I feel proud of myself

[Debora]

I feel proud of myself....it's a small glimmer of hope, a small win. I was feeling awful and I did some mindfulness meditation. I had stopped doing it because it was an audio track in my old psychologists voice and she has deeply traumatised me so I couldn't listen to her voice. I have begun to try and re-remember the exercise in my own voice and I did it and I feel so much better briefly! I need help to remember to do it again. I'm scared I will think myself out of it, or avoid doing it......does anyone else have that problem?  I am also proud because I am sick with a virus and really mentally scared cos I'm alone but I texted my neighbour and asked her if I could have a whinge over text and she said yes. I gave myself permission to complain about how sick I felt. I needed that and I did a good thing for myself and felt relieved at having a safe space to get it out!

[Blueberry]

Yay you!  for adapting an exercise away from triggering mode and for reaching out to a neighbour!

As to avoidance, that's a fairly typical cptsd symptom. I do it myself too. One way around avoiding is consciously doing whatever it is anyway, slowly, and if anything comes up, sit with it. If nothing comes up, then that's all to the good.