Recent posts
#91
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by Papa Coco - November 18, 2025, 02:19:08 PMJournal Entry: 11/18/2025
Lots of changes lately. I've found an inexpensive app that provides a fairly robust listing of guided meditations that include binaural sounds (recorded with two microphones, providing different sounds between my two ears) that sort of do what EMDR does, but with ears instead of eyes. As the sounds move back and forth and up and down and around me through my headphones, I'm able to stay focused, and I think they do something like what EMDR does to open up different parts of the brain to receive the information that's being given to me through the guided meditations.
As I've been learning how to let go of the pain that is associated with my memories (A technique I learned from the book: Letting Go: the Pathway of Surrender, by Dr. David R Hawkins), I'm now getting even deeper help through these meditations.
This morning I selected a 40-minute meditation on self-forgiveness. It really dug in deep into my psyche and helped me to feel the true pain that I've been holding onto in my chest. I can truly see the reality that is taught to us through books like The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel Van Der Kolk. Van Der Kolk's book told me that my body keeps energy and manifests illnesses in the areas where I'm holding stuck energy, but this meditation, this morning, was the first time I've ever truly experienced in my body what the book taught me in my intellect.
I've been learning that books tell us what it's like to experience something but experiencing it for real is a whole different learning. For example, You can write a book that tells me what it feels like to swim, but until I actually jump into the pool, I don't really know. As of this morning, I KNOW what Van Der Kolk's book is saying about how stuck energy from the past ravages the body in the present. I felt it. I still feel it.
For my self-forgiveness, I do have a short list of things I've done in my past that I have never been able to forgive myself for. There were times that, because of my own abandonment issues, I've abandoned people or pets that loved me, and after a few years I discovered how badly my leaving had hurt them. Even though it was my own trauma that had me flee from them, I've never been able to forgive myself for those few times when my own trauma led to me hurting someone else in the same way.
This morning, as I was instructed to call up one of those instances so I could bring it forward for healing, the pain in my chest was greater than any I'd ever felt. Somehow, I knew, this was always there, but I'd always masked the pain over by stuffing it back down. A lot of the authors we read for trauma healing tell us that many heart attacks are the result of the pain we hold in our hearts from feeling abandoned, and as of this morning, I no longer just believe this, I now KNOW it is true. I feel it.
This morning a pain burst out into the open in my chest, and I was able to begin the process of releasing it. I plan to revisit this meditation at least once a week for as long as it takes to make that pain start to shrink. I hope that if I can do this repeatedly, every so often, that each time I do it, the pain will be less and less, and the self-forgiveness will be greater and greater. One time in the meditation isn't enough, but like an antibiotic medication, we have to take it every day for a while before we are healed, right?
Lots of changes lately. I've found an inexpensive app that provides a fairly robust listing of guided meditations that include binaural sounds (recorded with two microphones, providing different sounds between my two ears) that sort of do what EMDR does, but with ears instead of eyes. As the sounds move back and forth and up and down and around me through my headphones, I'm able to stay focused, and I think they do something like what EMDR does to open up different parts of the brain to receive the information that's being given to me through the guided meditations.
As I've been learning how to let go of the pain that is associated with my memories (A technique I learned from the book: Letting Go: the Pathway of Surrender, by Dr. David R Hawkins), I'm now getting even deeper help through these meditations.
This morning I selected a 40-minute meditation on self-forgiveness. It really dug in deep into my psyche and helped me to feel the true pain that I've been holding onto in my chest. I can truly see the reality that is taught to us through books like The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel Van Der Kolk. Van Der Kolk's book told me that my body keeps energy and manifests illnesses in the areas where I'm holding stuck energy, but this meditation, this morning, was the first time I've ever truly experienced in my body what the book taught me in my intellect.
I've been learning that books tell us what it's like to experience something but experiencing it for real is a whole different learning. For example, You can write a book that tells me what it feels like to swim, but until I actually jump into the pool, I don't really know. As of this morning, I KNOW what Van Der Kolk's book is saying about how stuck energy from the past ravages the body in the present. I felt it. I still feel it.
For my self-forgiveness, I do have a short list of things I've done in my past that I have never been able to forgive myself for. There were times that, because of my own abandonment issues, I've abandoned people or pets that loved me, and after a few years I discovered how badly my leaving had hurt them. Even though it was my own trauma that had me flee from them, I've never been able to forgive myself for those few times when my own trauma led to me hurting someone else in the same way.
This morning, as I was instructed to call up one of those instances so I could bring it forward for healing, the pain in my chest was greater than any I'd ever felt. Somehow, I knew, this was always there, but I'd always masked the pain over by stuffing it back down. A lot of the authors we read for trauma healing tell us that many heart attacks are the result of the pain we hold in our hearts from feeling abandoned, and as of this morning, I no longer just believe this, I now KNOW it is true. I feel it.
This morning a pain burst out into the open in my chest, and I was able to begin the process of releasing it. I plan to revisit this meditation at least once a week for as long as it takes to make that pain start to shrink. I hope that if I can do this repeatedly, every so often, that each time I do it, the pain will be less and less, and the self-forgiveness will be greater and greater. One time in the meditation isn't enough, but like an antibiotic medication, we have to take it every day for a while before we are healed, right?
#92
Physical Issues / Re: Skin problems in stressful...
Last post by dollyvee - November 18, 2025, 07:50:35 AMHey Erec,
I had frequent eczema as a child in addition to numerous "allergies." Interestingly, the only food related allergy I had been confirmed for at the time was chocolate. Because of recent health issues (wrote about elsewhere on the forum), I have come back to these allergies/issues. Mast cells (and mast cell activation) can be triggered by stress. Some of the symptoms that present with it frequently are skin issues (hives etc). Certain people predisposed to having inflammatory genetic markers (as well as the genetics for developing mastocitisis (sp?)) can present with this and lead to a lot of complex and varying symptoms in people. Now, when I eat something that I think might be a trigger, I will have itchy elbows etc for example (a place of eczema as a child).
dolly
I had frequent eczema as a child in addition to numerous "allergies." Interestingly, the only food related allergy I had been confirmed for at the time was chocolate. Because of recent health issues (wrote about elsewhere on the forum), I have come back to these allergies/issues. Mast cells (and mast cell activation) can be triggered by stress. Some of the symptoms that present with it frequently are skin issues (hives etc). Certain people predisposed to having inflammatory genetic markers (as well as the genetics for developing mastocitisis (sp?)) can present with this and lead to a lot of complex and varying symptoms in people. Now, when I eat something that I think might be a trigger, I will have itchy elbows etc for example (a place of eczema as a child).
dolly
#93
General Discussion / Re: It's so physical
Last post by EB - November 17, 2025, 10:15:37 PMYeah, it was really odd. We had actually been doing (what I thought was) some good work up until then. It wasn't until my present therapist that i understood that a therapist might help one out of dissociation or panic.
I did write him a letter stating in clear and reasonable terms that i thought his dumping of me- a soft sort of dump- was not okay. No response but I was not expecting one.
The whole event was shockingly painful and disruptive.
I considered reporting him, but figured I didn't have any authority. Who are they gonna believe, the professional or the "crazy" client??
I would like him to not work with complex ptsd Folk ever again-so maybe a report is in order. Just on the off chance that it would make a difference.
Thanks for your thoughts Kizzy.
I did write him a letter stating in clear and reasonable terms that i thought his dumping of me- a soft sort of dump- was not okay. No response but I was not expecting one.
The whole event was shockingly painful and disruptive.
I considered reporting him, but figured I didn't have any authority. Who are they gonna believe, the professional or the "crazy" client??
I would like him to not work with complex ptsd Folk ever again-so maybe a report is in order. Just on the off chance that it would make a difference.
Thanks for your thoughts Kizzy.
#94
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by Bach - November 17, 2025, 08:56:32 PMQuote from: Chart on November 16, 2025, 11:02:14 AMBach, my experience is that somatic work can very easily be triggering. And sometimes violently triggering... I've been working with vagus nerve and parasympathetic stimulation for two years now. For me it's working. Here's a good introduction if you're interested:
Pradip Jamnadas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irn3cFHmK-Y
Just a suggestion, ignore it you don't think it's a good idea for you.
Chart, thank you for sharing this video. I've been doing vagus work for a while too and finding it helpful, and this video had some techniques in it that I was not familiar with. I have a very limited attention span for videos, but this guy was pretty fun to listen to. I'm going to check out his stuff about gut health because that's also something that I struggle with.
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After my success on Saturday night, I had a very good day yesterday. I felt better than I have in ages, and was even able to acknowledge and appreciate that feeling without fear. That was amazing. I was hoping it would last for a while, but I had bad dreams last night and woke up this morning in my usual low state. Disappointing. Still, though, after a long period of no good feelings at all, yesterday showed me that it's still possible and gave me a touch of hope that I've been lacking. I'll take it.
#95
Neglect/Abandonment / Re: Emotional neglect. Possibl...
Last post by Ran - November 17, 2025, 08:39:00 PMQuote from: Kizzie on November 17, 2025, 06:10:25 PMIt's amazing what a little kindness will do for us. Basically we are starving for it as your post highlights. I am sorry you didn't have anyone in your corner. Here we all get it so you have a community now
Eventually as an adult I realized it. This is why I'm here as hopefully others get it who deal with this, because I feel always so misunderstood by others. #96
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hello
Last post by Ran - November 17, 2025, 08:32:48 PMQuote from: LadyBoar on November 17, 2025, 06:13:07 PMHey there, Ran! Welcome!
I was also scared of posting for the first time, worrying if I even belonged here, turns out I do and I'm sure so do you, after all is not like any of us would choose to deal with these symptoms.
I hope you find this forum as helpful as me and many others do.
Thank you for warm greeting. Yes it's hard. Reading a bit about it all helps a lot.
#97
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hello
Last post by Ran - November 17, 2025, 08:31:13 PMQuote from: Kizzie on November 17, 2025, 06:06:42 PMGood to meet you too Ran, welcome to Out of the StormI hope you will find being here helpful and supportive.
Trigger warnings are for when a member goes into a bit of detail that they think might be triggering for other members. We don't always know what will/won't be a trigger so just do your best and if you have questions just PM me. It's the overly graphic details we try and avoid here because obviously that will be triggering for many. I hope this helps.
Kizzie
Allright. I'll do my best and thank you. I wasn't sure how far does too graphic go to, like what is the line, because I don't want to trigger anyone.
#98
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hello
Last post by Ran - November 17, 2025, 08:28:54 PMQuote from: NarcKiddo on November 17, 2025, 03:41:38 PMHello, and welcome. I hope your upcoming appointment is helpful.
Thank you.
#99
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hello
Last post by LadyBoar - November 17, 2025, 06:13:07 PMHey there, Ran! Welcome!
I was also scared of posting for the first time, worrying if I even belonged here, turns out I do and I'm sure so do you, after all is not like any of us would choose to deal with these symptoms.
I hope you find this forum as helpful as me and many others do.
I was also scared of posting for the first time, worrying if I even belonged here, turns out I do and I'm sure so do you, after all is not like any of us would choose to deal with these symptoms.
I hope you find this forum as helpful as me and many others do.
#100
Neglect/Abandonment / Re: Emotional neglect. Possibl...
Last post by Kizzie - November 17, 2025, 06:10:25 PMIt's amazing what a little kindness will do for us. Basically we are starving for it as your post highlights. I am sorry you didn't have anyone in your corner. Here we all get it so you have a community now