
#98
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by HannahOne - March 06, 2026, 02:49:00 PMSanMagic7, I'm sorry you weren't taken care of properly. That is a chasm for sure. I have wrestled with this too. I am hyper-independent, and, there is a part of me that wants to be taken care of. I have been exploring paid caregivers, I find it easier to manage the boundaries. I've been getting a massage once a month, I hired someone to clean my house once a month, and I pay for a hair wash once a month. I cut into the grocery bill to do it! I am trying to focus on the feeling of "being cared for" as someone else sweeps a floor I could and should sweep, or someone else washes my hair when I could wash it. I do self-care too, but it doesn't quite hit the same. I think this is a common struggle for us with CPTSD and a history of neglect. I hope you can find ways in your life to experience the care that part of you needs. It's a valid need, and important.
I am trying to focus on the feeling of "being cared for" as someone else sweeps a floor I could and should sweep, or someone else washes my hair when I could wash it. I do self-care too, but it doesn't quite hit the same. I think this is a common struggle for us with CPTSD and a history of neglect. I hope you can find ways in your life to experience the care that part of you needs. It's a valid need, and important. #99
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by HannahOne - March 06, 2026, 02:44:06 PMSanMagic7, I say to myself "get busy living, or get busy dying!" I have to make a life worth living, now. Or I won't have the motivation to do what I have to do. A little fire under my butt at the moment! Thank you for the support.
I have to make a life worth living, now. Or I won't have the motivation to do what I have to do. A little fire under my butt at the moment! Thank you for the support. #100
Personality Disorder (Perpetrator) / Undiagnosed Autistic Mother?
Last post by Whobuddy - March 06, 2026, 02:34:39 PMI have been a member of OOTS since 2015 but I haven't posted for years. Looks like a whole new crew here now, of course. Hi to all and especially Kizzie and anyone else who might remember me.
I wanted to post today because I don't know where else to turn. I had determined that I have CPTSD over 12 years ago and began my healing journey. My parents have passed and also one of my two sisters so I don't have family to discuss this with.
Through a ton of reading and research the best I could figure was that my mother was BPD but none of the PDs seemed to fit her exactly.
Recently, I learned about the symptoms of autism and I can see her plainly in almost the entire list. What I thought was emotional neglect may well have been an autistic lack of empathy, lack of appropriate social skills such as eye contact, facial expression, and conversational skills. I thought she was ignoring me.
Her random tantrums which were usually aimed at me were likely autistic meltdowns when she felt overwhelmed.
I grew up frightened of her and I tried to make myself invisible so she wouldn't attack me. So the abuse was real. But her motives are so very different from what I thought.
It seems that autistic people are not usually violent toward others so there may have been a comorbidity also.
I can't find any information about growing up with an undiagnosed, untreated autistic parent. So I was wondering if anyone here has had a similar experience or just wants to comment on this. I would love to hear from you.
I wanted to post today because I don't know where else to turn. I had determined that I have CPTSD over 12 years ago and began my healing journey. My parents have passed and also one of my two sisters so I don't have family to discuss this with.
Through a ton of reading and research the best I could figure was that my mother was BPD but none of the PDs seemed to fit her exactly.
Recently, I learned about the symptoms of autism and I can see her plainly in almost the entire list. What I thought was emotional neglect may well have been an autistic lack of empathy, lack of appropriate social skills such as eye contact, facial expression, and conversational skills. I thought she was ignoring me.
Her random tantrums which were usually aimed at me were likely autistic meltdowns when she felt overwhelmed.
I grew up frightened of her and I tried to make myself invisible so she wouldn't attack me. So the abuse was real. But her motives are so very different from what I thought.
It seems that autistic people are not usually violent toward others so there may have been a comorbidity also.
I can't find any information about growing up with an undiagnosed, untreated autistic parent. So I was wondering if anyone here has had a similar experience or just wants to comment on this. I would love to hear from you.