Any other teachers here? C-PTSD & teaching?

[Beijaflor57]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, so if the mods need to move this post, that's totally fine.

I'm wondering if there are any other teachers on this forum, and if so, how do you cope with your C-PTSD symptoms as a teacher? Especially if many of your students also exhibit symptoms?

I'm going into my second year as a teacher in a public elementary school, where the students come from low socio-economic status households, and where there is often abuse, neglect, and domestic violence. My own students are also recent immigrants, or come from immigrant families, so there's usually a lot of trauma, culture shock, and cultural differences associated with this status. While my own history of trauma gives me enormous compassion for these kids (it's one reason I became a teacher), I find that dealing with their behaviors, or hearing of their family troubles (either through their own mouths, or from other teachers), is often triggering for me and gives me second-hand trauma (which I know is common for those of us in these types of professions).

I desire to be the best teacher possible for my students, but I often find myself struggling to manage my own emotions in a healthy way, not take some of my students' behaviors personally, and not be so overwhelmed by my concern for the kids, and wanting to help them, that I neglect my own self-care.

Any advice? Even if you're not a teacher?

[Phoebes]

Hi, Beija,

It sounds like you are very self-aware and at an early time in your teaching career. I know your job is so difficult in so many ways, and it's really up to you to decide if it's right for you. It sounds like you're on a healing journey and have a lot of insight to offer your students.

I taught for many years in the classroom, and never knew about or understood CPTSD or any issues resulting from childhood trauma, which was pretty extreme. In hindsight, I wish I could have learned and worked on healing, because I loved the students, but I always thought there was just something wrong with me that I struggled with the day to day so much. I didn't even know what a trigger was but I sure had them constantly. I will say that years of experience made the planning and fine tuning of the teaching part easier, but I never got the hang of all the chaos and behaviors. I think from CPTSD I became highly sensitive to loud noise and aggressive voices and behaviors, even if I did eventually learn it was all about them and not my fault.

All the best to you in whatever you decide!

[Beijaflor57]

Hi, Beija,

It sounds like you are very self-aware and at an early time in your teaching career. I know your job is so difficult in so many ways, and it's really up to you to decide if it's right for you. It sounds like you're on a healing journey and have a lot of insight to offer your students.

I taught for many years in the classroom, and never knew about or understood CPTSD or any issues resulting from childhood trauma, which was pretty extreme. In hindsight, I wish I could have learned and worked on healing, because I loved the students, but I always thought there was just something wrong with me that I struggled with the day to day so much. I didn't even know what a trigger was but I sure had them constantly. I will say that years of experience made the planning and fine tuning of the teaching part easier, but I never got the hang of all the chaos and behaviors. I think from CPTSD I became highly sensitive to loud noise and aggressive voices and behaviors, even if I did eventually learn it was all about them and not my fault.

All the best to you in whatever you decide!

Thank you for the response, Phoebes.   

I do intend to stick with teaching as long as I can! I invested the time, effort and money to get my Masters in Teaching (which I just completed), so I feel compelled to. Whether it's teaching here in the US, or teaching abroad again. I taught in South Korea for 2 years, prior to teaching here in the US, and my experience there was vastly different. Very few behavioral issues--but the culture in Korea is very different and all the kids I taught came from middle-class or well-to-do homes.

I appreciate your insight as a (former?) teacher, though. I'm not sure when you taught, or what your teacher education program was like, but now, since there is a lot more knowledge about trauma, and its impact on childhood development and behaviors, teaching programs usually incorporate a lot of that knowledge in their courses. So I learned a lot about trauma even before stepping foot into a public school classroom. I also had a fairly good foundational knowledge of trauma from working for nearly 4 years at a shelter for unaccompanied immigrant youth. So, I may have had more prior exposure and understanding of childhood trauma than you did.

But I relate to what you said about loud noise and aggressive behaviors. Those trigger me too. Funny thing is, though, some of my favorite students last year were the most aggressive and worst-behaved. Being the new teacher, I got 'dumped' with the most difficult group of students. Initially, they triggered me like crazy, but once I got to know them, and I developed a solid, trusting relationship with them, many of their behaviors lessened or disappeared entirely. Which just showed me how important it was for me to 'get over' my triggers and love on those kids as much as possible, no matter their behaviors.

But it's still a struggle sometimes. For me, besides not neglecting my own self-care, the biggest struggle is not sabotaging myself, and allowing kids to show and express affection for me. Because the wounded girl inside me still believes I don't deserve success or love.

I'm determined to keep going, though, because the kids are worth it.

[Phoebes]

That's wonderful to hear! I relate to what you said that building trust in those relationships with what start as the more difficult kids turn out to be the most beautiful connections and so worth the effort. I can look back on many stories like that as well.

I plowed through for many years and at some point developed extreme insomnia. Tried everything, all the meds, natural remedies, techniques. I still do. It led to it being too much to continue in my last role. I'm so glad to hear the training is so much better now. I'm old so the real training started with student teaching after college.

I still believe it's worth it to stick with it!

[Beijaflor57]

That's wonderful to hear! I relate to what you said that building trust in those relationships with what start as the more difficult kids turn out to be the most beautiful connections and so worth the effort. I can look back on many stories like that as well.

I plowed through for many years and at some point developed extreme insomnia. Tried everything, all the meds, natural remedies, techniques. I still do. It led to it being too much to continue in my last role. I'm so glad to hear the training is so much better now. I'm old so the real training started with student teaching after college.

I still believe it's worth it to stick with it!

I've gleaned similar stories from other teachers...I'm glad you had those connections with students as well. They're super special!

I'm so sorry you developed insomnia. I've had bouts with that in the past and know how difficult it is. Teaching is definitely not for the faint of heart, and I know it does often take a toll on teachers, especially the longer they teach. And especially in this day and age, with all the pressures put on teachers. But thank you for your service and for all the years you poured out to the kids! I'm sure you made a lasting impact for good on your students.