Acquired Neurodiversity?

[Lakelynn]

I also take a break midday in a dark bedroom with the fan running for white noise. I find I need that, look forward to it

WHEW! Good to know I have company! I'm glad your H is on board with the idea. This behavior has never been encouraged or accepted, either by myself or T. That's too bad, because it is really restorative. So, now I'm going to embrace it as normal.

I was just thinking that one benefit of having AQND is that because I was so attuned to everything around me that I was really good at paying  attention to detail.

Thanks for pointing that out.
 
Being neurodiverse is not a bad thing. It has kept us alive. It's so powerful though, that we have to be extra careful to learn our limits and put our safety first.

[Kizzie]

WHEW! Good to know I have company! I'm glad your H is on board with the idea. This behavior has never been encouraged or accepted, either by myself or T. That's too bad, because it is really restorative. So, now I'm going to embrace it as normal.

Heck yah, it is normal for us. Clinician's tend to be 'sensitive' to naps/breaks I think because it's related to depression and not being able to get out of bed or off the couch, not understanding complex trauma and the toll it takes on our nervous system and the need to calm and reset. That's why I think it's so important to spread the word about CT, our bodies and brains are different and require different care and attention IMO.

[Gromit]

Someone I know posted a diagram of neurodiversity as an umbrella, and under the umbrella there was PTSD and CPTSD, trauma rewiresthe brain, does it not?

[Kizzie]

That's the latest talk according to my T Gromit, although I haven't seen a lot on this TBH.  If you know where the infograph is I'd love to see it. 

[Gromit]

https://emergepediatrictherapy.com/autistic-masking/

Sorry Kizzie, I do not check this place enough. The info diagram comes from this site.

There are different ones, some include CPTSD and others do not.

G

[Desert Flower]

I am fascinated by this subject and even if this discussion is no longer ongoing, to respond is helping me get things clearer. I apologise if this post is too long.

So, before I came to the realisation that I have C-PTSD (only a few months ago I let that really sink in), I used to think I was a 'highly sensitive person'. I still may be. And like many of you here, I have been wondering which came first, the highly sensitive part or the trauma response part. It's impossible to say in cases where traumatization starts at birth. Also, I read that sensitivity increases with age, no matter how your brain is wired.

(I also relate to some of the symptoms of Autism, but I know I don't have that. I do think some of the symptoms of C-PTSD might be mistaken for Autism, although the cause is very different.) Somehow though, I like being under the umbrella of the Neurodiverse, I actually advocated for ND a little bit. So what if we're different!

Some say that highly sensitive people are more prone to traumatisation. But that is very difficult to accept for me. Because it almost sounds like there was something wrong with us to begin with and there's NOT, only with what happened to us. I can't stress that enough. C-PTSD can only be acquired and what happened to many of us here would traumatise anybody I'm sure.

Anyway, hsp's get overstimulated in response to both external and internal triggers, and I think survivors of trauma experience the same. And we both may need to take extra care to calm the nervous system (I'm so happy about the quiet room at work!). To step out of an overstimulating situation is quite the challenge for me though. And what I did before - masking the stress response - does not allow the nervous system to complete the stress cycle and we get stuck in it.

But there IS a big difference however I'd say, between the hsp being overstimulated and the survivor feeling overwhelmed, the latter having a whole emotional world behind it which makes it all the more difficult. (To know about an EF has made all the difference to me!)
And with us survivors, it's perfectly logical we would be overstimulated sooner, because we are on high alert most of the time to begin with. We're wired that way. I have a huge startle response (I recently found out that an 'experience' for kids eight years old and over in an amusement park is too much for me).

The hsp-label helped me to feel 'normal' to some extent, and I wanted to be normal very badly. I was trying not to let anybody see how difficult things were for me (I'm done with that though). And I have been thinking whether I'm 'damaged' too. I certainly don't like that label. But at the same time, I do think it would be beneficial if I could accept 'the way I am'. (I think that's part of what I'm doing here.) But to accept this as a given, would also rule out the possibility of change and growth. And that's also what I'm here for. If it weren't for that prospect, I think many of us would have given up already (some sadly have I realise).

So here is where it gets interesting to me. I think we can - to some extent - rewire the brain. Because I totally rewired my brain already to not produce any of the physical symptoms anymore in response to repressed emotions. I used to have migraines, allergies, pain in my joints and back and overwhelming fatigues (and 'long-covid' too, which combines all of these). And for a long time, I did not know why. Until three years ago, I learned about MindBodySyndrome (Dr. Shubiner) and I learned to rewire my brain to stop producing these symptoms. This now means I have to actually deal with the feelings and emotions themselves and I will say this is hard, but I'm convinced it's better than before. And although I do not think we will be able to ever get rid of C-PTSD, I do think we can rewire some of it.

The neural pathways have highways and byways and the highways that we are wired with are not healthy for us anymore. And we can start making the more healthy byways into our highways. Or that's what I'm gonna try.

[AphoticAtramentous]

Personally, I don't find neurodivergency (or acquired neurodivergency) to be appropriate for CPTSD, at least not in my case. Of course, if others feel like it fits then by all means, go with it.

But to me personally, neurodivergency has a very heavy implication that it can't be cured, and that we should accept neurodivergent individuals as they are. When I think about that in the context of my trauma... That my years of abuse can't be undone, or that I should just accept that I'm going to have nightmares for the rest of my life... It leaves a massive sour taste in my mouth.

I know many folks with CPTSD do well in neurodivergent spaces (specifically autistic and ADHD spaces), but I don't. The culture is too... positive? Like, that it's okay to be suffering. I know that's not what they are actually preaching, but it's what it feels like to me. I don't relate to them at all and I don't find comfort in those spaces.

Personally, I'm fine with being called brain-damaged. It's harsh, it's vivid, it's violent - it's not covering up the harsh realities of my existence. It also implies that I was hurt, because I was - whereas neurodivergency implies it was an unlucky accident that couldn't have been avoided. My trauma was no accident, I was deliberately hurt and damaged, it could have been avoided. But I also appreciate that brain-damaged implies that I can be fixed, or at least helped in some way.

These are just my own perceptions on the topic. As I said before though, folks should use whatever terms fit them best - and if AQND works, then more power to you.

Regards,
Aphotic.

[Lakelynn]

Wow Aphotic  Thanks for the excellent reply.

This is heavy duty! What comes to mind are the many prejudices and misconceptions running amok in society about differences and how we want and don't want to be labeled. Each carries its own baggage and you've pointed out some of that.

I often stay away from in depth discussions, preferring to remain at surface level. Not that I can't engage more meaningfully, but that my own labels take up so much room that there's a hierarchy, and all my neuro stuff ends up in another "bucket." The deaf bucket, which has its own behaviors, habits and mindsets, leaves little room for anything else. 

I came to a realization Friday when I discovered that Microsoft Outlook had strangely routed all mail for the last 5 weeks into my deleted folder. I went down the usual hole of "nobody cares, of course." And that led back to the injuries from childhood, having nobody care, at least enough to build confidence and trust.

So, I realized that whatever I/we are experiencing, (being heard, being seen, being here) creates a way of thinking and interacting which is very specific to our lives. Most people deny their abuse, laugh about it, minimize it and spend a lot of time and effort pretending. I embrace all efforts made to be real and find others that feel the same. 

[Desert Flower]

Aphotic and Lakelynn, thank you for your reflections. Interesting how this is about labels apparently and what they do for us.
Aphotic, I agree neurodiversity might be called an 'accident' and what happened to us should not be called that. And we shouldn't have to be okay with feeling rotten.
And Lakelynn, I like what you say about embracing who we are. I'm trying to do that more and more. I'm done pretending I'm alright when really I'm not. Owning what we feel may give us the agency and power to change and grow.

[Lakelynn]

Owning what we feel may give us the agency and power to change and grow.

Absolutely!!!!!

[rainydiary]

I have learned a lot from an account on Facebook called Trauma Geek.  They also have a website: https://www.traumageek.com/

The information I've learned about neurodivergence and trauma from them is really helpful. 

I am autistic and felt a bit "ouch" reading through some of the posts on this thread. Autism is highly pathologized and stigmatized and I hope that continues to shift and change because it doesn't need to be. 

[Lakelynn]

Thanks for the link to the TrauaGeek website rainy,

I'm looking forward to learning more. Every perspective helps to leave ignorance and prejudice behind.

I hope I haven't contributed to your "ouch." If I have, I'm sorry.

[rainydiary]

Lakelynn, I hope the Trauma Geek has information or perspective that is helpful.

What tends to feel "ouch" isn't anything one person says in particular.  What feels "ouch" is a pattern of discourse that comes from a long standing (hurtful and incorrect) narrative about autism in particular.  I used to say and do and see things really differently so don't blame any one for that.

I also felt a bit ouch for myself - I have learned a lot about the neurodiversity paradigm and yet encountered some very different perspectives here than I have before.  It helps me learn. 

[Desert Flower]

Rainy, I read your post just before I got to work this morning and I couldn't reply any sooner, but it's been on my mind all day. I also really wanna say sorry if I hurt your feelings or contributed to it in any way. That certainly was not my intention. Especially when I know how labels can affect and hurt us when they're used in a careless way.

If anything, I have been trying to figure out who I am, how 'I' work so to speak for many years, and in my quest, I also stumbled onto neurodiversity and how that would or would not fit me. And I know how any label could be used against someone in a derogatory way. Autism, or any (neuro-)diversity, is stigmatized and in my honest opinion, it shouldn't be. Anyone deserves to be treated with respect, irrespective of how their brain works. Vive la difference! I will pay more attention to how I phrase things in the future. I hope you can accept my apologies.

[rainydiary]

Hi Desert Flower, It's ok.  We all face a lot of suffering and we have imperfect ways of describing and understanding really complicated experiences.