Recent posts
#21
General Discussion / Re: The concept of 'relational...
Last post by Lakelynn - April 17, 2024, 11:17:23 PMThanks for a great post Kizzie! 
#22
General Discussion / Re: Hooo boy... (anxiety about...
Last post by GoSlash27 - April 17, 2024, 11:12:25 PMPapa Coco,
As always, thank you for your care and support.
My T's plan involves EMDR, DBR, and the Satir model. Still researching all the gobbledygook.
I'm still planning my future around me as I exist *now*. I just talked to a realtor today about the possibility of buying my retirement acreage waaay out in the middle of nowhere, so far away that I can't even tell that any other humans exist on this planet other than the ones I trust. That sort of place is the only place I feel truly at peace. It's an escrow deal (if it goes through). I asked my GF to join me on the trip to review the property because I want my home to be her home too. I can't move to somewhere that she doesn't want to be.
I love her because we're both dysfunctional in similar ways that allow us to truly understand and appreciate each other in ways that most people simply can't.
All of this is under threat of upheaval and future change. It frightens me.
I'll stick with the plan, let my T drive, and hope for the best.
Best,
-Slashy
As always, thank you for your care and support.
My T's plan involves EMDR, DBR, and the Satir model. Still researching all the gobbledygook.
I'm still planning my future around me as I exist *now*. I just talked to a realtor today about the possibility of buying my retirement acreage waaay out in the middle of nowhere, so far away that I can't even tell that any other humans exist on this planet other than the ones I trust. That sort of place is the only place I feel truly at peace. It's an escrow deal (if it goes through). I asked my GF to join me on the trip to review the property because I want my home to be her home too. I can't move to somewhere that she doesn't want to be.
I love her because we're both dysfunctional in similar ways that allow us to truly understand and appreciate each other in ways that most people simply can't.
All of this is under threat of upheaval and future change. It frightens me.
I'll stick with the plan, let my T drive, and hope for the best.
Best,
-Slashy
#23
General Discussion / Re: I lost my best friend in t...
Last post by Lakelynn - April 17, 2024, 10:57:35 PMDitto for me too j i m. 
I'm very encouraged to read that you've had contact and that it was productive and not a repeat in any way shape or form of your last critical moment.
Thanks for your sweet reply to my previous post. In the heat of the moment, when everything negative is coursing through our brains, it can be hard to see any other view. A little space and time sounds great because it gives both of your some opportunity to "mull." Even when we are not consciously thinking of a problem, the unconscious is hard at work looking it over and turning it around. Peeking at every angle.
Something I read recently is allowing me to feel all kinds of things and opening up my memory, which I've compartmentalized like a bank vault. It is this: Trust your intuition. It is always right, never wrong. It serves to protect you and keep danger at bay. I post this because of your comment, " I need to be hypervigilent with myself." Sorry, I disagree. Hypervigilance springs from our old fears that nothing is ever safe.
Congrats on getting through to the other side.
I'm very encouraged to read that you've had contact and that it was productive and not a repeat in any way shape or form of your last critical moment. Thanks for your sweet reply to my previous post. In the heat of the moment, when everything negative is coursing through our brains, it can be hard to see any other view. A little space and time sounds great because it gives both of your some opportunity to "mull." Even when we are not consciously thinking of a problem, the unconscious is hard at work looking it over and turning it around. Peeking at every angle.
Something I read recently is allowing me to feel all kinds of things and opening up my memory, which I've compartmentalized like a bank vault. It is this: Trust your intuition. It is always right, never wrong. It serves to protect you and keep danger at bay. I post this because of your comment, " I need to be hypervigilent with myself." Sorry, I disagree. Hypervigilance springs from our old fears that nothing is ever safe.
Congrats on getting through to the other side.
#24
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by Little2Nothing - April 17, 2024, 10:56:51 PMPC, I understand completely about remembering the bad. I can't remember my own wedding day. The photos seem foreign to me, I have looked at them a lot of times and they have become a memory.
#25
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by GoSlash27 - April 17, 2024, 10:45:50 PMPapa Coco,
"I expect that you all understand this next sentence:>> I can remember every bad thing that's ever happened in my life, but remembering good things is like holding water in a kitchen strainer."
Sadly, I must admit that I cannot relate to this statement. "Sadly" is definitely not the right word. While I remember many bad things in my life, there are many *more* bad things that I do not remember at the moment. But I clung to all the happy memories (or at least interesting/ funny) like a drowning man to a life preserver.
Having said that, I *do* understand it and my heart goes out to you. My GF suffers the same way. All of her negative memories stick but she cannot hold on to the positive ones, even fairly recent ones we have made together over the years.
I'm glad that you find some strength in the heartfelt reassurances that we and your loved ones offer you; how truly fortunate and grateful *we* are to have *you* supporting *us*. But I also remember from my *own* darkest days that these reassurances will never be enough on their own to do anything more than sustain you right now.
I sincerely hope that you will find that path that leads you out of your darkness into the light; where you come to recognize in yourself the value all of the rest of us see in you.
Stay safe!
-Slashy
"I expect that you all understand this next sentence:>> I can remember every bad thing that's ever happened in my life, but remembering good things is like holding water in a kitchen strainer."
Sadly, I must admit that I cannot relate to this statement. "Sadly" is definitely not the right word. While I remember many bad things in my life, there are many *more* bad things that I do not remember at the moment. But I clung to all the happy memories (or at least interesting/ funny) like a drowning man to a life preserver.
Having said that, I *do* understand it and my heart goes out to you. My GF suffers the same way. All of her negative memories stick but she cannot hold on to the positive ones, even fairly recent ones we have made together over the years.
I'm glad that you find some strength in the heartfelt reassurances that we and your loved ones offer you; how truly fortunate and grateful *we* are to have *you* supporting *us*. But I also remember from my *own* darkest days that these reassurances will never be enough on their own to do anything more than sustain you right now.
I sincerely hope that you will find that path that leads you out of your darkness into the light; where you come to recognize in yourself the value all of the rest of us see in you.
Stay safe!
-Slashy
#26
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by Armee - April 17, 2024, 10:13:13 PM I'm so grateful you survived. I wish the others did too.
Holding the positive might be like a strainer in the kitchen sink, but this forum can be like the beautifully imperfect ceramic bowl you put under the strainer to catch the good stuff.
#27
Please Introduce Yourself Here / I’m going through the same pro...
Last post by Sunspirit - April 17, 2024, 09:21:48 PMHey there,
I hope you're all having a wonderful day. I'm just checking in to introduce myself and see what this is like. I'm in the US so I don't have an official diagnosis but I am pretty sure I have C-PTSD.
Thanks for the site and I am going to read some threads for now.
I hope you're all having a wonderful day. I'm just checking in to introduce myself and see what this is like. I'm in the US so I don't have an official diagnosis but I am pretty sure I have C-PTSD.
Thanks for the site and I am going to read some threads for now.
#28
General Discussion / Re: Hooo boy... (anxiety about...
Last post by Papa Coco - April 17, 2024, 08:51:32 PMSlashy,
Sounds like your first therapy appointment was definitely energized.
If your inner critic returns, it's probably because it needs to.
My experience with IFS therapy, also called Parts Therapy, is that in my case, I have a lot of inner critics. The interesting thing is that they are not talking to me to hurt me, they are trying to protect me.
When I want to do something risky, and one of my parts shouts out, "You aren't smart enough to make it work" that critic isn't trying to hurt me, he's trying to stop me from doing something that I was taught as a child would be dangerous. My inner critics call me "too emotional" and "too sensitive" and "You'll fail." Which is what my parents used to say to get me to stop wanting to do things with other kids. My inner critic is trying to stop me before someone humiliates me.
Parts therapy isn't designed to stop the inner critic or send him/her away, it's designed to make us into friends again and to find the right way to help me now that I'm not a helpless child anymore. Our inner critics are frozen in time. They think we're still the age we were when they were created. Once we talk with them and thank them for their service, they sort of discover that we're not helpless anymore, so they change their method of working with us.
My therapist works to join me and my inner critic together and find our love for each other.
So if your inner critic(s) become(s) active again, that's good, because you and your therapist can work with them if they're willing to come out and talk.
Parts Therapy, or IFS therapy, is about merging our voices back together and giving these terrified little critic voices proof that we're all grown up now and we can merge back together as strong and competent adults.
Trauma disorders are a fragmentation of the brain into individual pieces that don't work together. GOOD IFS therapy is all about merging our brain's isolated parts back together, one critic at a time. Like putting a thousand-piece puzzle together, it goes from a thousand pieces to one completed puzzle as we work with it. It's proving to be a powerful type of therapy for a lot of people.
One thing my therapist, as well as the writers like Richard Schwartz and Robert Falconer, say is that the therapy isn't done by talking about these inner critics, but is done by talking to them. The critics don't hear us when we talk about them, but they respond very quickly when we listen to them, and talk to or with them. Like children, they want us to listen to what they have to say. If your therapist truly understands parts therapy, she will help you listen to them, and they will speak to you, and resolutions really do happen.
I'm truly amazed at how, once I've made contact with a critic, they change to a positive voice very quickly and permanently. The true slowdown for me is that I have a lot of inner critics. The good news is they are all willing to talk when it's their turn in therapy.
After 40+ years of therapy, IFS and Parts therapy are giving me more traction than all the therapies I've tried put together.
Sounds like your first therapy appointment was definitely energized.
If your inner critic returns, it's probably because it needs to.
My experience with IFS therapy, also called Parts Therapy, is that in my case, I have a lot of inner critics. The interesting thing is that they are not talking to me to hurt me, they are trying to protect me.
When I want to do something risky, and one of my parts shouts out, "You aren't smart enough to make it work" that critic isn't trying to hurt me, he's trying to stop me from doing something that I was taught as a child would be dangerous. My inner critics call me "too emotional" and "too sensitive" and "You'll fail." Which is what my parents used to say to get me to stop wanting to do things with other kids. My inner critic is trying to stop me before someone humiliates me.
Parts therapy isn't designed to stop the inner critic or send him/her away, it's designed to make us into friends again and to find the right way to help me now that I'm not a helpless child anymore. Our inner critics are frozen in time. They think we're still the age we were when they were created. Once we talk with them and thank them for their service, they sort of discover that we're not helpless anymore, so they change their method of working with us.
My therapist works to join me and my inner critic together and find our love for each other.
So if your inner critic(s) become(s) active again, that's good, because you and your therapist can work with them if they're willing to come out and talk.
Parts Therapy, or IFS therapy, is about merging our voices back together and giving these terrified little critic voices proof that we're all grown up now and we can merge back together as strong and competent adults.
Trauma disorders are a fragmentation of the brain into individual pieces that don't work together. GOOD IFS therapy is all about merging our brain's isolated parts back together, one critic at a time. Like putting a thousand-piece puzzle together, it goes from a thousand pieces to one completed puzzle as we work with it. It's proving to be a powerful type of therapy for a lot of people.
One thing my therapist, as well as the writers like Richard Schwartz and Robert Falconer, say is that the therapy isn't done by talking about these inner critics, but is done by talking to them. The critics don't hear us when we talk about them, but they respond very quickly when we listen to them, and talk to or with them. Like children, they want us to listen to what they have to say. If your therapist truly understands parts therapy, she will help you listen to them, and they will speak to you, and resolutions really do happen.
I'm truly amazed at how, once I've made contact with a critic, they change to a positive voice very quickly and permanently. The true slowdown for me is that I have a lot of inner critics. The good news is they are all willing to talk when it's their turn in therapy.
After 40+ years of therapy, IFS and Parts therapy are giving me more traction than all the therapies I've tried put together.
#29
General Discussion / Hooo boy... (anxiety about sta...
Last post by GoSlash27 - April 17, 2024, 07:35:28 PMAll,
So... I just had my first therapy session today. It was kind of an emergency intervention to learn how to process my panic attacks in a healthy way. Apparently I'll be using this technique fairly often.
She said she was impressed by how well I've adapted over the years, and that took me aback. "Did you hear the part where I said I never let *anyone* in my house, not even my own son or girlfriend"??
Apparently there's worse avoidance out there. A *lot* worse.
Anyway... She told me something that alarmed me: My inner critical voice and depression may return during this process.
I haven't had to deal with that for over thirty years. I'm back to fretting that this process is going to cause a lot of changes I'm not ready for.
Best,
-Slashy
So... I just had my first therapy session today. It was kind of an emergency intervention to learn how to process my panic attacks in a healthy way. Apparently I'll be using this technique fairly often.
She said she was impressed by how well I've adapted over the years, and that took me aback. "Did you hear the part where I said I never let *anyone* in my house, not even my own son or girlfriend"??
Apparently there's worse avoidance out there. A *lot* worse.
Anyway... She told me something that alarmed me: My inner critical voice and depression may return during this process.
I haven't had to deal with that for over thirty years. I'm back to fretting that this process is going to cause a lot of changes I'm not ready for.
Best,
-Slashy
#30
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by Chart - April 17, 2024, 07:26:18 PMPapaCoco, It is with your kind and heartfelt post that I go into sleep. Much love to you and everyone.