Trying to overcome almost 32 years of abuse alone

[bigMAC]

Hi everyone,
    Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I apologize if the thoughts are random- I'm struggling to communicate what is going on in my brain. Here is a brief summary:
     After almost 32 years of every form of abuse imaginable, I am struggling to recover, heal and lead a fulfilling life. In a nutshell- my family (with my mother at the core of it all) took immense joy in causing my extensive emotional and physical suffering, while convincing the world I am to blame and they are the victims.

     I lived with my parents for over 30 years due to medical and mental illnesses that my family caused and used for their personal gain. I had no means to leave and believed I couldn't survive without them. After a coma they indirectly caused, I soon found myself facing homelessness, as my recovery was "burdensome" to them. I lived with an uncle for about six months, but left when the abuse from him and the guy staying with him became too great. The amazing support system I had, or thought I had, soon disappeared, thanks to my family.  I ended up in a homeless shelter for 4 months and after finding a job and my own place, believed I was through the hardest part. Unfortunately, the struggle has just begun.

      I got involved with a man who did a thorough job of destroying my life. I was forced to quit my job, he sucked me dry financially (what I had managed to save while at the shelter and earn working) and I found myself a complete emotional mess. It is has been nearly impossible to get any kind of assistance. Most require substance abuse issues (of which I have none) and an organization offering case management, counseling and housing support revoked the assistance, saying I had too much trauma (a much longer list than just the trauma mentioned here) to be able to be helped-no joke. I have to move out of my apartment at the end of this month (fortunately, not an eviction) and struggling to find a room to rent that I can afford and doesn't ask for a huge deposit. I have been unable to find a job, but at least have SSI for some income.

Struggling each day- emotionally, mentally, and physically. I'm working hard to heal and become stable/self-sufficient but it has not been easy when I've basically been doing it on my own. Support greatly appreciated!!!

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum, bigMAC

[thetruth]

There is good support here bigMAC. Right now I well understand your challenging circumstances.

As you say it can be a daily struggle. Sorry I'm not typing anything amazing but there are knowledgeable and experienced people on here who have all had tough times. Hope you feel some of the support that is here.

[Rainagain]

Hi bigMAC,

The part of your post that spoke to me strongly was that despite everything you are trying to get through the pain and live a fulfilling life.

That is exactly right, it shows great courage and spirit to hold to that.

Thank you for posting, I needed an example of human dignity today.

[SharpAndBlunt]

bigMAC, sending you best wishes and thoughts. SaB.

[milk]

  welcome

[LilyITV]

Welcome!!  You are such a fighter!