Need to ask this (TW)

[SharpAndBlunt]

Opinions sought on the severity of the following situation

TW

I clearly remember my m. playing games with me that had a sexual element and passing it off as a harmless game and with giggles. I don't remember it being particularly unpleasant at the time but even then it was strange and the memory stays with me.

I also remember trying to play the same 'game' to my older (around 5 years older). sister, and being told to stop it (unsuprisingly) and being confused why it was a problem for her, if it is such a harmless giggle? I have learned since that sexualised behaviour in children is often a sign of abuse.

This behaviour from my m. now seems completely inappropriate to me. I could never in a million years do this to a child. But I never yet considered it full blown abuse, rationalising that if it was it was pretty lightweight! (this shrikes me as a bit bizarre right now but still essentially true)

I was also emotionally abused by m. , I strongly remember viscous screaming towards me, with me having no idea what I'd done wrong. This would be followed up by over compensating, being 'nice', treats in front of TV etc. All before the age of 5.

I'm so tired of wondering whether or not I need to do something with this. I don't really trust women. My father was emotionally distant and out at work the whole time. Both my parents are now dead.

I have a therapist booked in about a months time. I would like to gather any opinions I can on whether the actions I described above constitute abuse or not or even just for some reassurance. I have never been able to speak about it. Partly because I'm sure it would appear trivial to any one who has suffered serious abuse, of that I'm sure.

Thanks for reading.

[Luke57]

Hey SharpandBlunt,

Short answer here: I think that's sick, messed up stuff your m did. I would say your m definitely had serious issues with that and the screaming at you. That's not right to do that sexualized bs with any child. That's abuse.


My m did stuff like that to me and a lot worse when I was very young. And I don't consider what was done to you as trivial at all.


Luke

[Elphanigh]

Hi SharpandBlunt,

I would like to echo what Luke57 said. That is definitely abuse, and was not right of your M. As someone that has an extensive history of all sorts of abuse I can promise you that what happened wasn't trivial, no abuse ever is. I am glad that you have a therapist lined up, that would definitely be something to mention and process with them.

I am sorry you had to experience such a difficult home life. Sending gentle  if they are something you like

[Kizzie]

S&B, I'm so sorry you went through this.  It sounds like you know already on some level that what she did was abusive and I hope you do explore that more when you start therapy in a month. Having a T bear witness to the wrongs done to us and guide us through processing all of that can help a great deal. 

The same goes for talking about it here - bringing these things out into the light of day and getting support from peers can also be helpful. I must ask, however,  in accordance with our Member Guidelines, that you don't include details as even with a trigger warning that can be quite triggering for members.  Tks.

[SharpAndBlunt]

Thanks guys and sorry for posting details, won't happen again, will reread guidelines.

[Kizzie]

Tks S&B, appreciate your understanding and willingness to follow our guidelines.