EMDR and Flashbacks

[Faker]

I have been a lurker on this Site and others for some time now but the broken and traumatized part of me wants connection with those who understand so here I am.  I am at work, which is where I experience my most intense and regular flashbacks.  They seem to be getting worse since I started doing EMDR and I thought about slowing down that therapy because these EF's are horrible.  It's like I am falling down a bottomless pit with no light and I can't breathe - but worst!   EF's are not new to me but I experience them more consciously now.  The one I just had lasted about 2 hours.  I started journaling about it and ended up writing in a circular pattern that resembles a downward spiral: nothing is good - everybody sucks-I suck-I am unlovable-there is no hope- and on and on.  What a relief it has passed.  Knowing that it always passes is one of my main comforts.

Back to EMDR: has anyone experienced more painful EF's associated with their EMDR therapy?  I am the type that just wants to get it over so I don't do any drugs or drink and am facing all this stone cold sober for the first time in my life.  I was considering doing one week of EMDR followed by one week of just talk therapy but am unsure.  The only other thing I would add is that my traumatized part is very empathetic so I must say how much I respect you who have faced your trauma and are facing your trauma.  It is super hard stuff and is likely the most courageous thing we will do.  This stuff is unbearable, intolerable, and it feels like facing something worse than death.  No wonder so many of us are not here anymore and so many are sticking their arms with drugs or drinking themselves into oblivion.  It's understandable, I just want something better for the traumatized boy inside me who stopped being to help others survive a really bad time.  I respect him very much and know he is worth it.

[Libby183]

Hi Faker.

Welcome to OOTS.

I get the impression that lots of us lurk for a long time before posting.  I certainly did.

I had about twelve sessions of EMDR a few months ago. I found it helpful in dealing with chronic pain,  but your story rang so true for me too.

Since the EMDR,  I have been in a much worse place than before.  I feel like the EFs are way more regular and way more noticeable.  I have blamed the therapist and her insistence that I forgive my parents,  for making me feel worse. But maybe it is actually the effect of the EMDR itself. A pervasive feeling of utter hopelessness.

I never went out and requested EMDR but thought it was worth a try when offered. Medication and CBT didn't seem to have had much effect. 

I am a bit surprised that,  here in the UK,  the NHS funds this treatment but never evaluates it's effectiveness. I think that I have read that not even the person behind the process really understands how it works,  so you'd think there would be a bit more interest in individual outcomes.

I so wish I could offer something other than that I know exactly how you feel.

I hope to hear more from you on the forum.  There are lovely people here.

Take care.

Libby.

[Blueberry]

Welcome to OOTS, Faker!

It sounds to me as if you need help stabilising between sessions of EMDR and/or as if your therapist needs to go slower in general.

I live in a non-English-speaking country where EMDR is not used for everybody. My T didn't even consider it for me, he said it would be too de-stabilising. Before he started on the method he does use with me, he spend months working with (1) me becoming more stable, (2) me noticing what was going on in my body in T (e.g. going cold, numb, shaking etc.),  (3) him explaining to me what was going on - trauma explanations. It may sound easy-peasy, but it was actually really, really intense. I was often totally exhausted afterwards.

They say in my country that EMDR is the method of choice in English-speaking countries, it certainly seems to be so in the UK from what I read on here. It was actually developed for PTSD which is a bit of a different beast. EMDR is said to be fast and efficient, (and it probably is for PTSD) I suppose that's why the UK loves it with NHS falling apart. But if it throws people into a worse state than before, then it's not efficient.

Faker, it sounds as if you yourself have a stronger inner core, respecting the traumatised boy inside you and knowing it's worth it for him. 

There's a lot of support and caring on this forum. Hope to see you around again.

Blueberry

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Faker 

We've had discussions on EMDR before (you can use the "Search" function to find relevant posts), and it seems like it helps some and others like BB and Libby and me, it seems to cause intense EFs.  We had a guest blogger Leslie Browning who went through this for a year before stopping.  (http://www.outofthestorm.website/guest-bloggers/ - scroll down to her article).

As BB wrote, EMDR was originally developed for PTSD which typically involves shorter term and impersonal incidents of trauma versus the layers we have of what is most often interpersonal trauma).  Those with PTSD have three common symptoms whereas we have six.  It makes sense then that when you tap into the trauma via EMDR you are going to stir up a lot more in the case of Complex PTSD.  As BB also touched on, unless your T has helped you to learn safety and grounding techniques, and goes slowly it can result in being overwhelmed and even destabilized. 

Perhaps you can talk to your T about going more slowly and working on safety and grounding techniques more if you do want to stick with it?  Going one week EMDR and one week talk therapy would probably help too.

[Rowan]

 
EMDR is amazing when it is used in appropriate circumstances - however it isn't a panacea. For it to be effective you have to be able to remember all of the traumas - and for many of us that simply isn't possible.

So what to do - your body is telling you that you are stressed and that you are uncomfortable at work at specific times - time to get a journal on! That way you'll be able to look after the little that's unhappy, and help feel better after work.

Also have a look at Havening. It's another form of emotional security tapping, that takes a few moments and is discrete.

All said and done the biggest piece of self care you can do - let your company know that you're being treated for cPTSD, so that they can step up too.

You're not alone, and those littles need a big hug for being so brave that they have felt the need to come forward and let you know that they are upset.

(Hugs)

Rowan