Morning and fear

[Shankara]

Hi,

Not sure if anyone reads this.. but atleast I'd like to get it out of my chest. I grew up in an abusive household, from my birth onwards, until I was 21/22.. violent father, boarding schools with nuns, bipolar stepfather etc etc... as always biographies are long..

Back to the symptom/Dysregulation:

I always struggled with mornings, I always woke up with fear, and a very deep sadness about being alive, I used to have horrible nausea in my 20's.. before school and work. It did get better with time and therapy. Unfortunately it never went away, there are less bad days, yet it feels as if I am going to be dragged into *..

I know that cortisol plays a role in the mornings and that the stress is felt more intensely in the body.. what helps is Yoga and yet I forget to do my asanas. 

Does anyone else struggle with this?

Thank you

[Kizzie]

I do have this Shankara but I never knew it was related to cortisol.  I found this when I googled it - https://www.optimyz.com/morning-anxiety-and-the-cortisol-awakening-response-car/.  Anyway, I find what helps is to get right out of bed which I guess makes use of the cortisol, burns it off perhaps?

I'm glad you brought this up.  It's nice in a way to know there is a name for it, then when we talk to our doc/psych we can discuss it as a real thing - the Cortisol Awakening Response.  Who knew?!

[Lakelynn]

the Cortisol Awakening Response.  Who knew?!

Absolutely amazing!

[Kizzie]

It's honestly so good to know there's an actual name for this - helps me stop thinking "It's just me" as I do with so many things that are actually/likely CPTSD.

Another one I have is really weird dreams and thoughts when I use eye drops (or anything for that matter) with steroids in them. Who would think 4 drops a day would cause a reaction like that but they do. I also have reactions to caffeine, antihistamines, Gravol, and a lot of other medications (so getting meds to help with CPTSD has been quite a challenge).

I've learned my body/brain are really sensitive to a lot of things because of CPTSD -- luckily I have a doc who knows and accepts this.

 Anyway Shankara, not to hijack this thread.  I'd bet there are others at OOTS that have a similar awakening mornings and may have some other suggestions as to how to reduce it. 

[Shankara]

I do have this Shankara but I never knew it was related to cortisol.  I found this when I googled it - https://www.optimyz.com/morning-anxiety-and-the-cortisol-awakening-response-car/.  Anyway, I find what helps is to get right out of bed which I guess makes use of the cortisol, burns it off perhaps?

@Kizzie thanks for mentioning this.. yes, I suppose laying around, scrolling on phone, artificial light and so on and on makes it probably worse.

You say you have to use steroid drops? Is it due to a chronic condition? If I may ask, if not, just ignore my question. Sorry you are struggling with this as well..

have something called Histamine intolerance, yet this hasn't ever been officially diagnosed.

Guess working on ones circadian rhythms, eating the right food (Whatever that means to the individual), sleep, nervoussystem, is probably all essential?!

[dollyvee]

Hmmm this is interesting, thanks for bringing it up. I used to have this, it was like waking up bolt upright with dread. Sort of like, did I leave the oven on?

I hadn't noticed, but it's mostly gone away now. It does seem like it's something to do with cortisol (and am thinking inflammation in my case) as you mention. Over the past year or so, I've been treating mold/mycotoxins and feel like it's had a big overall effect on my "body anxiety." I also stopped having a glass of wine at night and think it's probably helping my liver, which was already taxed from the mycotoxins.

I also have big reactions to gluten (through gut dysbiosos + mold/mycotoxins), and have been gluten free for about 10 years. When I eat it it's like it turns me into a different person. I found that there is a connection between inflammation and your TNF alpha SNPs. In my understanding, these SNPs along with inflammation can contribute to anxiety and/or depression.

[Kizzie]

You say you have to use steroid drops? Is it due to a chronic condition? If I may ask, if not, just ignore my question. Sorry you are struggling with this as well..

I have something called Histamine intolerance, yet this hasn't ever been officially diagnosed.

I am getting a lot of eye infections (pink eye) and the treatment for that is steroid drops. I noticed I was having strange thoughts and weird unsettling dreams and it was the only thing new in my day.  There were not stress events and my diet had not changed so I looked on the Internet and found this article https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9225910/#:~:text=However%2C%20GCs%20were%20also%20known,days%20after%20initiation%20%5B3%5D. I had real difficulties when I had steroids in my chemotherapy in 2007 (really bad anxiety) and linked the two. So, now I refuse anything with steroids in them.

Anyway, we are sensitive I think because of the constant stress we were/are under when experiencing complex relational trauma - loads of cortisol and adrenaline and so on and it changes our body. 

[Lakelynn]

Kizzie,

I just looked at the NIH article. Oh CR@P! Wow! Incredible information.

I think because of the constant stress we were/are under when experiencing complex relational trauma - loads of cortisol and adrenaline and so on and it changes our body

Totally agree. Our bodies have held up as long as they can, as well as they can, and then, boom, the bottom drops out. IMO it is not limited to pharmaceuticals, but can be any previously tolerated food, or slight change in our diet. I'm learning so much about things which were never on the radar before. It's discouraging but comforting at the same time. I'm glad we have a place to share and compare.

[Kizzie]

Amen to that Lakelynn! 

[Chart]

Hi Shankara and everyone, Yes! I am new here to the forum and just wrote about this in my introduction to being here. Yes! I have a pit of fear and anxiety in my stomach EVERY morning of my entire life. I can remember it as long as I've been alive (or nearly). The cherry on top so to speak is often when I hear the garbage truck passing outside, they always seem to go by really early in the morning and when I hear that it's like a lance going into my guts. I've never understood this until at some point in my therapy I figured out that I am way more "sensitive" when I am in a horizontal position. I believe this has to do with the fact that I spent my first four years as a baby in a horizontal position and heard all the shouting and slapping downstairs and around the house as my violent father raged against my mother and sister. I can't say for a certainty as I have no direct memories of this period of my life (something I struggled with in therapy for decades, trying to remember and "know" what happened) but I believe this is the reason. What I do now, as part of my current cptsd therapy is to just sit with the pain in the morning. I also talk to my inner child and let him know that we are NOT in danger, that this is just a flashback. I repeat over and over "the danger has passed, it was in the past, we are NOT in danger now..."
Hope that helps a little... Gros bisous! (as we say in France

[Shankara]

I do have this Shankara but I never knew it was related to cortisol.  I found this when I googled it - https://www.optimyz.com/morning-anxiety-and-the-cortisol-awakening-response-car/.  Anyway, I find what helps is to get right out of bed which I guess makes use of the cortisol, burns it off perhaps?

I'm glad you brought this up.  It's nice in a way to know there is a name for it, then when we talk to our doc/psych we can discuss it as a real thing - the Cortisol Awakening Response.  Who knew?!

Hi @Kizzie,

I haven't deepens my knowledge on this though.. still taking in bits and pieces..

Thanks for the link! How have you been these days?

[Shankara]

Hi @dollyvee

treating mold/mycotoxins and feel like it's had a big overall effect on my "body anxiety." I also stopped having a glass of wine at night and think it's probably helping my liver, which was already taxed from the mycotoxins.

Oh.. you've changed a lot.. glad you are doing better without the evening wine and having no gluten.

That definitely has a huge impact, from the little info I have for now..

Wishing you good health and stability !

[Shankara]

Hi @ Lakelynn,

 It's discouraging but comforting at the same time. I'm glad we have a place to share and compare.

Absolutely!

[Shankara]

Hi @kizzie

had real difficulties when I had steroids in my chemotherapy in 2007 (really bad anxiety) and linked the two. So, now I refuse anything with steroids in them.

That's really tough.. and I do understand..
Hope you are in a better place now, health wise !

Supportive thoughts your way @Kizzie

[Shankara]

Hi @Chart,

as my violent father raged against my mother and sister. I can't say for a certainty as I have no direct memories of this period of my life (something I struggled with in therapy for decades, trying to remember and "know" what happened) but I believe this is the reason. What I do now, as part of my current cptsd therapy is to just sit with the pain in the morning. I also talk to my inner child

Deeply sorry you went through such a horrible time in your childhood.. as I've mentioned on your other post, I can relate to that so much..
My bio father used to come home after a drink and abuse me and my mother..

Good to read that you speak to your inner child.. that's  healing..

All I know is, that Body Therapies has helped immensely because those events took place when a child was pre- verbal, so accessing those ancient emotions through the body was key (Atleast for me), I used to cry endlessly when certain movements or asanas were done.. as if it was some sought od Katharsis..
as always different modalities for different people..