Eerie Anne's Journal

[Eireanne]

Anger has many positive functions, and even compassionate functions on the protective side of compassion, the brave side.

It lets us know for example that someone may have overstepped our boundaries or hurt us or is acting unfairly ( = information ).
And it can give us the energy to protect ourselves, to advocate for oneself in order to diminish the harm ( = action ).
And if ever, nothing can really be changed or done, knowing that we are angry and rightly so, gives us the possibility to comfort ourselves with compassion.

Overall anger is designed to protect.
What matters is how we deal with it.

If we don't suppress it or turn it against ourselves with harsh criticism, it is supporting our wellbeing.

Use anger to find out what are the unmet needs underlying the emotion - such as to be seen, to be heard, to be validated, to be connected, to be respected, and probably above all the universal need to be loved : anger is the door to this discovery.

When we understand that our unmet needs are universal, legitimate and worthy, we can give ourselves the compassion we need the way we need it (soothing or supportive touch, grounding, words of support or encouragement).

And when it is difficult, just be kind toward ourselves : not to make it easy, but just because it is difficult.

[Eireanne]

When someone acts in a way that disappoints you or upsets you, it's rarely about you.

They're just acting the way they know to act. They're copying their parent's actions, society's influence, and responding emotionally based on their formative childhood experiences.

If you react (feel rejected), if you judge (that it's something I did wrong), if you get angry (then probably my autonomy is being violated), all you're doing is perpetuating the patterns, and continuing the problem. If instead, you show love, compassion, and an open-hearted response, you have the opportunity and the ability to heal the situation.

[Eireanne]

If you grew up in a damaging environment in which the words and actions of others hurt you, and did so deeply to your core, I hope these tips will help you boost your self-worth.

Feed your self-doubt and fears with kindness. Those voices that make you doubt yourself are the critical voices of other people in your life. You've grown up hearing disapproving language and harmful words from people who were supposed to love you. You heard them tell you that you weren't good enough or worthy enough. You weren't smart enough, skinny enough, loving enough or talented enough.

These detrimental voices mixed with your own inner voice. Combined, they became a destructive voice in your mind, one that speaks whenever you start or do anything in your life. Before you've had a chance to begin, these judgmental voices envelop you. You're sunk before you've started.

Become more aware of these harmful voices and accept they are a form of invalidating your truth.

Allow yourself to embrace your feelings. Did people tell you that your feelings didn't matter and that you should just "get over them"? If you've regularly suppressed your feelings, you'll be in a continuous state of denial and feel disconnected from your true self.

Some feelings can be extremely painful and distressing, but I've found that if you experience them to their strongest effect, they tend to recede. The more you feel your feelings, the less of a grip they have over you. Be open to the idea of letting your feelings wash over you. Be willing to sit with them. You become more comfortable with yourself when you don't hide your true feelings when you let yourself experience them. Allow the feelings you're experiencing to flow through you without resistance.

If you find your feelings overwhelming, cope with them by writing them down or talking to someone about them.

Embrace your past mistakes and failures. "People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar." Thich Nhat Hanh

You're not your mistakes or your failures. You are not the experiences you had growing up, the difficult relationships you were in or the struggles you've faced. Know that your life have made you into who you are today. No need to deny your pain and feel ashamed about it.

Fully accepting and embracing everything you've confronted and dealt with in life allows you to live from a powerful center. You are stronger today because of the mistakes and failures of your past. Your mistakes are your experience. Your failure is your wisdom. Again, embrace your story but don't allow your story to define you.

Let go of the comparison trap. People have been comparing you to others your entire life. Your family and teachers, your coworkers and community. Stop setting their standards as your own. Release thoughts of inadequacy. Stop thinking that you don't have enough or that you are inferior to others.

Know that you're enough. If people constantly put you down and compare you to others, you probably feel as though you don't meet other people's expectations. You want others to validate and embrace you. You want friends, family members, romantic partners and bosses to tell you that you're enough and that you're complete. You soak in messages reminding you that you're not enough physically, financially, emotionally or spiritually. The secret to attaining self-worth as a person is to realize that you're enough just as you are.

You do not have to do more. You just have to be. Being means accepting yourself as you are. It means self-awareness and understanding. It means compassion for yourself and completeness from within. It's realizing that you're whole as you are. No one's opinion of you matters.
You don't have to do a single thing more.

Appreciate who you are and what you have. If you grew up in a critical home, you were dealing with verbal wounds, inadequacy and lack. Now is the time to appreciate yourself and what you have in your life. The easiest way to stop feeling unworthy is to look around and see all the good things you have.

First: you. Be proud of who you are and what you've done. If you're reading this, be happy that you're committed to improving yourself. If you're reading this on a computer you own, be grateful for that. If you have water, electricity and transportation, be thankful for those things.

No matter what has happened in your life, know that you can turn it around.

Continue to care for yourself and become the person you're capable of being.

[Eireanne]

May have posted this already, but it bears repeating.

The single greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

Too often we don't listen to understand – we listen to reply.  Don't do this.  Focus.  Be curious.  When we listen with genuine curiosity, we don't listen with the intent to reply – we listen for what's truly behind the words.

When you hear only what you want to hear, you're not really listening.  Listen to what you don't want to hear too.  That's how we grow stronger, together.

You never know what someone has been through today.  So don't be lazy and make empty judgments about them or their situation.  Be kind.  Be teachable.  Be a good friend.  Be a good neighbor.  Be a good listener.

Sometimes all a person needs is an empathetic ear – they just need to know someone else hears them.  Simply offering a listening ear and a kind heart for their suffering can be incredibly healing. 

Do not make assumptions unless you undoubtedly know the whole story.  If in doubt, ask the person directly until you have clarity.

When you take the time to actually listen, with humility, to what people have to say, it's amazing what you can learn. 

[Eireanne]

The reason why we think that we are nothing is because unhealthy people from our past convinced us of this, by the way they spoke to us and treated us, then we could understand that this belief is unfounded. We could also understand that we are not living in our own truth but living in someone else's lie, and the pain and unhappiness that we feel is trying to draw our attention to this lie.

Don't wait until someone gives you permission to love yourself. Self-love is not something to be earned or deserved, it's simply a seed planted within us waiting to be nurtured in order to grow. But sometimes the seed of self-hate gets nurtured instead if we did not receive nurturing and unconditional love from the people who raised us. Instead of learning how to love ourselves, we were taught how to hate ourselves by how we were treated and from the modeling of self-hate from those around us.

In truth, you are a one-of-a-kind living miracle. You will always be worthy of love. There is no other person exactly like you and you have your own unique gifts to offer this world. Know that for the simple fact you exist, your life has value and meaning. And you can feel honored that the universe chose you to be a part of this amazing time in human history. You are a member of a very large family called Earth and when you need nurturing you always have Mother Earth to count on.

So don't let anyone ever convince you again that you are nothing. People who try to consciously or unconsciously convince others that they are nothing are coming from a place of feeling like nothing themselves. And that is no longer your truth or reality.

[Eireanne]

I listen to the loving voice from within when I am feeling lost and broken. When comforting support is no where to be found I go inward...gently... quietly...opening up a space inside myself to listen and to speak. I speak to myself as if I were my own precious child. For I am my own precious child. And I tell myself... You are safe and loved. You are seen and you are heard. You are important. You matter. I love you.


Speaking to ourselves in a nurturing way can be a challenge if we rarely heard nurturing words in the early formative years of our lives. In fact, if we were highly criticized or neglected, we probably learned to criticize and neglect ourselves instead.


Here's an exercise that a) I intuitively have already known I need to do and b) I am not ready to do it yet so c) I am leaving it here.

Step 1. Make a list of all the influential people in your life, starting from childhood. My list includes my Mom, Dad, sister, brothers, relatives, neighbors, friends, teachers, ministers, therapists, doctors, nurses, bosses, co-workers and spouses.

Step 2. Ask yourself, "What loving words did I need or want to hear, as a child or as an adult, from each person, even if I don't think I still need to hear those words today?" Write down the statements as you think of them. If anyone spoke to you in a loving and supportive way, write those words too. Write at least three loving statement from each person on your list.

As you write your list, let go of any judgment towards the people on your list because this exercise isn't about them. It's about taking the time to listen to the neglected child inside of you and allowing her to tell you what it is that she has needed to hear her entire life.

At first, I wrote my statements in a stream of consciousness without editing them. I kept asking myself, "What words did the little girl inside of me need to hear from others when she was so young and vulnerable? What did the young woman inside of me need to hear in order to feel valuable and confident in herself?"

Allow yourself to take breaks in writing and then return when you feel ready to continue. I find that each time I come back to this exercise, I always have something new to add.

As I was working on my list, I could feel that these were words that my heart still needed to hear. So I switched the giver of the statements to be from me. For example, when I read the statement that I wish I could have heard from my Mother, "You are so creative and smart" and then switched the giver of the statement to be from me, I felt a rise of recognition lift inside of my chest as if I was being seen and heard for the first time. It's interesting how relevant each statement feels even after making that change.

Here are some of the statements that I wish I could have heard from the influential people in my life: "I cherish you, I believe in you, You can do this, I will always make time for you, I will always love you, I am here for you, I will make sure that you get a proper education, You are important to me, You are a good person, You have a beautiful spirit, I forgive your mistakes and I hope you will forgive mine, I am sorry I didn't try to understand you, I will always think the best of you, Let me help you find ways to manage your anxiety, I see so much good in you, Let's spend quality time together, I respect your opinion, I believe that you are telling me the truth, I want to hear your dreams, struggles are a part of life so we need to find healthy ways to cope, there is so much beauty in life if you look for it, I believe in your talent, Is there anything I can help you with during this difficult transition in life, I accept and love you just the way you are, Tell me how you feel, You can cry and I won't be afraid, You have a lot of wisdom to share, You inspire me, You can tell me your problems, I want to help you, I am sorry for being critical and judgmental with you, I am sorry for ignoring you when you needed me most, I am sorry that my anger scared you and made you feel unsafe, I am sorry I didn't encourage you to feel self-confident, Forgive me for being mean to you, I want us to have a healthy and loving relationship now."

Step 3. Once you finish your list of people and statements, change the statements to be from you. For the messages that do not clearly fit, look to see if they have a message of their own that could be worded in another way. Here is an example statement I would have liked to have heard from my high school P.E. Teacher, "I see your potential to become a strong athlete." My first response was to delete this sentence since I am no longer involved in sports. But then I chose to rewrite it to read, "I see your potential to grow physically stronger" which is helpful to me now because I struggle with chronic illness. I think there will always be at least a seed of something valuable to work with from each statement that has been originally written

Step 4. After you convert the sentences to be from you, delete the names that you originally wished to hear those statements from, now that they have served their purpose of helping you realize what your heart still need to hear. If you like, you can change the pronouns that were used from "you" to "I". Use which ever pronoun that feels best.

And now you have created a powerful master list of loving words to speak to yourself when you need a boost of nurturing. What a beautiful and empowering gift of love to give to yourself. You have now taken back your power and can give to yourself the nurturing your heart has needed for so long. It may feel awkward at first to speak to yourself in this loving way but the more you practice, the stronger and deeper your connection with self-love will grow.

[Eireanne]

Self-hate comes from the negative messages in life, which we have received and carry around with us as our truth. Often times, these negative messages were spoken by people who we have looked up to, and how deeply their opinion affected us depended on how sensitive we were to their words. The irony is that, often these words were never spoken with the intent to strip us of our self-worth. They were spoken in ignorance rather than in truth.

By examining what may have been the state of mind of those who spoke those words to us, it can change the effect those words have on us today. If we can begin to understand that those words were spoken by people who never truly took the time to see us, we can then see that we have put too much weight into their meaning and that we are now free to change their interpretations. In fact, we are free to discard those words altogether in order to re-define our own value and truth. We are now free to choose unconditional self-love.

[Eireanne]

Lessons that your last past life brought to present: Your problem – to learn to love and to trust the Universe. You are bound to think, study, reflect and develop inner wisdom.

Life path number and meaning: 7 – It represents analysis, awareness and understanding. You are the searcher and the seeker of the truth.

[Eireanne]

When you encounter a challenging and emotionally charged situation in your life, before you respond, take a few minutes to ask yourself:

-What is the most enlightened or evolved response I could have in this situation?

Allow yourself to feel into the larger significance of your response to this challenging moment.
Ground yourself in an intention to respond from this deeper intention.
Notice how this approach changes your perspective on the situation and your ability to meet it.

We know that feelings are transient, but who we're being is constant. We don't need to feel loving to act loving; we don't need to feel generous to act generous; we don't need to feel good to be good.

 Why? Because depending entirely on the whims of the feelings that happen to be running through us at any moment isn't a very free, enlightened, or powerful place to come from. It won't get us where we want to go -- and know we need to go, individually or as a culture.

Can you imagine how your life might change if you choose from your wisdom and intentions -- not your emotions?

When this starts to come alive in your experience, what you end up with is a life in which your negative feelings no longer stop you, and you no longer need a certain kind of positive feeling to compel you to live in alignment with your goals, values and intentions.

I can never tell if this last bit is part of a sales pitch or will actually happen, because it's outside of my lived experience.

When we can accurately read our feelings, we're then able to mine their data -- without getting sidetracked or confused by our programmed, habitual reactions to them.

This is the part I'm working on now.

Not feeling good is no longer a barrier or excuse not to live and act our best. We're not driven by trying to feel good, but the impulse to be an expression of the greatest good no matter how we feel.

[Eireanne]

Many of your visions of the future do come to pass. The situations you expect to occur and the experiences you rehearse and dwell on are often reflected back to you as events that confirm your expectations.

Does that mean our mental projections create the future? Let's consider that possibility. What if it's at least partially true that what we expect will happen does tend to materialize? Here's the logical conclusion: It's downright stupid and self-destructive to keep infecting our imaginations with pictures of loss and failure, doom and gloom, fear and loathing. The far more sensible approach is to expect blessings.

Well, it's time to find out and exorcise them once and for all. To succeed where you have failed, sometimes you have to take three steps back to take that first step forward. "Stepping back" means reviewing past and current self-defeating behaviors to identify where you got stuck, discouraged, or overwhelmed.

Never underestimate the power of your own thoughts. They're like tiny little magnets, and the more positive thoughts you send out in the world, the more positive will come back into your own life, and vice-versa.

Every tangible thing in your life is a manifestation of what is happening in your soul. Every interaction you experience with another human being is a reflection of your own inner workings.

You may feel as if you are not getting the attention that you need or deserve. Because of this, you may develop feelings of resentment toward those whom you feel you should be getting it from. This sour attitude is likely to push people away even more, making them less likely to come to your rescue simply because they don't want to be around someone who is emotionally needy. Focus on yourself and your own healing before you bring your issues to others.

[Eireanne]

Someone wrote a poem for/inspired by me...I commented...I apologize that my comment was so long in coming...I have a hard time expressing things at times, thoughts and feelings bubble underneath the surface, but to verbalize those emotions takes me a while.  I wonder what it is about me that inspired this epic poem....I wonder if it's about me, or just something you thought of whilst reading my work. 

Regardless, I bookmarked it, and read it often.  I think of myself as a multifaceted person, and you touched upon a part of me that people rarely notice...or is it that there is a that part of a person in everyone, so that everyone relates to the images that you've projected here?  If you can write something that causes this many internalizations, that to me is what  good poem is. I'm glad i inspired you to write such an amazing piece, also glad it's in the fairy category...I have such a fondness for them.

and he replied...

I read your work after you had commented on many of mine and was intrigued by the energy that created it - your energy. 

I am very sensitive to the energy with which people imbue their creations, I read a lot from it and in your case certain symbols and ideas came to me: a depth of persona with complex layering, someone whose range encompassed both dark and light, someone who resisted labeling, defying classification, but possessed of an ancient wisdom that I felt I touched in the brief uncomplicated IMs that we exchanged. 

Did I write it for you?

Yes, and it is as much for/about me as it is you - I am the one babbling stupidities, stating the obvious, underestimating the moment and import of the situation.  Is the dark fairy you? We've never met, hardly communicated and as I have previously stated, the impression that I received was that you are multi-faceted and resist classification, resist the constraints that others would create around you, so I have no wish to do as they do.  I tried to imbue her with a sense of near-infinite complexity, an air of mystery and a sense of fascination and beguiling - these are definitely fae traits, so she became a fae.  It is my experience that those who know, accept and understand the dark spaces and places in themselves and others, have an innate comprehension of the light.  While those who move in light, understand only their own light and are frequently blindsided by the dark components within them, should they manifest.  So, for this work, dark is a superior state to light and the dark fae are of a higher vibration than the light. 

I wrote this because I felt inspired to create something beautiful, something complex, something that illuminated the dark rather than obliterating it and most of all, something fun: fun to write, fun to read and fun to experience.

[Eireanne]

I feel like i need to tell my story so I can learn to change it, and I need to be around people that allow me to tell my story, until I can fill the basic need of being heard. 

I need repeated positive experiences to really teach my brain how to focus on the good.


This pattern could come up for people who had particularly long-term or highly abusive narcissistic relationships in adulthood.  Narcissistic abuse in childhood means crappy boundaries - everything including love, warmth and empathy - all of it happens on the parents schedule, not when you need it - it's not emotionally responsive, there's no recognition of us as separate human, living beings, but as rather we're things that satisfy the narcissistic parents wants and needs or them. 

If you grew up in a family where you were an annoyance that frustrated and bothered your parents, you learn that your needs will not be met, and you actually learn to keep yourself out of sight and almost as small as possible so you're as unbothersome as possible so you don't frustrate them. They need you to look the way they want, be the person they want you to be, react the way they need for their OWN needs - really viewed as nothing more than an extension of them, result in lifelong issues around body image and self-appraisal.  That voice gets internalized.  Your needs are also shamed (and you are made to feel like an utter disappointment) if you assert yourself in a way that's separate to your family.  Any expression of your need was so often paired with shame that you learn to basically silence and abnegate your own needs, basically deny your own needs and so you aren't going to be good at speaking your needs or even identifying your needs. When you get into adulthood, having no personhood or rights to your feelings - that's not exactly a great setup for an adult relationship.


Regular relationship problems do not leave people feeling as though their reality and identity were stolen, full of staggering self-doubt, feeling the need to appease their abuser.  that in regular relationship problems we may be stressed and distracted but we do not lose our sense of self. we do not lose our sense of competence. we do not lose our sense of power. we do not lose
ourselves


I need someone that's going to say, "let's unpack that" let's expand on that. 

[Eireanne]

Highly sensitive person are vulnerable to narcissistic relationships because of their empathy and going out of their way to get it right, less likely to spot red flags – more focused into getting it right, or gaslight themselves (or are gaslit by friends/society) that they are somehow to blame instead of realizing the other person is contributing to the situation.  I'm not saying my history of childhood abuse, growing up with narcissistic parents didn't condition me/didn't contribute to the issues in the relationship, but that doesn't mean I wasn't having an appropriate reaction to what is real emotional abuse. 

Contempt, dismissiveness, anger and gaslighting about a HSP feeling overwhelmed in a crowd or overwhelmed by stress, inherent lack of empathy, they aren't going to be empathic to an HSP but will harness them as a place for shaming the HSP.  Invalidate them – they are crazy, disparaging comments about their mental health.  Being highly attuned to the emotions around them can be treacherous - the shifting emotions can all mean that he hyper monitoring style of an HSP will be exhausting.  The constant shape shifting and eggshell walking that is required is bound to be more pronounced in a relationship such as this. 

Weaponized my weaknesses – vulnerabilities – exquisite emotional awareness, sensitivity is exploited, mocked and shamed.  The greatest risk is the HSP may get stuck in an unhealthy cycle of trying to please the NA, continue to dominate and invalidate and HSP trying EVEN HARDER. If you are an HSP – important to growth work on how to safely choose a partner, permission to set boundaries, understand your personality style and don't pathologize, trusted people to share your experiences and feelings, therapy to process experiences.  https://youtu.be/8o7kcZim-F0

Just leaving this here to process another time.

[Eireanne]

More things to leave here that I can process another time...May be triggering (as is with all my posts)

I didn't have a home to go to.  He took that away from me, and I lived in a place for so long that was unsafe I couldn't remember a time that I ever felt safe.  I spent some time thinking about my past, my prior relationships, started to unpack my childhood traumas to really find closure and work through my problems – which made me very vulnerable.  It was hard to work through PTSD while I was living through a global trauma and not having a "home" to go to. 


Didn't represent the parent the way the parent wants. Little interest in learning about me as a separate entity.  Emotional abuse.  Felt like I was not enough – mocking voices always in my head.  Then there is the risk that the scapegoated more likely to fall into more scapegoated relationships – remain the scapegoat throughout their lives.  Anxiety, depression, poor sense of self worth, PTSD, emotional/behavior regulation, greater risk for body distortions/dysmorphia.  The system is broken and you are climbing out of it.  Don't let their abuse define you. 
First initiation into love was really about abuse – equates love with abuse.  Worthless and unlovable. 
Give yourself permission to walk away from these toxic family systems, they may give themselves permission to set a boundary, don't take responsibility for the family BS

Pointing out the issues in the system will only traumatize you.

[Eireanne]

Leaving this here bc I don't know what to make of it right now.

When we can simply observe what is happening and how we feel about it, we understand htat we are only feeling the MIRROR of the vibration we have previously sent out.

What we fail to understand is that this response may only be how they are responding to US...in other words to our vibration.  Part of it may indeed be part of their growth as well, but since we cannot think their thoughts or their feelings, all we can be responsible for is our own thoughts and feelings. 

We must also forgive ourselves for blaming others for reflecting back to us the vibration we have sent out. Taking responsibility for our lives and all our feelings is an important step to Mastery.