Is it ok to do self help simultaneously with therapy?

[sanmagic7]

hi, llily,

i'm a therapist, and to my mind i think of the therapeutic relationship as having you in control and the therapist as a guide.  you can decide what you want to say, when, how much, how quickly, when you're ready - all that stuff.  the therapist, in the meantime, is learning about you and  hopefully has more knowledge of when it would be better to slow down, when you might need a gentle nudge, or when it might be a good time to try something different, like a different approach, angle, etc.

any good therapist does not get angry with a client for what they say.  anything the client brings to a session is simply information the t can use to better understand you, your trauma, its effects, how it plays out in your life, and what might be a positive way to change or adjust behaviors, perspectives, perceptions, etc.  or how to manage them in a more positive way for your life.

i know it can be scary to be vulnerable with someone.  it may take you more time with this new t to build up a feeling of trust and a sense of safety.  you don't have to push yourself, or feel like you have to be in a rush.  it's your recovery, your pace.   your first priority in therapy is your sense of well-being, and as far as i'm concerned, the first priority of a t is what's best for the client.

thanks for being here and sharing.  sending a warm, safe hug.

[Blueberry]

It's really feels good for me to know that others struggle sometimes feeling comfortable sharing certain things with their therapist.  I've been feeling like such a baby over it.

I still struggle sometimes. That 'shame' thing or 'guilt' thing gets in the way. Sometimes in the past it has helped me to say "I can't say it" and then hey presto, I could do so! Or sometimes I wasn't able but a therapist was able to at least get me to realise what was blocking my speech emotionally. 

You're certainly not a baby however long it takes. Healing sometimes moves in mysterious ways and it certainly takes its own time in my experience. The thing I want healed now might not be able to do so until some thing presently unknown to me heals. My experience again and again.

[Wattlebird]

I have always struggled to tell my therapist things like you, I haven't told her I do self help books and this forum. But I'm sure she wouldn't care, she would encourage me in fact, she has always encouraged me to take the lead in my recovery, or maybe discouraged me from being too dependant on her to take the lead, this really bothered me at first but it has helped me take more control of my life. I agree with San, a good therapist will not be too controlling, well maybe in certain situations, not a therapist myself just my ideas.

[LilyITV]

I can't thank everyone enough for your words.  It really helps to know that what I'm feeling is common and helps me stop beating myself up over it.  It's also really helpful to hear things from your perspective as an actual therapist sanmagic!!  Very illuminating for me! 

[Elphanigh]

LilyITV,

I struggle with telling my T things sometimes as well. I have been seeing her for the better part of two years now, and have a great therapeutic relationship with her. However, sometimes there are certain things that are harder to say or share still. I have come to learn that it is okay to tell her I am not ready to share a particular item, or that I feel like something else needs to be processed first in order to get there kind of thing.

You are doing and sharing at a pace that is safe to you. Sharing and trust comes with time, it is part of what we are healing.