Is this parts work?

[Sasha]

I've just finished 6 therapy sessions I had with a good therapist, paid for by an old work place. I only was allowed 6 - wish it could have been more.

I mentioned parts to her and she asked if I know a lot about Internal Family Systems. I said I know a little bit but not loads. She gave me some resources to learn more.

After a really heavy emotional day with lots of triggers and processing, I craved pizza tonight. These days I don't usually eat stuff like that, mostly eat quite healthy. And don't tend to get takeaways on my own.

I realised it is a part of me that connects with food as love. In childhood my parents, despite all their hostility and dysfunction, would lavish us with attention through big family meals out. Pizza. Curries. All sorts.

For years this created an unhealthy relationship with food (along with many other food, body weight and image related issues they instilled in me) and so I today felt myself a bit wary that I was going towards the pizza place.

I asked myself... what is this part needing, how is it feeling, and how can I communicate with it?

The answer is that she's quite young, and food is very pleasurable for her and does feel like affection and care. And she likes feeling very full up, and distracted by the food pleasure.

I said, okay, we'll go get pizza. But a small one. No we won't get ice-cream as well, otherwise we'll feel sick however we can have sugar-free fizzy soda. She was okay with that, and off we went.

I got the pizza and was going to go home but I live near the sea and decided to drive myself down to the beach to have a little pizza date with me and my inner part, a childlike part.

After 3 pieces and a few sips I was completely full. Very different from in the past when I think I would have eaten it all and pushed past the feeling of being comfortably full, "stuffing" myself.

I couldn't eat another bite. I packed up and went home.

Somehow, this felt pretty cool. The whole thing. The communication with the part, the negotiation, the compromise and the feeling of change in my behaviour and response to what the part desired.

If this is parts work, what can I do next and how can I make further progress with it?

 

I was given minimal resources by the therapist and advised that I should try to check the validity of info on IFS as she said it can go into some areas that are potentially harmful.

Anyone know what she meant by this?

I'm feeling a bit cautious to google it tbh!

[dollyvee]

Hi Sasha,

I'm glad you could connect with your parts and have a pleasant experience. Personally, I found IFS to be a breakthrough in terms of connecting to my emotions, or something "in" me that seemed "real." It was like I understood a part of the puzzle about why I do things.

In my understanding IFS is valid and has been a well documented therapeutic process. However, there might be some cautions in connecting with parts (exiles) where thee necessary steps haven't been taken first to get protectors on board first. When protectors are bypassed who are supposed to keep the system safe, there can be a backlash. I think others on here have also expressed caution about parts work if there is dissociation present. Joanne Twombly has a good book on IFS and dissociation. Personally, I wasn't aware that I had dissociation until I read how dissociated parts tend to show up. She also discusses potential issues about connecting to Self as it wasn't potentially safe for some people to be in Self growing up. In  the beginning, I also felt issues about connecting to Self. However, I also haven't directly dealt with, or unburdened exiles yet. Only acknowledged the one that "popped up," which also wasn't a "painful" part, but more elements of joy and happiness (probably my self) that I had to hide from my family.

Self Thereapy by Jay Earley is a good start. Although, my parts didn't follow the road map in the book and I guess sometimes you have to be open to what your parts are showing you and figure it out as you go along.

Hope you are able to deepen the relationship with your parts in a way that works for you.

Sending you support,
dolly

[O83nomo]

IFS has been a breakthrough for me. 

Well done for your parenting of your inner little girl.

I have found the * Schwartz You Tubes helpful.

He models the greatest respect,kindness and understanding in his interactions with people and their parts.

[Kizzie]

I was given minimal resources by the therapist and advised that I should try to check the validity of info on IFS as she said it can go into some areas that are potentially harmful. Anyone know what she meant by this?

It might be an idea to ask your therapist what she meant by this so you know what her reservations are and you can decide if they are worrisome to you.  You seem to be having some good success with IFS work but best to know (IMO) the pros and cons. You can always do some reading to see if others have the ame reservations and if they are problematic in your opinion.

[Papa Coco]

I'm listening to the audio book An Introduction To Internal Family Systems, by Dr. Shwartz now. I've been in IFS therapy for years with my current therapist, but it's only been the last few days that I've moved it from "one of the tools" to "THEE number one tool" that is giving me the most help with CPTSD.

If you haven't read Shwartz's books yet, you might give one a try. I now listen to them rather than read them. They are available as audiobooks, kindles and paperback on Amazon.com. Even after experiencing IFS therapy for years, what I'm learning by going to the creator of the therapy, Shwartz, is making it all work even better for me now.

Speaking only for myself:  For me, it has taken years for me to finally realize how simple IFS therapy really is.  The parts who are living within me are all stuck in the what I personally think of as a "purgatory like state" on the day they were created. Like the movie Groundhog Day, they keep living the same day over and over until something changes and I set them free to move on. They don't know it's 2024. They think it's still the day they were locked away in a cage within our brains. All these parts need is for me to listen to them and to feel what they need me to feel.

The feeling that I avoided imprisoned them back then. That feeling is still on pause for me to accept and process. I can free them from "purgatory" today if I'll take that paused feeling off pause and feel it. To identify the feeling, all I have to do is ask. They'll tell me. And if I'll accept it, they're set free.

Healing happens when I can access one of them and ask them to tell me what they want me to know. As soon as I get it, they become permanently free...released from their "purgatory". And I'm one step closer to healing.