Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 3

[Gromit]

Not sure if this will get lost on this thread so please move elsewhere if it helps.

This summer I struggled with eating. I think it began with my son's exams. He had a migraine in one and from then on I struggled with breathlessness. Then I started to lose my appetite. And got some eczema. My breathing returned to normal once the exams finished, my appetite didn't and the eczema remains.
I went and saw a nurse (only appointment I could get) who sent me for blood tests as I had lost half a stone. Bloods were fine. Also got cream fro skin which helped as long as I used it.
Went on family holiday where I was eating family meals. That was a huge struggle, I worried about what my H would say about me not eating. He was struggling with daughter who has been cutting out sugary things and has now decided not to eat meat. Even though I said I was struggling he didn't seem to notice. I found it easier to eat fruit and to drink instead of have bread and 'normal' meals.
Came back from holiday and I had lost more than a stone over the whole period, I now weigh what I did before I had kids. I was a healthy weight anyway, now I am back to the low weight I was before. Back to the doctor who thought it could be hormonal, I am 47. Nope, hormones are fine.

In the meantime I turned to accupuncture, which has resolved my lack of appetite, I can now eat bread without feeling sick. Eczema and dry skin is now worse though so I have another session lined up.

I have also got an appointment with a psychodynamic therapist. That kind of therapy really improved my immune system and the mental health team here said it was recommended for childhood issues, but all they could offer me was CBT which, at the time I took, as I had had a mixed experience with the psychodynamic therapist I had before.

I need to get to the bottom of what derailed me so badly this summer. Was it just a combination of things? I think a lot of it is to do with co-dependency issues, I am effected by everyone else's moods and needs to my own detriment.

Well done if you have read so far, I didn't really know what to say, I have never had such a long term issue with food before.
G

[Jazzy]

Yeah, its hard to say. You could have been feeling the stress from your son's exams etc. Its good you can eat bread and such again now. Hopefully the other stuff clears up too, and you find what you're looking for. Take care!

[Kizzie]

I think a lot of it is to do with co-dependency issues, I am effected by everyone else's moods and needs to my own detriment.

Having been raised by parents with NPD I am the same - very much attuned and reactive to the moods/needs of others. And like you I see my symptoms as signalling to me I need to pay more attention to my needs and feelings. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to get to the bottom of yours Gromit so  

(Note:  I think your post is fine here but if you'd like me to move this to a separate thread so you can explore the topic/get more responses I would be happy to do so just PM me. )

[Gromit]

Thanks Kizzie,
I did see the T today, she thought the struggle to eat may have been from adrenalin? It certainly became a cycle and I am glad it is over. I hope things will settle further once my son gets his results. I think I have a lot of anxiety about that.
G

[Kizzie]

Well now that's interesting - adrenaline as the culprit.  It's certainly a part of our hypervigilance symptom, all that revved up anxiety. Anyway, glad it's over and hope your son gets positive results back 

[Blueberry]

There was a post a day or two ago about warm milky drinks for soothing an IC. Lightbulb for me! I'd really never made the connection before - but maybe that explains some of my drinking habits. Milky drinks are sometimes sugary too or caffeineated and as such not always super healthy for me, but I really like them! So next time I have a craving, maybe wrap myself up in a blanket with a hotwater bottle instead? Actually tonight I had one too, but I had fresh milk from the farm and something in the fridge that needed using up. However, I really noticed - this is lukewarm and milky and not an adult taste.

[Blueberry]

I do know that over-eating or eating certain foods can be a way to not feel certain emotions. In fact, way back I used to try and feel into what emotions were leading me to not so healthy eating (or into not eating).

Two days ago, it was something different that I don't think I've ever had to this extent or realised: I bought eating binge stuff and ate most of it in order to calm my jittery feelings down. My jittery feelings were more physical than emotional. A bit like the "wired" I mention:

calming and activating. Alex Howard, whose course I signed up for and which I was doing in the summer for a bit, talks about 'tired and wired'. 'Activating and calming' sounds like the opposite of that. When wired, I'm stirred up, I do have energy but I can't channel it into anything even semi-productive.

I realised I was eating to get rid of these jitters, which according to Alex Howard's teachings and method are to do with dysregulated nervous system, which we have due to having been stuck so long in fight/flight way back during original traumatisations.

Just now I remember back to being in 12 step group OA and reading/hearing repeatedly that over-eating doesn't help anything, just makes everything worse. I disagree - overeating helped the other day. Obviously it's not a long-term solution, but it certainly helped me leave that overwrought wired state.

Blank brain again, maybe my post will make more sense to me tomorrow. It felt very important before I wrote it down, now just confused and unclear. Except the idea that it could be helpful to try the Alex Howard stuff again.