Past, Present, and Future

[Dee]

I've been gone for awhile.  I was off, moving forward with my life.  I was reconnecting with extended family that I had been told hated me, but that was never true.  I had actually been "forbidden" from speaking to them, but I did anyway.  My sister is angry because she feels she was cheated with an inheritance by them.  She was not.  I was unprepared for what I got when I returned.  I knew she would be mad, I didn't know she would bring my dad going to prison (for abusing me) into this.  All of our conversations have been by text and I stopped replying long ago, but she continues. 

She has said to me that I ruined my mom's and dad's life.  I, and I alone am 100% responsible.  My dad died a broken man because of me.  My extending family should be trashing me.  When I asked her why she is bringing the past into this she told me because it is the past, present, and future.  Yet, the most hurtful thing was my brother in law (whom I have known since I was 11 and always considered a brother) unfriended me on Facebook and then sent me a text to let me know.  He didn't have to do that.  I had hoped he would of been a voice of reason.

She had said that we have moved on from the past.  However, I can see it is not true and never will be.  I have made a point to not make it personal despite her mean texts.  I want to defend myself, but there is nothing I can say.  I want to remind her he confessed and other family members have come out that he assaulted them as well after he died.  The thing is, she is never going to listen.  In trying to defend myself I am only going to bring more hatred.

At one point I wondered if she was trying to kill me.  She knows I have struggled with mental health and had past suicide attempts.  Last year I spent two months in the hospital.  I feel like she was trying to push me off the cliff.  I was feeling horrible yesterday, but am feeling a little better today.  However, every time something new comes in I go right back to feeling awful again.

[Hope67]

Hi Dee,
I missed you, and it's good to hear from you here, although I can see you've been through a lot.    to you, Dee, if that's ok.
Hope 

[Kizzie]

I have missed you too Dee so thanks for coming back and letting us know how you're doing. 

I am truly sorry to hear your S has chosen to make you the scapegoat when facts and others tell a different story.  Unfortunately she may never come around and that's a difficult, painful pill to swallow.  And her dragging your BIL along for the ride adds insult to injury I know.  It's entirely possible she was trying to  push you off the cliff and if so, that speaks to where she's at and a real need to protect yourself from her. 

I'm glad to hear your extended family does not hate you, I hope it's both vindicating and validating 

[radical]

i'm so sorry  Dee.

You don't deserve this andf she doesn't deserve to have a beautiful sister. 

Is it time to let her go?

Sending all my love

[Blueberry]

I missed you too and thought about you sometimes, wondering how you were doing.

I'm so sorry to hear how your sister and bil are treating you.   

[Deep Blue]

Dee,
I've missed you too.  Your sister doesn't sound like she has your best interest in mind.  It sounds like you are her scapegoat.  I'm glad your feeling a little better today but sorry for what you are going through.

[Dee]

Thank you all for the support.  I know it is time to cut her off.  No one should be subjected to what she is saying.  I am human and it is really painful.  Yesterday, from the time I got up to the time I went to bed (and didn't sleep) I was in a bad place.  I know I should block her.  However, I am afraid of the point of no return.  I have also told myself that if I block her I won't know if anything is wrong in the family.  If something happens to my mom she can't call me.  If something happens to one of her kids, husband, or grandkids she can't tell me.  Yet, I am tired of dragging my past around like a ball and chain.

I see my T tomorrow.  I had been going less, but after these texts started she has started seeing me weekly again.  I know it is a good thing.

[Hope67]

Hi Dee,
I hope your session with your T goes well today. 
Hope