Tensing and holding breath

[Gromit]

Reading through the posts here I wonder if this is what cause my body to tense etc.

I can be reading a book, lying down and then realise I am tensing some part of my body. The book is not disturbing in any way. It's as if whilst I am reading I have to do this, when I stop reading I realise and try to relax.

I can be reading something on my 'phone and it's as if I hold my breath until I have finished. If I get distracted by something else the holding continues and then, when done I have to take a big breath.

It's as if with these things I have to suspend normal breath and relaxed body (what is that?) until I have stopped paying attention to something else. Once my attention is not needed elsewhere I can breath again, relax again. I do know how to relax, I have been doing yoga for years, I love Yoga Nidra as it allows me to completely switch off so I can do it. But why this tensing?  Have I always been like this? I have been aware of body armouring for some time and I know I do that when I have reason but, when I am 'relaxing'?

Suddenly I am wondering if flotation tanks help with this? Or would that just make me more anxious? Like floating in a pool, worrying about whether you were out of your depth?

G

[Three Roses]

This sounds like the "armoring" that Pete Walker talks about.

On pages 42-43 in "From Surviving To Thriving" he says -

When we are chronically stressed out [stuck in sympathetic nervous system activation], detrimental somatic changes become ingrained in our bodies. Here are some of the most common examples of body-harming reactions to c-ptsd stress:

Hyper-vigilance
Shallow and incomplete breathing
Constant adrenalinization
Armoring, i.e., chronic muscle tightness
Wear and tear from rushing and armoring
Inability to be fully present, relaxd and grounded in our bodies
Sleep problems from being over-activated
Digestive disorders from a tightened digestive tract
Physiological damage from excessive self-medication with alcohol, food or drugs.

And later he says -

The good news is that some somatic repair happens automatically when we reduce our physiological stress by more efficient flashback management. Particularly potent help also comes from the grieving work of reclaiming the ability to cry self-compassionately and to express anger self-protectively.

I hope this info helps.

[Gromit]

I have recently started seeing a T again and she mentioned adrenalin as a possible cause for my recent weight loss due to lack of appetite. Although my hormones were checked incase it could be caused by early menopause ' and my hormones were deemed 'normal' I guess that would have picked up an adrenal issue. I didn't get an explanation of my blood test though, by that time my appetite was better and normal was good enough for me. I am still keeping an eye on my weight because I haven't been this thin in years, not thin enough for people other than my husband to notice, but still too light for my height.

I find ACOA meetings very cathartic and I cry a lot there, grieving I suppose, self compassion is harder. Early days with my T she does not seem to give me space to cry yet.

At least my dietary issues have led me to a healthier diet and rarely any alcohol, which may also be why I am not regaining weight.

Maybe I need to open 'From surviving to Thriving' again. Thanks Three Roses.

[Kizzie]

There's an article about scoliosis and armouring here that you might find helpful Gromit.  I'm not sure about the scoliosis part but the connection between relational trauma and armouring is spot on IMO.

This really resonated with me:

I spent my growing up years after my mother's death suppressing and pretending. Blocked my mind from feeling my hurts. I effectively armored my psyche and created another persona in order to avoid being totally annihilated.

Armouring physically and psychologically is a way of protecting the self from trauma and potentially the death of self. 

Just a side note - somatic experiencing (Peter Levine) is all about releasing the trapped energy of past trauma - I haven't tried it yet but am hoping to once we move.

[Gromit]

Hi Kizzie,

I think I actually found that article about scoliosis previously.

I am interested in Peter Levine, I have heard his name before, there are some people using somatic therapy locally, although the first one I found is so expensive!

I realised something as I took the kids to school. When I was a kid I used to shut myself in a room and put music on which I liked to move to, and move with abandon as no one could see. I heard some music on the car radio that made me feel like moving you see. So, this morning I have put some on, just in the background, and I have found all my clubbing music CD's. I used to love clubbing, just for the dancing, to move, with my eyes closed, I never took drugs or needed to drink, that interfered with dancing! And isn't that what somatic experiencing is partly about? Shaking out the tension just like animals do?
And it is free! But I will also get Peter Levine's book, a reviewer said it helped.

[Kizzie]

It's a darn good article, tks for finding and sharing it Gromit lol 

And isn't that what somatic experiencing is partly about? Shaking out the tension just like animals do?

Yes I think we could all do with a bit more fun and shake out the tension!

[Blueberry]

When I was a kid I used to shut myself in a room and put music on which I liked to move to, and move with abandon as no one could see.

I couldn't do that much as a kid - lack of privacy, no music possible in my room anyway - but whenever I could I did. I do it now though and move with much more abandon because nobody can interrupt me or observe me!!

I've done Osho mediations in group therapy. I think Dynamic Meditation is no longer recommended for people with cptsd but there is Kundalini Meditation. There are different phases in the meditation and the earlier phases are all movement, and moving to your impulses. Shaking out the tension the way animals do.