Sage's Journal

[CactusFlower]

Hugs, San!

yeah, this provider has been good. I mentioned getting a titer test Monday when I saw her (explanation in a moment) and she was "ok, sure". The lab is just next door-ish, which is handy and I had my results the next day. So, a titer test can tell what vaccines you've had. I do not have my childhood records. Being a military kid, I looked up how to get those, and it's insane. They're filed by facility! Like, I don't even remember what state I lived in whenever I got those, much less the facility. And, I'd have to have the military member's social security number. I've never had that information. I was born in 1970, and that was at a time when you got 1 dose and they didn't recommend 2 doses until 1989. But, we'd gone to Asian countries when I was 6, so I presume I got more vaccines than other kids. Anyhow, it came back that my MMR (measles/mumps/rubella) is still good, I'm fine for it. I could go get a measles one if I want, but it's not totally necessary. Good to know, right? I might anyway simply because my BFF doesn't have the best immune system with all his issues.

I have the new CGM and the new one goes in next week. I laughed because smaller? Goodness, these two nearly equal one of the previous boxes. They still don't include an alcohol wipe with the applicator, though. That feels kinda cheap, in my opinion. Eh, I have some. I just hope this doesn't have the false low issues.

Still trying to stay even with everything happening. It's so hard. I did manage to do the Amazon week-long boycott. Well, it ends this Friday, but so far so good. While I have needed a few things, I've either found ways to get them elsewhere or not really needed them. It's quite interesting to see how utterly addictive that instant 2-day gratification was. I got a couple books for the BFF from an indie publisher, and some yarn from the company itself. I'm doing the Little House creative auction again. This year, I'm making a crocheted one, but not on a wood block. It'll look like a little fairy house made from a prickly pear cactus. Super appropriate for my area. I'll have to make a cardboard or wire frame to crochet over to put in the right size pot. Don't worry, I will take photos again. And I've submitted some poetry and writings to a few more journals/zines. Focusing on small projects helps distract me a bit here and there.

The digital cleanse is 99% done. Other than the calendar I have to share with my bro on Google, I'm off the big evil providers and have far better security and such. It definitely feels much better. Even got a new external hard drive for a complete backup. (amazing that 4Tb is under $100 these days) It also is extremely useful to have separate emails for things like health, shopping, hobbies, etc. They flow into one place, but I can see so easily what's important and what can wait. Getting off all those sites has also cut down on 99% of the junk email I used to get. Much, much less impulse shopping, even if a place I'm still on (like eyeglasses) offers a sale. I feel less pressure to get anything. It's nice to remove stress I didn't even realize was stress.

hugs to all who want them, still here and still support ya'll!

[sanmagic7]

ditto to you, CF.

i agree about the alc. wipe not being included.  seems so fundamental.  but here's hoping you get better results w/ the new cgm.

dang, i didn't realize there was a weeklong boycott of amazon.  i did the 24-hr. boycott of big business last week? 2 weeks ago?  at any rate, it didn't hurt to do that, and we were able to postpone something we didn't really need, either.  funny how that works is right!

can't wait to see the pics!  your stuff is always so cute!  yay!  love and hugs

[CactusFlower]

Hugs, san!

So, had a big positive today. I am one of the winners in a state-wide poetry contest. I'm not linking since we can't do the personal info here, but I'm so thrilled! There will be a live reading next month, too. The prize is a pass that gives me one entry to each of at least 15 different state museums and parks, and I have a year to use it from its first use. Super awesome! It was a juried contest, so my therapist and I are firmly putting that in the "improve my self-esteem" category of the care plan.

Also, turns out I don't have to pay any taxes, so I'm good on that. Yay for a local tax pro, totally worth her reasonable fee.

[Armee]

 

[CactusFlower]

Thank you, Armee!

So, self education. I got a couple lows from this CGM, so I decided to look up overnight hypoglycemic episodes for diabetics, see if it really wasn't the monitor. (when I research, I only use legit scientific sites) I was a bit aggravated because the results all said to eat CARBS right before bed. I was having a protein shake because I quite logically knew protein takes longer to digest and keeps your blood sugar more even, but apparently that's not what's needed before bed. I was all "fine, make up your mind, can I have carbs or not, I'll try it". So instead of my protein shake, I had a peanut butter sandwich using one slice of bread, and a glass of milk. Ya'll... It worked. It's worked 3 nights in a row now. No lows, no alarms, No getting up unless I need to use the restroom which is usual as one ages. But! Get this...

Guess what some symptoms of those nightly low blood sugars are. Sweating, and vivid dreams or nightmares, as well as maybe waking up with heart racing or panting. The sweating thing is so common, the sites even advised if you have a diabetic kid to check if the back of their neck is clammy at night. And these past three nights, I've nibbled down half a slice of bread when I get up to use the restroom, usually around 3am or so, which is when they were happening. The research said that's usually when it happens. I've slept better, not sweated nearly as much, and dreams are normal. I'll continue testing because 3 nights is nowhere near a statistically valid sample size for an experiment, but I'm hopeful. And while it's carbs and spikes my sugar a little, it's still nowhere near enough to cause a high alarm. Heck, 2 tiny satsuma oranges spike me worse than that.

But imagine if a percentage of my nightmares could be solved with the way I eat... Wow.

Also, submitted two poems to a contest today. It's a literary journal, so I won't hear for several months, but fingers crossed!

[sanmagic7]

fingers crossed, indeed, CF!  here's hoping!

and congrats not only on winning, but on finding out about the carbs before bed.  that is amazing news.  let's hope it keeps on helping you like that.  you're doing a great job w/ this, all of it.  loads of luck for the next submissions.  love and hugs

[CactusFlower]

Well, good and annoying.
The good: Live reading of winning poems announced for the end of this month, and submitted a fiction and poem to another journal. Fingers crossed for that one! Grateful and proud to see my stuff getting out there.

The continuous glucose monitor started strong. Fixed the night issue. But twice this week including just now, I've just been sitting here watching a video about 1.5 - 2 hours after a normal meal and gotten the LOW alarm saying my blood sugar's around 54. Knowing I just ate, I sucked up my needle fear and severely low pain tolerance (the whole reason I HAVE the CGM) and jabbed my finger. No, blood sugar is actually 123! Then the Libre shot back up to a normal level reading within a minute.

insert the cuss words we can't say here, LOL.

I guess I'm going to have to talk to my doc next appt about switching to the Dexcom G7, what my brother uses that literally never has this issue. It's bigger and only lasts 10 days each, but I just can't deal with this. I cannot recommend the Freestyle Libre monitor with this level of performance, which I think is not acceptable. Severely disappointing and I'm annoyed I have to deal with it. Grrrrrrr I don't need added anxiety on top of everything else. I couldn't get into my online govt disability account yesterday and was freaking out. I can get in today, but this terror of not getting paid every month is deeply wearing.

[sanmagic7]

CF, these terrors of not knowing are horrendous.  very upset this is going on for any of us.  i'm also sorry you're having problems w/ the FL monitor - i have a friend who swears by it.  having one of those things giving you false information would be awful.  i hope this is just a little bump in the road - you're doing so well w/ all the rest of it, i hate to see anything discouraging in the midst of it.  love and hugs

[CactusFlower]

hugs, San!

Well, the 3-month mark brings good news. I had labs drawn, but we expect my A1C to be within a good range when it comes back in a couple days. That said, my aggressive efforts through diet alone means there's not really a justification for continuing to have a monitor at all. I do still have the finger stick equipment, but she I only should need to do that if I feel the symptoms of a serious low blood sugar. So that's great! And my next appt is in 3 months, not one. I'm quite please with everything, really. (which is good, because I do intend to have a small birthday treat next month, just one.) Oh, and I'm down 5 lbs.  She may or may not increase the Ozempic depending on lab results, but I'm doing well so far. Goodness knows I needed a positive with everything else going on.

Since the House passed the SAVE Act and now it goes to the Senate, I'm fearful it'll get passed. It would get rid of mail-in ballots (disenfranchising a lot of disabled and elderly) and forces you to have a birth certificate or passport that matches your ID. Which attempts to disenfranchise a lot of married women. Given I've legally changed my name and not even the court documents would be good enough, I've sent off the forms and fees to change my birth certificate to match. I'm super angry about having to put out this money. It basically creates a poll tax for anyone who needs their stuff to match, and that's unconstitutional. Illegal. But I will NOT be stopped from voting as a citizen. Anyhow. My anger levels at so many things right now are really giving my therapist her paycheck, LOL. Right now, I'm just managing the anxiety of praying I get my disability payment Weds. I hate this abuser in charge.
Ok breathe. Tea sounds good about now.

[CactusFlower]

Wow, lab results back already. I got the email and logged into the portal to find... glucose is at 4.5, which is a great number, AND cholesterol is looking very good as well. Everything is good, but those were huge gains. It being that good means I can even ease up just a tiny bit as long as I remain diligent. Which is going, cause that birthday treat next month can be delicious. LOL I'm very happy with this. And yes, I downloaded a copy to save.

Thanks to the universe, my own difficult hard work, and the love and support and assistance from my bro and BFF. This all goes quite a ways towards relieving at least those sources of anxiety. Everything else still exists, but there's a little less piling on.

[sanmagic7]

  honestly, CF, there is a number of great news things in your posts.  well done!  you've worked so hard and the results show that. 

i agree w/ you on all the voting stuff.  not right, not fair to everyone, and basically bull pucky.

keep doing what you're doing, ok?  and enjoy that birthday treat!  i'd love to know what it is! (if you care to share) love and hugs

[CactusFlower]

Oh, I already know, San. The bakery in my local grocery store actually makes a decent tiramisu and sells it by the slice, so that's my aim.

I got my first real writing rejection email today. But, it doesn't seem to really be bothering me. Not everything is going to be the right fit. It helps that they were nice and included some really lovely feedback. Plus, it frees up that particular piece to be submitted elsewhere. Nothing will stop me from writing, either. So it was good to feel like "Huh, okay, moving on." instead of personally derided.

Side note, using the extra yarn from the Little House project to make a nice summer mesh top to wear over a tank top. Maybe I'll get it done in time for the opening.

Currently working on some anger over not being heard in minor interactions lately with strangers. I swear, my anger sure seems a lot more touchy lately. Maybe I feel a little safer to actually BE angry about things?

[CactusFlower]

So, the anger thing stems a lot from not being listened to. I had an interaction yesterday that is bothering me the more I think about it. I took my bro out for breakfast to a place we both like. The older male owner was working the cash register. We're not crazy about when he's there because he seems a little rude to his employees. He's not always there, though and the food is great.

So, I ordered Eggs Benedict because I love hollandaise more than I should, LOL. But with my blood sugar issues, I did want fewer carbs since it comes with hash browns... So I asked for it without the english muffin. he stared at me blankly like the concept didn't even compute. Then he asks if I want the hash browns. I said yes, just trying to cut down on carbs. He asks if I want white or wheat toast. I said neither. Then he suggested I just buy the X breakfast (I don't recall the name) with a side of hollandaise, it'd be cheaper.

I said okay, I'll do that, thank you. Trying to save me money, I thought. Then he asks how I want the eggs, I said over medium. (Benedict has poached eggs) He asks about the meat, I chose bacon instead. Then he asks if I want white or wheat toast again. By this point, it's busy and people are lining up behind us and I feel pressured. So, I just gave in and said wheat to hurry it up.

They're normally award-winning food, so maybe it was an off day, I dunno... But my giving in meant I didn't really get what I wanted. The hollandaise was bland as heck, no lemony taste at all. I cannot STAND eggs with runny whites, it's revolting and not fully cooked. There was a bit of runny near the centers, so it wasn't truly "over medium". It was all edible but not up to their usual standards. But ever since then, I've been getting more and more mad at myself for giving in when someone wasn't listening to what I want.  Like, just give me what I'm blanking well paying you for.

It's frustrating and I know I should let it so because it's so minor an interaction in the scheme of things. But I find not being listened to, really listened to, really triggers the anger lately.

[sanmagic7]

CF, i find that sort of thing, not being listened to, also to be triggering, and then when the results come out flawed, well, it puts the topper on it, doesn't it!  it can just ruin the entire experience!  hopefully, if you go there again, it won't be repeated.  love and hugs

[Blueberry]

Same for me CF, not being listened to is triggering. It also sounds as if the owner made the situation more complicated than it needed to be, which can be at best annoying but also maybe triggering.

I understand being mad at yourself about it but hope that someday you can shift the bulk of the anger onto those in your past who didn't listen and then some onto present day people who don't listen.