I Have No Family Members

[GettingThere]

I finally have found family who love me and who I truly love. I thought this would make everything better, but it doesn't. All of my found family have biological family and I never will. There is a special kind of deep seated wound that can truly never heal when it's too dangerous to have any biological family. Every single blood family member I have is either a violent monster or an enabler of a violent monster. I don't want to get married or have kids (I'm autistic, aromantic, and asexual), so I will effectively never have any family.

I always wanted a family so badly that I tried to force myself to be someone I'm not and almost got married and had kids because I wanted a family so badly. But that was never what I wanted and I was so miserable that I needed to leave the relationship. The pain of not having parents, siblings, or anyone is so overwhelming that I feel like I can't bear it. I wish I could be part of a family through my friends but none of them live in my city, and even of they did, I would never be on the same level as their family and partners.

I'm lucky to have my dog but she'll be gone in about 5 years because she's getting older. I wish I had a family.

[Phoenix546]

My heart goes out to you.  And I'm so glad you have your dog.  I'm sure they are absolutely wonderful and a complete joy.

Families can be so complicated and pets are so uncomplicated.  I am glad you have your found family that you truly love.  That is a good thing.

I can imagine it is difficult not having a relationship with any blood relatives.  But you are strong and powerful and you will make it through this, too.  Can you go visit someone in your found family sometime?  I find that sometimes just planning the trip can make me feel better about things. 

I'm sorry you are struggling.  Sending you warm thoughts.

[Kizzie]

GettingThere, would it be possible to foster a child or children? For the most part those children don't have family and I guess what I'm suggesting is that when you're involved with others in your position it can help to make a family together.  So many of us here are in the same position as you and you're right it can leave a big gap in our hearts and soul. Caring for children who need a family like you do may help you I don't know, it's what came to mind when I read your post.

[GettingThere]

For years I dreamed of fostering and/or adopting from foster care, but unfortunately I had a traumatic brain injury a couple of years ago and now I have extremely poor impulse control and emotional regulation. I was never impulsive or quick to anger in my life and it's been a big adjustment just learning to cope with this. I'm still learning and practicing strategies but my progress is slow. I have also always been quite poor in terms of finances, so realistically, I would not be able to provide a safe and supportive environment for a child. That's been a process to come to terms with as well. But thank you for trying to help find solutions and showing support Kizzie, I really appreciate it.

[NarcKiddo]

It may well happen for you, although what "family" looks like might not be what the general public immediately thinks of when the term is mentioned. You have a dog - that counts as family in my book. I know such family comes with plenty of grief attached, given the differing lifespans between us and our dogs. However, my two dogs who I lost several years ago remain very much part of my daily life. My husband and I speak of them often and they continue to enrich our lives.

You have found family and that is a wonderful thing. It's not the same as having the traditional family unit for sure but it is a good thing nonetheless.

My reason for posting here is not to be obnoxiously reminding you to be grateful for all the good things you already have. That is clearly quite unnecessary since you obviously appreciate them very much. But you mentioned that you will never have family because you are autistic, aromantic and asexual. I don't think that precludes finding somebody with whom you gel. Finding someone you could regard as a life partner, and family in every true sense of the word, does not necessarily mean you have to be together in a traditional sense. You may well come across somebody who wants to be a major part of your life because they appreciate you are autistic, aromantic and asexual. Such characteristics could well become factors that enable a very strong relationship, and then who cares if it is not traditional? So my suggestion would be that you remain open to hope and just see where any relationship might lead.

[GettingThere]

Thank you NarcKiddo, I really appreciate your comment. I really hadn't considered that possibility before. Thanks for reminding me that I can define and redefine relationship dynamics in a unique way that works for me and the other person or people in the dynamic 

[Kizzie]

  What NarcKiddo said!