Healing journal (tw) Angering / strong emotions

[StartingHealing]

Nov 4 2024
something has come to the fore, which is thusly:  I want to stay in this realm for as long as I can. The second part is that while the "job" current or future is a means to pay the obligations, I'm not really seeing a 'mission' there.  Like what is a over-arching 'thing' that I should be working towards? On? or Maybe I'm not explaining it well.  Another splinter in the mind to work on.

Wishing all here all the best.   

[StartingHealing]

11-7-2024

I'm really really concerned about society at the moment.  Like what is going on with some people?  I knew that there was a certain cohort of people in the USA that have 'issues' but holy crap you know?  What is so freaking triggering?  Man, with what I've been hearing.. I'm starting to get concerned about my personal safety.  I'm really seriously considering of acquiring something that perhaps isn't lethal but something.

[Armee]

Gummy bear gun? Distract them? 

I hear you. It is concerning and disturbing and shocking

[Chart]

Gummy bear gun!?! Does that exist? Where can I get one?

[StartingHealing]

Armee,
If you find a link or some lead on something that throws gummy bears (which kind tho?  The normal ones or the 'special' kind?) let me know. 

Seriously though, what I've been seeing and hearing it appears to me like cult members refusing to be deprogrammed.  Definitely folks who do not unplug and go touch grass.  Or is it personality disordered people finally revealing themselves?  Some of it reminds me of the former spouse's behavior.  Been a while since my threat radar for external avenues has been this spun up. You know the hair on the back of the neck level stuff.  I know the stats aren't good in the gen pop of the USA as far as "issues" either personality wise or other disorders.  I take the those stats with a large grain of salt tho.  Take into account the profit motive of big pharma and big therapy and how the narrative has been crafted in modernity?  Numbers don't lie but liars can do statistics. I'm a hard skeptic when it comes to any narrative anymore.

If I could, I would like to be in a rural farming / ranching area or at least in a area that has a bit better grasp on basic facts, better tethered to the real. You know?  Thankfully, the 'hood where I'm located is working class, lots of trades.  Even so.  I think I'll definitely be looking at some sort of something for self protection at a distance.  Along with training to get 'good' at it.

Wishing all here all the best.

[AphoticAtramentous]

Numbers don't lie but liars can do statistics. I'm a hard skeptic when it comes to any narrative anymore.

So absolutely true. I wish we didn't have to doubt the validity of everything these days but alas.

Regards,
Aphotic.

[StartingHealing]

Numbers don't lie but liars can do statistics. I'm a hard skeptic when it comes to any narrative anymore.

So absolutely true. I wish we didn't have to doubt the validity of everything these days but alas.

Regards,
Aphotic.

AphoticAtramentous,

Indeed.  Personally I look at motives when I'm evaluating information and where that info is coming from.  The typical fame, money, power, clout, social cred, etc.  Doesn't hurt that I'm the sort to seek out whats behind the curtain as it were.  The lockdowns were a hard trigger for me.  Especially since the data coming out about that whole mess is like..     For me, if people that have acted in illegal ways were outed and held accountable, my trust would be somewhat restored with the various institutions of current year.  With some glaring exceptions like legacy media, most social media, still haven't made up my mind about X though.  I think that in the arc of history, the gen pop of the USA have been propagandized to a point where it's become so painfully obvious that more and more folks are finally starting to see through the BS.  Or is that me hoping against hope?   

Wishing all here all the best

[StartingHealing]

11-11-2024

Been lets see about 2 weeks since I started on dirty carnivore.  There are times that a wee bit o carb, and that tooth will not shut up until I have a bit.  Definitely has reset the taste buds though.  Things like raisins at one point wasn't that "sweet" to me and now ... mouth almost puckers from the sweet. Like weekend breakfasts which was 1st breakfast on the farm. 2 piece toast where it's soggy with butter, 2 sausage patties (small) per piece with 2 fried in butter eggs.  That will currently run me most of the day.  Start getting peckish round 5 or so.  No crash, no hunger pangs, Brain steady, been noticing that I want to move more and when I do it's easier and way less recoup time after.  Went on walk with the doggo and bar napkin figuring did about 1 1/4 mile in about a hour, maybe a tickle over.  We were covering some ground there, you know? 

Radar is still higher than usual.  I know that I'm on a list somewhere.  I can not, not be just based on the creators I listen to, orgs that I used to be a member of, some orgs that I have donated to, passport, and IDK why the thought of getting something in case of and that whole background check crap has always given me pause for some reason.  Now though.. eh (insert cuss word here) 'em!

Wishing all here all the best

[StartingHealing]

15 Nov 2024

Weighed myself today and shoot fire! the waist band is smaller.     I'm not working on losing weight for vanity sake, it's for my own well being.  Have noticed that I have less swelling and can move way easier and I physically feel better, no carb spike / crash and my thinking is clear.  Another thing I've noticed is that the emotional landscape has also settled out. 

That said, my radar is still running high.  I know that much of what is on social media is bs, seeking the clicks, the likes, all that garbage, however, I'm seeing more reports of violence being done.  Not the typical crime related stuff which is common in and around large metropolises. Rather it appears that a certain cohort of people that doesn't usually engage in such is committing these acts.

It's weird.  Growing up in the blast radius of a military target if some nation state chucked a medium sized nuke at it, till now.  I think that I'd rather be back then since at least then it seemed that society  generally speaking was 'safer' than current year.  There wasn't social media, people were more connected to reality.

Need to go do other things now.

Wishing all here all the best

[Chart]

 
 

[StartingHealing]

16 Nov 2024

Had an interesting conversation with some folks that were having a yard sale.  Got into the realm of comparison of the new to old.  I think that as a society there has been a lot that has been lost.  There are some things about current year that is nice.  The other stuff ... I could do the laundry list but I won't.  Generally speaking though, things generally made more sense in the past.  At least in my opinion.  Some where along the line, I got out "out of step" with modernity and it's a bit wonky with me attempting to navigate this weird --- world that I find myself in. 

Other things require my attention.

Wishing all here all the best 

[Papa Coco]

SH,

I'm out of step with the modern world also. I was forced to retire in 2020 during COVID. I've been trying to figure out retirement ever since. I basically grew up believing I knew how the world worked, only to retire at 60 in a world I don't even recognize.

I don't believe it's us. I believe it is the world. Chaos and danger is rising faster than I can fathom.

Wishing you all the best in return.
PC

[StartingHealing]

SH,

I'm out of step with the modern world also. I was forced to retire in 2020 during COVID. I've been trying to figure out retirement ever since. I basically grew up believing I knew how the world worked, only to retire at 60 in a world I don't even recognize.

I don't believe it's us. I believe it is the world. Chaos and danger is rising faster than I can fathom.

Wishing you all the best in return.
PC

Hi PC. 

I had a whole rant written up and realized that it wouldn't be helpful. getting red-pilled about the former spouse opened the gate to a lot of other areas that I'm now getting red-pilled in. 

Yeah, I'd like to return to the time where going and touching grass on the daily was common, that basic facts of life were a given, and believe it or not in my opinion folks were one whale of a lot more community minded. At least in my neck of the woods.

wishing all here all the best
       

   

[Papa Coco]

SH,

So true. No doubt today's rise in anxiety and mental health issues correlates closely to the same rapid uptick in technology and social media.

When my son was in 28-day rehab, I could visit him on Sundays for up to 4 hours. The rule was NO CELL PHONES on the property. I was to lock my cell phone into my car. I would then spend the next four hours without it. We'd have two hours of presentations by the staff, telling us what to expect when our loved ones finish their 28 days, then we'd have two more hours of recess with our loved ones. This facility had a small, wooded area that people could smoke in. My son smoked, as did almost everyone in the facility, so we would stand at the side of this creek, in these woods (like 20 feet of woods) with highways and parking lots all around it. We'd talk. We'd stop and just look around. We'd pluck a twig and fiddle with it. We'd talk some more. Time was slow. Stress levels were nonexistent. It reminded me of my entire life pre-cell phone. Wonderful. Slower. Quieter. Calmer. My son was young, so I had to share with him "This is what life used to feel like all the time." My Gosh. Riding our bikes to the beach and spending an entire day doing nothing but splashing and sunning and buying snacks and meeting a few other kids...a day then felt like a month in today's world.

While it's nice that I'm always in touch now, I truly miss the days when I could leave the house for a walk or bike ride with NO cell phone in my pocket. I leave it home sometimes, but the ship has sailed. I'm addicted. I feel vulnerable out on the beach alone with no phone. So, I shrug and keep it in my pocket all day long. Stressing me out. Like any addiction, I guess.

When I was growing up, my dad refused to wear a watch. He used to say that the watch was controlling him and making the day go too fast. He preferred to have a general idea of what time it was by the sun's position or whatever, rather than have that watch telling him how many seconds it is to this or that. I now feel the same way about cell phones. I carry it. I hate missing texts from my wife or kids. So I carry it begrudgingly, while sincerely missing the slower, more human life we used to live when we had to talk to people face to face.

[Chart]

Ive told EVERYBODY in my family, ex-wife included, that my youngest (and last) child will not have a internet-connected smartphone until she is 18. If they give her one and she brings it to my house I will smash it to oblivion. During my week with my daughter we cook, make cakes and cookies, play games (the latest is marble solitaire) and I've started reading her the Narnia chronicles by CS Lewis. Once per week we watch something on the television, but since the tv is not connected to the network we usually watch an old Monty Python episode that I have on dvd.

After three kids I finally understood and found the courage to follow my conscience without caving in to foo and society BS. I swallowed the red pill about a year ago. Can't say things are easier, quite the contrary, but I sure am proud of myself, and my daughter is doing great.