Learning to heal, Larry's journey

[Armee]

I felt that way, about your experience Larry, too. It was too aggressive on the part of the therapist. If insurance is covering, the coverage can be limited so that may make therapists move too quickly.

I remember just feeling so....I dunno...confused....why me and T were working on such mundane things like issues around cleaning the house when there were these huge roiling issues under the surface that I couldn't name but knew were there. But it was vital absolutely vital to start small and its all connected anyway in the end. When we went fast bad things happened. When we learned to slow way way way WWWWAAAAYYYY down that's when healing started.

I know everyone says find someone who knows trauma but also important is finding someone open to learning and adapting. My T did not really know complex trauma. But he generally speaking is adaptive and it has worked. Really well.

[Larry]

i have been so confused,  yet really appreciative at the same time.    I have 2 jobs,  and both want me to take a bigger role.    i feel like i have enough to deal with,  but i feel so lucky to have people that want me.   what a difference.   and at the same time i feel like i don't fit in anywhere.   what is wrong with me?    My wife gave me some melatonin gummies,  to help with my lack of sleep.  not sure if it works,   but i guess it can't hurt.     i really don't know what to do,  everyone tells me to do what is best for me.     i don't think i even know how to do that.     what ever i choose,  some people are not going to be happy.     
i want to try therapy again.     i really want to try.     it's like i  need someone to make me do it.     
i am sorry i haven't been here to support everyone.    my wife did not drink for 3 weeks,    yesterday she started again.    not just a few drinks,   she drinks until she passes out,   when she wakes up she starts again.     i try to limit drinking,  but sometimes i just need too get numb.     
Thank you to everyone that took the time to read,  I'm sorry

[Armee]

 

[rainydiary]

Thinking of you Larry.

[Larry]

I have been doing pretty good the last few weeks.   I haven't been over drinking.  and most of the time i feel good.   i still get times where i feel depressed or feel like i don't fit in.  I'm just trying to take it day by day.   I made a decision which job,  kind of.   I am still working both jobs.   I hope it all comes together.   

[paul72]

I hope it all comes together for you Larry
I'm glad you're doing pretty good.
Sending best wishes your way

[rainydiary]

Best wishes making a job decision.

[Larry]

i have a problem with drinking,  but right now,   my biggest problem is my wife drining way too much.     it is so hard to balance things.    she works 1 day a week,  and called in sick so she could stay home and drink.     it is so hard for me to not give up.    why do i try.     i need support,   and maybe she does too.    i really do not know what to do.

[sanmagic7]

hey, larry,

admitting you have a problem is the first step.  i think you took a tremendous leap forward by admitting that.   may i suggest an AA meeting?  it's a place you'll find support and caring, as well as some direction as to what to do next and how to go about it.   i'm sorry about your wife's drinking, but you can't support her if she doesn't want support, and she can't support you in her condition at the moment.  just some thoughts from my days as an alcohol and drug counselor.  i've been there myself and found not only a spirituality to help give me strength, which i had been severely lacking (even tho i was an avid member of my church at the time) but also caring, supportive people who only wanted the best for me.

and who knows?  you wouldn't be the first couple who when one saw how the other began feeling better w/o alcohol, decided they wanted that for themselves as well. it happened in 2 of my marriages.  all the best to you both.   love and hugs

[rainydiary]

Thank you for sharing your insight with regard to drinking.  I hope this helps shine a light on next steps.

[Larry]

i really can't believe i just said that,   about having a drinking problem.   I only had 2 drinks today.    things have been ok.  i am getting a little worried with the holidays coming.    i really want to try to make new memories this year.   I tried last year,   it just didn't happen.    I really appreciate everyone here,  thank you all for the support. 

[Armee]

 

It's OK to have a problem or be conflicted about it or to not have a problem. I wish you and your wife the best as you try to navigate this difficult period for you both. Maybe you don't have such a problem with alcohol per se but with trauma and alcohol is one of your coping mechanisms but a not healthy one. I have several not healthy coping mechanisms too. You deserve to heal your trauma, Larry.

[sanmagic7]

 

love and hugs, larry

[Larry]

i know drinking is a problem,  just really suprised myself by admitting that.    I feel good this morning.   I still have some difficult things going on,  some hard decisions to make.   I'm just going to try to make it work,  but it is really adding a lot of stress that i don't need.    I have asked my wife to try to at leaset slow down a little with drinking.   

I hope everyone has a great day......

[rainydiary]

Larry, in my experience saying the truth to ourself can open up so much and help us find what need to move forward in a way we would like to.  I hope that you continue to find what supports you.