Recent posts
#91
AV - Avoidance / Re: Fearful avoidance
Last post by Kizzie - November 30, 2025, 05:39:15 PMHaving trouble with relationships is very common for us so you're not alone in that respect Ran. And really, it's no wonder we are anxious avoidant, etc., considering the trauma we've experienced in relationships. What helped me to be less reactive was I started to hang onto the thought that not everyone wants to hurt me, that there really are good people out there and if I let my guard done a bit at a time I will be OK. Like anything with CPTSD it takes time and practice, but IMO it's worth it to keep looking for the good, healthy people we can trust and be safe with.
Re: seeing issues and feeling you have to change people is a tough one I know. I too have felt that I need to speak up and sometimes I still do, as in when the persona crosses a line. At the same time I can now see that some things may not be important enough to speak up about and I drop it, let it go to the universe and carry on with my day. It's very freeing but again, it takes practice.
Hope this is helpful
Re: seeing issues and feeling you have to change people is a tough one I know. I too have felt that I need to speak up and sometimes I still do, as in when the persona crosses a line. At the same time I can now see that some things may not be important enough to speak up about and I drop it, let it go to the universe and carry on with my day. It's very freeing but again, it takes practice.
Hope this is helpful
#92
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Outside my own head
Last post by Chart - November 30, 2025, 04:22:50 PMWelcome to the Forum LadyBoar, I moved to another country, away from my family over twenty years ago. Have never regretted or looked back. Currently very low contact with my narcissistic mother. Recently had a call with her where she exploded and gaslit, outrageous and incoherent... after all these years, after all my learning and self-work, it really had hardly any impact on me. Every time she just more deeply reinforces what I already know: She is the one twisted and ill inside her being and to her core. I've found freedom from her toxicity and come to see and love myself in a whole new way.
Happy to make your acquaintance!
Chart
Happy to make your acquaintance!
Chart
#93
RE - Re-experiencing Trauma / Re: (Warning: PA, SA , EA talk...
Last post by Chart - November 30, 2025, 03:23:42 PM #94
Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey
Last post by Chart - November 30, 2025, 03:12:02 PMTrauma brings so many of our behaviors to a unhealthy level, be it eating, sleeping, exercise, almost everything. There is always a healthy balance to strike. Trauma skews this equilibrium, so that the great majority of our behaviors are "beneficial" to being "safe" but detrimental to nearly everything else.
Trauma healing (imo) is the slow and methodical unraveling of all these aspects of ourselves that came about through mistreatment and abuse, restructuring them as they "should" have been in the first place.
It is a long long road.
But what becomes clear through wise and unending search of understanding... it is not the destination, but the journey...
Stay true, stay open, never stop evolving.
Love and support
Trauma healing (imo) is the slow and methodical unraveling of all these aspects of ourselves that came about through mistreatment and abuse, restructuring them as they "should" have been in the first place.
It is a long long road.
But what becomes clear through wise and unending search of understanding... it is not the destination, but the journey...
Stay true, stay open, never stop evolving.
Love and support
#95
Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey
Last post by Ran - November 30, 2025, 11:32:51 AMI think it is all due the high stress. I have been up until 4pm (insomnia). Sometimes I do my trauma processing, have bad migraines, then there was this conflict, going through grief and huge depressive episode on top of my everyday tasks.
#96
Letters of Recovery / Re: Mother
Last post by Marcine - November 29, 2025, 10:46:24 PMHi Dalloway,
The strength, compassion and clarity in your writing shines through. It's on your terms, your timeline, to your benefit. Beautiful!
The strength, compassion and clarity in your writing shines through. It's on your terms, your timeline, to your benefit. Beautiful!
#97
AV - Avoidance / Fearful avoidance
Last post by Ran - November 29, 2025, 07:17:41 PMI read something about it online and think that it matches up with my experience.
I think my inner child got attached to this new family (other forum) as it was safe place and gave me a sense of belonging, but I'm so afraid of keep getting hurt that something makes me pull away from people and this all makes me feel very conflicted like wanting connection, but at the same time not wanting it. So it's anxious avoidant and avoidant attachment style together. It makes sense to me.
It was frustrating at first, when I didn't know exactly what was wrong. I just felt I want to talk to people, but the energy wasn't there and I was kinda pulled within and not showing anything too much outside in fear of rejection. I find it really difficult to regulate my emotions. Any little bit of critique "no I don't see it" was like a new scar. What absolutely frustrated me and just caused even bigger emotions.
With relationships I am very mistrustful. I don't see the possible good intention and vulnerability, when people share something potentially damaging to other people. I also think I get fixated on things I see as issues and trying to change people who don't see these issues and I can get quite mean due to frustration, even if not wanting, but even if I feel remorseful, then pattern keeps happening. And even now I feel I do myself disservice by letting it go, because I feel the pain of others very deeply, even when those other people are not there and never asked for me feeling for them, then I can't help it and the people not understanding get angry at me and I only get more frustrated.
I think my inner child got attached to this new family (other forum) as it was safe place and gave me a sense of belonging, but I'm so afraid of keep getting hurt that something makes me pull away from people and this all makes me feel very conflicted like wanting connection, but at the same time not wanting it. So it's anxious avoidant and avoidant attachment style together. It makes sense to me.
It was frustrating at first, when I didn't know exactly what was wrong. I just felt I want to talk to people, but the energy wasn't there and I was kinda pulled within and not showing anything too much outside in fear of rejection. I find it really difficult to regulate my emotions. Any little bit of critique "no I don't see it" was like a new scar. What absolutely frustrated me and just caused even bigger emotions.
With relationships I am very mistrustful. I don't see the possible good intention and vulnerability, when people share something potentially damaging to other people. I also think I get fixated on things I see as issues and trying to change people who don't see these issues and I can get quite mean due to frustration, even if not wanting, but even if I feel remorseful, then pattern keeps happening. And even now I feel I do myself disservice by letting it go, because I feel the pain of others very deeply, even when those other people are not there and never asked for me feeling for them, then I can't help it and the people not understanding get angry at me and I only get more frustrated.
#98
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Outside my own head
Last post by LadyBoar - November 29, 2025, 05:39:20 PMQuote from: Desert Flower on November 29, 2025, 03:51:38 PMI hope the support of the people here will help you like it is helping me.Hey, Desert Flower! Thank you!
Take care
I've been in the forum for about a month now and I'm so thankful for it. It does make me feel way less alone in seeing so many of my struggles in others and the brave and creative ways they find to deal with them.
#99
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Outside my own head
Last post by LadyBoar - November 29, 2025, 05:36:26 PMQuote from: Ran on November 29, 2025, 10:53:03 AMWelcome to the forum.
Thank you Ran! It's actually putting a smile on my face now, thinking about her <3 How lucky I am to have shared 16 years with that cheeky lady! Thank you for your welcome.
#100
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Outside my own head
Last post by LadyBoar - November 29, 2025, 05:34:17 PMQuote from: TheBigBlue on November 25, 2025, 03:33:51 PMAnd wanting to be seen isn't selfish — it's human.
Thank you, The big blue!
This is definitely something I'm working on! Been part of this group, even if just lurking and reading others stories has been really helpful.