Trauma and Infertility

[Contessa]

TW

I don't think it is the stress now that I have worked on building up my resilience. I think it is the long time it has taken to recover while enduring and recovering from DV, combined with the recurring infections associated with previous pregnancy loss and SA.

I am now infertile. I am again angry with everyone who contributed/enabled/ignored/abandoned me with abuse.

[Blueberry]

I'm so sorry Contessa   It just seems you're enduring one painful realisation or incident after another. 

I so understand your anger!

[Contessa]

Thank you. I knew someone here would understand. Anger is justified and I want to say that I am angry.

I don't want to bottle it up and slap on a face of 'hope' and 'optimism' and be 'thankful for the good things' or 'there's always adoption' or whatever crapola people think is how I should be feeling or thinking towards or solving this issue.

No. Right now i'm allowed to be angry, so i'm going to be angry.

Glad you replied, acknowled%ed and validated this.

[Kizzie]

Right now i'm allowed to be angry, so i'm going to be angry.

So very sorry you are dealing with yet another blow from the trauma you have gone through Contessa. You do have every right to be angry.

Here to listen and support you 

[Contessa]

Thank you so much Kizzie, and again BB. Have been on quite the ef trigger bender. That waterfall is gushing in torrents after the dam leaked.

I'm okay right now, but it has been pouring out and falling on anyone and everyone that passes by. Someone is coming over now to take me down stream for a while.

[Three Roses]

  sorry you're going thru this 

[Kizzie]

   I hope you were able to float downstream for even a bit.

[Contessa]

Thank you 3R and Kizzie.
It's very strange to say, but, I just realised that I am now calm. Have been all day. Being with people calms me, not being alone. Have finally found a friend or two that have that cuppa with me, and it makes all the difference.

Being with children also calm's me, even if they are off the rails themselves. Glad I went back to teaching.

3 days... I'm calm and back in the world. Not three months. Not six months. Not six years... just three days.

Back upstream and the flow is at a trickle. This was extremely upsetting, so this is rendering me speechless at how fast i'm back to calm. The word 'was' is being used already... amazing

[Kizzie]

   So great to hear this Contessa!

[Contessa]

Thank you Kizzie.
So amazed at the anger passing, had to remember what it was for. Very sad. I guess that dream was already shattered years ago.

[Kizzie]

It is truly sad to have to face such a big loss Contessa.