"Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness" by David A Treleaven

[NarcKiddo]

I'm part way through reading this (well, listening to it) and have found it interesting.

I've never been "able" to meditate and mindfulness is hard for me. I can get into a mindful state when doing repetitive exercise or artwork. But I have to be doing something, I've noticed.

Recently I came across a guy called Dawson Church on a podcast who was very interesting on the subject of mindfulness, neuroplasticity etc. He offers some free guided meditation sessions on his website so I tried them out. There is a section where you mentally connect with love to a person or place that you love. The first couple of times I cried, quite unexpectedly, and the next few times I simply resisted all connection. I tried connecting to little NK once, but no way was she having anything to do with this.

I have yet to discuss with my T.

But then I came across this book, which posits that mindfulness and meditation is generally very beneficial but needs to be approached with care if you have unresolved trauma, because it can put you in a very uncomfortable mental place and possibly right back into the trauma emotions. It's an interesting read and certainly seems relevant to my resistance when trying to meditate. It also explains why I might be more comfortable getting more in touch with myself if I am physically doing something. Our bodies are designed to take physical action when we are in danger but if we cannot take that action then the cycle gets interrupted and the trauma can embed. So I think the physical movement is helping me process things better than if I am sitting someplace being still and quiet (which is precisely what I was expected to/had to do when my mother was unleashing rage).

Anyway - if anyone else has ever had some trouble with meditation and mindfulness it might be worth you checking out this book.