Leaving Neverland

[Kizzie]

I just watched Leaving Neverland which a documentary about two men who accuse Michael Jackson of sexually abusing them when they were very young.  The doc did a great job of capturing how pedophiles operate, how the boys were groomed and why they remained loyal to him for so long.  (They both denied being abused until they were adults.)

It was difficult to see the very raw pain they feel as adults now they fully realize what happened to them.  Neither of them wanted to face the trauma but as many of us have found it has a way of demanding it be acknowledged.  Suppressing/denying/dissociating from it only works for so long.

I can only hope that now stardom is less of a shield for abuse their truth will be heard and validated. (They were both attacked by fans for speaking out.)

[Three Roses]

It's great that more survivors are coming forward and receiving help for past abuse. I just watched the four-part series on Lorena Bobbitt that was really informative. It was difficult to watch some of it, as Lorena has what looks like a huge EF on the witness stand. The program was eye-opening in many ways. I think I will watch Leaving Neverland, too.

[Kizzie]

I watch Lorena too and reacted the same way as Leaving Neverland. Both were painful to watch and I was saddened and angered to hear and see their trauma in all its ugliness and starkness, and the raw pain and dissociation they experienced/are experiencing. I wasn't shocked or surprised though which says something about the understanding survivors have even if the type of abuse differed from our own. 

I think (hope) these docs will add to the steady drip, drip, drip of survivor truths so that more perpetrators think twice about abusing others and more people in general stop victim blaming and shaming.   

[sj]

I watched Leaving Neverland over the past 2 nights. I thought it was really well handled and provided a brilliant insight into grooming psychology, as well as a fascinating, heart-breaking insight into how one predator's behaviour can impact/ damage so many people.

Wade and James are so brave, as are their families.

Wade came from the city I grew up in and I can remember watching him, when I was still quite young, on news and TV shows from when he was 5, and my family used to go to the shopping complex where he won his first dance competition. That somehow made it feel more insidious and impacting for me - like he really was the boy next-door.

Also, definitely loads of very clear, descriptions of types of abuse, so loads of TWs and therefore not recommended for everyone. Agree that it was very painful viewing, at times. Glad I watched it, though, and like Kizzie, I feel hopeful that it is an indication of shifting understandings of and narratives around abuse/ grooming, predators and victims. It feels to me like a positive and constructive contribution to the larger discussion.

I just read this article by the film-maker, Dan Reed. So nice to see how he was able to change his own views un understandings by respectfully listening to Wade's and James' stories, rather than just sticking to his assumptions and opinions.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/mar/10/dan-reed-shocked-those-wont-accept-michael-jackson-abuser

I'd be interested in seeing Lorenna Bobbitt's story.

[Kizzie]

Wow sj, Wade really was 'the boy next door' for you. The article pretty much nails everything I felt when I watched it.  One thing that was a surprise is that although I read here every day about CSA I am still feeling haunted by the expressions on their faces as adults so yes, TWs if anyone chooses to watch it.

Lorena also speaks for herself as does her husband and that was very telling much like Wade & James in Neverland. It also uses a lot of footage from back then which provides a lot of context and clearly shows her demeanor then (dissociated, traumatized).  TWs for it too.   

[Oscen]

I watched this too, it really showed how the grooming and abuse was allowed to happen. I'm in awe of the two men who shared their stories.

The documentary is definitely chock-full of TWs; I thought I was ok while I was watching it as I have never been sexually abused, but felt the life had gone out of me for the next few days. It's incredibly sad to hear about what happened.

[Kizzie]

I felt similarly Oscen.  Although I read everyone's stories here it was another thing to see and hear their trauma on screen. That look in their eyes of confusion, grief and pain was difficult to witness b/c I could relate even though I did not endure CSA either.  In the end abuse by someone we love no matter what form it takes is a deep and ugly betrayal of the most vulnerable part of our self.

[greendoor]

I watched it this week, and I am re-watching it with my DH right now. It is very powerful. I appreciate how much it shows the grooming process and how people can't just deny it; they have to deal with it. I think Oprah did an awesome job interviewing them too. I think everyone should watch it, so they can learn how this happens and protect their children. But I am sure it is very triggering too. <3