Therapy Career question - takes one to know one

[johnram]

I have sat infront of many a therapist, they dont get it, or they do to some degree, but rarely do they get the depth and nuances.  Its why i find these forums exceptional, people understand, they may have a different approach (always useful) but its welcome.

In this world, with all the bad that goes on, and even though my parents used me and in some ways made me "a giver", having now understand more and more what happened to me, and why i have cPTSD symptoms and associated problems, i feel i want to help in the future as a therapist. 

Keen to take views and thoughts to that question?

Additionally though, i keep reading and have been told qualified therapists dont earn much, now as an aside, that isnt my motivation but it does matter, and i am really confused as i see therapists charging fair money in my opinion, and appreciate they may not see more than say 25-30 clients a week, but suprised they dont earn sufficiently (someone else said this again recently to me)

anyway, i am rambling, but just wanted some thoughts

thank you

[Eyessoblue]

Hi, I've been doing therapy training myself for the reasons you mentioned. I've had the most amazing therapist myself who encouraged me to take the therapy route as she said I'd be perfect as I totally get it and can empathise with people in similar situations. She said most therapists she knows have been through some kind of big trauma which they've managed to overcome and therefore want to train as therapists to be able to help them. I believe you have to be in it from a compassionate gain rather then a financial one, but generally believe as does my therapist that nothing we hear will phase us as we've probably lived through or witnessed worse.

[johnram]

thank you, i appreciate that, and feel similar.  I think my confidence is wavey because its a big decision, and i do want to maintain certain lifestyle aspects, in particular so i can support the work and myself at a reasoned standard.

I have a simple feeling that wins though and has been repeated - "there arent enough people doing good, and that calls me, as much as i could challenge it and say its part of my bad parenting as being the giver, its something that might be worth embracing but with boundaries this time"

(weird quoting myself)

[Eyessoblue]

Totally understand what you're saying. I'm on my 3rd therapist myself, the first 2 were quite damaging due to their lack of understanding, now I've found one who is totally there and gets everything I say, it's made such a huge difference to my recovery process, I believe I have the qualities to do this but not sure my confidence is a hundred percent there with it yet. Good luck!

[johnram]

coming back on this, as i needed to think a bit further.

Put simple, i think my biggest gap is empathy actually, as a child and the eldest child i was cut off from feelings as part of neglect / disassociation - its why the addictions took place etc. I understand that now. Empathy is something that has been coming through as i have worked on myself and really felt the pain i needed to work through - put another way, when you cant feel yourself its impossible to empathise. That being said, i have always wanted to help others, likely for the wrong reasons, but now, it feels its in my gift, in that so many Ts dont understand, cant relate. Now i feel it more, still working on empathy and its really shifted in the last year plus.

So i think then the question is, why become a therapist, well i am good at challenging - that isnt as much of an issue for me (but i am careful with it), i am also very good at investigating and understanding the story from both an impact point of view, and working on the empathy part.

I do believe this is a job i would be fulfilled in, my old skin of working has changed, and i want to work in a way that really has meaning, and i think this type of work will really help me develop solid boundaries, which is something i have also learnt in last few years and still implementing

So as much as boundaries in this profession are super key, i think in life being generous, and giving within reason is fine, as there are not enough people doing enough good, i see and feel so much pain and suffering out there. I look at homeless people so differently now, one because i can see how that was not far from my path but also, the pain to get there, and the strength to survive it, but also i observe that most people cant comprehend, and dont even try to appreciate anothers suffering.

a curse and a blessing to be able to share in anothers pain i think is what i feel, and that draws me to help.

That being said, keen to hear views and thoughts as i want to be challenged on this

[Blueberry]

Tbh, when I read this, my impression is: it's all about you and not about the patients / clients.

I personally would stay away. Especially this: you're 'good at challenging'. Therapists thinking I needed that have done more harm than good. They didn't accept my 'No' and sometimes even retraumatised me.

Although there are a few therapists or therapists-in-training here on OOTS, it's not the main point here. Our focus here is on recovery. You haven't been on the forum that long. I would appreciate more posts on your recovery.

[johnram]

Appreciate you commenting, I need and want that type of challenge.

I also have maybe over-emphasised the wrong aspects in this post, however the way men relate, is quite different, and i expect to work with men anyway (and have already been doing so)

[Kizzie]

Just my thoughts but as a survivor I personally want a T who is empathetic and doesn't challenge me but validates, guides and supports me through the process. Pete Walker is a prime example of a T who knows how to do this b/c he has professional training but is utterly compassionate and validating b/c he is a survivor. 

It might be an idea to also talk with someone in the psychology department at a university near you to discuss this.    

[johnram]

I think i have realised that i am trying to run rather than walk, and that isnt going to help anyone.  Also the challenge is what i needed.  The post made me really question motives etc, and i think they arent clear yet and my relational approach / empathy as a result of my developmental trauma, needs more work. 

I did over-emphasise the empathy gap however, but it is something i know i need to work on. 

thank you

[Three Roses]

I think i have realised that i am trying to run rather than walk, and that isnt going to help anyone

To be honest, this was my impression, too. In the past I've felt passionate about "helping" others - now, when I feel that way, it makes me realize that I've stumbled onto something that I myself need to do some work on. Not that I can't also help someone out, but I also see my own, dysfunctional escapism in the act of helping. Maybe a version of the fawn 4F? My codependency at its finest.