Learning to heal, Larry's journey

[NarcKiddo]

Thanks for the update. It all sounds really positive. I think you are wise to stop trying to make others happy or like you. Of course we want others to be happy and to like us but that has to be possible without burning yourself out in the process.

[Larry]

thank you everyone,   the bartending job didn't last long,  the bar closed.  it has been for sale for a few years,  hopefully it well sell soon and new owners will fix some of the issues.  a friend of mine didn't talk to me for 2 or 3 weeks,  she is now talking to me again like nothing happened.  i know it was my fault,  i don't know why i seem to question wether people like me or not,  but i think she gets tired of it.   I might have another night time bartending job ,  wating to hear,  day time jobs should get busy in a few weeks

[NarcKiddo]

I'm sorry that job ended but I hope you find another one that suits you well. Sorry you are having issues with your friend. It sounds like you are glad she is talking to you again even though she has not explained why she went silent. I know it is easy to assume we are the problem when people do things like that, and maybe you are correct in your assumption. But maybe you are not. If she's a good enough friend you might find a way to ask her some day if you want to know. At any rate I think it may be worth bearing in mind that you are not automatically the whole problem, or even any part of it, if things are not working out. I know it is easier said than done, especially for those of us with CPTSD since we are so used to blaming ourselves.

[Chart]

...i don't know why i seem to question wether people like me or not...

I know how you feel Larry. It's trauma. I'm the same. Sometimes I catch myself thinking things and realizing I've been obsessing for a long time about what someone will think or is thinking or really feels about me (usually negatively). I get really annoyed with myself... who cares... well, apparently my trauma-functioning brain cares... It has gotten better over time, but it's still frustrating to me. I'd like to be free of all that...
 

[Larry]

Thank you NC and chart,   It would be nice if we all could be free from that,
  I rode my motorcycle yesterday,  haven't done that in a month,   did some things around the house today.  Really hoping to get busy with work soon.   I am going to take my resume to a few places tomorrow.   i can feel a depression episode creeping up on me,  doing my best to not let it happen