Recent posts
#91
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hi
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 11, 2026, 06:52:21 PMHi Ashley, 
I'm really glad you found your way here, even though I'm sorry for what brought you. Many of us came looking for exactly what you named: connection, understanding, and some hope that things can ease over time. You're very welcome here, just as you are, and you can share as much or as little as feels right. I hope this space helps you feel less alone.
I'm really glad you found your way here, even though I'm sorry for what brought you. Many of us came looking for exactly what you named: connection, understanding, and some hope that things can ease over time. You're very welcome here, just as you are, and you can share as much or as little as feels right. I hope this space helps you feel less alone.
#92
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hi
Last post by NarcKiddo - January 11, 2026, 06:20:38 PMWelcome. I'm glad you found us.
#93
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Greetings from the storm- ...
Last post by Teddy bear - January 11, 2026, 06:07:11 PMHi and welcome 👋
Regarding reptiles, I like lizards. Well, actually my dog likes them 🙂
Regarding reptiles, I like lizards. Well, actually my dog likes them 🙂
#94
Books & Articles / Re: David Bedrick - The Unsham...
Last post by Kizzie - January 11, 2026, 06:00:33 PMThanks for this SO, it's such a big part of our trauma landscape that any help ridding ourselves of it is a positive move in recovery.
One thing that has helped me deal with shame is first identifying it (it can run quite deeply in the soul), and then figuring out why I feel it. In my case (and I'm sure most others survivors) a lot of shame came as a form of control by those abused me. If I felt shame then I was more vulnerable and open to manipulation and abuse.
Thus, saying "No" to shame I didn't earn or deserve was pivotal. I think this falls under "radical beliefs" ("reclaim our voice, experiences, and embodied truths by owning our authority, autonomy, and authentic needs") and embracing my true self.
I must say I love the word "deshaming"!
One thing that has helped me deal with shame is first identifying it (it can run quite deeply in the soul), and then figuring out why I feel it. In my case (and I'm sure most others survivors) a lot of shame came as a form of control by those abused me. If I felt shame then I was more vulnerable and open to manipulation and abuse.
Thus, saying "No" to shame I didn't earn or deserve was pivotal. I think this falls under "radical beliefs" ("reclaim our voice, experiences, and embodied truths by owning our authority, autonomy, and authentic needs") and embracing my true self.
I must say I love the word "deshaming"!
#95
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Hi
Last post by ashley1994 - January 11, 2026, 05:53:38 PMHi,
My name is Ashley, they/them. Ive been recovering from repressed SA, and recently realised I'm experiencing C-PTSD. And I found this forum. I just don't want to feel so alone with my experiences and symptoms anymore. And I want to know that there are other survivors like me, and have some hope that that this will get better. Thanks
My name is Ashley, they/them. Ive been recovering from repressed SA, and recently realised I'm experiencing C-PTSD. And I found this forum. I just don't want to feel so alone with my experiences and symptoms anymore. And I want to know that there are other survivors like me, and have some hope that that this will get better. Thanks
#96
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Greetings from the storm- ...
Last post by Kizzie - January 11, 2026, 05:46:37 PMHi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm and Happy New Year Olly! While not really a reptile person I do love iguanas. I find them to be so beautiful. And I do really like Geckos.
I think you will find it easier to write about your feelings/experiences here because members do get it. When I started posting I took quite a bit of time on every post, but over time I just relaxed and now my posts come freely and smoothly. I hope you will find the same thing. It may be that your autism makes this a bit more difficult I know, but there's a certain magic in the connection, acceptance and understanding here so that may help you to feel less guarded.
While not really a reptile person I do love iguanas. I find them to be so beautiful. And I do really like Geckos. I think you will find it easier to write about your feelings/experiences here because members do get it. When I started posting I took quite a bit of time on every post, but over time I just relaxed and now my posts come freely and smoothly. I hope you will find the same thing. It may be that your autism makes this a bit more difficult I know, but there's a certain magic in the connection, acceptance and understanding here so that may help you to feel less guarded.
#97
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: stuck in a loop
Last post by Kizzie - January 11, 2026, 05:29:49 PM
#98
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by Papa Coco - January 11, 2026, 04:52:42 PMTheBigBlue
#99
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 11, 2026, 04:49:55 PMQuote from: Papa Coco on January 11, 2026, 03:57:45 PMSo, I'm starting 2026 with a big note of gratitude for this forum and for anyone anywhere in the world who is becoming a help to people like us. I'm grateful for those therapists who embrace trauma-informed-healing and who have begun to treat us like we're human beings, rather than misfits with medical insurance.
I am grateful to be on this island with you. 💛🧸🏝🤍
#100
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 11, 2026, 04:27:27 PMDF, reading your post really touched something I have been circling myself lately – especially the part about being told you are "strong" or that you have functioned well, and how that can land as invalidating rather than supportive.
I went through a major collapse over the past two weeks: more than 50 years of enmeshment with the "loving" parent and a borrowed sense of external safety dissolved, leaving me falling without ever having developed internal safety or a stable sense of self. When I asked my therapist where that internal safety was supposed to come from, she said, "from your inner strength." She meant well, but it made things worse. So in the following session, I tried to put words to why this didn't land:
Why "Inner Strength" Does Not Land – A Developmental Mismatch
When I hear "you have great inner strength," (something my CBT T said a lot) my system reacts with anger – not because I reject growth or don't understand the CBT intent, but because in my case, what looked like "strength" was actually over-adaptation. Survival depended on hyper-functioning, vigilance, maintaining harmony, suppressing my own reality and needs to preserve connection – self-erasure through compliance, endurance, silence, and not burdening others. That came at the cost of authenticity, needs, and safety. There was no opportunity to develop an internal self that could hold safety.
So when those same CPTSD adaptations are praised now, it feels like harm is being misnamed as virtue – like being congratulated for what nearly destroyed me. On a nervous-system level, "you have great inner strength" also lands as: you should already have the thing you were never given the chance to develop. That's why it feels invalidating. It also triggers my abandonment wire: if I'm told to "find it in myself" before it exists, I experience it as being left alone with the collapse – one of my core hot wires.
Internal safety isn't something I can simply access, will into existence or derive from the same adaptations that kept me alive. Those survival strategies cannot be the foundation of the future.
What research actually shows – and what finally made sense to me – is that internal safety doesn't originate from willpower, insight, or reframing. It develops relationally, very early in life, through repeated experiences of co-regulation. Through being seen, soothed, and responded to, the nervous system learns that distress can settle and connection is reliable. Even when that opportunity wasn't available in childhood, internal safety can still be built later – but it still forms through relationship, not "strength." It requires attuned presence and co-regulation after collapse, not assumptions that the internal structure already exists. The basis from which real strength eventually grows is the capacity to stay in connection without erasing myself. The fact that my therapist didn't dispute this, but actually thanked me for clarifying it, was gold. It helped stop the terror. I'm not on solid ground yet, but I am much more regulated.
One more thing I wanted to gently flag – please take or leave this as it fits best – regarding the company doctor. I've become cautious there, simply because their role is often structurally aligned with returning people to work as efficiently as possible, and their mandate or training may not be well suited to holding complexity or parts-based realities. That doesn't mean you need to hide or betray yourself – just that discernment about how much to share, and with whom, may protect you from further invalidation.
What you're describing doesn't sound like failure to me. It sounds like a real developmental shift – painful, destabilizing, but also honest. I'm really glad you're letting all parts be here now, even though it makes everything slower and harder. You make a lot of sense to me.
I went through a major collapse over the past two weeks: more than 50 years of enmeshment with the "loving" parent and a borrowed sense of external safety dissolved, leaving me falling without ever having developed internal safety or a stable sense of self. When I asked my therapist where that internal safety was supposed to come from, she said, "from your inner strength." She meant well, but it made things worse. So in the following session, I tried to put words to why this didn't land:
Why "Inner Strength" Does Not Land – A Developmental Mismatch
When I hear "you have great inner strength," (something my CBT T said a lot) my system reacts with anger – not because I reject growth or don't understand the CBT intent, but because in my case, what looked like "strength" was actually over-adaptation. Survival depended on hyper-functioning, vigilance, maintaining harmony, suppressing my own reality and needs to preserve connection – self-erasure through compliance, endurance, silence, and not burdening others. That came at the cost of authenticity, needs, and safety. There was no opportunity to develop an internal self that could hold safety.
So when those same CPTSD adaptations are praised now, it feels like harm is being misnamed as virtue – like being congratulated for what nearly destroyed me. On a nervous-system level, "you have great inner strength" also lands as: you should already have the thing you were never given the chance to develop. That's why it feels invalidating. It also triggers my abandonment wire: if I'm told to "find it in myself" before it exists, I experience it as being left alone with the collapse – one of my core hot wires.
Internal safety isn't something I can simply access, will into existence or derive from the same adaptations that kept me alive. Those survival strategies cannot be the foundation of the future.
What research actually shows – and what finally made sense to me – is that internal safety doesn't originate from willpower, insight, or reframing. It develops relationally, very early in life, through repeated experiences of co-regulation. Through being seen, soothed, and responded to, the nervous system learns that distress can settle and connection is reliable. Even when that opportunity wasn't available in childhood, internal safety can still be built later – but it still forms through relationship, not "strength." It requires attuned presence and co-regulation after collapse, not assumptions that the internal structure already exists. The basis from which real strength eventually grows is the capacity to stay in connection without erasing myself. The fact that my therapist didn't dispute this, but actually thanked me for clarifying it, was gold. It helped stop the terror. I'm not on solid ground yet, but I am much more regulated.
One more thing I wanted to gently flag – please take or leave this as it fits best – regarding the company doctor. I've become cautious there, simply because their role is often structurally aligned with returning people to work as efficiently as possible, and their mandate or training may not be well suited to holding complexity or parts-based realities. That doesn't mean you need to hide or betray yourself – just that discernment about how much to share, and with whom, may protect you from further invalidation.
What you're describing doesn't sound like failure to me. It sounds like a real developmental shift – painful, destabilizing, but also honest. I'm really glad you're letting all parts be here now, even though it makes everything slower and harder. You make a lot of sense to me.